I'm a psychologist who studies couples: People in the happiest relationships talk about 5 things every day—that most neglect

CNBC

15 hours ago

One of the most common myths about long-term relationships is that couples eventually run out of things to say. It's easy to believe: Life gets busy, routines take over and conversations become more about logistics than connection.
As a psychologist who studies couples, and based on my own experience being happily married, I know how tricky communication can become if you're convinced there's nothing left to say. But couples in healthy relationships make a habit of talking about things that matter, every single day.
Their conversations stay fresh, connected and meaningful because they never stop learning about each other. Here are five things people in the happiest relationships talk to each other about every day — that most people neglect.
Couples in thriving relationships always make a point to check in and make sure the other partner is happy.
On some days, that means asking: "Do you feel loved? Supported? Connected?" Other days, it's about expressing appreciation, sharing a laugh over a favorite memory or talking about something they're looking forward to doing together.
Having these daily check-ins help prevent small misunderstandings from growing into larger issues.
In the strongest relationships, both partners stay curious about what excites the other. It could be a song they can't stop listening to, a book they've been devouring, a hobby they're exploring or even a TikTok that made them laugh.
Regardless of whether their interests overlap, they stay curious about each other's passions. This is what keeps the spark alive.
Over their years together, these little updates remind one another of perhaps the most important thing to remember in a relationship: "We're constantly growing and evolving, and we're doing it together."
Happy couples are never stuck in the present or past. They often have conversations about long-term goals: owning a home, traveling more, starting a business or raising kids.
They also don't shy away from less practical, more whimsical topics, like what they'd do with a year off, how they'd renovate their dream kitchen or where they'd go if money wasn't a concern.
Discussing dreams, no matter how realistic or farfetched, keeps the relationship future-oriented by instilling a joint sense of purpose and possibility. Even if a dream can't be acted on right away, talking it over allows them to keep track of each other's values.
Happy couples aren't uncomfortable bringing up what's bothering them. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space where couples can work through their troubles together as a team.
Whether it's a tough day at work, a lingering insecurity or even a fear about the relationship itself, they trust their partner to respond with empathy.
Over time, this daily practice of being emotionally honest builds a rock-solid sense of safety. Both partners will never feel like they have to carry their baggage alone.
Even a half-formed musing can be a fun way to connect. Happy couples never think twice about sharing their random ideas: their shower thoughts, their "what-ifs," their "this just popped into my head" theories.
And these don't always have to be deep or profound. In fact, they're usually pretty silly, weird or seemingly irrelevant. Adding a little bit of playfulness and spontaneity into every conversation also makes space for laughter and even intimacy.
I always remind couples that a big part of building a successful relationship is about being intentional with the conversations you choose to have. Couples who stay connected day after day create a shared space for curiosity, growth and joy.