‘A warped idea of sex and intimacy' – Sex therapist says children as young as 10 exposed to pornography

Irish Independent

6 hours ago

The author and sex educator works in schools across counties Cork, Kerry and Limerick, educating young people about sex and intimacy.
But she says Irish children today literally grow up seeing porn because of the widespread availability of technology, and it's giving them a 'warped' view of what real sex looks like.
'There's ways of bypassing safeguards on phones and even if kids don't have phones, their friends have phones,' she says.
'There's a lot of explicit stuff on the most widely used social media platforms; ones we all use every day.
'There's much less shame around sex nowadays for young people and they've much more information.
'But on the other side then they've grown up seeing porn from a really young age, a lot of them and, they've kind of quite a warped idea sometimes of sex and intimacy.
'Pornography is not the reality of course. So, there's less shame around sex but if they're seeing porn so young that it can be harder in a way.'
Grace – who was a guest on the latest episode of the Under the Grill podcast – adds: 'I always say to parents that it's not about panicking either because there can be this like hysteria over phones.
'Technology is always going to be part of our lives, from now on anyway.
'It's more about having the conversations from a young age, bit by bit, so that they do feel they can come to you. And if they do see something, at least they'll know that it isn't realistic.
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'I run a sex education programme for schools in Kerry and we're expanding into Cork and Limerick and so on and our approach is very sex positive, but it's age appropriate.
'So, I tell parents to start young. We're not talking about sex when they're young, but you talk about bodies, consent, boundaries, all that stuff. That's a huge part.
'When I was in school, we were told, so I'm 33, but when I was in school, we were literally told to 'abstain'. That was the word that was used.
'Like we had a whole talk basically, which was just all about periods. That was it. And then at the end of the class a little bit of reproduction, which isn't sex education.
'Then we got to the slide about sexual intercourse, and she said 'it's best to just abstain' and went onto the next slide.
'You are failing kids if that's all you're giving them. I would say just starting from when they're very young about what your body does, what the different parts are called, is perfect. That's not sexual, it's a good start.
'One of aspects we teach in schools is 'What does a 'yes' feel like in your body? What does a 'no 'feel like?
'Then once they get a bit older, then kind of layering that, okay, start talking about contraception a bit. Start talking about, social media, what they're seeing online and healthy and unhealthy relationships.'
Grace Alice was a guest on Under the Grill, a podcast where Ireland's best loved personalities choose a dish from their childhood and Kevin Dundon cooks it up in his kitchen, alongside Maître d', Caoimhe Young.
She told Under the Grill that while food and sex are linked because they are both sensual, she's not a believer in aphrodisiacs.
'There's not that much evidence to support aphrodisiacs. If you have a low libido, oysters are not going to help,' she said.
'Food and sex are both sources of pleasures though, I was thinking of those Marks & Spencer ads with food, they're nearly erotic.
'Food appeals to your senses, a few of your senses. I work with a lot of women who would struggle to enjoy sex, like relax and ask for what they want and advocate for their own pleasure.
'I ask people 'how would you experience pleasure in everyday life?' Not even sexual pleasure and often they'll be like blank.
'I'd tell them to start working on mindfulness skills, even your cup of coffee in the morning, spending one extra minute, really inhaling it, drinking it a bit slower.
'I tell them to try just slowing down a bit again, see how does that feel in your body?
'Often, we're just like rushing and racing and we have such modern, busy lives and there's no time given to just being in the moment and that feeds into people's sex lives then.
'So, give yourself the time to have the cup of coffee. Give yourself the time to have sex.'
Under the Grill is available on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.