Bulldogs forward Jamarra Ugle-Hagan opens up on mental health struggles and hitting ‘rock bottom'
The former No 1 draft pick is hoping to make his AFL comeback after recently visiting a health retreat in northern New South Wales.
Ugle-Hagan has not played this season but rejoined Bulldogs teammates earlier this week for the first time since April.
He revealed the extent of his struggles while speaking with former AFL players Mitch Robinson and Rhys Mathieson on their Rip Through It podcast, saying he had battled with suicidal thoughts.
'All the noises actually sent me to a rehab facility for my mental health,' Ugle-Hagan said.
'It got to a point where I had to give my car to a mate, so I couldn't drive – I just didn't trust myself driving.
'There were times when I would think about, to be honest with you, [it is] just not even worth living.
'I went through a struggle where I didn't want to leave the house. I hit rock bottom and found basement … suicidal thoughts would come pretty frequently.'
Ugle-Hagan said he turned to alcohol at the height of his struggles before spending time at the health retreat.
'When you are down, you want to keep finding an upper,' Ugle-Hagan said.
'My upper was probably staying and hanging out with my mates and getting on the piss, and training with them as well.
'But it just had no end goal. I didn't have a game. I didn't have anything.
'My mental health wasn't in the right space, so I was struggling, and I found it really tough to even enjoy football.'
Ugle-Hagan had been unable to regularly train with the Dogs since late last year. He took part in a light training session at Whitten Oval, but could still be weeks away from a possible comeback at VFL level.
The AFL would need to approve Ugle-Hagan's comeback because he has been under the league's mental health plan since taking leave.
But Ugle-Hagan, who is contracted to the Bulldogs until the end of next season, said he was focused on resuming his 67-game AFL career.
The Bulldogs coach Luke Beveridge last week raised that same prospect.
'I want to play footy. I can't wait to play footy,' Ugle-Hagan said.
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'I have been watching every single Bulldogs game. I have been supporting them.
'I will go to games at the end of the year. I genuinely want to play one more (game), I want to play some games.
'It's going to be grouse.'
Ugle-Hagan maintained his commitment to the Bulldogs after trade speculation linked him with a possible trade to the Sydney Swans, given his time spent in NSW.
He led the Bulldogs with a career-best 43 goals in 22 appearances last year, but has not featured at any level since the elimination final defeat to Hawthorn.
Beveridge has also swatted away suggestions Ugle-Hagan could be on the move, declaring him 'our player'.
'I'm obviously still contracted with the Doggies and I still want to play for them and I want to win a flag,' Ugle-Hagan said.
'It's the Bulldogs until my contract runs out and then hopefully they offer me another one, but we will see how we go.
'They have given me opportunities since day dot, so why can't I get back?'
– with Australian Associated Press
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org
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