What makes a good friend? Follow this important 'golden rule'

USA Today

28-01-2025

What makes a good friend? Follow this important 'golden rule'
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Comedian, influencer Sabrina Brier turns TikTok skits into audiobook
Comedian and influencer Sabrina Brier chats exclusively with USA TODAY about her viral TikToks and new audiobook portraying friendships in New York.
Sabrina Brier – who you know as that in-your-face, never-stops-talking "friend" from TikTok – has a new audiobook out now all about a friend group and how different personalities clash.
It's fictional, but Brier, 30, draws from feelings she's had to make a compelling story. And it's evident she's had plenty of experience with friendship. "I have a lot of different kinds of friends," she explains. "I went to a camp, so I've got that whole community. I have a community from college, from home, and then of course you move to New York and then that just expands in a major way."
Keeping up with all these friends, though, is harder than it looks. "Like any relationship, friendships are a two-way street," Carla Marie Manly, host of podcast "Imperfect Love" and author of "The Joy of Imperfect Love," previously told USA TODAY. "If both people aren't invested in making the relationship viable in the long run, the friendship will falter over time."
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'You might not see them for a year or two'
Brier devoted all her time to her friends in her early 20s. That's changed as she's aged.
"Something that's really important to me is I don't want to be the person who's old and hasn't kept up with any of my friends," she says. "I want to be friends with my friends forever. But sometimes part of that is having that understanding that you have a really good friend, you might not see them for a year or two and you're going to have to figure out how to FaceTime and then eventually figure out how to visit each other."
Some people will stagnate in their lives and expect the same of their friendships. Others will grow and likely want something more.
You might even harbor a lot of feelings for someone but still not want to devote that much time to them, or you just don't have any to give. That's OK. "If you find yourself losing interest, you still care for this person, but aren't as interested in those updates because it doesn't feel relevant to where you are, and you feel the engagement drop in that way, that could be a sign as well," Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship educator and author of "Fighting for our Friendships," previously told USA TODAY.
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'The golden rule' of friendship
Judging a friendship by how long it lasted, or the fact it didn't last forever, is not necessarily the best metric to use when thinking about your friends. Is a successful friendship one that never ends? Or one where you two really loved each other during the time you were together?
Experts say friendship circles change over time, too. One study even found that we tend to replace half our friends every seven years.
How do you know if a friendship is going to work out? Follow "the golden rule."
"If someone is rooting for you and they want you to win in whatever way that means to you in your career, in your love life, in your happiness, I think that's really the true marker of what a good friend is," Brier says. "And not just say we don't make a million mistakes outside of that, but I think at the end of the day, if you can feel from that person, 'I love you and I want you to win,' those are the friendships I try to keep in my corner for sure."