It's time depraved dad respected all women
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have what my mother calls a 'meet-and-mate' personality, because I have a high sex drive. I inherited it from my dad. It was only luck that he met my strong mother, who at age 31 dragged him to the altar a month after meeting him, and nailed him down to a commitment.
And he loved her and made it, oddly enough! He's been a pretty decent husband, although he comments too loosely about sexy women who walk by, but only when Mom isn't around. We know he loves and respects my mom, and he is definitely afraid of her terrifying wrath! That's a good thing.
My brother and I are in our 30s, and when dad's gawking at a woman and looking like he's going to say something stupid, we generally say something like, 'Put a lid on it!'
But now the old man's gotten me into trouble. I just introduced my beautiful and sexy new girlfriend to my family, and Dad made a sexual comment, because my mom wasn't around. My girlfriend said, 'Shut up, dirty old man!' and drove straight home. Now she's not talking to me.
What can I do to get her back? She's the one, I just know it. I also know my father is never going to change. My new girlfriend reminds me a lot of my amazing mother, because she's strong enough for this crazy family. Please help me get her back.
— She's the One, Selkirk
Dear She's the One: Maybe this strong woman won't want to 'handle' the behaviour of a rude father-in-law, when she could find a different family to marry into. That's what you have to consider before you chase after her. If anybody can help you with that problem, your mother can, because she has Dad's rudeness under sufficient control, at least with her.
Also, here's a new project you and your brother should take on. You two need to educate your father as to what he's allowed to say and what crosses the line with any woman you have with you, at any time. Let him know he is not with his 'buddies,' and you won't allow him to mess up your love lives in any way, ever again.
He abides by your mother's rules (at least in her presence), and now he has to respect the rules of his grownup sons, or he will never meet their women. He wouldn't want that terrible penalty!
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I totally trusted my new girlfriend — quite the brainiac and computer expert — when she offered to help me with some important financial matters online. I stupidly gave her all my passwords. Yes, to my money and everything. Why? I really thought we were heading for the big time, namely marriage.
But then I caught her gossiping on the phone at my house while she thought I was still out. She was talking to a banker friend of hers. She has a voice that carries, and I was coming in the house and I heard every word. It was all about my 'private' financial situation.
I was seriously upset and turned off, so I quickly changed all my key passwords. I haven't said anything to her yet, and she hasn't mentioned anything. I'm deeply upset and want to break up and totally get my privacy back, as my girlfriend knows way too much that was not her business.
How do I safely proceed? My mind and emotions are jumbled. How about the timing for a breakup? That's where I'm definitely headed now, and I'm in a hurry!
— Embarrassed and Betrayed, Winnipeg
Dear Betrayed: People naturally feel vulnerable when their private info is being shared and gossiped about, and one's financial information is especially private. Is this particular situation dangerous to you? Maybe or maybe not. Some people are just snoops and don't intend to do anything bad with the intimate information they've acquired.
However, you don't know what her intentions were — and she certainly didn't ask your permission — so major trust has already been lost.
Once you double-check you have everything locked-down and private again, don't open fire, although it might be tempting. Quietly and politely break up with this woman, telling her you have had a change of heart. She'll want to know why. You don't owe her anything, other than the basic details of what you caught her doing, and the fact you lost the kind of trust you need to have in a serious relationship.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.
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