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21 hours ago
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15 Things Narcissists Say That Sound Harmless But Destroy You Slowly
Narcissists can be sneaky with their words, often saying things that seem harmless at first but slowly chip away at your self-esteem and well-being. If you've ever felt like you're walking on eggshells around someone or constantly questioning your reality, it might be because of these seemingly innocent phrases. Let's dive into some of the common things narcissists say that might sound okay at first, but can really mess with your head over time. 1. "You're Being Too Sensitive." This phrase might seem like a casual observation, but when it comes from a narcissist, it's a way to invalidate your feelings. By suggesting you're overly sensitive, they dismiss your emotions and make you question whether your reaction is appropriate. Over time, you begin to doubt your perceptions and wonder if you're making a big deal out of nothing. This tactic, known as gaslighting, is meant to keep you off balance and dependent on their version of reality. A study by Dr. John Grohol highlights how narcissists use this manipulation to maintain control and keep you guessing. When someone tells you that you're too sensitive, it often prevents you from expressing how you truly feel. You might start to bottle up emotions to avoid being labeled as 'dramatic' or 'overreacting.' This can lead to internal conflicts where you hold onto negativity instead of addressing issues head-on. The longer this continues, the more you may lose touch with your own emotional needs and boundaries. Remember, everyone has a right to their feelings, and being sensitive isn't a weakness but a part of being human. 2. "I Was Just Joking." Narcissists often use humor as a disguise for their criticisms, making it difficult for you to call them out without seeming uptight. When they say something hurtful and follow it up with "I was just joking," it puts you in a position where you either accept the jab or risk being labeled as humorless. This phrase is often thrown in to deflect responsibility for their words and to make you doubt your right to feel hurt. Over time, you'll notice how these 'jokes' aren't funny but instead sting and linger. If you protest, a narcissist might accuse you of lacking a sense of humor, reinforcing the idea that you're the problem. They use humor as a shield, making it tricky for you to set boundaries or express discomfort. This constant erosion of your feelings in the guise of jokes can slowly undermine your self-worth. Eventually, you might start laughing along to fit in, even when you don't find it funny. But deep down, these 'jokes' can damage your self-esteem and alter how you view yourself. 3. "It's Your Fault." A narcissist rarely takes responsibility for their actions, often shifting the blame onto you. When things go wrong, they're quick to point fingers, ensuring they come out looking like the victim or hero. Professor W. Keith Campbell, a renowned expert on narcissism, notes that this blame-shifting is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior. It not only absolves them of responsibility but also slowly conditions you to accept blame for things you didn't do. You might start internalizing this misplaced guilt, impacting your self-esteem and confidence. Over time, you might notice that you're frequently apologizing for things you didn't do wrong. This happens because you've been trained to accept blame without questioning it. This constant undermining of accountability can lead you to doubt your perceptions, making it hard for you to trust your judgment. You might even start preemptively apologizing, hoping to avoid conflict. This pattern serves to keep the narcissist in control, ensuring you remain uncertain and dependent. 4. "You're Imagining Things." This phrase is another classic gaslighting tactic, designed to make you question your memory and perceptions. By telling you that you're imagining things, a narcissist aims to create self-doubt and confusion. You might start questioning whether your experiences and observations are real or just figments of your imagination. Over time, this can lead you to feel disconnected from reality and more reliant on their version of events. It's a subtle way to manipulate your reality and keep you in a state of doubt. Being told that you're imagining things can be deeply unsettling, especially when you know you're right. The more it's said, the more you might start second-guessing yourself. This can lead to a cycle of self-doubt where you seek reassurance for things you were once confident about. As this doubt grows, it can impact your mental health, leading to anxiety and stress. It's essential to trust your instincts and remember that your experiences are valid, regardless of what someone else might say. 5. "You're Overreacting." Calling you out for overreacting is a common tactic used by narcissists to diminish your concerns and assert control over the situation. By labeling your genuine reactions as overreactions, they make you question the validity of your feelings. Dr. Robin Stern, author of "The Gaslight Effect," describes this as a typical gaslighting maneuver to undermine your confidence and keep you in check. It's a way to diminish the importance of your emotions and make you hesitant to express them in the future. Over time, you might start internalizing this criticism and begin to suppress your reactions to avoid being labeled as overdramatic. When you're constantly told that you're overreacting, it can be hard to trust your instincts. You may begin to feel isolated, believing that your responses are always inappropriate or exaggerated. This can lead to a situation where you're constantly second-guessing yourself and seeking validation from others. The emotional turmoil from constantly being told you're overreacting can be exhausting and damaging to your mental health. It's crucial to validate your feelings and remember that everyone has a right to their emotional responses. 