People Who Become Lonelier as They Get Older Usually Display These 10 Subtle Behaviors, Psychologists Say

Yahoo

24-02-2025

Loneliness can be a full-body experience—yes, we said "body.""Loneliness is more than just a feeling—it is a signal from your brain, like hunger or thirst, telling you something is missing," explains Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "When we feel lonely, our bodies may react as if we are under stress, releasing hormones like cortisol that can harm us over time."In fact, former US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy cited data in a 2023 advisory that showed social disconnection had a similar effect on health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day—more significant than lack of physical activity and obesity.People of all ages can—and do—experience loneliness, but it can become especially pronounced as people age. Children leave the home, loved ones and friends may pass away and they can start to feel forgotten about. However, loneliness and its signs are harder to spot than those associated with smoking."Loneliness isn't always obvious," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "Someone might seem busy or cheerful but still feel deeply disconnected."Dr. Lira de la Rosa says that understanding the signs and subtle behaviors associated with loneliness can help us help our loved ones before it becomes a serious, chronic physical and mental health issue. Here, two psychologists share under-the-radar traits of people who become lonelier as they age.Related: 6 Behaviors That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Technology can foster connection. Ironically, it's also a sign of disconnection."Overuse or over-reliance on digital forms of communication can sometimes replace more meaningful face-to-face in-person interactions," says , a licensed clinical psychologist. "It can be an attempt to fill the void, but the person may still feel disconnected or unsatisfied because texts and calls can lead to a hollow sense of connection, leaving them feeling lonely in those interactions."Dr. Lira de la Rosa says a prime example is a retired grandparent posting more on Facebook or texting their family daily. He echoes Dr. Schiff's sentiments—they're likely seeking interactions they miss in real life.
Social media and smartphone use aren't the only screen-related activities that lonely people engage in more frequently. "Television or hobbies might become a way to pass time without addressing their emotional needs," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "For example, a retiree might watch hours of news or game shows, finding comfort in the predictability of those routines."
It's fun to reminisce. However, talking about the past more than usual can be a sign a person wishes they were still living in it because they're becoming lonelier in the present."If someone is feeling lonely, they may find comfort in the past, excessive dwelling on that period and feeling nostalgic," Dr. Schiff says. "It might have been a time when they had social connections and more meaningful relationships. To cope with the isolation of the present, they tend to focus on memories of better times."Related:
The cry for help may not be for physical reasons (yet—because loneliness can contribute to those)."Physical ailments can sometimes mask emotional pain or serve as a way to seek attention and care," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.For instance, he adds that an older adult might frequently mention feeling tired or achy, explaining they may be trying to trigger concern and start conversations to feel less alone.
There's nothing inherently wrong with talking the mail carrier's ear off, especially if it's this person's "normal." However, it's something to note, particularly if it seems sudden, out of character and chronic. "Casual conversations may feel like a lifeline when deeper connections are lacking," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.
Are they hungrier than usual? Trying to lose weight? Getting sick? These questions may (understandably) go through your head if you notice a loved one is overeating or undereating. However, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says it can also be a sneaky behavior in someone feeling isolated."Food can become a source of comfort or control in the absence of social interaction," he explains.
People who are becoming older and lonelier might be less inclined to ask for help. This behavior can set off a vicious cycle that's easy to overlook because independence is often seen as "healthy" and "desired.""They may be reluctant to ask for help because of a deep sense of pride; they don't want to burden others with their problems," Dr. Schiff says. "Even if they need help, they might avoid asking for it, which leads to further isolation. They prefer to do everything alone, even at the cost of their well-being."
Yes, pets are becoming more like family members these days. However, keep an eye on a loved one if they're displaying behaviors like talking about their dogs as if they were a person or spending significantly more time looking through an old photo album."Pets or sentimental belongings may fill the emotional void left by human connections," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.
This behavior can present subtly, like an overgrown garden or the absence of a book on a lifelong bookworm's nightstand. "Loneliness can lead to a diminished sense of purpose, which causes people to lose interest in hobbies or activities they once enjoyed," Dr. Schiff says. "They won't feel fulfilled and it can further perpetuate a sense of isolation and loneliness."
People can display this behavior for various reasons, including increased feelings of isolation."They may fear losing what little connection they have, so they prioritize pleasing others over expressing their own needs." Dr. Lira de la Rosa says.
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Dr. Lira de la Rosa advises people to encourage their friend or family member who is feeling lonely to join a community activity or group that aligns with their interests. It's not reinventing the wheel, but it's helpful."Shared activities create opportunities for natural connections without the pressure of one-on-one interactions," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "For example, joining a book club, gardening group, or walking club gives people a reason to gather regularly and build relationships over time."It also serves as an important reminder."Loneliness often makes people feel like they're the only ones feeling this way, but being part of a group reminds them they're not alone," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Even small, consistent interactions can have a big impact on their emotional well-being."
Up Next:Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. HHS.
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist