Is Winston Churchill the father of Maga?
The entire board of the Conservative Party is off to Oxford University on Monday to inspect the party's archive at the Bodleian Library. Nigel Huddleston, its co-chairman, is planning to dust down some old party slogans to see if they can be repurposed for Tory battles with Labour in the 2020s.
They range from the wordy 'Life's Better With the Conservatives, Don't Let Labour Ruin It' from the 1959 campaign to the now legendary 'Labour Isn't Working' from 1979, to the forgettable 'Strong and Stable' from 2017. Or there's 'Prosperity With a Purpose' from 1964 and 1992's 'The Best Future for Britain'.
I thought the slogan from Winston Churchill's 1950 election campaign – 'Make Britain Great Again' – has a certain ring to it. It's amazing no one else has had a similar idea.
Earl Attlee, the grandson of the Labour prime minister Clement Attlee, has been lamenting a collapse in standards. 'Like it or not, we live in a much less deferential society,' he told peers this week. 'It always depresses me when I read of senior military officers or junior ratings or NCOs in the regular Army being referred to as 'Mr', even in a military context. Many years ago, when I was just a full corporal in the Reserves, I was proud of the rank that I held and what it indicated. However, I am not sure now that being a peer is an attractive rank or honour any more.'
Hereditary peer Attlee, 68, is planning to retire from the Lords this spring before Labour abolishes his role there in part because he is worried he is 'out of date with modern society'. He explained: 'I do not use social media; I have not got the foggiest clue how to use it.' He will be missed.
It is the culmination of the Six Nations rugby tournament today and former England rugby star Mike Tindall has recalled winding up his mother-in-law, Princess Anne, patron of Scottish Rugby Union. 'Most fellows want to get something over on their mother-in-law,' he told a charity lunch in the City.
'It's quite niche if you are playing for England, captain for England and you play Scotland at Twickenham and you win and you are receiving the trophy from your mother-in-law. I don't like the majority of the RFU but I shook every one of their hands and I kept her waiting. I was like, 'Debrief over lunch tomorrow?' and she says, 'Move on Michael'.'
Lily Allen, 39, thinks today's young people cannot party like she used to. She told an audience at London's Hackney Empire last week: 'I don't think it has got anything to do with their health and well-being. I think they are vain. All this health and wellness stuff is bulls--t. Young people seem to be obsessed with being in control of their self-image. Not that I advocate getting out of your tree.'
Former Conservative party chairman Sir Jake Berry wants ministers to target golf courses rather than farmland for new homes. 'Fields are left empty in the winter because you don't put livestock in a field in winter, because they destroy the grass,' he explained to GB News viewers.'But if you want to take useless bits of land away from people to build houses on, why not start with golf courses? In fact, there are more golf courses in this country than there is land used for houses.'
Eighties pop band The Housemartins will never reunite like Oasis, says ex-band member Norman Cook, better known as Fatboy Slim. 'There are so many people reuniting right now and people ask if we will do it and I say 'no'. The party line when we split up was if we saw another member of the band playing a Housemartins version then we were allowed to kill them. The other thing was we would never get back together unless The Smiths do. They have said they won't do it unless the Royal family abdicates so don't hold your breath.'
Former Labour MP Stephen Pound thinks he knows why the Sentencing Council decided to develop new judges' guidelines – which could see white people treated with less consideration than minorities – to come into effect on April Fool's Day. 'How fitting that one of the members of the widely derided Sentencing Council is named Jo King,' he tells me. 'Many of us think they must have been.'
They weren't.
Peterborough, published every Friday at 7pm, is edited by Christopher Hope. You can reach him at peterborough@telegraph.co.uk
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