I throw sex toys at WNBA games for my meme coin. Women won't date me. Help?

Indianapolis Star

10-08-2025

I'm a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing sex toys onto the court at WNBA games, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why I'm so lonely.
It certainly isn't my fault. Nothing is my fault. I'm a crypto guy who makes misogynistic jokes about things on the internet and then sometimes carries rubber sex toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the court, disrupting the game and risking player injury in order to draw attention to my clever meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.
Why wouldn't everyone want to hang out with me, like, literally all the time?
It has to be the male loneliness epidemic.
I have some strong opinions on that ‒ and how it's all the fault of women who refuse to go on dates with me so I can explain to them the hilarity of my meme coin.
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Sometimes I'll be around women and I'll bring up my meme coin, and I can tell they don't really understand what a meme coin is and don't get how funny it is that we're calling it Green Dildo Coin and then throwing green sex toys at WNBA games to draw attention to a thing that doesn't technically exist.
So I say to them, 'Hey, if you don't understand what a meme coin is, I'd be happy to spend several hours explaining it to you over a coffee date where I talk the entire time, use the word 'actually' a perfectly cool amount and ask you nothing about yourself. And then you can have sex with me.'
But they always either say no or walk away laughing, and that makes me want to return to my online meme coin group and talk to them about how the women who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it hard for me to connect with women.
I know my hobby of throwing colorful sex toys onto the court at WNBA games is edgy and cool. The president's son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that showed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court full of players below. How can anyone call it 'not funny' or 'dangerous' or 'sexist' if the president's son thinks it's hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at women's sporting events?
Maybe Donald Trump Jr. would want to hang out with me and talk about meme coins.
I'm so lonely.
I read how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped things people like me keep throwing onto the court: 'The sexualization of women is what's used to hold women down, and this is no different. These people that are doing this should be held accountable. We're not the butt of the joke, they're the problem.'
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Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws sex toys on the court at WNBA games, am 'the problem' and should be 'held accountable' for the thing I keep doing.
Since when do men who invest in cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme coins get held accountable for their actions? That seems sexist, and I blame that attitude for my present state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.
To date, I have asked 69 women (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had previously made sexualized comments about online under an anonymous account if they would like to go on a date with me to throw sex toys at a WNBA game and learn more about my meme coin. Not a single one has been interested in getting to know how fascinating and clever I am. What am I supposed to do, reflect on whether I'm the problem, and consider treating other people with respect and showing an interest in their feelings and points of view?
C'mon. I'm a crypto dude who throws sex toys at WNBA games. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.
No, my loneliness is definitely the fault of women who are mad I keep throwing sex toys during a women's sporting event that I publicly claim to respect while anonymously demeaning it online.
At least I have Green Dildo Coin. I'm sure eventually everyone will see how awesome I am.