6. "After All I've Done For You." This statement is manipulative, designed to make you feel guilty and indebted to the narcissist. By reminding you of what they've supposedly done for you, they create a sense of obligation that's hard to shake off. It's as if your every action needs to be measured against their contributions, regardless of whether they were genuine or self-serving. This constant reminder can make you feel trapped, unable to assert yourself without guilt. Over time, this sense of indebtedness can erode your autonomy and make you overly compliant with their demands. You might feel like you owe them, which can lead to a cycle of giving in to their whims just to keep the peace. This phrase is often used to control your behavior, ensuring that you remain in a subservient position. It implies that your worth is tied to what they've done for you, rather than who you are as a person. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Remember, relationships should be based on mutual respect and not on a scorecard of favors. 7. "No One Else Would Put Up With You." This phrase is meant to make you feel unworthy and lucky to have the narcissist in your life, despite their behavior. By suggesting that no one else would tolerate you, they aim to lower your self-esteem and make you feel dependent on them. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, mentions that this is a common tactic used to isolate and control their victims. The idea is to make you believe that they are your only option, trapping you in a cycle of dependency. Over time, you might start to believe that you're unlovable or difficult, which can have a lasting impact on your self-worth. Hearing that you're difficult to love or tolerate can be devastating, especially when you start to internalize it. You might begin to think that you don't deserve better, leading you to settle for less or stay in unhealthy relationships. This belief can prevent you from seeking out healthier connections where you're valued and appreciated. It's important to recognize that everyone deserves love and respect, regardless of what a narcissist might say. You're not difficult to love; you're just dealing with someone who doesn't see your worth. 8. "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way." This pseudo-apology is a classic way for narcissists to deflect responsibility while appearing considerate. By saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way," they acknowledge your feelings without taking any accountability for their actions. It's a way to make you feel that your emotions are the problem, rather than their behavior. This type of apology can make you question whether your feelings are valid or if you're overreacting. Over time, this can lead to confusion and frustration, as you feel like you're never truly heard or understood. When someone uses this phrase, they effectively avoid addressing the root cause of the issue. It's a way to shut down the conversation while maintaining the appearance of empathy. You might find yourself going in circles, trying to explain why their actions hurt you, only to be met with the same dismissive response. This can be exhausting, as you feel like you're speaking to a wall. It's important to recognize these non-apologies for what they are and demand genuine accountability in your relationships. 9. "You're Lucky To Have Me." This phrase is a not-so-subtle way of saying that you're not good enough and should be grateful for their presence in your life. It's a tactic used to keep you in a state of gratitude, overlooking any mistreatment or manipulation. By making you feel lucky, they position themselves as a prize, creating a sense of competition where there isn't one. Over time, you might start to feel that you don't deserve better, which can keep you trapped in an unhealthy relationship. It's a way to erode your self-esteem while boosting theirs. Hearing this can make you start to believe that they're doing you a favor by being with you. It's a power play, designed to make you feel small and unworthy of anything more. This can lead to a dynamic where you constantly seek their approval, hoping to live up to their standards. It's important to recognize that you're worthy of love and respect, and no one should make you feel otherwise. You're not lucky to have them; they're lucky to have you. 10. "You're Crazy." Labeling you as "crazy" is another form of gaslighting, aimed at making you question your sanity. By constantly telling you that you're overreacting or imagining things, a narcissist can create a narrative where you doubt your mental stability. Over time, these repeated assertions can lead you to question your judgment and reality. This manipulative tactic is designed to keep you off balance, ensuring you're more dependent on their version of events. It's a way to maintain control over the relationship by undermining your confidence. Being called crazy can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem, especially when it happens repeatedly. You might begin to second-guess everything you say or do, constantly seeking validation from others. This can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and confusion, where you no longer trust your perceptions. The more you internalize this label, the harder it becomes to break free from the grip of manipulation. It's crucial to remember that you're not crazy, and your thoughts and feelings are valid. 11. "Everyone Agrees With Me." This phrase is designed to isolate you by making you feel like you're the odd one out. By suggesting that everyone else agrees with them, the narcissist creates a sense of consensus that doesn't actually exist. This tactic is intended to make you feel alone in your perspective, making you more likely to conform to their views. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation and self-doubt, as you wonder why you're the only one who seems to have a problem. It's a way to silence your voice while amplifying theirs. When you hear that everyone agrees with them, you might start to question your own judgments. You may feel pressured to go along with the majority, even when it goes against your better judgment. This can lead to a situation where you're constantly trying to align your views with theirs, even if it means sacrificing your own beliefs. The reality is, the consensus they claim rarely exists—it's just another way to control the narrative. Trust your instincts and remember that you have the right to your own perspective. 12. "I Hate Drama." Claiming to hate drama is often a preemptive strike to shut down any confrontation or emotional expression. By labeling your concerns as drama, the narcissist aims to dismiss your feelings and avoid addressing the real issues. It's a way to silence you, making you feel that bringing up problems is unnecessary or trivial. Over time, this can lead to a dynamic where you're afraid to express your needs or call out their behavior. It's a tactic to keep the relationship on their terms, without any input from you. Hearing someone say they hate drama can make you hesitant to speak up, fearing you'll be labeled as dramatic. You might start to suppress your emotions, believing that expressing them is inappropriate or unwelcome. This can lead to a build-up of resentment and unresolved issues, as you feel that your voice doesn't matter. It's important to remember that expressing your feelings isn't dramatic—it's a necessary part of any healthy relationship. Don't let the fear of being labeled as dramatic prevent you from advocating for yourself. 13. "You're So Insecure." Calling you insecure is a way to deflect attention from their own shortcomings while making you feel inadequate. By focusing on your perceived insecurities, the narcissist shifts the conversation away from their behavior. It's a tactic designed to make you feel self-conscious and unsure of yourself, keeping you from challenging them. Over time, you might internalize this label and start believing that you are inherently flawed. It's a way to keep you in a constant state of self-doubt, ensuring you remain compliant. Hearing that you're insecure can be a blow to your self-esteem, especially when you start to believe it. You may begin to scrutinize your every action, wondering if you're being too needy or demanding. This can lead to a cycle of self-criticism, where you're constantly trying to fix perceived flaws rather than addressing the real issues. It's important to recognize this tactic for what it is—a way to control and manipulate you. Remember, everyone has insecurities, and they shouldn't be used against you. 14. "You'll Never Find Someone Like Me." This phrase is meant to make you feel like they're irreplaceable, emphasizing that you should be grateful for their presence. By suggesting you'll never find someone like them, they play on your fears of being alone or inadequate. It's a tactic designed to make you believe that they are the best you can do, discouraging you from seeking healthier relationships. Over time, you might start to believe that you're not worthy of anyone better, trapping you in a cycle of dependency. It's a way for them to maintain control by limiting your options. Hearing this can make you feel like leaving them would be a mistake, even if the relationship is unhealthy. You may begin to doubt your ability to find happiness elsewhere, accepting less than you deserve. This can lead to a situation where you settle for mistreatment, believing that you're lucky to have them in your life. It's important to remember that everyone deserves love and respect, and you shouldn't settle for less. You're capable of finding someone who truly values and appreciates you for who you are. 15. "I Love You, But..." This phrase is often used to soften the blow of criticism or to manipulate your emotions. By adding a "but" after "I love you," the narcissist introduces doubt and conditionality into the relationship. It implies that their love for you is contingent on certain behaviors, keeping you on edge and desperate to meet their standards. Over time, this can lead to a dynamic where you're constantly seeking their approval, fearing that their love is fragile and conditional. It's a way to keep you compliant while maintaining the appearance of affection. When someone says, "I love you, but," it can make you feel like you're not enough just as you are. You might start to focus on the conditions they set, rather than the love they profess. This can lead to a situation where you're constantly trying to change or improve yourself to secure their affection. It's important to recognize that love shouldn't come with strings attached or conditions to be met. True love is unconditional and accepting of who you are, flaws and all.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- General
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5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists
5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. Knowing if you're being manipulated or gaslit can be so tricky. By nature, those tactics are insidious, hard to call out and easily twisted. 'It's a psychological power move wrapped in plausible deniability,' says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and narcissistic burnout recovery coach who helps high-functioning moms break free from narcissistic abuse and emotional good news is that some manipulative phrases have been recycled for a hot minute and are often clear signs. Ahead, psychologists share five key examples, plus helpful background information on the tactics. The examples aren't all-inclusive, of course, but a solid Do Gaslighters Know What They're Doing? Psychologists Share the Truth Manipulation Vs. Gaslighting Again, words like 'manipulation' and 'gaslighting' are super buzzy right now and are sometimes used interchangeably. So, let's briefly discuss the difference between short, manipulation is the umbrella term that gaslighting falls under. 'Manipulation is a broader term that encompasses many strategies (guilt-tripping, flattery, deception) to influence someone's actions,' says Dr. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, APBB, FAACP, a board-certified clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. 'Gaslighting is a specific form of emotional manipulation aimed at distorting another person's perception of reality.'Put another way: 'Where manipulation might guilt you into doing something you don't want to do, gaslighting makes you wonder if you're crazy for not wanting to do it in the first place,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver explains. 'Think of it this way: Manipulation pressures behavior. Gaslighting rewrites truth.'So naturally, the tactics differ. Gaslighting relies on denial, contradiction and misinformation, Dr. Wetter says, while manipulation involves emotional leverage or coercion that doesn't necessarily distort 5 Common Manipulative Phrases, According to Psychologists 1. 'You're too sensitive.' Maybe you started tearing up or verbally expressed hurt when they made a cruel 'joke.' That's when they're going to bring in this phrase. Gaslighting is all about making you doubt yourself and your perspective, and that's what blaming it on your 'sensitivity' does. 'Instead of taking responsibility for something hurtful, the gaslighter blames your reaction,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'It trains you to doubt your own emotional responses, eventually making you second-guess whether anything really happened at all.'Dr. Wetter adds, 'It implies that the problem is with the victim's emotions, not the behavior that triggered them, and subtly rewrites the shared experience.'Related: 2. 'That never happened.' When you remember and mention something that doesn't put the gaslighter in a perfect, positive light, they deny, deny, deny. 'Whether it's a conversation, a promise or even physical aggression, this phrase is meant to make the victim question their memory,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver happening repeatedly over time can chip away at your confidence, she continues, leaving you feeling confused and dependent. And that's a gaslighter's goal. More Gaslighting-Related Content:14 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting, According to Psychologists 3. 'You're remembering it wrong.' This is another way a gaslighter might respond when you mention something that could hurt their image. They don't want you to believe it, so they try to convince you that you're wrong.'By planting doubt about the accuracy of memory, the gaslighter positions themselves as the more reliable narrator of events—even when they are the one distorting the truth,' Dr. Wetter clarify, people can remember events differently without it being a case of gaslighting. The difference is intentionality, malice, the context and any 4. 'I'm only saying this because I love you.' A gaslighter may have used this phrase after saying something hurtful. Don't trust it. 'This one is extra toxic because it disguises cruelty as care,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'It's emotional manipulation disguised as concern, disguised to disarm the other person so they'll accept criticism or control without protest.'Related: 5. 'Everyone else thinks you're crazy too.' This double whammy pairs gaslighting with social manipulation. 'It isolates the victim and makes them question their own mental state and their support network,' Dr. Wetter says. 'It also introduces the idea of group consensus as a way to pressure conformity and silence dissent.'After all, if everyone (supposedly) thinks you're 'crazy,' it must be true, right? (Wrong.)'Gaslighting is uniquely damaging because it seeks to erode a person's trust in themselves,' Dr. Wetter concludes. 'Understanding the subtle phrases and behaviors associated with gaslighting can empower individuals to recognize and resist this form of abuse.' Up Next:Sources: Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and narcissistic burnout recovery coach who helps high-functioning moms break free from narcissistic abuse and emotional exhaustion. Dr. Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, APBB, FAACP, a board-certified clinical psychologist When It Might Not Be Gaslighting, Psychology Today 5 Manipulative Phrases Straight Out of a Gaslighter's Playbook, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 20, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 20, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
5 days ago
- Daily Mail
Is your partner REALLY gaslighting you or is he just lying? Expert reveals how to tell if you're being manipulated
An expert has revealed the difference between lying and gaslighting - as well as defining both the activities. Gaslighting has become somewhat of a buzzword both online and in real-life conversations, with people regularly accusing others of the nefarious behaviour. But often, what people describe as gaslighting is actually just lying - so what's the difference? Dr Sohom Das is a forensic psychiatrist, from London, who also runs an eponymous YouTube channel. He shares content about crime, mental health conditions, and psychology, among other topics. His previous video topics include how having ADHD can affect your love life, why women are more likely to binge watch true crime than men, and six reasons why female prison officers have sex with inmates. In one of his videos, which is titled The difference between gaslighting and lying, he explained how people can differentiate between the two. Speaking in the clip, he said: 'Do you know why gaslighting is more than simply lying? Don't worry, I'll explain it to you, and I'll also give you three specific scenarios to outline the differences.' Dr Das added that both gaslighting and lying involve distortion of the truth, however, they differ in both intent and impact. 'Lying typically involves a conscious and deliberate attempt to deceive somebody about a specific fact or event,' said the psychiatrist. 'Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a more insidious form of manipulation that aims to erode the victim's sense of reality and self worth.' First, he explained how the intent between the two behaviours diverges. Dr Das said: 'With lying, the primary intent is to conceal information, to avoid consequences or to gain an advantage. 'With gaslighting, the primary intent is to control the victim, undermine their confidence and make them question their own sanity. 'It's utilized to distort the victim's entire perception of reality, including their memories, feelings and judgments.' The expert then went on to describe three scenarios, explaining how each could be a sign of either lying or gaslighting. GASLIGHTING IN RELATIONSHIPS Gaslighting is a term that refers to trying to convince someone they're wrong about something even when they aren't. Most commonly, it takes the form of frequently disagreeing with someone or refusing to listen to their point of view. Many of us might be guilty of some mild form of gaslighting from time to time – refusing to hear what our partner has to say even if they're in the right or persistently disagreeing over some minor quibble, even when you aren't sure of your position. It can be a real form of abuse. When it's done repeatedly, over a long period of time, it can have the effect of making someone doubt their own ideas about things – or even question their sanity. Source: Relate Dr Das said: 'Number one, a partner tells their spouse that they were working late when they were actually at a bar with friends. 'So they are lying to conceal their actions, to avoid an argument and to avoid the silent treatment for the next four days.' However, he noted, 'if the same man does this, but also accuses their spouse of being overly sensitive or of imagining things, even when the spouse expresses valid concerns, [that is] gaslighting'. The intent in this scenario, the psychiatrist explained, is 'to undermine the spouse's confidence and control their behaviour'. Describing another hypothetical scenario, he said an unpleasant older brother may spread a lie about their younger sibling having an STD in order to cause embarrassment, and to stop someone from wanting to date them. 'That is a lie, plain and simple,' said Dr Das. He continued: 'However, once he's been caught, [if] that same nasty older brother dismisses your concerns, telling you that you are overreacting or making things up that is gaslighting.' The psychiatrist's third scenario related to a hypothetical situation in the workplace. He explained: 'Your boss says that he didn't receive your quarterly finance report simply because he's too lazy to analyse it in time for the board meeting. That, again, is a basic lie.' But, he said, if your boss constantly criticises your work - even when the quality is good - then 'the intent there is to manipulate you as an employee and to maintain that kind of power dynamic'. Closing the video, Dr Das said: 'In conclusion, while both lying and gaslighting involve deception, gaslighting is a more harmful and insidious form of manipulation that can have devastating impact on the victim's mental and emotional well being.' The term 'gaslighting' originates from a 1938 play that explored psychological torment - Gas Light, by British playwright Patrick Hamilton, which is set in Victorian London. The story centres on a husband, Jack Manningham, who convinces his wife Bella she is going insane. While he searches their attic for hidden jewels belonging to a woman he murdered, he repeatedly dims the gas lights in the house. When Bella notices and questions the change in lighting, her husband insists she's imagining it. This sinister act of manipulation, along with his other lies and dismissals, chip away at her grip on reality. The play was later adapted into the 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, which solidified the concept in the cultural imagination. But it wasn't until the 1960s and 70s that it began to appear in psychological literature. Mental health professionals used 'gaslighting' to describe a specific form of emotional abuse, often in intimate relationships, where one partner systematically undermines the other's confidence and perception of reality.
Yahoo
7 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
14 Things Narcissists Say That Sound Normal But Are Pure Manipulation
Dealing with a narcissist can be confusing because they often disguise manipulation with words that sound pretty normal. If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling unsure, slightly guilty, or even questioning your own reality, you might have been on the receiving end of their crafty verbal tactics. Understanding the hidden meanings behind their seemingly innocent phrases can save you a lot of mental stress. Let's break down some common things they say and what they often really mean. 1. "You're Just Too Sensitive." Narcissists love to dismiss your feelings by telling you you're too sensitive, making you doubt your emotional responses. This is a classic tactic to undermine your experience and make you question whether your reactions are valid or just exaggerated. They use this line to divert attention from their own behavior and make you feel like you're the problem. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes that this tactic helps narcissists maintain control by weakening your trust in your own emotions. Ultimately, it's a way to silence you so that their behavior goes unchallenged. When they say you're too sensitive, what they're really doing is shifting the blame onto you. It's a subtle form of gaslighting because it forces you to rethink your stance on a particular issue. If you start believing that you're overly sensitive, you might also start dismissing your valid feelings in future interactions. This lets them continue their manipulative behavior unchecked. Your emotional responses are not overreactions; they're signals that something is wrong. 2. "I Guess I'm Just Not Good Enough." This statement is a manipulative attempt to make you feel guilty while casting themselves as the victim. By saying they're not good enough, they're fishing for reassurance and trying to make you defend them. It puts you in a position where you feel obligated to comfort them and stroke their ego. Instead of addressing the real issue, you find yourself reassuring them, which diverts attention away from the real problem. This is not an admission of guilt or a sincere plea for self-improvement—it's a calculated move to make you feel bad. When they claim they're not good enough, they're really trying to evoke a response from you that lets them off the hook. It's a way to sidestep accountability and make you second-guess your expectations or standards. By making it about their inadequacy, they cleverly shift focus away from their behavior. You end up consoling them, which means the original issue is never resolved. Remember, it's not your job to build them up when they're using this tactic to manipulate you. 3. "Everyone Agrees With Me." When a narcissist claims that everyone agrees with them, they're trying to create a false sense of consensus. This line is meant to isolate you by making you feel like the odd one out. According to Dr. Craig Malkin, a Harvard Medical School instructor and author, this is a common tactic used by narcissists to bolster their arguments and make you doubt yourself. By suggesting a majority agrees with them, they aim to pressure you into compliance, even if their claim is entirely baseless. It's a way to leverage imaginary social proof to get you to back down or concede. This phrase can leave you feeling pressured, as if you have no choice but to go along with what they're saying. It subtly hints that if you don't agree, you're the unreasonable one. It's a deceptive way to gain your submission by making you feel like your perspective is invalid. Often, nobody has actually agreed with them, but the mere suggestion makes you question your stance. Don't fall for it—trust your own judgment and seek out the opinions of people who genuinely care about you. 4. "You're Overthinking This." Telling you that you're overthinking is a way to dismiss your valid concerns. It's a quick way to shut down any further discussion on a topic that might reveal their faults. By labeling your thought process as overthinking, they aim to make you question your own judgment. This tactic diverts attention away from their behavior and places doubt in your mind about your ability to analyze a situation correctly. It's a means to keep you quiet and compliant, rather than allowing you to voice your concerns. When a narcissist accuses you of overthinking, they're essentially trying to minimize your perspective. The intention is to make you feel like you're making a big deal out of nothing. But what you're doing is actually analyzing a situation carefully, and this makes them uncomfortable. The irony is that they want you to think less so they can manipulate more. Always trust your instincts and remember that careful consideration is healthy, not something to be discouraged. 5. "You're The Only Person I Can Talk To." This phrase is designed to make you feel special while also burdening you with their emotional baggage. By declaring you as the only person they can confide in, they're ensuring your loyalty while isolating you from others who might offer different perspectives. This can be flattering at first, but over time, it becomes a tool for control. Dr. Les Carter, a psychologist who specializes in narcissistic behaviors, explains that this tactic can create an unhealthy dynamic where you're responsible for their emotional well-being. It's a way to make you feel indispensable, thereby securing your attention and devotion. While it may seem like a compliment, being the "only" person they can talk to often turns into a heavy emotional load. It isolates you because it suggests that no one else can understand them like you do. This dependency is not genuine; it's a way to tie you closer and make you feel guilty for seeking emotional support elsewhere. It's important to recognize that you are not the sole keeper of their secrets. You should encourage them to expand their support network for both their sake and yours. 6. "I'm Just Joking." When a narcissist belittles you and then claims they were just joking, it's a sly way to demean you while absolving themselves of responsibility. This tactic is used to mask insults or criticisms as humor, making you seem overly sensitive if you take offense. It's a clever guise that lets them say hurtful things without facing consequences. The statement "I'm just joking" is meant to make you feel foolish for being upset while excusing their inappropriate behavior. It's a way to deflect blame and maintain their superior position in the conversation. By labeling their hurtful remarks as jokes, they can sidestep accountability and continue their manipulative behavior. It's a form of gaslighting that makes you question your reaction to their comments. You might wonder if you're overreacting, which is exactly what they want. In reality, your feelings are entirely valid, and their "jokes" are just another form of manipulation. Don't let them disguise disrespect as humor; you're entitled to feel hurt and speak out when something crosses the line. 7. "You Made Me Do This." Narcissists often refuse to take responsibility for their actions, preferring instead to blame others. By saying "you made me do this," they shift the blame for their behavior onto you, effectively dodging accountability. According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Kristen Neff, this is a common manipulation tactic used to avoid self-reflection and responsibility. By pinning their actions on you, they aim to make you feel guilty and responsible for their behavior. It's a way to maintain control by keeping you in a constant state of self-doubt and obligation. This phrase can make you feel like you're the cause of their problems or actions, fostering a sense of guilt and responsibility that's not yours to bear. It's a manipulative tactic to divert attention from their own shortcomings and mistakes. When they blame you, it prevents them from having to face the consequences of their actions. You end up questioning what you could have done differently, all while ignoring the real issue—their behavior. Remember, you're not responsible for their choices or actions, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise. 8. "Nobody Will Ever Love You Like I Do." This phrase is a manipulative mix of flattery and fear designed to make you feel lucky to be with them. By suggesting that no one else could ever love you as they do, they aim to make you feel dependent on their affection. It's intended to make you feel insecure about seeking love or validation elsewhere. The underlying message is that you're somehow unworthy of love, which is a powerful way to keep you tethered to them. It's not an expression of love; it's a veiled threat to make you stay put. When someone says nobody will love you like they do, it's a tactic to make you question your worth and independence. The idea is to make you believe that they're your best option, even if their behavior suggests otherwise. This line reinforces the notion that you're inherently unlovable, which can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. In reality, genuine love doesn't confine or coerce; it supports and uplifts. Don't let anyone convince you that their manipulative version of love is the best you can get. 9. "You're Always Bringing Up The Past." Hearing that you're always bringing up the past is a way for narcissists to dodge accountability for their past actions. They want you to feel like you're holding on to old grievances, which in their eyes should have been long forgotten. This phrase serves to dismiss any unresolved issues that you might want to address. By making you feel like you're dwelling on the past, they avoid dealing with the real problems at hand. It's a tactic to trivialize your valid concerns and erase their history of harmful behavior. When they accuse you of dwelling on the past, it's an attempt to invalidate your feelings and concerns. The goal is to make you feel unreasonable for wanting to address ongoing issues. This tactic also serves to maintain an illusion of progress without having to make any real changes. You may end up questioning your own memory and whether or not you're being fair to them. Keep in mind that your feelings are valid, and any unresolved issues deserve to be addressed, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them feel. 10. "I Never Said That." This line is a classic form of gaslighting, designed to make you question your memory and perception of reality. By denying something they said, even if you clearly remember it, they aim to make you doubt your own mind. It creates confusion and makes you second-guess yourself, which is exactly what they want. The more you question your own recollection, the easier it is for them to manipulate you. It's a tactic to rewrite history, making their version of events the only valid one. When they claim they never said something, they're playing with your sense of reality. This tactic is meant to make you feel unsure of your own experiences, giving them the upper hand in any discussion. It can be frustrating and damaging to feel like you're constantly misremembering things. Over time, this can erode your self-confidence and make you overly reliant on their version of events. Always trust your memory and feelings, even when they're trying to convince you otherwise. 11. "Everyone Makes Mistakes." Telling you that everyone makes mistakes is a way to downplay their actions and avoid taking full responsibility. This phrase is meant to normalize their missteps as something that everyone does, making you feel unreasonable for holding them accountable. It's a clever way to minimize the impact of their behavior and move on without addressing the root causes. By generalizing their actions as common, they aim to make you feel like you're overreacting. It's a tactic to evade any real consequences or change. When they tell you that everyone makes mistakes, it's a way to gloss over their behavior and ignore its impact on you. This phrase is designed to make you question the validity of your concerns. While it's true that nobody's perfect, using this as an excuse to repeatedly hurt others is not acceptable. It's a strategy to avoid facing the consequences of their actions, and it lets them continue their behavior unchecked. Remember, making mistakes is human, but using them as a shield to deflect accountability is manipulative. 12. "I Can't Live Without You." When a narcissist tells you they can't live without you, it's a way to make you feel indispensable while also burdening you with the responsibility of their well-being. This phrase can be flattering, but it's also a tool to guilt you into staying in a relationship that may not be healthy. It sets up a dynamic where leaving becomes incredibly difficult because you feel responsible for their happiness. The statement is less about genuine emotion and more about maintaining control over you. It's a way to entangle you emotionally, making it easier for them to manipulate you. This phrase is designed to make you feel like you're their lifeline, which can be overwhelming and suffocating. While it may seem like a romantic sentiment, it's actually a tactic to solidify their hold over you. The intention is to make you feel guilty for even considering leaving, as if their survival rests solely on your shoulders. It's important to recognize that you're not responsible for their emotional state. Genuine love respects boundaries and doesn't rely on emotional manipulation to keep someone around. 13. "That's Not What I Meant." This phrase is a way to backtrack without taking any real responsibility for what was said. By claiming that you misunderstood them, they shift the blame onto you for taking offense or getting upset. It's a tactic to make you feel like you're overreacting or reading too much into their words. The idea is to leave you questioning your interpretation, rather than addressing the impact of what was said. This is a subtle form of gaslighting designed to destabilize your trust in your own perceptions. When they say "That's not what I meant," they're aiming to create doubt in your mind about the entire conversation. This allows them to avoid accountability while making you feel like the unreasonable one. Instead of clarifying their intentions, they use this phrase to dodge any real discussion about their words or actions. It's a way to shift the focus away from their behavior and onto your supposed misunderstanding. Trust your instincts and remember that your feelings are valid, even when they try to convince you otherwise. 14. "You're Lucky To Have Me." When a narcissist tells you that you're lucky to have them, they're inflating their own value while diminishing yours. This statement is designed to make you feel grateful for their presence, as if you could never do better. It's a tactic to make you doubt your own self-worth and believe that their companionship is a rare privilege. The underlying message is that you should overlook their flaws because you're fortunate to be with them. This is not a sentiment of gratitude—it's a manipulation strategy to keep you from questioning their behavior. By telling you that you're lucky to have them, they're trying to create a power imbalance where they hold the upper hand. The goal is to instill a sense of obligation in you, making you more willing to accept their flaws or mistreatment. It's a way to make you feel indebted to them, which can make it difficult to see the relationship objectively. Remember, relationships should be about mutual respect and appreciation, not about feeling grateful for someone who manipulates you. Your worth is not determined by their perceptions or declarations. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
7 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Scheana Shay says Lisa Vanderpump gaslit her to 'launch her TV empire'
Scheana Shay has accused Lisa Vanderpump of 'gaslighting' her for over a decade ahead of the release of her upcoming memoir My Good Side. The TV personality, 40, worked for the restaurateur in the Bravo series Vanderpump Rules which she starred in for 11 seasons. However, earlier this year in January, the mom-of-one announced her new book and promised to spill the 'tea' on Lisa. Scheana also gets candid about her 2006 affair with Eddie Cibrian - when he was still married to Brandi Glanville. While on the topic, she also alleges that Lisa knew more about the situation than she initially disclosed. 'We all saw it play out on the show when I went up to her and she acts shocked that I was working her party with this guy's ex-wife who I used to date because I didn't know he was married,' she told Us Weekly for a new cover story. Scheana was referencing to her appearance in past episodes of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills - and claimed Lisa purposefully put her and Brandi together on screen in order to 'launch her TV empire'. has reached out to Scheana and Lisa's reps for comment. Scheana said: 'Up until about six months ago, that was the truth that I knew because that's what she told me. 'Now, I feel like she low-key used my real-life pain to launch her TV empire - and what an empire she has.' Scheana further alleged that it was difficult for her to believe that Lisa had no knowledge of the affair. 'I vividly remember when photos leaked of Eddie and I, there was a magazine being passed around the kitchen at Villa Blanca,' she explained, referencing Lisa's former restaurant. 'She gaslit me about it for a decade instead of just coming to me in the beginning. She doesn't make mistakes. She makes moves and then calls them coincidences.' Scheana later expressed that she wished the RHOBH star had been 'transparent' with her and admitted she 'always looked up to Lisa'. 'I've always admired her. Now I'm like, "Did I admire her out of fear?" I guess I would've just like to have agency in my own story.' But Scheana explained to the publication that their friendship allegedly began to cripple years after she had been cast in VPR. 'On season 6 of VPR, when James Kennedy told Katie Maloney that the outfit she was wearing wasn't flattering, I got a phone call from Lisa.' 'She didn't want to fire James, so she needed someone to stand up for him [at a staff meeting]. 'If you go back and watch, I'm getting a death stare from Lisa, like, "When are you going to speak up? When are you going to stick to the script?" That's when I stopped following her orders, and I feel like the relationship changed after that.' Earlier this year in January, Scheana announced her memoir and revealed that she would not hold back when it comes to her relationship with Lisa. And in May, Lisa broke her own silence on Scheana's comments during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. She said: 'Oh good Lord. Well, that's probably just to sell the book because she hasn't got anything else to say. 'Do you know what? I don't know, I've heard she's said some nasty things. Something nasty recently she said something like, I only call her when I need something. True dat, right? 'I've got 600 people I work with. I think the last time I needed her was when I invited her to my house to Teddy's birthday. So yes, that's when I called her.' In her memoir - which hits shelves on July 22 - she also made a startling admission about her affair with Eddie. Scheana previously revealed that she carried on a relationship with the 52-year-old actor years ago without realizing he was married at the time. And in an excerpt that was obtained by Entertainment Weekly, she admitted that her judgment was compromised when she was younger, as she never noticed 'a single red flag' with him. According to Scheana, she had just moved to Los Angeles in May of 2006 after graduating from Azusa Pacific University. The future TV star, who was only 21 at the time, wrote that she hoped to 'make a name for myself in the entertainment industry, whether that was as an actress, a TV host, or a news reporter'. Fortuitously, she met a real-life star with some success shortly after she got a job at a 'private member's cigar lounge' that doubled as a restaurant that was regularly filled with 'every A-list celebrity, director, writer, and actor' around. A few months into the job, she allegedly met Eddie at a Tuesday night poker game, and she claimed he returned weekly for the game. At the time, he was married to former Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star Brandi, whom he wed in 2001 and divorced in 2010. Scheana claimed that her connection to Eddie grew slowly over time, but she felt there was a spark right from the start. The idea that Eddie could be married at the time doesn't seem to have crossed her mind, but she also defended herself because there wasn't an easy way to casually track down intimate details about a person at the time. 'This was pre-social media, so it wasn't like he was posting pics of his family in matching pajamas in front of a Christmas tree,' she explained. Moreover, Scheana alleged that Eddie ditched his wedding ring whenever he went to the Tuesday poker game. 'To be clear, Eddie wasn't my boyfriend (at least not exclusively),' she emphasized. However, she did claim that they began a 'physical relationship' in late 2006. Another factor that blinded her from realizing that he was married was how they allegedly spent plenty of time in public with friends or on his boat, instead of trying to keep the relationship completely secret. She added that the 'frightening thing' about the relationship was that she thought she could easily 'end up with Eddie'. The relationship petered out when Scheana allegedly told Eddie she thought she was too young to be committed to a single person. Around that time she allegedly began dating the actor Jesse Metcalf, 'the sexy gardener from Desperate Housewives.' She claimed to have seen him as the title character in 2006's John Tucker Must Die and 'dream[ed]' of dating him - which became a reality in early 2007. Although she thought he was an 'awesome' guy and respected his focus on his sobriety, they grew apart and she allegedly began seeing Eddie again. However, she claimed a coworker later revealed to her that he was married, which she claimed he denied when she confronted him about it. Scheana explained how she never ended up at Eddie's home, which would have tipped her off that he was married. She later married Michael Shay from 2014 to 2017, and she tied the knot with her second husband Brock Davis in August 2021. The couple had welcomed their first child, four-year-old Summer Moon Honey, in April of that year.
