3 Signs You're Finally Ready To Move On From An Ex, By A Psychologist
'I can't live without them' is a common sentiment many individuals share right after a breakup. For many, moving on from an ex follows a tumultuous personal trajectory. It's easier to let go of your partner if you emotionally checked out during the relationship, but it's more challenging when you're the one trying to save it.
A 2025 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science investigated whether emotional attachment disappears after romantic breakups. In the study of 320 participants, researchers discovered that such bonds dissolved over time for the majority, with roughly 4 years being cited as the mid point. This means that for the average person, it can take as long as 8 years to truly move on from an ex.
These results were heavily influenced by a participant's attachment style and how frequently they stayed in touch with their ex. 'Even if the typical person does eventually 'get over' their former partner, for some people, remnants of those bonds continue and never fully fade away,' the researchers explain.
If you're wondering where you might be in this journey, here are three signs that can confirm you are finally ready to move on.
1. You've Stopped Fantasizing About 'What Could Have Been'
One of the first signs of recovery from a breakup is when you stop asking yourself, 'If we were still together, what could our future have looked like?' That means no more daydreaming about someone who is no longer in your life or staying up late, scrolling through old photographs and messages, imagining scenarios that will never come true.
This means you've stopped holding on to the hope that they might come back. It's a sign that you're accepting reality — something that may feel painful at first but eventually brings clarity.
You no longer view your relationship or your ex through rose-tinted glasses. Instead, you see things as they really were; not as perfect, but as a mix of bittersweet experiences.
A 2021 exploratory phenomenological study published in the Journal of Psychology and Theology aimed to understand how people psychologically and spiritually process romantic heartbreak.
The researchers interviewed eight Caucasian adult women and found that participants followed a rough trajectory across five themes: relational evolution, decline, end, rumination and recovery. The type of rumination they engaged in made the biggest difference in their ability to move on. These included:
When you look back at your relationships and see them with clarity, without the haze of hurt and pain, you know you're starting to move on to the next chapter of your life.
2. Your 'First Thoughts' Shift From Your Ex To Yourself
When you no longer wonder, 'Would they like this movie?' or 'Should I tell them about this?' Instead, you think: 'What do I want to watch? What's good for me?' Your mental energy returns to self-focus, rather than them being your first thought in any situation.
In a relationship, two individuals often function as a unit. After a breakup, it can be hard to find your footing because you're still wired to think of yourself with them, instinctively reaching out for that sense of togetherness. And when you find none, it stings.
But in time, you learn to find yourself again without thinking of them first. A 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science sheds light on why this shift is more important than we might realize.
Researchers found that emotional recovery after a breakup is closely linked to self-concept clarity, which is your ability to clearly define who you are outside of the relationship.
Participants were randomly assigned to either a group that completed four in-depth self-assessment sessions over nine weeks or a group that only completed assessments at the beginning and end of that period.
The group that participated more intensively in the research (i.e., talked, reflected and assessed themselves more often) showed greater emotional recovery. Specifically, they experienced:
'I would encourage a person who recently experienced a breakup to consider who he or she is, apart from the relationship. If that person can reflect on the aspects of him- or herself that he or she may have neglected during the relationship but can now nurture once again, this might be particularly helpful,' says Grace Larson, the lead researcher of the study, from Northwestern University.
This shows that healing isn't just about time — it's about rediscovering who you are without your ex. When your first thoughts are about you and not them, that's when you know you've truly moved on.
3. You're Able To Feel Excitement For The Future
A sure sign of getting over your ex is faith in your future. Even if you're not dating yet, you can imagine being happy with someone else someday. You're open to new connections and growth.
You find your way back to your old routines, spend more time with friends who had slowly drifted away and find yourself engaging in old hobbies or picking up new ones. Your sense of progress and renewed friendships give you your sense of purpose back.
A 2024 study tracked participants over 8 years to examine both the long-term emotional costs and potential developmental benefits of early breakup experiences. They found that while unresolved or ongoing distress, especially across multiple breakups, can take a toll on mental health, early heartbreaks can also cultivate emotional growth and romantic maturity when processed reflectively.
This means moving on isn't about forgetting your past or what you've been through, but reflecting and creating meaning out of it, which creates space for better things to come. In such a headspace, you fully process that there is a long life ahead of you, one that's filled with endless possibilities.
When you realize, 'I can, in fact, live without them,' and the thought no longer brings pain but peace — that's when you know you've truly moved on.
Take this science-backed test to see how deeply your last breakup is still affecting you — and where your healing really stands: Breakup Distress Scale
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Wall Street Journal
14 minutes ago
- Wall Street Journal
The Anti-Trump Legal Tsunami Continues
A newsy analysis of the workings of D.C. (and beyond), providing the inside track on both the overhyped and overlooked events of the week. Subscribe here, and read this week's edition below:
New York Times
44 minutes ago
- New York Times
How Do I Tell My Religious Friend to Stop Inviting Us to Church?
I've recently become friends with a woman who is an evangelical Christian. I am not religious myself but have studied Buddhism for a time and hold firmly that one should not overtly try to convert others into believing the same things I do. My friend and I both have daughters the same age, as well as younger sons. Our kids enjoy spending time together and benefit from one another's companionship. My dilemma is that this friend often socially extends invitations to us that are religious in nature. For example, she recently invited my daughter to join her daughter for Bible study. She has sent invites for us to send our kids to the Christian camps where her children attend camp. Although I see these invites as well-meaning, they make me deeply uncomfortable, especially because I don't understand the intention. I have mentioned to her casually that we don't attend religious services or church. Yet despite this, we still receive invites to their church events. Given that I have a strong personal feeling against trying to convert others to any belief, should I say something to her? — Name Withheld From the Ethicist: Christianity became a world religion by spreading the Gospel — a word that comes from Old English for 'good news.' The term 'evangelical' itself goes back to the Greek for 'bringing a good message.' So your friend, in wanting to share her faith, is following a tradition that's central to Christian history and belief. Still, in a tolerant, pluralistic society, people will inevitably disagree about what counts as good news. And she knows you're not a churchgoer. Part of what keeps the peace is recognizing that convictions about the ultimate questions don't have to be shared and that not everyone wishes to participate in religious life. Your discomfort is reasonable. You have no interest in converting anyone, and it's fair to expect the same restraint from others. If the invitations keep coming, you're within bounds to be direct. You can tell her that you respect how important her faith is to her, and appreciate how well meant her invitations are, but that you and your family simply approach these things differently and aren't interested in church activities. Reassure her that this isn't about valuing her friendship or your children's any less and that it doesn't reflect any lack of enthusiasm for spending time together. And if conversation drifts toward what you each believe — in a spirit of openness and curiosity — that's fine too. At its best, friendship can absorb these differences and even grow stronger by having them out in the open, handled with candor and care. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Forbes
44 minutes ago
- Forbes
As Microschooling Grows, Rural Families Enjoy More Education Options
In the rural village of Wayne, Ohio—population 840—a new microschool is opening this month. Founded by Pam Frankforther, a longtime public school teacher, Pioneer Reading Center has already reached its enrollment capacity for this inaugural year, with a waitlist of elementary and middle school students who are seeking a literacy-focused alternative to conventional schooling. Frankforther is among a growing number of entrepreneurial parents and teachers launching innovative, affordable schools and learning spaces in rural areas, helping to expand education options for families in these nearly 20 years as a teacher, Frankforther handed in her resignation earlier this year to become an education entrepreneur. It was not an easy decision. When she got hired five years ago as a reading intervention teacher in the nearby public elementary school, she loved it. Frankforther and her family had recently moved to this community, where her husband grew up. Her children attend the local public schools.'I thought this was my dream job, so I was really disappointed when I felt like it wasn't going to work out,' Frankforther told me during a recent podcast grew increasingly troubled by the way reading was being taught in school. After listening to the acclaimed podcast series 'Sold A Story,' hosted by Emily Hanford, which exposed the widespread use of 'balanced literacy' approaches in schools across the country, Frankforther believed that a more science-backed, phonics-rich approach to reading and literacy would better serve students. She and a small team of colleagues tried to make change from within. 'I was basically told to just stay in my lane and do what was best for the school, which is test scores. That didn't sit right with me,' she said, adding that she recently wrote a book explaining in more detail how students—especially those with dyslexia and related learning needs—are being left behind by current literacy practices in public positive community response to news of her full-time microschool, which serves about a dozen students in third through seventh grade, was almost immediate. Parents of students with reading challenges were delighted to have a new option for their children—particularly one that is tuition-free. Students attending Pioneer Reading Center are legally considered homeschoolers, but many are able to attend the microschool at no cost through Ohio's Jon Peterson Special Needs Scholarship Program, one of the state's eight private school-choice programs. Frankforther says most of her students were previously enrolled in local public to data from the U.S. National Center for Education Statistics, about one in five students—or nearly 10 million children—attend a public school in a rural area. Historically, rural students have been more likely to be homeschooled and less likely to attend a private school than students in more populated areas. A report earlier this year published by the Center for American Progress, a progressive think tank, found that only about one-third of families in rural areas had a private school located within five miles of their growing ranks of school founders like Frankforther, along with the expansion of school-choice programs across the U.S., are leading to more creative schooling options for students—including those in rural areas with a paucity of such options. In some of these areas, microschools and related learning models are becoming sought-after Lever sees this shift in her rural community of Eager in Apache County, Arizona. In this town of roughly 4,400 residents, Lever launched the area's first microschool in 2020 with seven students. A former wildland firefighter with the U.S. Forest Service, Lever homeschooled her three children through high school. Her youngest was an eighth grader when the pandemic hit and neighbors began asking Lever if she would homeschool their children during that time of education families appreciated the individualized attention and core curriculum focus of the microschool, which Lever opened through Prenda, a national microschool network that began in Arizona in 2018. As Lever's microschool reached enrollment capacity with about a dozen students, she began to encourage other parents in her area to open their own microschools. She eventually created a consortium of microschools, called TrailBlazEd, that today includes 10 microschools and nine guides across multiple locations in her region of Round Valley, which includes the towns of Eager and Springerville (pop. 1,700), serving 100 students of all grade levels. Lever estimates that about 8% of school-age students in Round Valley are enrolled in one of these microschools.I asked Lever about the lack of education choices in many rural communities. 'We can build it. We have the responsibility to build,' Lever replied. She sees microschools as shaping the future of education in rural communities across the country. 'Microschools not only empower students, they also empower moms and families to take back the education of their students and to be more involved,' she school-choice programs, which enable all K-12 students to use a portion of state-allocated education funding toward microschools like Lever's, help to spur more education entrepreneurship in rural communities and create more learning some rural areas may have had a dearth of education options in the past, these communities are increasingly benefiting from the entrepreneurial spirit that is prompting parents and teachers across the U.S. to open new Frankforther in rural Ohio, becoming a microschool founder has restored her love of teaching, and she encourages others to follow this entrepreneurial path in communities of all sizes. 'I didn't want to be in a job my whole life that I was miserable in,' she said. 'And I would say to other people, you don't have to be miserable in your job either. You can take the tools and the skills that you have and you can make something fabulous for yourself and for your students.'
