Terry Newman: Let's talk about post-sex regret, baby

National Post

2 days ago

Post-sex regret is not a bad thing in itself. It is a normal, and even potentially constructive, emotion. While the feeling of a regretted sexual act or entire encounter is experienced negatively, it also creates an opportunity to reflect and change our behaviours to avoid future regret. It becomes a problem when an individual, without having voiced any objection during an act or encounter, takes that feeling of post-sex regret and hurls it as an accusation toward an unsuspecting sexual partner.
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To me, this is a likely part of the dynamic in the Hockey Canada trial, which concluded late July with the acquittal of five players accused of sexual assault and had devastating effects on the lives of everyone involved.
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The trial led to the complete disruption of the lives of five junior hockey players: Michael McLeod, Carter Hart, Alex Formenton, Dillon Dubé and Cal Foote. Four of the five players lost active contracts with the NHL when they were charged in 2024. They are all barred from playing in the league, pending a review of Justice Maria Carroccia's decision, which ruled that their accuser, E.M., was not credible or reliable and that she had given 'actual consent not vitiated by fear.'
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This ruling was based on evidence that E.M. had not only consented, but was an active participant who made sexual requests of the players. According to the testimony of Tyler Steenbergen, one of the players who was present that night but not charged, 20-year-old E.M. laid on a sheet at one point masturbating, on her own accord, demanded sex from the 18 and 19-year-olds, and called them 'pu–ies' when they declined her offer. E.M. even agreed with another player who recounted that she took on a 'porn star' persona. The judge found that this evidence helped establish that E.M. had 'communicated her willingness to engage in sexual activity' that night.
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One consent video was recorded of E.M. smiling and saying, 'I'm OK with this.' It was taken without her knowledge and the judge found it convincing enough to say, 'It presumably depicts how she was behaving at the time. She was speaking normally, she was smiling and did not appear to be upset or in distress. She did not appear to be intoxicated.'
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A second video was recorded at 4 a.m. in which E.M. said, 'It was all consensual,' multiple times, smiling. 'Would you … You are so paranoid, holy. I enjoyed it. It was fine. It was all consensual. I am so sober that's why I can't do this right now.'
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To me, it looks like the complications came from what happened during and after her advances.
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One player testified that he was shocked by E.M.'s boldness and had laughed awkwardly at her ' offers.' She testified that she was offended when one of the players asked if 'she was sure she did not have any STDs,' considered this 'disrespectful' and ' rude.' E.M. was bothered by the fact that they seemed annoyed when she came back to the room to look for a lost ring. E.M. also testified that she had a boyfriend at the time and felt guilty about cheating on him.