Is tough love wiser than gentle parenting? New study questions the pampering style popular among Gen Z parents

Time of India

20-07-2025

In a world increasingly guided by empathy-driven
parenting philosophies
, 'gentle parenting' has become a buzzword of the millennial and Gen Z households. It promises calm corrections, thoughtful negotiations, and a friend-like approach to raising children. But just as this new-age method is finding its roots in nurseries across the globe, a comprehensive new study is shaking the foundations of this popular style—raising a serious question: are today's parents too soft?
Gentle Doesn't Always Mean Great
According to a report from Daily Mail, for years,
gentle parenting
has been portrayed as the enlightened path to raising emotionally intelligent children. Its core principle is simple—nurture with empathy, guide without punishment, and never raise your voice. Celebrities have often openly endorsed it, further boosting its appeal among young, educated parents.
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But a fresh report by the National Centre for Social Research, which tracked the development of nearly 6,000 children in England over a decade, tells a different story. The researchers found that children who experienced more 'authoritative' parenting—a style marked by warmth combined with firm boundaries—performed significantly better academically up to the age of 11.
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'The higher the parental limit-setting, the greater the likelihood of children achieving the expected level in reading, writing and maths,' the report noted. In contrast, children exposed only to gentle parenting often lacked structure, which could be undermining their success in the classroom.
Why Setting Boundaries Works
Authoritative parenting—distinct from the harshness of authoritarian styles—strikes a balance between empathy and discipline. It's less about yelling and more about clearly defined rules that are consistently enforced. According to experts, it allows children to explore freely within limits, creating a stable foundation to thrive both emotionally and academically.
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Psychologist Professor Vivien Hill from UCL's Institute of Education voiced her concerns in an interview with The Telegraph, highlighting how children raised under lenient parenting may struggle in real-world environments. 'That child is going to be entering the world of school where a teacher has to be able to control and teach 30 children. Nobody has the capacity to negotiate in that environment,' she said.
The Risk of Over-Correction
Of course, the intention behind gentle parenting is noble—who doesn't want to raise a kind and self-aware human being? But some critics argue that the movement may be overcorrecting the harshness of past generations. Britain's famously strict educator Katharine Birbalsingh argued that today's culture has 'infantilised' parents, stripping them of the authority children actually need.
On the flip side, gentle parenting advocates like author Sarah Ockwell-Smith maintain that the approach results in 'calmer, happier children' who feel heard and respected. Yet, the study's findings show a more complex reality—one where empathy alone may not prepare children for the structure and expectations of the real world.
In the end, this research doesn't entirely dismiss gentle parenting—but it suggests that perhaps it needs redefinition. Could a hybrid approach—warmth laced with consistent boundaries—be the answer?
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