My fiancee is always broke, leaving me to cover our bills — and I'm sick of it. How do I ask her to pull her own weight?

Yahoo

05-08-2025

Consider the following scenario: You're engaged to someone you love very much, but they're not pulling their weight financially. They have a dead-end job and lack motivation to seek anything better. They also have car and student loan debts amounting to $32,000 that they aren't working to pay down. And worse, they expect you to cover most of the $3,000 in monthly rent, utilities and living expenses and they aren't even filing taxes or paying their car registration.
This is just one example of how money can be a huge source of conflict for couples.
In fact, over 25% of respondents said money was the leading cause of their fights, according to a Penfold survey. And Ramsey Solutions echoes this finding, saying money is the number one issue married couples argue about.
It's understandable that couples fight about money — there's a lot that can go wrong when you interweave your financial life with someone else.
The lack of responsibility and accountability of your partner in this scenario could drain your savings and force you to cover thousands of dollars in shared expenses. It might make you fear things will never change and that financial stress will follow you into marriage.
How would you handle this situation? How would you talk to your future spouse? And when should you have difficult conversations about money?
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Having early financial conversations is key to finding the right partner
When you share your life with a partner, each person's financial decisions impact the other.
This is why it's crucial to get on the same page as early as possible. Unfortunately, many people don't do that. According to Penfold, a M&S Bank study found that just 17% of couples discuss their finances regularly with their partner and over 10% are unaware of their partner's earnings and are concerned about sharing information about their debt and earnings.
Other research reported by Penfold, revealed that people typically don't disclose salary details until nine months into a relationship; debt details are shared at 10 months; and investing, checking and savings account details are typically disclosed around the 11-month mark. And some partners fail to disclose critical information until well into the relationship.
The problem is, many individuals are already emotionally committed by then, so it becomes a lot more difficult to untangle your shared lives if it turns out you're totally incompatible when it comes to finances.
If you want to make sure you don't end up with someone you'll likely have huge money conflicts with, Morgan Stanley recommends asking the following six questions before you commit:
How would you spend a $10,000 gift if you received one tomorrow?
What financial obligations do you have that I should be aware of?
How did your parents deal with money as you were growing up?
How would you plan on dividing up household expenses and financial management in a serious relationship?
What do you think about the idea of a prenup?
What are your goals for the next 5, 10, 20 and 30 years?
Talking openly about these issues can help ensure you're on the same page and reduce future financial conflicts.
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How to have tough money conversations with someone you love
If you're preparing to marry your financially irresponsible partner, it's of course harder to backtrack and establish clear financial expectations.
In such a situation, it's crucial to have an open conversation with your partner to better understand the root cause of their financial difficulties. Discuss why they might be reluctant to find a higher-paying job or to pay their taxes. Start by setting aside a time when neither of you is upset to have that initial discussion. From there, suggest setting up regular budget meetings where you can talk about shared goals and get aligned.
Avoid being accusatory or defensive, be curious, ask questions and genuinely listen, so your partner can openly share why they are struggling in this regard. From here, you may be able to co-create a plan together.
You can also consider a financial therapist who could guide you through discussions and help identify the root of the problem, working to build better habits for the future.
If your partner ends up being inflexible, not open to change or willing to respond to your concerns in a mature way, this is a major red flag. The situation could worsen once you take on new obligations, such as a mortgage or children.
Only you can decide how much you are willing to live with when it comes to a partner who won't pull their weight — but don't be blinded by love in making this choice, because financial incompatibility is a serious cause of marital breakdown.
Because of this, it may be better to break off from this relationship prior to committing even further to someone who isn't willing to do their fair share. While it may be the hard choice in the short-term, it may prevent you from mounting resentment and even harder choices in the future.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
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