Latest news with #couplestherapy
Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Reasons Why Happy Couples Fight Without Fear, By A Psychologist
The cultural image of a happy couple often leaves no room for arguments, as though true love should be immune to conflict. But therapy rooms hold a different version of the stories altogether. In fact, it's quite the opposite of a traditional perspective. Couples who never fight often aren't as close as they appear. They might just be the ones who tiptoe around conversations because they swallow resentments, and eventually drift apart under the weight of unspoken words. Much to the contrary, happy couples do fight, sometimes even passionately. What sets their fights apart is that they don't fear it. Their love is not fragile, and they don't see it hanging by the thread. It's more resilient. For them, conflict is not a red flag but a way to gradually build intimacy in disguise. Here are three reasons why happy couples can disagree without damaging the relationship. 1. Their Relationship Is Protected With Trust Research published in the Journal of Family Theory & Review shows that in healthy, non-distressed marriages, partners act as each other's 'attachment figures.' This means that they provide a deep sense of 'felt security' that helps them regulate each other's emotions and physiological states. This also helps to strengthen each other's independent ability to function outside the relationship. Most importantly, these benefits can occur regardless of how satisfying the marriage feels in a given moment. The attachment bond operates even through rough patches. In the case of happy couples, this attachment-based safety net is precisely the reason why having one or even several fights doesn't feel like a threat to the relationship's survival. Over time, hundreds of small moments together establish safety and trust in the relationship. These simple acts, such as returning calls, remembering important details, showing up when promised and apologizing sincerely, reinforce the unspoken message of security and reassurance that no one is leaving each other's side. This in turn, changes the experience of conflict altogether. Hearing 'We need to talk' doesn't trigger panic or a fear of loss. It's accepted as an invitation to address an important issue. Because they feel emotionally anchored, happy couples don't cling or withdraw during disagreements. They stay and work through them, because they know it's safe to. To effectively build such a safety net, practice strengthening it during calmer periods, not just after conflict. Daily reassurances like 'I love you, regardless of whether we disagree' or 'We'll figure this out together' feed the sense of security that keeps love steady through life's storms. 2. For Them, The Problem Is The Only Problem Happy couples treat conflict as a healthy, respectful discussion. They stay focused on the topic at hand, rather than using it as an opportunity to air every grievance they've ever had. According to a 2024 study published in Contemporary Family Therapy, the most common conflict resolution strategies that married couples develop together over several years include listening, communicating well and avoiding unnecessary escalation. These 'jointly negotiated conflict resolution strategies' (JNCRS) are consciously shaped by partners as they adapt to each other's needs, cultural backgrounds and differences. Essentially, they help couples focus on the issue rather than attacking each other's character. When couples find themselves in unhappy relationships, arguments often spiral into personal attacks. 'You never listen' is quickly convoluted into 'You're selfish.' Happy, long-term couples, on the other hand, take a significantly different approach. They see conflict as something outside of themselves, making it a shared problem to solve. This shift from 'me vs. you' to 'us vs. the problem' completely changes the way conflict is handled. It brings down defenses, keeps conversations task-focused and preserves respect in the relationship. This is also known as 'depersonalizing' conflict. It's not about suppressing feelings. Instead, happy couples direct their frustration toward the circumstance, not the other person's worth. For instance, saying 'When the bills are paid late, it stresses me out' keeps the door open for collaboration, whereas saying 'You're so careless' only hurts the other person and slams it shut. So, in your next disagreement, visualize the problem as a third object on the table between you, something you and your partner are examining side-by-side. This mental shift mirrors what happy long-term couples have mastered, that is, tackling the issue together while keeping their love intact. 3. They Want To Repair The Conflict, Not Win It Happy couples embrace conflict, but they don't want to prolong it. Psychologist John Gottman's Observational data from 2015 shows that the most effective way to turn a disagreement around is through emotional repair, and timing is key. In his research, the couples who restored connection fastest didn't wait until the end of an argument. Their most powerful repairs happened in the first three minutes of conflict. These 'pre-emptive' repairs weren't about using logic or trying to win the fight. Instead, they shifted the emotional climate of the conversation by using shared humor, gentle affection, self-disclosure, empathy, taking responsibility or a simple reassurance like, 'We're okay.' Happy couples understand this intuitively. For them, the goal in conflict is not some sort of moral victory; it's always emotional reconnection. They know that repairing quickly and sincerely prevents negativity from turning into deep-seated resentment. Even if the practical problem still needs work, the relationship itself is brought back to safety first. That's always the focus. The study also found that a strong underlying friendship makes repair more likely to succeed, especially when both partners trust their connection. This is because they're more open to accepting repair attempts. Happy couples don't let tension linger at any cost. Their topmost priority is 'us' over the 'I.' So, the next time you notice tension rising, try a fast, genuine repair before the argument deepens. Humor, empathy or a quick 'I love you, we'll figure this out' can defuse the storm far better than 'scoring a point' ever could. Happy couples, in essence, do fight. They're just more practically capable of handling conflict. So, if you find yourself in a fight with your partner, don't panic. The question isn't, 'Do we fight?,' it's, 'Do we fight in a way that protects us?' Do you and your partner fight in constructive ways? Take the science-backed Ineffective Arguing Inventory to find out.
Yahoo
7 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
13 Habits Of Couples Who Secretly Can't Stand Each Other
Let's face it, relationships aren't always a walk in the park. Sometimes, couples get caught in a cycle of bad habits that suggest they're not as happy as they appear to be. You might know a pair like this, or it could even hit a little too close to home. If you're wondering whether you're just going through a rough patch or something more serious, pay attention to these habits. They might reveal if a couple is secretly on the rocks. 1. Communication Is Practically Nonexistent You barely talk anymore, at least not about anything meaningful. Your conversations are reduced to logistics—who's picking up the kids, what's for dinner, or how you need milk. When was the last time you sat down and talked about how you're feeling or what your future holds? Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in marital stability, emphasizes the importance of communication for relationship satisfaction. If you can't even remember the last time you had a heart-to-heart, it might be time to reassess. And it's not just about talking; it's about listening too. You find yourself tuning out when your partner speaks, or maybe they're the one scrolling through their phone during conversations. Feeling unheard can lead to resentment and an emotional disconnect. Over time, this habit of not genuinely communicating turns into a quiet wall between you. Ignoring this wall only makes it grow taller and thicker. 2. Affection Is Sparse Or Forced Remember when you couldn't keep your hands off each other? Now, the only physical contact you have is a quick peck on the cheek or a half-hearted hug. If affection starts to feel obligatory or like a chore, something is definitely off. You might even cringe when your partner reaches for you, which isn't exactly a sign of love and adoration. Touch should feel natural, not like you're checking off a box. You might say you're just not a "touchy" person, but the truth is, you were at some point in the relationship. Over time, a lack of affection can lead to a lack of intimacy and connection. This could create a vicious cycle where you feel even less inclined to be affectionate. A little effort to reconnect physically can go a long way. Don't let inertia take away one of the simplest forms of connection. 3. Constant Criticism Do you find yourself criticizing your partner more often than praising them? Moments that were once quirky and lovable now get on your last nerve. According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist, criticism is often an expression of our unmet needs. You might be voicing criticisms when you're actually yearning for something more from the relationship. Take a moment to consider if those complaints are masking deeper concerns. Criticism isn't just about what you say; it's also how you say it. Your tone might be short, and your words might sting more than intended. Over time, constant criticism can erode self-esteem and breed resentment. This negativity can become the lens through which you see each other. To avoid this, focus on expressing your needs in a positive way rather than pointing out flaws. 4. Avoidance Of Conflict You might think that avoiding fights is a sign of a healthy relationship, but it can be quite the opposite. If you're consistently dodging disagreements, you're not addressing the issues that matter. Pretending problems don't exist doesn't make them go away. In fact, it often makes them bigger and more unmanageable down the line. Conflict is not inherently bad; it can be a catalyst for growth and understanding. Avoidance can lead to simmering tensions just beneath the surface. You might find yourself feeling anxious or walking on eggshells, worrying that any moment could lead to an explosion. Unresolved issues are like ticking time bombs; they might stay dormant for a while, but they will eventually blow up. Healthy conflict involves airing out issues in a constructive manner. Don't shy away from it; embrace it as a necessary part of any relationship. 5. Public Displays Of Disinterest While some couples can't keep their hands off each other in public, you barely acknowledge each other's presence. You might be together, but you act more like acquaintances than partners. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist known as The Love Doctor, couples who show affection in public tend to have more satisfied relationships. It's not about putting on a show for others; it's about genuinely enjoying each other's company. If you can't remember the last time you held hands or exchanged a loving glance, it might be worth exploring why. This kind of detachment is often more noticeable to outsiders than to the couple themselves. Friends and family might see your lack of interaction and wonder what's going on. The absence of affectionate gestures in public can be a reflection of what's happening behind closed doors. It's an indication that you're not as connected as you once were. Take note of these signs and consider what they mean for your relationship. 6. Social Media Facades On social media, you're the picture-perfect couple. You post about date nights, anniversaries, and loving moments, but it feels more like a performance than reality. Behind the scenes, you're barely speaking, and your interactions are minimal. The contrast between your digital life and your real life can be jarring. It's a sign that you're more concerned about appearances than actual happiness. This facade can be exhausting to maintain. You might even feel pressure to live up to the idealized version of your relationship that you've created online. When the likes and comments fade, you're left with the reality that things aren't as rosy as they seem. It's crucial to focus on the genuine connection rather than the perceived one. After all, likes and comments won't keep a relationship afloat. 7. Separate Social Circles You've cultivated your own social circles, and they rarely overlap. It's not just about having different friends; it's about living parallel lives. Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, suggests that maintaining separate social lives can indicate a lack of shared interests and goals. While it's healthy to have individual pursuits, there should also be room for shared experiences. If you're consistently going solo to events, it might be a sign that your lives are drifting apart. Your social life should ideally be a mix of togetherness and independence. If your partner never invites you to hang out with their friends or vice versa, it could signal a deeper disconnect. Over time, this separation can lead to feelings of isolation from each other. It's important to make an effort to engage with each other's social circles to maintain a sense of unity. Don't let separate lives create a wedge between you. 8. Reluctance To Make Future Plans Talking about the future feels like a no-go zone. The idea of planning a trip together or even discussing where you'll be in a year gives you pause. It's as if you're living in the now because the future seems too uncertain or daunting to consider. When couples are truly connected, they look forward to creating a shared future. If you're avoiding these discussions, it might be a sign that you're not on the same page about your long-term goals. A reluctance to plan ahead often indicates a lack of confidence in the relationship's longevity. You might find yourself thinking, "What's the point in planning if we might not even be together?" This mindset can prevent you from investing emotionally and mentally in the relationship. Without future plans, there's little to work toward together. It's essential to address this and figure out what's holding you back from looking ahead. 9. Lack Of Emotional Support When things get tough, your partner is not the first person you turn to. You either handle it on your own or seek support from friends and family instead. If you're not comfortable seeking emotional support from your partner, it's a significant red flag. Ideally, your partner should be your confidant and cheerleader. When that's missing, it's hard to feel connected or supported. This lack of support can create a feeling of loneliness even when you're together. Your partner might seem indifferent or uninterested in what you're going through. Over time, this can weaken the emotional bond that holds you together. It's essential to feel that your partner is there for you in challenging times. If that's not the case, it's important to have a conversation about how you can both be more supportive. 