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5 days ago
- Lifestyle
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If You Feel Lonely Even Around People You Love, Psychologists Say To Ditch These 16 Habits
If You Feel Lonely Even Around People You Love, Psychologists Say To Ditch These 16 Habits originally appeared on Parade. Ever feel like you're standing alone in a crowded room full of friends and family members? It can feel incredibly ironic. However, experts share it's possible to feel like you have 100 friends and zero at the same time, even if you're standing next to someone you consider a ride-or-die."Loneliness is the gap between the connection you actually have and the connection you really want," explains , a clinical psychologist. "You may have people around you, but if you aren't truly expressing yourself, feeling understood and able to be vulnerable, you can still feel very alone."It's possible to shift these feelings. However, psychologists note that part of the Rx for loneliness often involves adjusting some habits as well. They reveal 16 habits that can contribute to loneliness (even around people you love), and offer tips for breaking Real talk: Our culture loves productivity—always saying yes to work projects and checking emails at 3 a.m. However, we often heed the memo to prioritize hustling over the connection we're hard-wired to crave as humans. It's no wonder why psychologists are stage whispering, "It's a trap.""There cannot be a balance in life if there is only busyness, which can keep us distracted from feeling lonely but does nothing to resolve the feeling long term," explains Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "[Being busy] leaves us little time to focus on the self, sit with feelings and build meaningful social connections." Related: Chameleons need to blend into their environment to survive. However, Dr. Schiff says humans generally do not. In fact, trying to fit in with whatever crowd you're with can contribute to feelings of loneliness."If you are constantly trying to be who others want you to be, it prevents real emotional connection," she explains. "You lose the opportunity to be authentic, and people can't bond with someone they don't really know."Related: Humans cannot telepathically communicate (and that's probably for the best). However, Dr. Craig Kain, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, explains that means we need to manage our expectations of one another."The belief that people should know what we're feeling and thinking—without our telling them—is a surefire way to feel lonely in a crowd of friends or family," he notes that letting people know when you're not feeling seen and understood can protect you from disappointment and disconnection. Dr. Kain gets it—"fine" rolls off the tongue. However, it doesn't open the door for connection, especially when it's not true."Answering 'fine' is a way of hiding by deflecting attention away from ourselves," Dr. Kain says. "It's very protective and can lull us into feeling safe, but hiding almost always guarantees we will feel lonely and alone."Related: Trying new things can be scary, but it can help you break out of a social rut or avoid one in the first place. "By pushing our boundaries and embracing the opportunity for new experiences, we can generate unexpected friendships," says , a psychologist with encourages people to travel, try foods and engage in other activities that open the door to making new friends and deepening connections with old ones. Dr. Goldman emphasizes that it's important to be gentle with yourself if you have this habit."Socially interacting with others can feel very threatening because it highlights how limiting our relationships can be, or we are reminded that our friendships are superficial," she points out. "Many people try to isolate instead, as they then will not feel as evident of their lack of meaningful connections. However, the problem with isolating is that it can increase [lonely feelings]."Related: It's nice to get invited to happy hours and intramural adult softball leagues. However, if the Paperless Posts aren't flooding your inbox, send one yourself."If you don't want to be lonely, be the first to say hello," Dr. Kain says. "Be the first to ask someone you already know a meaningful question. Be the one to get the conversation going, and you will begin to feel more connected and less lonely."Bonus: You might help someone else feel less lonely too. "Closeness requires two things: time and proximity," Dr. Kain says reserving just a few dates on your calendar per year for loved ones can lead to loneliness and a lack of connection. Of course, not everyone can get together for weekly coffee dates, especially if you live hundreds of miles away or more. Still, frequent connection is critical."We need to talk to [friends and family] and see them frequently, in person if possible, but via something like FaceTime if not," he Showing up is only part of the battle against loneliness."Even if you're not good at games, if that's what people are doing, join in," Dr. Kain says. "Instead of standing off in a corner because you don't know what to do at a party, offer to help. We have to be involved, to participate and to feel like we belong." Dr. Vaughan warns that if you're constantly putting others first in the name of connection, you can burn out physically, mentally and socially."When we are mentally and physically exhausted, we will withdraw, isolate and avoid social interactions," she says. "It is not selfish to take care of yourself first; it is necessary for true and meaningful connections with others."Related: Psychologists warn that social media has created an illusion that we're connected and that our Facebook friend count represents closeness IRL."People who are lonely might be very focused on their online social media presence or will use technology as a distraction from their emotional experiences of loneliness," Dr. Goldman says. "Being online is not a direct way to social connection for many you need to go do things to meet people and have meaningful connections." It steals more than joy."If you tend to measure your relationships against social media or idealized standards, it makes your own connections seem inadequate," Dr. Schiff reports. "Focus