The art of the simple hello

Express Tribune

03-08-2025

Some thirty years ago, as a newly-wed in London, it didn't take me long to fall in love with the rows and rows of cookie-cutter houses in Wimbledon where I lived, the no-nonsense downpours [that instantly delighted my desi heart, the fish and chips shops emanating aromas reminiscent of fried foods in Pakistan, Gaylord Restaurant on Leopold Road that served the best Dum Aloo and Madras Curry, and my Sunday morning walks to Wimbledon Park Station where I could pick up a copy of a Pakistani Urdu daily and a hot Cornish pasty from the humble bakery across. Humble, by the way, is going to be a key-word for this write up.
But there was one more thing apart from all of that which somewhat helped me settle in my new life and environment. It was their greeting culture of the goras. Although the Brits are known for hiding behind newspapers on the tube and trains on their way to work, so that it seems they'd rather stare at 9 to 12 points serif fonts like Times New Roman or Georgia, instead of an astounding variety of real people packed inside a typical London Underground tube train, [some 9 feet 7 inches wide and roughly 56-59 feet long!], but they actually do greet each other warmly on the street on occasions, as opposed to people from the subcontinent.
Given that I mostly felt quite an alien, and alone in the pre-wifi/smart phone era of 90s in London, when some stranger randomly greeted me I did feel a teeny bit accepted in the vibrant, bustling, multicultural, and cosmopolitan city constantly buzzing with energy 24/7, in a fast-paced, dynamic atmosphere.
It made me feel as though I can be seen and heard, that I have a face and a presence and people acknowledge it. In short, it felt good to be greeted.
These greetings would not come on busy streets lie the Tottenham Court Road or Piccadilly or Tooting High Street or Kensington, they would come on the more uncluttered local streets around Wimbledon Park Avenue, in the park or in a quite aisle at Sainsbury's.
Let me share a funny incident with you. Once on a drive with my husband who had spent many more years in Wimbledon, I noticed that every time we slowed down or stopped at a turning, to let the other car pass or make a turn, the person at the wheel would raise a hand to wave at or nod with a smile at my husband. Having been told categorically by him a few times that he was shy to meet people and didn't have many friends, I was astonished to see that so many people knew him and affectionately greeted him from their cars. A point came when I couldn't control my desi curiosity and asked him if he knew all these people and why hadn't they come to the wedding or over to the house. This is what people do here, I was told, and he did not know who they were! I was awed by their courteous behaviour then, and I admire it to this day.
Road rage is the only emotion I know from the streets back home. Smiling and greeting? No Sir, we don't do that! We also don't say thank you when someone let's us go first, nor say sorry for a mistake made. In Katamandu, being an excited tourist, I might have bumped or nearly bumped into someone in a public space, and all this man said was, 'Zara sambhaliye ga!' The polite nuance of these words can only be understood by someone who speaks Urdu. Such manners one would never see in Pakistan, especially Karachi, where I'm sure I would get an arrogant look at least. Well, politeness and Pakistanis is another story.
Is greeting a cultural thing then? Why do we greet? I'm still trying to figure that out. Only recently, on a trip to Sugar Land, Texas, I observed the same. Whether I'm standing outside the supermarket, waiting to be picked up as I don't drive there, or walking round the neighbourhood or in the park, people approaching will nod or greet. It's a done thing.
I am so impressed by this little thing that they do and have been on every trip to the US, that I started reading up on the philosophy of greeting people. 'Greetings can be a way to show respect, value, and recognition for others, and can help build relationships. They can also indicate the type of relationship or social status between people. Some greetings can even reflect a culture's philosophy or way of life.'
The traditional Zulu greeting "sawubona" means "I see you" in a way that acknowledges the person's dignity, value, and worth. This greeting is rooted in Ubuntu, an African philosophy that emphasises human interconnectedness and interdependence.
Ok the less tribal front, for instance in the United Kingdom, the nod remains a constant and polite acknowledgment between strangers, add a smile to it in Europe but not so much in Asian countries, the Arab world nor the subcontinent.
Here, in my residential building in Karachi, mostly people don't greet on a daily basis. Even though we might bump into each other often enough, they choose to ignore, men and women alike. We feel no shyness or hesitance in blatantly staring at each other and sometimes do not even look away on eye contact, but will not feel the need to greet. I attribute the inclination/habit/attribute of greeting to education and exposure, the more someone has had, the more easily they will greet. But I understand that there are certain factors in our social set up and Asian culture, that don't allow people to feel comfortable enough to greet strangers as in the West.
While Arabs rub noses in traditional greetings and in some Pacific Island cultures, a traditional nose-pressing gesture called the 'honi' is similar to the Maori 'hongi' and signifies the sharing of one's breath of life, China opts for more subtlety, with a nod, smile, or handshake reserved for formal interactions. There definitely has to be a cultural and social reasons for the way people greet.
In certain cultures, like ours, people may not greet each other readily due to social norms that emphasise respecting personal space, hierarchy, or a cautious approach towards strangers, often stemming from factors like cultural values, social conditioning, and even historical context, where a simple "hello" could be perceived as overly familiar or intrusive depending on the situation and the people involved. This can be particularly noticeable in some Asian cultures where smiling or initiating contact with someone you don't know well might be considered inappropriate.
Our culture perhaps also places strong emphasis on social hierarchy, the 'sahib-begum sahib' context where greetings may be reserved for those of equal or higher status, and initiating contact with someone considered " socially lower" could be seen as disrespectful.
We also value more reserved interactions with strangers, who knows what the stranger may perceive it as, considering cultural restrictions to do with men and women interacting. Specific rules regarding greetings between genders can influence how people interact. There is definitely a fear of appearing overly friendly an in certain situations, a casual greeting might be interpreted as overly familiar or intrusive, leading people to avoid initiating contact with strangers. A simple smile or casual greeting with a stranger might be seen as too informal or even inappropriate, with a more reserved approach preferred or else the stranger might end up following you home or even harassing for more contact or even money! While this can vary depending on region, some people in our society may be more hesitant to greet strangers due to concerns about personal safety and social boundaries.
Generally, Pakistanis are not very mannerly. We spit on roads, throw trash, vandalise property for fun, disregard traffic rules break queues and dislike order and rules, whereas the more influential and powerful ones among us throw around power and authority so that they arrogantly put themselves first irrespective or other people waiting. Remember the restaurant incident where someone picked up someone's vacant chair and it led to people beating up each other? That kind of behaviour stems from this type of arrogance of being too high and mighty to place others before them and setting their own rules. So ofcourse they believe people should wish them first, why should they be the ones to wish or greet anyone, first?
Do Americans have less of a sense of social class differences: not 'aristocracy' and 'peasants' — just everyone the same, so no reason not to greet everyone? Another view is that the vast majority of the US is a fairly extroverted society as a whole, and customs of hospitality include public greetings in much of the US. This may mean simple acknowledgement of the other person from a nod to a hearty hello, to rituals of handshakes and small talk. But in large cities, particularly in the North-East, customs are quite different. There the polite thing to do is to keep your eyes down and mind your own business, as a rule. To do otherwise shows that you are a tourist looking up at the buildings or suspicious looking at other people. You only tend to greet those you already know, and small talk is far more limited in most situations.
Maybe that is the scene in Karachi. When a chap went past two ladies chatting in the parking lot of my building, and politely greeted them, one of them said,' Why is he trying to get chummy?' one of them said, not replying to him. 'Well, at least he has the manners to wish instead of blatantly stare like other people do,' said the one who replied to him.
All said, it is nice to be greeted politely, your presence acknowledged and being nice costs nothing. You want to look down and mind your own business? Fine, then look down. But if you are going to stare someone down, irrespective of gender and age, it is better to greet and say hello of some sort, and leave it at that. It's generally considered friendly, and people feel less isolated, it makes people feel better. Greeting someone is a sign of respect and acknowledgement, while being ignored can make someone feel excluded, disrespected, and even hurt, unless that is what you are trying to do.
It's not only in business or job interviews that greeting people is important, it just spreads positive energy, and greeting or replying to a greeting doesn't mean you are open to engaging with anyone. You can still be reserved, but polite and courteous. Remember how politicians try to greet people during the election period, the same people they were ignoring for five years? Maybe this New Year, we could resolve to greet the waiter, the salesman in the shop, the food delivery guy at the door, the polio workers who ring the doorbell, the guy who runs the elevator and our neighbours? Who knows how you might need someone's help someday, we are all connected as a part of this huge universe, aren't we! It makes you a wee bit humble, and as Shah Rukh Khan says success is not a good teacher, it is failure makes you humble. Are you waiting for failure to make you humble enough to greet?