Latest news with #LONELYHEARTS
Winnipeg Free Press
2 days ago
- General
- Winnipeg Free Press
Do some homework to get on similar sexual page
Opinion DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in girlfriend bought me a book on different ways to have sex. What's wrong with the usual moves? I love sex any old way — or even just in my favourite way all the time! She says she wants more 'novelty.' After a few minutes, I just want to get on with the main event. For her birthday gift to me two weeks ago, she gave me the book filled with new ways to 'make love.' She gets a laugh out of reading the instructions out loud, before we troop upstairs to bed together, like I'm her sex student. That doesn't work with me — it just turns me off. I'm so sick of this situation. I did feel 'passionate' about my girlfriend before she became the self-appointed sex instructor. How can I change this? — Losing Gas, St. James Dear Losing Gas: Hit the online book stores for your own sexual instruction books. When they arrive, check them out first, and encourage your girlfriend to pick from the situations that look interesting to you. In fairness, she should agree to some, but it's highly likely she'll reject your suggestions, because she still wants to be the sex professor. Best situation possible? You'll share a few experiments that actually interest you both, laugh about the others and be happy again. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is away at the lake with the kids for the summer, and I'm at home working from a table beside our big old swimming pool. But I've got a problem brewing now. On a very hot day recently, my new neighbour and her teenage son — new to Canada — rang the doorbell and asked me if they might take a quick dip in my pool, as their air-conditioning unit was broken. The mom said it was sweltering in their house. I felt very awkward, but politely said OK — how Canadian of me! Of course, I went out to the pool with them — and surprise! She was an amazing swimmer — a real athlete. She did a bunch of laps, and had races with her son. That was just the first day. My wife was mad when I told her I've been letting the mom and kid use our pool, as it's been so hot. She says there's 'no need for that nonsense.' Hey, there was no 'need' for her to go away for two whole months and leave me alone to work either! But she's a teacher, and says she deserves the break from the city. My question? Is it fair to tell this neighbour she can't come and swim with her kid anymore? My wife is insisting, but I'm not using the pool except before bed time, and these neighbours are no trouble. — Innocent Situation, Windsor Park Dear Innocent Situation: How would you feel if you were at the lake with your kids and an athletic man and his son were coming over to use the pool in your yard, and just your wife was at home? This neighbour may be quite innocent, but she has a fair amount of nerve, and is taking advantage of the situation while your wife and kids are away. As a woman, she has to know your wife probably may not be happy the situation. You want to keep your marriage on track? The athletic neighbour will have to start taking her son to a local public swimming pool or nearby beach. The present situation is not going to fly for long with your mate, and it could mean serious trouble for you. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column. Read full biography Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber. Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.
Winnipeg Free Press
7 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Winnipeg Free Press
Take smoke signals for what they are and move on
Opinion DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My summer romance is choking on the smoke! Is this to be expected in our freakish fire situation, or are we just not suited to each other? I'm about ready to throw in the towel. Here's what happened. My new guy and I were falling in love quickly in June, so we rented a little cottage together for July and August, optimistically thinking the wildfire situation would clear up. What a sad joke! We have rarely been able to stay at the lake more than two or three days running because of the smoke. So, we gave up our cottage early, to another couple we know, for the rest of our August rental period. Hopefully they have stronger, healthier lungs than we do. Smoke really kills the fun of a new romance, because you can't go anywhere together. We were getting really sick of each other, to be truthful. He is a whiny pessimist, and I am always the cheerful optimist. On days when it was so smoky it was questionable if we'd stay at the lake one more night, I'd say, 'OK, let's just close the windows tight and block around the doors, and stay inside and play board games tonight!' He'd scowl and get way too quiet. I knew he just wanted to jump in the car, and head back to the city. Most couples don't get 'tested' so hard and so early in their relationship, but our reality is we've had one argument after another. Frankly, his scowling has gotten on my nerves more than the smoke! Is this happening to everybody, or is it a personal difference between us that can never be resolved? — Smoked Out, North Kildonan Dear Smoked Out: Two optimists usually do well together. Oddly, two pessimists can also do well playing 'Ain't it awful' and complaining about everything. But, optimists and pessimists, like you two, can get on each other's nerves. The optimist tries to buoy both people up and feels crushed by the weight of the response of the pessimist — more sulking, more negativity. You two opposites are actually lucky to experience the true other early on, and in an extreme situation. You get a forecast of what marriage might be like, when things get difficult. It doesn't matter how many common activities you both enjoy in good times, it's how you react in the hard times that will forecast how you do long-term. Partnered with a strong and optimistic person like yourself, you could really fly! So, let go of this sad relationship and look to a better future with a happy, hopeful guy. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I lost my wife to cancer after a difficult battle. She's 'free' now and I try to comfort myself with that. But now I stand to lose my daughter, too. She's furious I'm dating the closest friend of my wife, and she's hinting strongly that we must have been cheating behind her sick mother's back to be a new couple so soon after her death. Miss L., it was a long painful illness, and it hurt everybody watching it happen. By the time my wife died I was praying for the mercy of release, for her. She even told me to start looking for a new wife, because I was such a loving man! What do I say to my upset daughter now? I can't imagine telling her that! — Painful Mess, Westwood Dear Painful Mess: Both you and your wife's best friend need to talk to your daughter privately, and that will take courage. Be aware that you and your new mate cannot present as a duo to try to work this out with your daughter. Just the visual of you two standing together as a new couple would send her right up the wall. You need to explain to your daughter — when you're alone — how much you loved her mother and how much you will always miss her. Assure her this new situation was just a friendship while her mom — the great love of your life — was still alive. Your daughter needs to know there was never any competition between this woman and her mother. But now, you and your wife's friend are both alone, and finding some comfort in being together. Give your daughter the emotional space to reject this speech from you — for a time, at least — and sort it out over coming weeks. In the meantime, continue with this woman friend, but don't overtly act like a new romantic couple. Forget any public affection. In time, things will feel a lot less painful for everybody. Then one day, you can possibly think about marrying your late wife's friend. Now is definitely not the time, no matter how lonely and sad you may feel. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column. Read full biography Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber. Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.
Winnipeg Free Press
04-08-2025
- General
- Winnipeg Free Press
Some introspection can help break strife-sex cycle
Opinion DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know why my girlfriend won't see me face-to-face anymore. It's because we can't help but be sexual — both her weakness and mine — and we never end up working out the problems between us. Even after we can't agree on anything at all and have had a big fight, it's ended up with great sex. That's how we are. (We are both women, by the way.) Last week it seemed to really fall apart. She told me she'd had enough of my nonsense and has moved out to her cabin on Lake Winnipeg for the rest of the summer. She says she's working remotely. Do I even believe that? I really need to see her and look into her eyes, to find out. She's not even picking up her phone regularly. I asked her if I could visit, so we could finish talking things over, and she said no because it was too soon. I was shocked. This relationship is just wearing me out, but I can't seem to move on. When things are good, we have the hottest physical connection, but we still fight too much. — Sick of Fighting, Wolseley Dear Sick of Fighting: This fighting dynamic is burning your relationship out. Your mate is telling you in every way she can that she's had enough. It's time to use a different tactic — accept that you do need to keep your distance and consider seeing a relationship counsellor or a psychologist for a few visits. Your mate will be curious to know what's being discussed. Let her do most of the phoning or messaging to you until she comes back to the city. Let her have time to miss you and think about what's going on. Be a little mysterious. It can be lonely at the lake, especially in August when people are heading home to get kids ready for school, so give yourself time to get your head straightened out and see if you still want her back in your life. It's time to stop apologizing and take back some of your power. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have somehow ended up in a romantic mess at the restaurant where I work and I really need to keep this great part-time job after the summer. I never should have started dating someone from work, but it was kind of a thrill. And then, I dated a second employee. Now both relationships are over and we are all still working together — and I am feeling pretty awkward. Help please. — Balancing Act, downtown Winnipeg Dear Balancing Act: These little workplace romances have been just a summertime adventure for you, but you want to keep your job, so you must get over yourself. Be extra respectful and stay friendly with both co-workers. They may be moving on to heavy workloads at school or something else this fall, but they too may want to keep on working there. Let's hope you were just a summer diversion to them as well, and they are fine staying friendly co-workers with you. It's all about co-operation and helping one another when you're working for tips. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column. Read full biography Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber. Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.
Winnipeg Free Press
01-08-2025
- Entertainment
- Winnipeg Free Press
Take the post-Folklorama spirit outdoors
Opinion DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My family is travelling here from Quebec for Folklorama, but coming mostly for the French-Canadian Pavilion that runs Aug. 10-16. They sure know how to party. They are also a real pain. They come home to my farm, stoked after the concerts, get out their own instruments and party until the sun comes up. Yikes. We hosts, who live in little towns and farms close to the city, often keep working part-time during Folklorama, so we need at least a little sleep every night. Got any hot tips so we have less yelling 'Tais-toi!' at each other at 4 a.m. than we did last year? Last fest it was a verbal riot in every sense of the word, and nobody got enough sleep. What can we do about it this year? — Folklorama Fatigue, southeastern Manitoba Dear Folklorama Fatigue: With your visitors' financial help, rent some motel rooms near your place for the visitors who actually want and need their sleep. Also, pitch some tents in your yard stocked with sleeping bags and mosquito spray. That will work for party diehards who are happy to mist themselves head to foot, grab their fiddles and jig until the sun rises. Nothing quite like Folklorama camping. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live on a lake further north in the province that has not yet been threatened by fire. I go to bed worried anyway. My friends and relatives in the city are begging me to stop breathing the heavy smoke and come down to live with them until the wildfires are done. I work remotely, so I could do that, but so far, I've been refusing. Home is home. But today I got a visit from an old girlfriend who has a house in a safer rural area, further south, with generally less smoke. She has invited me to come with my six animals and stay for however long. She isn't asking for money, but I would want to pay her. To clear the air with her, I told her I wasn't interest in any kind of romance, or even just sex. She replied, 'Who asked you?' Those days have passed between us, I admit, but she agreed a little too heartily. But what if I move into her place and we both get lonely in the night? It's a great way to mess up a nice friendship, but her place is safer in terms of fire and smoke. What do you think? — Tempted, central Manitoba Dear Tempted: Why not accept your ex's invitation, but with a time limit? If you don't feel sexually attracted to each other anymore, but you make good housemates, then you might be successful as roomies in longer term. Also, try to think positively. Even if it ends up a short and sexy romance and you get to breathe clean air together, it could be a nice break for both of you and you could still get past it. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My partner and I — we're both men — had just come to the end of our relationship and I thought we were both OK with that. I didn't think that we could end up in a big thing at our golf club over it, but what did I know? I had just started seeing a brand-new guy at the same club and I casually mentioned it to my ex, who was playing a short round with me. But by the next hole, I could see his face had gone bright-red, a sign he was ready to explode. He growled, 'I see what's really been going on now, so that's it, for me.' and he walked off the course. Now what? — Big Mess, North Kildonan Dear Big Mess: Your recent ex couldn't handle the painful emotions that washed over him — so give the poor guy a break. That's an understandable human reaction. Tell him you understand he's hurting and just let it go without a lot of detailed discussion. It was way too soon for your ex to shift himself into casual-buddy mode for your convenience. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column. Read full biography Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber. Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.
Winnipeg Free Press
20-07-2025
- General
- Winnipeg Free Press
It's time depraved dad respected all women
Opinion DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have what my mother calls a 'meet-and-mate' personality, because I have a high sex drive. I inherited it from my dad. It was only luck that he met my strong mother, who at age 31 dragged him to the altar a month after meeting him, and nailed him down to a commitment. And he loved her and made it, oddly enough! He's been a pretty decent husband, although he comments too loosely about sexy women who walk by, but only when Mom isn't around. We know he loves and respects my mom, and he is definitely afraid of her terrifying wrath! That's a good thing. My brother and I are in our 30s, and when dad's gawking at a woman and looking like he's going to say something stupid, we generally say something like, 'Put a lid on it!' But now the old man's gotten me into trouble. I just introduced my beautiful and sexy new girlfriend to my family, and Dad made a sexual comment, because my mom wasn't around. My girlfriend said, 'Shut up, dirty old man!' and drove straight home. Now she's not talking to me. What can I do to get her back? She's the one, I just know it. I also know my father is never going to change. My new girlfriend reminds me a lot of my amazing mother, because she's strong enough for this crazy family. Please help me get her back. — She's the One, Selkirk Dear She's the One: Maybe this strong woman won't want to 'handle' the behaviour of a rude father-in-law, when she could find a different family to marry into. That's what you have to consider before you chase after her. If anybody can help you with that problem, your mother can, because she has Dad's rudeness under sufficient control, at least with her. Also, here's a new project you and your brother should take on. You two need to educate your father as to what he's allowed to say and what crosses the line with any woman you have with you, at any time. Let him know he is not with his 'buddies,' and you won't allow him to mess up your love lives in any way, ever again. He abides by your mother's rules (at least in her presence), and now he has to respect the rules of his grownup sons, or he will never meet their women. He wouldn't want that terrible penalty! Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I totally trusted my new girlfriend — quite the brainiac and computer expert — when she offered to help me with some important financial matters online. I stupidly gave her all my passwords. Yes, to my money and everything. Why? I really thought we were heading for the big time, namely marriage. But then I caught her gossiping on the phone at my house while she thought I was still out. She was talking to a banker friend of hers. She has a voice that carries, and I was coming in the house and I heard every word. It was all about my 'private' financial situation. I was seriously upset and turned off, so I quickly changed all my key passwords. I haven't said anything to her yet, and she hasn't mentioned anything. I'm deeply upset and want to break up and totally get my privacy back, as my girlfriend knows way too much that was not her business. How do I safely proceed? My mind and emotions are jumbled. How about the timing for a breakup? That's where I'm definitely headed now, and I'm in a hurry! — Embarrassed and Betrayed, Winnipeg Dear Betrayed: People naturally feel vulnerable when their private info is being shared and gossiped about, and one's financial information is especially private. Is this particular situation dangerous to you? Maybe or maybe not. Some people are just snoops and don't intend to do anything bad with the intimate information they've acquired. However, you don't know what her intentions were — and she certainly didn't ask your permission — so major trust has already been lost. Once you double-check you have everything locked-down and private again, don't open fire, although it might be tempting. Quietly and politely break up with this woman, telling her you have had a change of heart. She'll want to know why. You don't owe her anything, other than the basic details of what you caught her doing, and the fact you lost the kind of trust you need to have in a serious relationship. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@ or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. Maureen ScurfieldAdvice columnist Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column. Read full biography Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber. Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.