on fact, not fantasy, and appreciate and deepen what you do have."Related: Some people do more than compare themselves to others—they negatively judge people."Often, when people are in a social space and feel a lack of acceptance, they will make negative statements or judgments about other people," Dr. Goldman says. "For example, [someone may have the] passing thought of 'Well, I wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway.'"She says people often make these statements when they want to deflect hurt, but it usually worsens the problem. "Judging other people and seeing negatives in others will keep us further guarded and potentially prevent us from fully engaging with others in the future," she adds. "If we expect to see the negative in others, why would we want to connect to them in a meaningful way? We won't. This keeps us feeling stuck, isolated and lonely." The inner critic in you acts way more judgmental of you than others."Folks who are lonely tend to have an internal narrative they have constructed about themselves," Dr. Goldman says. "The thoughts about self might include statements such as. 'No one really likes me' or 'I'm not worth getting to know.'"However, she warns that these thoughts can make you feel lonelier and more inclined to keep people at a distance—a self-fulfilling Dr. Vaughan warns that neglecting inner work—like healing from childhood issues—limits how we understand and connect with others on a deep level."We not only disconnect from ourselves, but we also disconnect from others by allowing our fears and insecurities to keep us from genuine happiness and effectively being of service to others," she says. Believe it or not, difficult discussions can increase connection, even if conflict is often seen as a relationship-ender."Burying your problems instead of addressing them builds unresolved tension between people, which creates a wall," Dr. Schiff says. "Honest, open communication is how intimacy grows."Related: Even in a digital world with Zoom access, nothing beats intentional and unstructured in-person interactions, like a stroll around the park or a coffee date."In those relaxed moments where you are physically present with someone, we allow for deeper bonding and building closeness," Dr. Schiff Dr. Vaughan suggests engaging in meaningful hobbies and activities that you like. You'll find people with similar interests and can connect with them. She loves activities that promote relaxation, including meditation, time in nature and yoga."You can also focus on self-care while with others," she says. Dr. Goldman advises people who are feeling lonely to push past the discomfort of initiating contact. Remember, you're not alone in feeling lonely, and others may also crave connection."Most people are looking for connection but are uncertain about how or when to take the risk and approach another person," she says. "The worst that happens is you walk away not having made a connection, which is how you entered that space—AKA nothing changes. The best that happens is that you begin to form a connection with someone." "The antidote to loneliness is vulnerability," says Dr. notes he'll sometimes ask clients: "Who do you feel closer to? A person who shares a secret with you or the person you share your secret with?""Most will say they feel closer to the person they share with," he explains. "Yet, we are reluctant to open up to others, but that's exactly what we have to do. If we want to feel close to others, we have to make the effort not to get to know them, although that is certainly important, but to let them know us."Related: Take a page from an athlete's playbook and use affirmations. Dr. Kain recommends saying things to yourself throughout the day like, 'People will love me when they really get to know me.' "Affirmations are great because we don't actually need to believe what we're saying is true when we first start repeating them to ourselves," he says. "We're rewiring our brains to override earlier messages of being unlikeable and unlovable that keep us isolated and lonely. We're replacing thoughts that reinforce our mistaken belief we deserve to feel lonely with the deep-seated understanding we deserve to be seen and understood and connected." Up Next:Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Dr. Craig Kain, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist Dr. Denitrea Vaughan, Psy.D, LPC-S, with Thriveworks If You Feel Lonely Even Around People You Love, Psychologists Say To Ditch These 16 Habits first appeared on Parade on Jun 5, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 5, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
28-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
12 Phrases That Make You Instantly More Assertive—Without Sounding Rude, Psychologists Say
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. We learn that fact in geometry, but it can apply to communication. A clear, straightforward statement or assertive phrase is sometimes necessary to get the point assertiveness can feel unnatural for some people, especially if they fear being considered "rude." Meanwhile, others may be too blunt and regularly cross the line, coming off as rude and disrespectful in the name of assertiveness. But psychologists stress there's a difference between assertiveness and rudeness."The difference between being assertive vs. rude is that being assertive means expressing your needs or boundaries clearly and respectfully, without being aggressive," says a clinical psychologist. "Rudeness, on the other hand, often dismisses others' perspectives, lacks empathy and uses tone to dominate. Assertiveness invites dialogue while rudeness shuts it down."If you've ever found yourself wondering how to firmly yet respectfully get your point across, you're not alone. To help explain further, Dr. Schiff and other psychologists open up and share 12 phrases to help you sound instantly assertive but not This phrase is excellent for sharing your intentions and framing matters as a team effort, points out Dr. Catherine Hormats, Psy.D., a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor."Use it with people who have a history of being used, are skeptical or cynical or have trouble seeing a bigger picture," she Even in a polarized world where hot takes