10. One-Sided Decision Making One of you is making all the decisions, big and small, while the other just goes along for the ride. This might be convenient in the short term, but it's not sustainable for a balanced relationship. If one partner always calls the shots, it can lead to a power imbalance. This dynamic might stem from a lack of interest or investment by one partner, which only breeds resentment over time. A relationship should be a partnership, not a dictatorship. When one person is consistently sidelined in decision-making, it can lead to feelings of insignificance. You might start to feel like your opinions and desires don't matter. This can diminish your sense of self-worth and importance in the relationship. To maintain balance, it's critical to involve each other in decisions and value each other's input. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and collaboration. 11. Avoiding Time Together You find reasons to be apart more often than together. Whether it's working late, taking on extra hobbies, or hanging out with friends more often, time together has taken a backseat. It's as if you're intentionally filling your calendar to avoid quality time as a couple. While alone time is important, consistently avoiding togetherness is a red flag. It suggests that being in each other's presence is something you're avoiding rather than cherishing. Over time, this avoidance can lead to an emotional distance that's hard to bridge. You might find yourself feeling like strangers living under the same roof. The less time you spend together, the less opportunity there is to connect and understand each other's world. Making an effort to prioritize time together can help rekindle the relationship. Don't let busyness become an excuse for neglecting your partnership. 12. Frequent Comparison To Others You frequently find yourself comparing your relationship to others, often feeling like yours falls short. Whether it's your friends' relationships or the couples you see online, the grass always seems greener. This habit can breed dissatisfaction and unspoken resentment. Frequently comparing your partnership to others is a sure way to undermine it. It's important to remember that every relationship has its unique dynamics and challenges. This tendency to compare can make you blind to the good things in your own relationship. You might focus so much on what you lack that you forget to appreciate what you have. Over time, this can lead to a sense of inadequacy and frustration. It's crucial to focus on your unique journey and not get caught up in what others have. Emphasizing gratitude can shift your perspective and create a more positive outlook. 13. Playing The Blame Game Whenever something goes wrong, your first instinct is to point fingers. Blame becomes the default rather than looking for constructive solutions. This kind of behavior creates a toxic atmosphere that makes resolving issues near impossible. Constant blame can diminish compassion and empathy in the relationship. Instead of working as a team to tackle challenges, you end up on opposite sides. Blame can also lead to defensiveness, which stalls any chance of productive communication. When both partners feel attacked, they're less likely to open up and be vulnerable. This creates an environment where issues never really get resolved, just swept under the rug. A more constructive approach involves focusing on problem-solving rather than fault-finding. Shifting this mindset can lead to healthier interactions and a stronger relationship. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
11-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Top couples therapist reveals the one relationship trait that 'scares her'
A top therapist who specialises in solving couples' issues has revealed the one relationship trait that 'scares' her the most. The host of Showtime's 'Couples Therapy' and 'the world's number one couple therapist', Dr Orna Guralnik, made the revelation during an appearance on Jay Shetty's mental health podcast On Purpose. In a snippet from the episode posted on YouTube, the New York -based clinical psychologist, 58, said she found couples who never argued 'scary' and questioned how they sustained their relationships without quarrels. She called the entire concept 'unreal' and said the very ability to work through differences is what makes a relationship 'interesting'. 'Couples that don't argue scare me' exclaimed Dr Guralnik while chatting with Shetty, the 37-year-old wellness influencer and life coach. 'I don't know what happens there. Do they just not talk? 'What?! Do they not reveal ways in which they are different? That's scary!' While seated opposite Shetty in a brown armchair, she paused and appeared to look perplexed and genuinely concerned. The doctor then pondered whether each individual would have to be 'the same person' bearing similar personality traits in order to never argue. 'How do you not never argue?' she continued. 'Like what? Are you just the same person? Have you become enmeshed with each other? 'And everything about you that is different you just repress or dissociate?' Dr Guralnik is a certified clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. Much of her work with couples has been documented on the American TV series Couples Therapy. The Showtime programme - which airs in the UK on the BBC - documents Dr Guralnik's one-hour therapy sessions where she gets to know couples through a series of questions and conversations. It appears a similar style of questions were posed during her chat with Shetty, as the doctor seemed to delve into the psyche of lovers who claimed to never face confrontations. 'Are you so afraid of conflict?' continued Dr Guralnik. Then referring back to her suggestion that couples would have to be 'enmeshed' in order to continuously keep the peace in their relationships, she asked 'where are each of you? Have you vanished? 'I think it just seems unreal. 'I think the ability to face differences... how have you faced your differences? 'How you work though your differences is what's really interesting about a relationship - and that's where it's life is'. Similarly, Dr Nicole LePera, a clinical psychologist from Philadelphia, listed not arguing with your partner as a telltale sign that your marriage is headed for failure. She said the relationship characteristic was one of eight patterns of behaviour she saw in partners who 'don't make it'. The red flag will come as welcome news to couples with a fiery relationship who are prone to a lover's tiff. Many of Dr LePera's couples who broke up 'never fought', she said. 'This usually came from one partner avoiding or suppressing their issues. When one partner would finally reach a boiling point, the other partner would be confused because they seemingly never disagreed'. Dr Guralnik is just one of many VIP guests to appear on Shetty's On Purpose podcast. The hugely popular host and influencer has welcomed a load of A-listers from Selena Gomez to ex-US president Joe Biden and Cynthia Erivo. But the 37-year-old is not just a presence on TikTok (where he has some 5 million followers) he is also a podcaster, author, life coach and ex-mon k. Shetty, who lives in Los Angeles with his wife Radhi Devlukia Shetty, even officiated ill-fated 2022 wedding to Ben Affleck. He didn't always live in sun-soaked California though: Shetty was born and raised in London to non-practising Hindus, where he went to Queen Elizabeth's School in Barnet. According to some reports, he had a lightly rebellious childhood where he 'experimented with drugs, fighting and drinking too much'.
Yahoo
10-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
"When I See This, I Know There Will Be A Meaningful Change": Couples Therapists Are Revealing The Behaviors That Indicate A Couple Is Going To Make It
Relationships, even and perhaps especially the successful ones, are a lot of work. After all, no matter how much two people love each other, they are never fully compatible, as there will always be differing ideas or plans for the future. However, some couples are naturally able to handle these differences in a healthy way... So when Redditor u/SheenaAquaticBird asked, "Couple therapists of Reddit, what's a sure sign that a couple is going to work out?" Hundreds of couples therapists took to the comments to share the best indicators that a couple is in it for the long run. Without further ado, here are 17 of their most insightful responses: If you're a couples therapist who has noticed habits and behaviors that indicate a couple will stay together, feel free to tell us about it using this anonymous form! Related: 1."I'm a counselor, and the biggest indicator of success (in my opinion) is the ability to assume the best intent. Example: husband forgets to grab the trash bag on his way out in the morning. Rather than assuming he's lazy, rude, etc., the other partner assumes the most positive reason (he simply forgot, overlooked it, etc.) and doesn't personalize it. They look for the best intent until proven otherwise." "Sadly, most people who don't come to my office, don't do this. Couples who regularly engage in these behaviors don't typically need counseling." —u/Cupcake-the-first 2."The plans they have for the future are plans of being together, not fights over whose dream they are going to live." —u/ThreeLivesInOne "Marriages should be about collaboration, not compromise. In a compromise, one party tends to give up more than the other. Collaboration is the couple working together to find something that is agreeable for both of them. Compromise creates resentment in the long term." —u/BettyBoop003 3."The real answer is when couples show up in therapy before the relationship is in peril. The willingness to build skills and relationship resilience early on, as well as both partners taking accountability and responsibility for their own baggage and mental health, is a positive sign." —u/Fun-Rice-8002 "I went to counseling for anxiety and depression after a pregnancy loss. My counselor kept suggesting I bring my husband in, and my response was that we had a solid relationship and didn't need couples counseling. She told me that many couples wait until it's too late, and the time to start counseling is before problems fester. I never brought my husband, but in hindsight, I wish I had. (We're still happily married eight years later, but I sometimes wish we'd had the counseling so I had better communication tools with a precedent already set.)" —u/yourerightaboutthat 4."Studies show that how bids for attention are handled is one of the greatest predictors of a relationship lasting." "It seems so simple and inconsequential, but it's always the little things that matter most. When you see a funny TikTok and want to show your partner, do they act interested? When you talk about your day, do they get curious and ask questions? When you've had a bad day and flop on the couch with a sigh, do they ask you what's going on? Do you also respond to bids for attention from your partner? The more consistently you both respond, the more likely you are to make it for the long haul. With awareness comes growth. You might both be bad at these things, but genuinely love each other. The more you show up for each other in the little ways, the more in love you'll both feel. Responding to bids for attention shows that you not only love and care for each other but that you also respect the other person as someone worthy of your attention and curiosity. When you have love and respect, you cultivate trust. If you trust each other, there is literally no hardship you can't learn to navigate — sometimes with a little help." —u/Majestic-Rhino 5."If you're in a relationship, you shouldn't do 50-50 with each other. It should always be 100%." "If your partner is only feeling 48% on some days, you should fill in the 52% and make it whole for both of you and vice versa." —u/No-Excitement8181 Related: 6."Respect: Respect is the first thing to go in a relationship. I encourage every couple I see to recapture the respect they had on their first date. You shouldn't feel comfortable calling each other names or cursing each other out." —u/MidnightFridgeLight "I can't even imagine why someone would want to be in a relationship with a person who didn't respect them or called them names. I know it's more complicated than that and I might sound insensitive, but I've learned to not take sh*t from anyone, even those closest to me." —u/Perca_fluviatilis 7."Do you like your partner? Or are you just there because you got married?" "I genuinely like my wife, and she likes me. We both waited for someone we liked and waded through bad relationships to get here. I hate making her upset, and she hates it when I'm upset. She doesn't hate me when I'm upset; she hates the fact that I'm upset. I would do almost anything to make sure she's not upset, and she knows that. So when I forget to do something, we assume positive intent because the fact that we don't want to make each other sad is explicit and constantly reinforced. Sadness is a normal human emotion, and everyone should be allowed to feel how they feel. But if I am the one who made my wife sad, I want to fix it. People deserve to find someone who wants them to be happy. My wife and I didn't find each other until we were in our late 30s. We've lived in three different countries, had three kids, bought a house together before we were married, mixed finances, and fully planned to have a prenup, but dropped the ball. We broke every rule in the book, and it worked because we truly like each other (even if we piss each other off occasionally). Just love the person you chose. There's no such thing as 'good enough' when you're picking a partner for the rest of your life." —u/puck33420 8."When I start to see partners validating each other, I know there is going to be meaningful change." "Validation is challenging in general, partly because it often means admitting to some level of wrongdoing, which can feel exposing. You're putting aside your defenses, risking rejection, and showing your partner that their experience matters. When I see people making space for that kind of vulnerability, I'm incredibly hopeful." —u/tjm003 9."It's a positive sign if the couple can remember why they fell in love in the first place. When I ask one of them to tell me something they love about their partner, the successful couples light up immediately." —u/DesirableDarling "When I was seriously contemplating divorce, my partner and I tried this with our therapist. The love was very much there, but the issues were deep-rooted. A+ to our therapist for convincing my partner to try couples therapy and also allowing me to be completely disengaged during some sessions because I'd been the one doing the emotional work up to that point. We are now three years post-couples therapy (he's still in individual therapy), we've been together for 12 years and are happier than ever." —u/remadeforme Related: 10."Looking out for each other: When your partner starts crying, a sign of empathy is really important — a hand on the shoulder, an acknowledgment of pain, etc. Once you can listen to your partner cry without caring, you're not really a couple anymore, at least in my eyes." "Yes, when it came to light in a couple's counseling session with my ex that he struggled with my tears because he grew up with an emotionally manipulative mother who would cry for attention, and he couldn't get past that, I knew it was over." —u/MidnightFridgeLight 11."Couples should have a common hobby. It means their tastes are similar, and they can help and support each other in that hobby, whether it's playing video games or going to the gym." —u/beamerpook "Yes, they don't have to be identical in their likes and dislikes, but having something they can both do together builds positive common experiences. Plus, hobbies can reflect values, social circles, and even charitable contributions. I have a friend who absolutely loves football, and his wife thinks it's a waste of time — that's a lot of disconnect for a sizeable portion of the year." —u/abqkat 12."A sure sign is that