From a husband who hasn't cried to a father who won't go home

Time of India

3 hours ago

Ahmedabad: Eleven days after AI 171 crashed into the BJ Medical College hostel in Meghaninagar, families of the victims continue to struggle with processing their overwhelming grief, with many displaying unexpected reactions to trauma that have left counsellors concerned.
Among the most heartbreaking cases is that of a 27-year-old man who lost his wife in the crash and has been unable to cry even once. The couple married in 2024, their future stretching ahead like an open road filled with possibilities. He flew ahead of her to set up their new home in London while her papers were being processed.
"I should have been with her," the guilt-ridden widower has been telling himself repeatedly, too traumatised to come to terms with the loss.
During their last conversation, she told him repeatedly not to get delayed and keep her waiting at London Gatwick airport.
"So, when he received the news of the crash, he took the first available flight and reached the city, rebuking himself for getting late," said a Civil Hospital counsellor who has been speaking to the family in their time of grief. "He visited the campus for three days to complete the procedures and take home her mortal remains for the last rites.
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He did not cry, could not cry rather, even once."
Considering the nature of the incident, Civil Hospital authorities have appointed counsellors – primarily experienced psychiatrists – to help families cope with the deaths of multiple family members.
Dr Urvika Parekh, one of the counsellors, described her most difficult moments in the past 11 days: breaking news of death to a seven-year-old girl. "She came to give DNA sample for identification of the mortal remains.
The family could not break the news to her," she said. "Some families have lost multiple family members. The void is hard to fill."
The counsellors have encountered several instances where families have been unable to return to their normal lives. A senior citizen, who lost four family members in the crash, has not gone back home. "The emptiness of the house is overwhelming for him, so he has been staying with a close relative for the time being.
The same is true for several families as they have just held the last rites of their dear ones and are now finding it difficult to envision life without them," said the counsellor.
Dr Parekh explains that there are seven stages of grief – shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance and hope. "The nature of the reaction of the relatives has changed over the past 11 days.
Earlier, they had some hope that their loved ones may have escaped the crash. But then news came in that there was only one survivor. The next stage is disbelief and denial.
We had to deter several grieving parents from seeing their children one last time due to the condition of the mortal remains," she said.
Dr Disha Vasavada, another psychiatrist and counsellor, noted the particular difficulty of losing children. "It is tougher to cope with the death of a child than the death of a parent, and one can only imagine the pain of the senior citizens who have lost their children in the crash.
In several instances, it may take days or even weeks to process the trauma and grieve for the departed relative," she said.
The team will stay in touch with the families, who also have been given the numbers of the counsellors. "In several instances, the relatives gained their composure but could not hold themselves back once the coffins were handed over to them," said Dr Vasavada. "The initial few days of the incident were spent arranging logistics, but when the loss hits hard, handholding is necessary."
The psychiatrists draw parallels with early Covid deaths, where the relatives were not allowed to see the deceased "one last time". Not seeing the departed often caused dissonance for the close relatives in search of closure, they add.
Dr Rakesh Joshi, medical superintendent of Civil Hospital, said that a team of 10 dedicated counsellors was deployed from day one to assist relatives in going through procedures ranging from providing DNA samples to victim identification to handing over the mortal remains.
"The counsellors are stationed at the hospital round the clock. They will be there till all the bodies are handed over," he said.