are the order of the day, it's possible to politely let someone know you don't see eye to eye. "There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with others," notes Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "The key to being assertive is how we share that we disagree. This phrase allows you to acknowledge that you've heard the other person's point of view and share that you have a difference of opinion." Dr. Hormats shares that this line communicates your genuine preferences. However, the first part—about not challenging the person and wanting to remain authentic—softens the more direct ask that comes next, reducing the odds a person will feel defensive from the suggests using it when you're speaking to someone who is "suspicious, easily overwhelmed or generally feels unsafe when others differentiate themselves." Messaging apps for work and personal life, like Slack and WhatsApp, put pressure on us to respond immediately. However, that's not the rule in non-emergency situations."There are few instances in life where an immediate answer is actually needed, and giving yourself permission to take a minute, literally 60 seconds, to consider what you want isn't too much," Dr. Miller says. "This phrase can be really helpful during job interviews or when you feel blindsided by a request."Related: This one is for you, eldest daughters, people-pleasers and boundary-adverse types."This is a phrase that you can use when someone makes a request that you cannot take on. It is simple and direct, and doesn't over-explain," Dr. Schiff shares. "You are drawing a boundary without getting defensive."Related: It's a phrase and a complete sentence. "I remind people all the time that 'no'... does not require any further explanation and is not rude," Dr. Miller she does concede it can feel too short and not sweet enough for some, "especially women who have been socialized to be more cooperative."If you feel this way, she suggests tacking on two tactful words without losing polite firmness by saying, "No, thank you." Dr. Schiff suggests using this phrase when you want to say no but are open to considering alternatives."It is non-confrontational, calm and gives the other person space to pivot and come up with something else," she says. Not all offers—however well-intentioned—are worth taking."Sometimes we can feel pressure to accept something, especially when it appears to be coming from a place of generosity or kindness," Dr. Miller says. "We may be afraid of offending or hurting the other person's feelings. However, accepting something we don't want could lead to waste and reinforce people-pleasing."This phrase kindly communicates "thanks, but no thanks." Related: Sticking up for yourself can feel hard. However, Dr. Miller stresses that being assertive is important, especially if someone is raising their voice or using aggressive language."That type of speaking style can shut us down, resulting in passive communication where we may people-please," she points out. "We may match their tone, loudness or language, which will likely escalate the situation."Enter the phrase, "Please don't speak to me like that.""This phrasing can be helpful as it sets the boundary in a clear and direct manner," Dr. Miller says. "It could be helpful to then use an 'I statement' for further clarity."For instance, she explains that you might follow the above phrase with, 'When you raise your voice, it makes me feel afraid.' In sports, timeouts don't mean "game over." The same is true for communication if you don't like where things are headed."This phrase is helpful when someone is overstepping, dominating or interrupting in a conversation," Dr. Schiff stresses. "It shows that you are not passive but can maintain professionalism. This can work well in a meeting in order to redirect or clarify." Conversations can get tough, and deflecting or derailing is a common strategy to avoid having one. However, sometimes, working through an issue or continuing to discuss a challenging topic is essential. Dr. Schiff likes to use this assertive phrase in these situations."It keeps boundaries around the discussion in a polite way without escalating things," Dr. Schiff shares. Getting interrupted is disorienting. You can assertively let someone know how you really feel without one-upping their rude behavior."This phrase will likely be more effective than raising your voice to speak over the person who is interrupting you," Dr. Miller says. "It is essentially an 'I statement' where you share how the person's behavior—interrupting you—makes you feel disrespected. This phrasing sets a clear boundary while reminding the other person that listening is a sign of respect."Related: Some phrases may sound assertive in your head but come off as rude when said aloud. Psychologists advise against anything that will put people on the defensive, and it only takes two words at the beginning of a phrase to do the trick. Dr. Miller doesn't recommend extreme generalizations, which generally kick off with phrases like "You always" and "You never.""People rarely always or never do something," she says. "A more assertive way of communicating is to focus on the specific behavior and how it has affected you."Dr. Hormats reports that "You should" has a similar effect."Most people strongly dislike being told what to do or how to be," she Next:Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist Dr. Catherine Hormats Psy.D., a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., licensed psychologist with Thriveworks 12 Phrases That Make You Instantly More Assertive—Without Sounding Rude, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on May 28, 2025
Yahoo
24-02-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
People Who Become Lonelier as They Get Older Usually Display These 10 Subtle Behaviors, Psychologists Say