the couple can still be friends underneath the romance. They still joke around, support each other's dreams, and genuinely like each other as people, not just as partners." "That kind of friendship and respect typically predicts a solid relationship." —u/Key-Championship3493 13."For the couples I've worked with, a lot of them rigidly stick to THEIR point of view. This, in turn, causes an endless loop of both sides not feeling heard and being defensive in response. My approach interrupts this and asks couples to tell me what they heard their partner say. This breaks that cycle and often reduces a lot of tension, regardless of other issues." "The ability to take this skill and move forward without me needing to constantly interrupt and enforce it is a good sign." —u/BrushedYourTeethYet 14."One green flag is when both partners can pick up on the context of each other's complaints and respond to the other party through that contextual understanding." "Example: Wife complains about her husband not taking out the garbage on time that morning. The husband's response is not about the specific incident of taking out the garbage but about the wife's general views or values surrounding timelines and how their visions of this might differ. It then allows a deeper conversation about their underlying values, and where there may be some common ground. If the husband gets defensive and says, 'I was busy that day, I had to get to work, ' or 'Well, you don't empty the dishwasher on time either,' there are more serious issues at play." —u/Pdawnm Related: 15."The best indicator is that both parties have empathy. This is shockingly absent in many of my clients. If you can't think about how your behavior impacts others, it will become a problem in the relationship." —u/Cupcake-the-first "My ex-wife wasn't empathetic at all. When I left her, my therapist said it was part of the pattern of narcissistic abuse. The most notable instance of this is when she left me sobbing on the couch, refusing to provide even a little comfort, in order to play video games with one of our mutual friends online. I was sobbing because my grandmother, who raised me, was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital with stroke symptoms, and no one knew if she'd be okay. My ex never apologized, and when I mentioned later that I was upset by her behavior and refusal to apologize, she told me I was 'too emotionally needy' and said I should pack and leave. I eventually gave her what she was asking for." —u/BurrSugar 16."Being flexible is the main factor, in my opinion. It is impossible to be completely compatible with someone, so, if both sides aren't willing to collaborate, it doesn't matter how much they love each other; it will end sooner or later. I have seen that a lot, and I can tell from the first or second session with my clients whether or not the relationship will work." —u/Acrobatic-Olive3754 "My family is appalled when I say my partner and I don't fight, and I've heard 'Wait until you've been together for 20 years' too many times. Whenever my partner and I have an issue, we talk it out and find a middle ground where both of us can be at least 80% happy. We try to come up with a creative solution or a third option, which usually turns out better than the original idea anyway. We've only been together for five years, but we haven't fought once because it's not 'me vs. him,' it's always 'us vs. the problem.'" —u/Kittys_Cafe 17."Every relationship is different; however, from my 10+ years of experience, I'd say that couples who play on the same team and present a united front are in it for the long run. This manifests itself positively in all aspects of the relationship. It's so cliché but couples need to understand that they are a team and there's no 'I' in 'Team.'" "Most couples who present a united front often recognize that it's 'us versus the problem,' not 'me versus you.' These couples are resolution-focused and tend to have a good sense of accountability. They can admit to how they contributed to the problem and are open to solutions and compromises. Scorekeepers and those who focus on who is right or wrong have a longer, harder journey. Sometimes, however, even united couples struggle because there are independent factors and life-changing hurdles that they need to work on separately. Without the necessary work, everything collapses." —u/TheSavageTherapist Did any of these signs surprise you? Couples therapists: What are some signs you've noticed that indicate a couple will be together long-term? Tell us in the comments or answer anonymously using the form below! The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy. Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds:
Daily Mail
08-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE The ultimate taboo saving couples from sexless marriages: Some wives swear they'll never do it - but I'm told this 'miracle' method is the fastest way out of a dry spell: JANA HOCKING
'Sexless marriage' - two words guaranteed to make couples therapists and divorce lawyers hear a loud cha-ching! Lack of sex is common in long-term relationships, because here's the little secret no one wants to admit: lasting love and toe-curling lust don't always play nicely together.
