Dear Richard Madeley: My husband plundered our joint account for Oasis tickets
I've just discovered that my husband dipped into our joint account, which we reserve for things such as household expenses and holidays, to the tune of nearly £1,000, to fund his place on a lads' weekend centred on a reunion concert of a certain 1990s northern rock band.
He clearly had a brilliant time, which I don't begrudge him – he is still wearing the hat – but we're not in a position to pay much into this account, and most of it gets eaten up with mortgage and bills. It will mean that on the trip we have booked together in the autumn, we will need to be more frugal in terms of meals out and so on. I really wish he'd checked, or at least found some of the money from his account. But I don't want to have to be 'the sensible one'. Is there any point bringing this up now?
– A, Clwyd
Dear A,
Let me get this straight. You have a joint account with your husband to pay for joint expenses – household bills, shared holidays, and so on. You both pay into it. You also both hold separate accounts to handle personal spending – bills that have nothing to do with the other person.
Fine. So far, so normal. Millions of couples do much the same. Joint account: us. Personal account: me.
Yet your husband – with absolutely no reference to you whatsoever – removes close on a grand from your joint account to pay for (come on, let's say it) his super-expensive Oasis reunion concert ticket, and all the associated jollies. From what you tell me in your letter, he doesn't even touch a penny of his 'own' money.
And yet you ask me whether you should bring up this trifling matter with him?! Are you kidding, A? I don't think I can recall such a naked example of rank entitlement.
He decides a precious cash fund intended exclusively for your joint benefit is, for some reason, now for only his, as and when he decides. Does he deign to share this sudden and remarkably convenient insight with you? No. He takes exactly what he wants from your joint account without a word.
When he announced his plans, did you ask him how he was paying for it all? Obviously not. You trusted him. Clearly you assumed he'd dipped into his own bank account. You discovered the truth only after he had come home, wearing his precious bucket hat and reliving his precious memories.
Well, I'm sorry, A, but this is unacceptable. If you allow him to get away with it, he'll do it again. Maybe next time it will be to see his football team play in a big fixture abroad, or perhaps he'll decide your joint savings are a suitable fund to pay for another special weekend away with the lads. Entitlement is a pernicious trait. Nail it, now.
So yes, confront him, and don't feel guilty about taking the shine off his Oasis away-day. Ask him what the heck he was thinking of, spending a huge amount of your money on himself without asking first or even bothering to tell you afterwards. Insist he pays it back – every penny – from his own personal account. Sit behind him and watch over his shoulder as he makes the transfer on his phone.
And tell him that if he ever does anything like this again, you won't roll with it. You won't even look back in anger. But there'll certainly be a supernova – and it won't be a champagne one.
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