Loneliness can be a full-body experience—yes, we said "body.""Loneliness is more than just a feeling—it is a signal from your brain, like hunger or thirst, telling you something is missing," explains Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "When we feel lonely, our bodies may react as if we are under stress, releasing hormones like cortisol that can harm us over time."In fact, former US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy cited data in a 2023 advisory that showed social disconnection had a similar effect on health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day—more significant than lack of physical activity and of all ages can—and do—experience loneliness, but it can become especially pronounced as people age. Children leave the home, loved ones and friends may pass away and they can start to feel forgotten about. However, loneliness and its signs are harder to spot than those associated with smoking."Loneliness isn't always obvious," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "Someone might seem busy or cheerful but still feel deeply disconnected."Dr. Lira de la Rosa says that understanding the signs and subtle behaviors associated with loneliness can help us help our loved ones before it becomes a serious, chronic physical and mental health issue. Here, two psychologists share under-the-radar traits of people who become lonelier as they 6 Behaviors That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists Technology can foster connection. Ironically, it's also a sign of disconnection."Overuse or over-reliance on digital forms of communication can sometimes replace more meaningful face-to-face in-person interactions," says , a licensed clinical psychologist. "It can be an attempt to fill the void, but the person may still feel disconnected or unsatisfied because texts and calls can lead to a hollow sense of connection, leaving them feeling lonely in those interactions."Dr. Lira de la Rosa says a prime example is a retired grandparent posting more on Facebook or texting their family daily. He echoes Dr. Schiff's sentiments—they're likely seeking interactions they miss in real life. Social media and smartphone use aren't the only screen-related activities that lonely people engage in more frequently. "Television or hobbies might become a way to pass time without addressing their emotional needs," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "For example, a retiree might watch hours of news or game shows, finding comfort in the predictability of those routines." It's fun to reminisce. However, talking about the past more than usual can be a sign a person wishes they were still living in it because they're becoming lonelier in the present."If someone is feeling lonely, they may find comfort in the past, excessive dwelling on that period and feeling nostalgic," Dr. Schiff says. "It might have been a time when they had social connections and more meaningful relationships. To cope with the isolation of the present, they tend to focus on memories of better times."Related: The cry for help may not be for physical reasons (yet—because loneliness can contribute to those)."Physical ailments can sometimes mask emotional pain or serve as a way to seek attention and care," Dr. Lira de la Rosa instance, he adds that an older adult might frequently mention feeling tired or achy, explaining they may be trying to trigger concern and start conversations to feel less alone. There's nothing inherently wrong with talking the mail carrier's ear off, especially if it's this person's "normal." However, it's something to note, particularly if it seems sudden, out of character and chronic. "Casual conversations may feel like a lifeline when deeper connections are lacking," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. Are they hungrier than usual? Trying to lose weight? Getting sick? These questions may (understandably) go through your head if you notice a loved one is overeating or undereating. However, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says it can also be a sneaky behavior in someone feeling isolated."Food can become a source of comfort or control in the absence of social interaction," he explains. People who are becoming older and lonelier might be less inclined to ask for help. This behavior can set off a vicious cycle that's easy to overlook because independence is often seen as "healthy" and "desired.""They may be reluctant to ask for help because of a deep sense of pride; they don't want to burden others with their problems," Dr. Schiff says. "Even if they need help, they might avoid asking for it, which leads to further isolation. They prefer to do everything alone, even at the cost of their well-being." Yes, pets are becoming more like family members these days. However, keep an eye on a loved one if they're displaying behaviors like talking about their dogs as if they were a person or spending significantly more time looking through an old photo album."Pets or sentimental belongings may fill the emotional void left by human connections," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. This behavior can present subtly, like an overgrown garden or the absence of a book on a lifelong bookworm's nightstand. "Loneliness can lead to a diminished sense of purpose, which causes people to lose interest in hobbies or activities they once enjoyed," Dr. Schiff says. "They won't feel fulfilled and it can further perpetuate a sense of isolation and loneliness." People can display this behavior for various reasons, including increased feelings of isolation."They may fear losing what little connection they have, so they prioritize pleasing others over expressing their own needs." Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. Related: Dr. Lira de la Rosa advises people to encourage their friend or family member who is feeling lonely to join a community activity or group that aligns with their interests. It's not reinventing the wheel, but it's helpful."Shared activities create opportunities for natural connections without the pressure of one-on-one interactions," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "For example, joining a book club, gardening group, or walking club gives people a reason to gather regularly and build relationships over time."It also serves as an important reminder."Loneliness often makes people feel like they're the only ones feeling this way, but being part of a group reminds them they're not alone," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Even small, consistent interactions can have a big impact on their emotional well-being." Up Next:Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. HHS. Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist
