Gen Z's latest obsession — coming out as ‘graysexual': What it means, and how they're discovering they're ‘gray'
A surprising number of people are choosing to identify as 'graysexual,' with many now sharing the moment they realized they were 'gray.'
Graysexuality exists in what many describe as a 'gray area' between being allosexual – experiencing regular sexual attraction — and asexual — experiencing none. Those who identify as graysexual may feel sexual attraction rarely, inconsistently, or only under specific circumstances.
Reddit users are posting in the r/Graysexuality subreddit — a growing online community of over 8,300 members — about their experiences dating and being intimate.
In one post, user @The_Archer2121 explained that they had spent much of their life assuming they were just a 'late bloomer.' Crushes came 'decades apart,' rarely lasted long, and they often didn't feel sexual attraction — even to their own boyfriend.
As Dan Beeson, a graysexual man from London, told Cosmopolitan UK, 'Graysexual… is not 'I just don't fancy it tonight'. For me, it's being completely devoid of sexual desire in bouts, which can last months, and then one day waking up and realising that instinct has returned.'
'I'd been aware my drive for sex wasn't as regular as others, but I just put it down to my own relationship with sex. That may still be true, but finding out others were having similar feelings and there was at least a community of some number of us was reassuring,' he added.
Others online chimed in with similar stories.
One user said they only ever felt 'true' sexual attraction once in their life, explaining, 'When I see someone attractive, I don't have that 'I'd hit that' internal feeling. I just want to be near them.'
Another recalled being pressured to experiment with sex in college, confused about why their peers seemed to experience desire so intensely and frequently. 'Ended up getting married (not a good life choice), and things didn't go well in the sexual department.'
'I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things that I didn't want to do.'
That mismatch in sexual expectations eventually led the person to discover graysexuality through online communities.
One person wrote that their attraction would 'turn on' only every few months, making them flip-flop between identifying as allosexual and asexual, until they found graysexuality — and a sense of peace.
Interest in graysexuality is growing rapidly — especially with Gen Z.
On platforms like TikTok and YouTube, videos exploring the term are gaining thousands of views. Creators like podcaster Mark (@notdefining) have helped bring nuance to the identity, describing it as 'a bit of sexual attraction… but to a low degree.'
Many assume that graysexual people don't want romantic relationships or are simply repressed. But as psychotherapist Jane Czyzselska explains, 'It can be hard in both queer and wider culture to confidently own a sexuality that acknowledges desire differently.'
She encourages those exploring the label to reflect on what contexts spark or suppress desire, and to trust their own changing boundaries. 'No one should tell you who you should be or who you are,' she says.
The term graysexual first appeared on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) in 2006 and has since become an important identity for those who never quite fit into the binary of sexual or asexual. Some people who identify as graysexual may also relate to terms like demisexual — sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond — queer, or pansexual.
As one Reddit user summed it up: 'I was so repressed in this regard out of pure confusion… It was such a relief to finally have a word for how I feel.'
The rise of identities like graysexuality comes amid what researchers are calling a 'sex recession' — with younger generations reporting fewer sexual partners and less interest in sex overall.
But rather than a simple lack of desire, experts like writer Carter Sherman argue it's more nuanced, involving social media pressure, body image issues, and political anxieties.
Solve the daily Crossword
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Buzz Feed
2 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
40+ Adults Share Behaviors They're Done Tolerating
As we get older, it's very normal to look back and realize that our younger selves put up with a whole lot of crap we wouldn't tolerate for a second now. Recently, older adults on Reddit called out behaviors they won't put up with anymore, even in their closest loved ones, and it's honestly good advice for people of any age. Here's what they had to say: "Being hypercritical. I'm a 63-year-old woman, and I am OVER pleasing people like this." —Big-Ad4382 "Anyone telling me to smile. I'm not here to perform." "I'm no longer letting people pass off passive aggression as 'sarcasm.'" "Chronic complaining. Some is okay (we all need to vent sometimes). But I've known people who seem incapable of being positive about anything. They suck the joy and energy out of everyone around them." —janlep "People who only show up when they need something. I used to give them grace: 'They're just busy. They don't mean it.' Nah. They meant it. They meant to disappear until it benefited them to remember me. Now it's simple: If the energy's not mutual, the access gets cut. I don't care if we've known each other since dial-up." "Not taking responsibility for something. It drives me crazy when people do this." "Manipulation. Done with that. That's why I'm done with my narcissistic sister." —Electronic_Animal_32 "One-upmanship. I tell you something good, you have to tell me something better. I tell you something bad, of course, your problem is worse." "People repeatedly crossing boundaries I have set, and they're aware of their existence. I dumped a 'friend' of more than 30 years not too long ago for that shit. If I tell a person, 'Don't text or call me at 3 in the morning,' and they do it anyway? And then do it again? And again? For no reason other than they're awake and obsessing about something stupid? Three strikes, you're out." "Anyone who makes their psychological issues the center of their personality. A formerly good friend has a laundry list of mental health problems, many of them self-diagnosed. After a certain point, I realized that I really don't care WHY he's argumentative, hateful, unreliable, and completely self-centered. I just care THAT he is all those things and that he's not interested in changing." —Peemster99"Agreed. Your problems may not be your fault, but once you're an adult, they're your responsibility to work at resolving. Except for very rare exceptions, your problems aren't a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card."—nakedonmygoat "Homophobia. We're a gay couple in rural Poland, and it's always been normal to get mocking comments about gay people; some good Christians even openly thought that homosexuals deserved AIDS. My partner is disabled, he has had cancer several times, and he's very fragile these days. I'm a business owner, but I'm not interested in doing business with anyone who mocks him. People mostly ignore the fact that I am gay, and they focus on my partner. Somehow, my homosexuality doesn't count as much as his; it's weird." "Habitual lateness. I will give you 10, after that, I'm gone." "People who can't appreciate the little things. I won't necessarily cut such a person out of my life, but I won't feel a connection to them, either. I feel sad for people who live only for big life events. Those come so infrequently, but every day has its own little joys, and one is more content overall, and therefore a nicer person to be around, when they notice a frog in the garden or a cloud that looks like Mickey Mouse. A fine dinner out at a Michelin-starred restaurant is great, but so is a grilled cheese sandwich you made at home and ate in your jammies while watching a favorite old movie." —nakedonmygoat "Body policing. My mom and all her friends always commented on other people's bodies/styles/appearances, and it made me uncomfortable since I was a child. It was almost always negative, too. Even if it was a positive comment, it would be soaked in jealousy, 'Wow, she has a great body, must be nice.' I always shut it down or change the subject now." "Racist, sexist jokes that make fun of people for who they are. I either stare back deadpan or just say it wasn't funny." "I call people out when they cut me off mid-sentence or try to talk over me. The family I grew up in was so toxic this way. I had to learn proper communication skills on my own." —mykindofexcellence "Disrespect. I'm 67 years old, and I've earned my place in life, such as it is. I've had to spend my younger years being disrespected by my entire family, and I grew up as the black sheep because I didn't fit in the mold. I decided I was done with that mess years ago and now won't tolerate it from anyone." "Anyone who talks down to me." "Lying. That's my biggest thing. No tolerance." —silvermanedwino "Racism. I'll just get up and walk out if I get a sniff of it. Doesn't matter if I'm at the person's wedding. I wouldn't actively combat it when I was younger out of fear. Now I don't care. I can make a scene, no problem." "Sanctimonious people. Show me you're a good person, don't walk about as though you're wearing a neon sign announcing it." "It's cheapness for me. If you're broke-ass, I understand. However, if you aren't hurting for money, stop trying to get others to pay the check, stop trying to stay with me when there is a great hotel nearby. You're a grown-ass adult, stop the cheap routine." —Sfswine "I won't tolerate ignorant sexist comments about women. It's amazing how many of my male relatives think it's fine to bash 'all women' to a female family member because of some gal who hurt them. Call your incel bros, brother; I don't want to hear it." "I tend to be shy and reserved at social functions, which leads to a lot of people singling me out and talking nonstop to me. I'm talking strangers telling me their parents beat them type talk. I've started being more honest with people about that kind of behavior being either inappropriate for me to hear, that I'm unprepared to help them with such a thing, or that I just simply couldn't care less. If you're gonna trauma dump on me, I charge by the hour. I'm not your therapist." And finally, "Being super competitive about life events and successes. I'm only interested in being happy for each other." —Firm_Cap5226 Is there anything you would add? Tell me what in the comments or via the anonymous form below:
Yahoo
3 hours ago
- Yahoo
"I Thought All Moms Did This Until I Was Like 12": Adults Are Recalling The Extremely "Weird" Habits Their Parents Did At Home That Were Considered Normal When They Were Young
Growing up in a house with parents means you're inundated with habits all the time. But what if you found out these habits were not considered "normal" to people who lived outside your home? When Reddit user jcf1211 asked: "What's something your parents did that seemed normal at the time but you now realize was actually really weird?" I wanted to share the "weird" habits below: 1."My dad ends every yawn like he's Goofy going over a cliff. I didn't know that wasn't normal for so many years." —LeftoverAlien 2."My mom is really into birds, and my dad likes nature. Growing up, if anyone in the family spotted an uncommon bird or animal, they would say the name of it, and we would all stop what we were doing to watch it. It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I realized this wasn't something everyone did. I happily carry on this weirdness, and my wife happily humors me by watching the bird/animal and saying 'wow' as one does." —_etcetera_etcetera Related: 3."Our family pet was a Burmese python. It broke its cage at one point, and my parents never replaced it. It lived in our bathroom most of the time and also in their bedroom. If you left the door open, it had free rein of the house. It was 12 feet long." —Lewwely 4."Oh man, in my family, we clung to ancient superstition way longer than normal. Like, if we couldn't find the car keys? Must've been a demon. Phone stops working? Cursed. Someone gets sick? Definitely the evil eye. It wasn't even said jokingly; it was dead serious. It got so deep that I honestly started believing it as a kid. The wildest moment, though? I came home from school one day and my mom was standing in the hallway, pale and shaking, saying blood had dripped from the ceiling (spoiler: it hadn't). Turned out, she was dealing with pretty intense delusions, which I only started realizing as I got older and began untangling all that stuff. Looking back… yeah, that was a full-blown WTF." —Mewnlight2606 5."There were a lot of us kids, and my parents couldn't really afford to take us to theme parks or other expensive places for entertainment, so we played ball or jumped rope, etc. But if we saw a really great, grassy hill while out driving, it was not uncommon for someone to yell out, 'Pull over!' And we'd all jump out of the car and roll down the grassy hills until we were exhausted. Free and fun." —Grigsbyjawn Related: 6."When my dad is driving down the road, he reads out loud the signs: McDonald's, Honey Baked Ham, China Garden, Jones Drive. We have no idea why he does it, lol." —Go2Shirley 7."My mom was perfectly capable of playing Dungeons & Dragons with us on the weekend, but chose to take that time to be by herself in the kitchen, where she made baked goods for us. No one is more powerful than the DM's wife. My dad also took pleasure in killing our characters. He had a kill box where he would write down the characters he killed, with what and who was playing. He killed my first character with spiders. Henceforth, all my characters have arachnophobia." —Sovonna 8."My mom used to make me call her by her first name in public because she didn't want people to know she had kids. I thought all moms did this until I was like 12 and mentioned it to a friend. The look of horror on her face made me realize this wasn't exactly standard parenting..." —high_kew Related: 9."When I was little, I caught my Dad picking dead skin off his feet and putting it in the houseplant beside him. I said, 'Hey, I'm gonna tell Mom!' and he said that dead skin was good for plants. So I grew up thinking dead skin was, in fact, good for plants." —shlee44 10."They told me 'fart' was a swear word, and then I got made fun of at school when I accused other kids of swearing when they said it." —gimmeallthekitties 11."My parents had this rule that if you (or anyone) called someone a 'rotter,' you (or that person) had to be chased around and tickled. It led to many fun times of being chased around, running from tickling. But looking back now, it was two VERY weird things to go together. My parents are very silly humans, though." —Juneau_Fire 12."My parents raised us bilingually, and as they were our only source of English, they decided not to waste time on 'baby words' and teach us only proper English. So we were the weird little kids who, when interacting with the English-speaking cousins, would say, 'I need to urinate,' talk about 'domesticated members of the canine family,' or casually mention the 'anachronisms' we observed in movies. Also, what slang we had was a generation out of date." —GaoAnTian Related: 13."My family didn't watch TV that much; we were all big readers. So we would all sit in the same room and read our own separate books, quietly. Every 15 minutes or so, one of us would come across something interesting, or something they didn't understand, and would read a paragraph out loud to the group. Otherwise, pure silence, broken by the occasional turn of the page. The first time my husband came over to spend time with me at our house, he told me that it was NOT NORMAL." —Reflection_Secure 14."My mom and grandparents (her parents) would walk out of their way to pick up change on the sidewalk/street/parking lot. Anything that looked shiny, they would hustle over and pick it up. Once, my Mom stopped the car along a busy road because there was a weirdly large amount of change on the side of the road, and she picked up about $5 worth. It was super embarrassing at the time, but I find myself getting excited about finding a penny here or there now." —Mynameishershey 15."My whole extended family had a concept called 'outside food,' which was food to be eaten exclusively outdoors. This included Pixy Stix, watermelon, ice cream cones, popsicles, etc. This is not real. The real name for this food category is 'Shit kids are liable to spill.'" —Acceptable-Remove792 Did your parents have any "weird" habits growing up that you thought were completely normal? Tell us what they did in the comments or anonymously in the Google Form below: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Solve the daily Crossword
Buzz Feed
3 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
15 Weird Parent Habits Kids Remember Growing Up
Growing up in a house with parents means you're inundated with habits all the time. But what if you found out these habits were not considered "normal" to people who lived outside your home? When Reddit user jcf1211 asked: "What's something your parents did that seemed normal at the time but you now realize was actually really weird?" I wanted to share the "weird" habits below: "My dad ends every yawn like he's Goofy going over a cliff. I didn't know that wasn't normal for so many years." —LeftoverAlien "My mom is really into birds, and my dad likes nature. Growing up, if anyone in the family spotted an uncommon bird or animal, they would say the name of it, and we would all stop what we were doing to watch it. It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I realized this wasn't something everyone did. I happily carry on this weirdness, and my wife happily humors me by watching the bird/animal and saying 'wow' as one does." "Our family pet was a Burmese python. It broke its cage at one point, and my parents never replaced it. It lived in our bathroom most of the time and also in their bedroom. If you left the door open, it had free rein of the house. It was 12 feet long." —Lewwely "Oh man, in my family, we clung to ancient superstition way longer than normal. Like, if we couldn't find the car keys? Must've been a demon. Phone stops working? Cursed. Someone gets sick? Definitely the evil eye. It wasn't even said jokingly; it was dead serious. It got so deep that I honestly started believing it as a kid. The wildest moment, though? I came home from school one day and my mom was standing in the hallway, pale and shaking, saying blood had dripped from the ceiling (spoiler: it hadn't). Turned out, she was dealing with pretty intense delusions, which I only started realizing as I got older and began untangling all that stuff. Looking back… yeah, that was a full-blown WTF." "There were a lot of us kids, and my parents couldn't really afford to take us to theme parks or other expensive places for entertainment, so we played ball or jumped rope, etc. But if we saw a really great, grassy hill while out driving, it was not uncommon for someone to yell out, 'Pull over!' And we'd all jump out of the car and roll down the grassy hills until we were exhausted. Free and fun." —Grigsbyjawn "When my dad is driving down the road, he reads out loud the signs: McDonald's, Honey Baked Ham, China Garden, Jones Drive. We have no idea why he does it, lol." "My mom was perfectly capable of playing Dungeons & Dragons with us on the weekend, but chose to take that time to be by herself in the kitchen, where she made baked goods for us. No one is more powerful than the DM's wife. My dad also took pleasure in killing our characters. He had a kill box where he would write down the characters he killed, with what and who was playing. He killed my first character with spiders. Henceforth, all my characters have arachnophobia." —Sovonna "My mom used to make me call her by her first name in public because she didn't want people to know she had kids. I thought all moms did this until I was like 12 and mentioned it to a friend. The look of horror on her face made me realize this wasn't exactly standard parenting..." "When I was little, I caught my Dad picking dead skin off his feet and putting it in the houseplant beside him. I said, 'Hey, I'm gonna tell Mom!' and he said that dead skin was good for plants. So I grew up thinking dead skin was, in fact, good for plants." —shlee44 "They told me 'fart' was a swear word, and then I got made fun of at school when I accused other kids of swearing when they said it." "My parents had this rule that if you (or anyone) called someone a 'rotter,' you (or that person) had to be chased around and tickled. It led to many fun times of being chased around, running from tickling. But looking back now, it was two VERY weird things to go together. My parents are very silly humans, though." —Juneau_Fire "My parents raised us bilingually, and as they were our only source of English, they decided not to waste time on 'baby words' and teach us only proper English. So we were the weird little kids who, when interacting with the English-speaking cousins, would say, 'I need to urinate,' talk about 'domesticated members of the canine family,' or casually mention the 'anachronisms' we observed in movies. Also, what slang we had was a generation out of date." "My family didn't watch TV that much; we were all big readers. So we would all sit in the same room and read our own separate books, quietly. Every 15 minutes or so, one of us would come across something interesting, or something they didn't understand, and would read a paragraph out loud to the group. Otherwise, pure silence, broken by the occasional turn of the page. The first time my husband came over to spend time with me at our house, he told me that it was NOT NORMAL." —Reflection_Secure "My mom and grandparents (her parents) would walk out of their way to pick up change on the sidewalk/street/parking lot. Anything that looked shiny, they would hustle over and pick it up. Once, my Mom stopped the car along a busy road because there was a weirdly large amount of change on the side of the road, and she picked up about $5 worth. It was super embarrassing at the time, but I find myself getting excited about finding a penny here or there now." "My whole extended family had a concept called 'outside food,' which was food to be eaten exclusively outdoors. This included Pixy Stix, watermelon, ice cream cones, popsicles, etc. This is not real. The real name for this food category is 'Shit kids are liable to spill.'" —Acceptable-Remove792 Did your parents have any "weird" habits growing up that you thought were completely normal? Tell us what they did in the comments or anonymously in the Google Form below:
