Top couples therapist reveals the one relationship trait that 'scares her'

Daily Mail​

2 days ago

A top therapist who specialises in solving couples' issues has revealed the one relationship trait that 'scares' her the most.
The host of Showtime's 'Couples Therapy' and 'the world's number one couple therapist', Dr Orna Guralnik, made the revelation during an appearance on Jay Shetty's mental health podcast On Purpose.
In a snippet from the episode posted on YouTube, the New York -based clinical psychologist, 58, said she found couples who never argued 'scary' and questioned how they sustained their relationships without quarrels.
She called the entire concept 'unreal' and said the very ability to work through differences is what makes a relationship 'interesting'.
'Couples that don't argue scare me' exclaimed Dr Guralnik while chatting with Shetty, the 37-year-old wellness influencer and life coach.
'I don't know what happens there. Do they just not talk?
'What?! Do they not reveal ways in which they are different? That's scary!'
While seated opposite Shetty in a brown armchair, she paused and appeared to look perplexed and genuinely concerned.
The doctor then pondered whether each individual would have to be 'the same person' bearing similar personality traits in order to never argue.
'How do you not never argue?' she continued.
'Like what? Are you just the same person? Have you become enmeshed with each other?
'And everything about you that is different you just repress or dissociate?'
Dr Guralnik is a certified clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. Much of her work with couples has been documented on the American TV series Couples Therapy.
The Showtime programme - which airs in the UK on the BBC - documents Dr Guralnik's one-hour therapy sessions where she gets to know couples through a series of questions and conversations.
It appears a similar style of questions were posed during her chat with Shetty, as the doctor seemed to delve into the psyche of lovers who claimed to never face confrontations.
'Are you so afraid of conflict?' continued Dr Guralnik.
Then referring back to her suggestion that couples would have to be 'enmeshed' in order to continuously keep the peace in their relationships, she asked 'where are each of you? Have you vanished?
'I think it just seems unreal.
'I think the ability to face differences... how have you faced your differences?
'How you work though your differences is what's really interesting about a relationship - and that's where it's life is'.
Similarly, Dr Nicole LePera, a clinical psychologist from Philadelphia, listed not arguing with your partner as a telltale sign that your marriage is headed for failure.
She said the relationship characteristic was one of eight patterns of behaviour she saw in partners who 'don't make it'.
The red flag will come as welcome news to couples with a fiery relationship who are prone to a lover's tiff.
Many of Dr LePera's couples who broke up 'never fought', she said.
'This usually came from one partner avoiding or suppressing their issues. When one partner would finally reach a boiling point, the other partner would be confused because they seemingly never disagreed'.
Dr Guralnik is just one of many VIP guests to appear on Shetty's On Purpose podcast.
The hugely popular host and influencer has welcomed a load of A-listers from Selena Gomez to ex-US president Joe Biden and Cynthia Erivo.
But the 37-year-old is not just a presence on TikTok (where he has some 5 million followers) he is also a podcaster, author, life coach and ex-mon k.
Shetty, who lives in Los Angeles with his wife Radhi Devlukia Shetty, even officiated J.Lo's ill-fated 2022 wedding to Ben Affleck.
He didn't always live in sun-soaked California though: Shetty was born and raised in London to non-practising Hindus, where he went to Queen Elizabeth's School in Barnet.
According to some reports, he had a lightly rebellious childhood where he 'experimented with drugs, fighting and drinking too much'.