Sex Party Experience Led To My Sexual Awakening
'Nah, we're good,' Ella said confidently. 'I think we're in the right place.'
It was late at night in a rough warehouse district, but we were in an adventurous mood. We knew the address of a reputable sex club that was just around the corner.
Once we were past an industrial gate covered in barbed wire and had passed through an inconspicuous lobby, we were waved into a seductive space full of easy-to-clean surfaces, plush couches, and low lighting. We repeated our mantra, 'Try anything once, maybe even twice,' out loud to each other.
We drank a bit of our BYOB and picked at the unappetizing buffet. The club owner hosted an incredibly cringey dance-off, and we scoped out the other guests — mostly average-looking people in their 40s or older.
I'd never been a Casanova. I hadn't even hit second base before graduating high school. In my first college course, I nerded out on the ancient romance advice found in Ovid's 'Ars Amatoria.' By graduation, my body count was still in the single digits. I hit the jackpot when Ella, then my hot best friend, admitted that she had a crush on me.
We moved from sleepy Colorado Springs to glitzy Los Angeles. We were in our early 20s and wanted to be flirty and sophisticated, but upon moving in together, domesticity hit us like a train. Squabbles over money, careers, plans, and cleaning made our lives at home stressful and unsexy.
This was 2016, when it felt like everybody was suddenly talking about open relationships. Non-monogamy was constantly being asked about in online advice columns. Podcasts were quoting The Ethical Slut and TV shows made polyamory seem like the new normal. Ella and I took notice and soon began to wonder: Could this be for us? Could opening our relationship bring some adventure to our lives? Was this exactly what we needed to shake things up a bit?
We decided to wade into this unfamiliar new world by attending a sex party. ,
Before we left for our first event, we drew up a list of guidelines: Bail if it gets weird, practice very safe sex, listen for our prearranged safe word, and prioritize communication over becoming distracted or jealous.
Our plan was to hook up as a couple and enjoy the voyeurism/exhibitionism aspect if nobody seemed appealing enough to have sex with them. We found a plush faux-leather couch and started making out. We quickly attracted attention. Most of the party guests were happy to watch and those who ventured to join us but weren't our types thankfully respected a quick head shake of 'nope' and left us to continue hooking up by ourselves.
Eventually, a hot couple approached us and asked, 'Want to swap partners?' Ella and I examined this well-groomed pair ― he in a button-up shirt and she in a tight dress with a hint of lingerie peeking out from its top ― and then exchanged a glance and a nod before following them into a private room. Ella and I squeezed hands like we were on the uphill part of a roller coaster ― nervous and excited ― but definitely up for the ride. We were confident we could leave if we needed to, but the jitters were sexy.
The private room had a four-poster bed draped with pink gauzy curtains and a multicolor spinning disco ball. The four of us chuckled, then they moved closer. First the girls kissed. I looked at the man and licked my lips, but instead of approaching me, he just cheered on our partners.
We began to hook up ― me with this new woman at the foot of the bed and Ella with this new man at the top. We positioned ourselves so Ella and I could still kiss and wink, maintain communication and gauge comfort.
My nerves calmed down and soon any inhibitions I had been feeling quickly slipped away. It turns out it's hard to feel jealous of somebody hooking up with your girlfriend when you're hooking up with his wife right next to him. As new and strange as this arrangement was, I felt safe in my relationship with Ella because we were doing this together ― literally right next to each other ― and we had communicated about everything.
A part of me was wondering how this looked from the outside. Sinful? Non-traditional? Hedonistic? But another part stopped letting judgments get in the way of a good time. I allowed myself to let go and be completely in the moment and, in that dark room pulsing with loud music, lubricated by booze and sweat, with all of our bodies rubbing and touching, my desire began to move in a direction I wasn't expecting.
Coming of age in the suburbs in the early 2000s, I identified as a typical straight guy. I joked with my peers about dumb shit and would always say 'no, you are!' when somebody called me gay. I bought Maxim and Playboy and watched a lot of porn. Straight porn. Yet there were times when I 'accidentally' found myself watching men having sex.
After a minute of seeing two guys go at it, I'd 'come to my senses,' go back to female-centered porn, finish myself off, and then erase my browser history. I thought that as long as I didn't ejaculate while looking at a penis, I was completely ― and safely ― heterosexual.
I was afraid of being gay. There was so much stigma ― amongst my social group, but also in general. This was before marriage equality was legalized, before 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was repealed, before 'Glee' or 'Modern Family.' Those around me debated whether queer people should be teachers, be allowed to adopt, or marry, and I didn't think there was any way I could be into guys ― even if I was secretly into guys.
My parents didn't seem to care one way or another ― the most they ever said to me about the subject was that it seemed like life was more difficult for gay people.
Riding home from the sex club in another Uber, the driver asked us, 'So, what were y'all doing down here?'
We ignored the question and began to debrief.
We agreed that everything went better than expected and our new friends had been respectful and attractive. Ella had really enjoyed getting close with another woman. But I couldn't stop thinking about the other guy. Despite the smutty and open atmosphere, the other man and I barely touched, besides high-fiving and an accidental grazing. He kept a respectful distance the entire time we were together.
I wish he hadn't. I'd never intimately or sensually touched another man. It was the realization that I wanted to that surprised me the most.
Once home and after a long shower, the club's music still echoed in my ears. I was uncertain how Ella would respond, but we'd agreed to be hyper honest about all our feelings, so I confessed, 'I think maybe I want to try having sex with a man.'
'That's so hot,' Ella replied. She quickly added, 'I want to try hooking up with a girl.'
The next morning, we concocted a new plan with a new set of rules: We would test out a version of our open relationship where we could hook up with same-sex partners without each other present ― women for her and men for me. It would allow us to explore our desires but we also felt there would be less opportunities for jealousy to spring up.
We'd thought going to a sex club would be our way to have a non-standard, non-boring relationship. Instead, we realized it was a catalyst ― an initial experience that had informed a whole new line of inquiry into ourselves and our relationship. We'd be a team conducting independent research in tandem, sharing notes and data constantly. We liked our unique strategy.
The biggest question for me was: What did this mean about my sexuality? I believed hooking up alongside Ella meant that I was safely heterosexual, according to some weird internal schematic I had drawn up. The thought of having sex with a guy by myself made me nervous. If I liked it, did it mean I'm gay? Had I only told myself I liked women because I was afraid of the alternative? And if so, what did that mean for me and Ella? Would we break up? Was I bisexual? I didn't have any of the answers but I knew I needed them, so I did what any curious guy might do: I downloaded Grindr.
I was instantly blown away by the smorgasbord of meat on display on the hookup app. I wasn't even sure what or who I'd be attracted to, and having so many options overwhelmed me. Eventually, someone messaged me, and suddenly dozens of requests from men were coming in. In all my years, I'd never had strangers actively hitting on me — it felt strange but amazing. I was still too nervous to actually meet up with anyone, but I was beginning to warm up to the idea.
I was on Grindr a few weeks later when I got a message from a nearby guy. 'Into?' he asked.
Unsure of what to reply ― or what I was even really into when it came to hooking up with a man ― I wrote, 'Whatever you are!' He immediately sent me his GPS location. Ella and I looked at each other. We'd discussed boundaries, expectations and the importance of safe sex when anonymously hooking up with people outside our duo. Was this the moment we'd been preparing for?
I had the roller coaster jitters again, but Ella, my cheerleader, reminded me, 'Try anything once.' I chugged a beer for courage, kissed my supportive girlfriend goodbye, and walked towards my first hook-up with a guy.
I expected a flirty first date, but instead the guy I'd messaged with silently intercepted me outside his house. He was handsome with a firm jaw. I tried kissing him, but he seemed disinterested. I offered a true cliché: 'I've never done anything like this before.'
I thought we'd go up to his room, have some wine and banter about our lives, but, instead, without saying a word, he dragged me to his parked car and awkwardly shoved me into the back seat.
I wanted to seem sexy and experienced, so I just went with the flow, even though I had no idea why we were in his car. Maybe he had roommates at home? Maybe he got off on semi-public sex? I guess this is cruising? I thought. He unzipped my pants, squirmed onto my lap, and jostled himself around. He unwrapped a condom, placed it on me and then suddenly, I was inside of him. Before I even really realized what was happening, I was doing it!
After a few minutes of uncomfortable and uninspired movement he came and went, leaving me in his steamy car to clean myself up. He hadn't even bothered to get me off. I felt used.
As I sat in the afterglow of the unsatisfying experience, I wondered what I was now. The sex wasn't even good, let alone intimate. But I was attracted to him. Was I gay? Was I bisexual? Was I just confused?
When I told Ella what happened, she thought it was so sexy and courageous that it made me excited to try again. She laughed when I told her I didn't even finish. 'Now you know how girls feel when guys use them,' she told me. Touché! We decided to collect more data and search for guys I had more of a connection with. Together we surfed the apps, swiping and researching new dating lingo.
I had several more ― and much better ― hookups before I ultimately understood that I really like men and women. Men were scratchy, smelly and I didn't love their firm bodies. Women were nice to touch, smell, and kiss everywhere. But there was one thing many women didn't have: one firm part that I really did like. When it went from soft to stiff, my bi-curiosity became bi-certainty.
I didn't officially come out as bisexual. I was ― and am ― honest about who I am, but most people just assume I'm straight since I have a girlfriend (even though I have an earring in the 'gay ear,' l love show tunes and I live in West Hollywood). But I'm not straight and I feel it's important for me to say that, which is partially why I wrote such a personal piece and I'm publishing it on such a visible site. There is still a stigma for bisexual men ― even in the queer community. Many believe that we can't really like women and men. That we're lying if we say we do. That we're tricking our partners or that we'll eventually end up leaving our female partners for men. That's not true. We do exist. Our sexuality isn't a lie and I hope the more we talk about it, the more perceptions will change.
Since discovering my sexuality, I've educated myself on the LGBTQ+ struggle and learned that it's not over ― not by a long shot. In fact, things are getting worse. I've become aware of my privilege and know that just because a cis white guy on the West Coast can freely experiment at sex parties doesn't mean everybody can. Witnessing how queer people are still treated ― in the U.S. and around the world ― has disgusted and radicalized me. Seeing anti-trans and anti-gay laws grow new and deeper roots in this country has made me realize that if I don't come out, then I am just taking advantage of all the efforts of braver people than me and I'm not doing my part to make things better.
I believe the very least I can do is to be proudly bisexual and talk about my experiences in the hope that it might give more visibility to our community and show that queer people come in all kinds of packages. Maybe someone reading this will be inspired to share their own story. Maybe they'll be less afraid to be who they really are and like what they like.
Things are great with me and Ella. We're getting married later this year, but we've decided to keep our arrangement. Opening up our relationship and embracing our bisexuality has only strengthened our bond. We communicate what we need from each other, we're open and honest about all parts of our lives and we genuinely want to do whatever we can to make each other happy ― and that includes us getting pleasure from other people. And then, when we're done, we come home to each other. We continue to experiment and be open to what life ― and our lives together ― might bring us and we continue to live by the mantra, 'try anything once, maybe even twice.'
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
NBC News
2 days ago
- NBC News
Anna Sorokin says she received hundreds of death threats over bunnies abandoned in Brooklyn park
Anna "Delvey" Sorokin says she's received hundreds of death threats in the days since was was accused of dumping pet rabbits she posed with for a photoshoot in a Brooklyn park. The fake German heiress who stole tens of thousands of dollars from banks posed alongside three bunnies on the streets of Manhattan's posh Tribeca neighborhood last week. The bunnies were recognized and discovered in Brooklyn's Prospect Park days later, prompting fierce online backlash. But the headline-making New York City socialite — who vehemently denied responsibility for the discarded bunnies — said in an interview with NBC News that she's particularly shocked by the strong reaction over the incident. 'It just seems to me like everything I do is just wrong," Sorokin, 34, said in a phone call with NBC News. "I can never do right by these people.' Sorokin shared screenshots of dozens of hateful messages she's received within the last few days to her Instagram — which she called "unusable" — with NBC News. Some of them suggest that she she should be killed or take her own life, including one that advises Sorokin to get someone to "make a carpet out of your skin." 'It seems like a lot of these people, just because they're engaged in animal rescue, they feel like they're entitled to insult you or talk to you or say anything because they're hiding behind this thing that they're doing,' she said. The 34-year-old, whose life was depicted in Netflix's hit 2022 series "Inventing Anna," took the photoshoot with the bunnies on August 3 to create content for her Instagram account, which has more than 1.1 million followers. Shortly before the shoot, she posted on Instagram story asking if any of her followers in the New York City metropolitan area had a pet rabbit she could borrow for the shoot, Sorokin said. Christian Batty, a 19-year-old hair stylist Sorokin met briefly last year, reached out to her and offered what he described as a friend's rabbits, she said. Sorokin added that she paid Batty to provide the rabbits and for his Uber to return the rabbits to their owner in Yonkers — or so she thought. A screenshot of the Uber receipt Sorokin shared with NBC News show the ride's drop off location was just south of Prospect Park, where the rabbits were later spotted. Days later, she said she started receiving messages on social media about the rabbits being spotted in Prospect Park. A Facebook user posted images of the domesticated bunnies in the park to a public Facebook group dedicated to rabbits, House Rabbit Society, and other users connected them to Sorokin's photos. Sorokin initially thought the posts were fake, but the flood of messages did not stop. At first, Batty denied dumping the rabbits in the park, according to screenshots of text messages between Sorokin, Batty and photographer Jasper Soloff that Sorokin posted on her Instagram story and shared with NBC News. "Jasper had no knowledge or input as to how the bunnies were obtained or what happened to them after the photo shoot," Soloff's attorney, Gary Adelman, said in a statement. Batty did not immediately return a request for comment. Hours later, Batty confessed that he did dump the rabbits and absolved Sorokin of any involvement, according to a statement he posted to his Instagram account, which has since been taken down. "When I realized the rabbits were being surrendered to me, I panicked," Batty said in the statement, screenshots of which were provided by Sorokin. "At 19, with no experience caring for animals, no pet-friendly housing, and no knowledge of available resources, I felt overwhelmed and made the worst possible choice." "Believing, mistakenly, that there were existing rabbits in that area, I released them there, thinking that was my best option," he added. Sorokin pushed back on the notion that Batty's age was an issue. "He's old enough to move to New York and live on his own, he should have enough common sense to handle rabbits," Sorokin said. "We're not like asking him to do anything that requires high IQ from him. I just don't know what to say." Sorokin said that she was concerned about how the incident might affect her pending immigration case. Sorokin was convicted by a Manhattan jury in April 2019 on four counts of theft services, three counts of grand larceny and one count of attempted grand larceny after being accused of defrauding banks and friends of tens of thousands of dollars. Prosecutors said that Sorokin convinced friends and businesses to loan her money to afford a lavish lifestyle under the guise that she was the daughter of a oil baron or diplomat, worth tens of millions of dollars. In 2021, Sorokin was released on parole while she fights deportation. She has been forced to wear an electronic ankle monitor and cannot leave a 75-mile house arrest radius based in New York. "This time, I've done nothing wrong," she said. "And I had the best intentions and it's really frustrating." The New York Times reported that the rabbits were rescued by blogger Terry Chao, who spotted the rabbits in the park. Chao could not immediately be reached for comment. Sorokin said she donated $1,000 to the group All About Rabbits Rescue in the aftermath of the scandal. She also denied harming the rabbits by putting them in leashes, as some have suggested online. "I don't know, I'm not a bunny professional. I didn't know the leashes were such a big deal," she said. "We would put them down for, I don't know, a minute or two, take a picture and pick them up. We were not walking them by any means. And they seemed to be happy."
Black America Web
2 days ago
- Black America Web
Still ‘Someone To Love': Jon B Celebrates 30 Years Of R&B Resplendence With Tour, Cruise & ‘Waiting On You' Album, Grammy-Nominated Nostalgia Ensues
They don't know… but they're about to. Three decades after charismatically crooning his wa y into R&B history with 'Someone to Love' and 'They Don't Know,' Grammy-nominated Jon B is still sizzling with smooth, grown-folk love songs and oozing Casanova charm; this time with his brand-new album, Waiting on You. Source: Shannon Laurine Jon B has been a cornerstone of soulful music since the mid-1990s, captivating audiences with his hits like 'Someone to Love,' featuring Babyface, 'They Don't Know,' and 'Are U Still Down' with Tupac. Known for his smooth, emotive vocals and heartfelt storytelling, Jon's authentic and vulnerable style has solidified his place as a standout in the R&B genre for over two decades. Now with 30 years under his belt, he's reflecting on his well-earned spot in 90s-nostalgic hearts, and his intro to a new audience. The day-one listeners who slow-danced to 'They Don't Know' are now joined by Gen Z fans discovering his catalog through TikTok and streaming playlists. 'It feels amazing,' he told BOSSIP. 'I'm doing what I love to do, which is make music, perform music for my extended family, my fans for 30 years. That's the reason why I'm still around, [they're] coming out to the shows, making sure my shows are sold out, making sure that the new music that I put out independently is appreciated. It's the gift that keeps giving.' The independently released Waiting on You arrived on March 21, 2025, marking Jon's eighth studio album (or tenth if you count his Christmas and B-sides albums). It features collaborations with Tank, Rick Ross, Donell Jones, and Alex Isley, showcasing a maturity and growth he's embraced over the years. 'I feel like I'm getting better with time, I haven't loosened up at all. I think I've tightened up.' Part of that 'tightening up' includes having full creative control: 'I really have always taken the creative lead to what I want to do. It's wonderful to not have anyone get in the way of anything… My wife coordinates with our efforts, and it's a team effort. Everything we do is very much hands-on—from the touring to the stylizing, to putting the records together in production and writing.' Source: Shannon Laurine The album's vibe is classic Jon B romance, a sound that still resonates today. 'The romanticism needs to come back, the romance is never going away. That's always going to be something that people can relate to and that they need more of in their life,' he says. Highlights from the album include a collaboration with Rick Ross. Jon recounts that it was stamped with that signature Maybach music drop, much to Jon's delight. Tank and Donell Jones, longtime friends and mutual fans, also make appearances, as well as sophisticated songbird Alex Isley, who beautifully belts out notes on the enchanting track, 'Show Me.' Alongside this new album, Jon B is continuing to tour. The Pick Me Up tour, which kicked off April 11, 2025, at The Fillmore in Silver Spring, Maryland, has been a true celebration for Jon and his fans. The tour is covering almost every state, bringing that timeless Jon B sound nationwide. And for an even more intimate experience, Jon is hosting the Up Close & Personal Cruise from February 15 to 19, 2026, sailing from Long Beach, California, to Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico. He describes it as 'a real intimate vibe.' 'That one-on-one time with the fans is what keeps it all special for me.' Source: Shannon Laurine / Shannon Laurine Fans can purchase cabins and get ready for a unique blend of music, mingling, and memories at sea. Jon also sees the beauty in bridging generations of fans. 'I love it. It keeps it special for me and exciting, you know, to be new on someone's radar. There's lots of gems to discover here,' he says, referring to his catalog that spans 10 albums. 'We have the classics, but you also have these new records that are gonna be classics one day. It's just a matter of time.' As Jon B continues to tour, release new music, and connect with fans old and new, it's clear his soulful storytelling and heartfelt romance remain timeless. Source: Shannon Laurine / Shannon Laurine Watch our exclusive with Jon below. The post Still 'Someone To Love': Jon B Celebrates 30 Years Of R&B Resplendence With Tour, Cruise & 'Waiting On You' Album, Grammy-Nominated Nostalgia Ensues appeared first on Bossip. SEE ALSO Still 'Someone To Love': Jon B Celebrates 30 Years Of R&B Resplendence With Tour, Cruise & 'Waiting On You' Album, Grammy-Nominated Nostalgia Ensues was originally published on
Fox News
3 days ago
- Fox News
Joanna Gaines says college sendoff is 'one big, breathless surrender' in emotional post
Joanna Gaines is sharing the difficulties that have come with sending her daughter, Ella, off to college for the first time and saying goodbye to her son, Drake, as he tackles his third year of college. On Sunday, Gaines took to Instagram and shared a room full of boxes with an emotional caption. "They told me it would go by quicker than I think. That the days are slow but the years are fast. And darn it if they were right. This beautiful gift of time has roared past us all just like I was told." "Help me to embrace change with a heart filled with hope for the part I know to be truer than the rest—my kids and I may have been made for each other, but I also believe they were made for more. More experiences, more knowledge, more growing than could ever happen within our walls," Gaines said. She continued, "My oldest son left for his third year of college while my oldest daughter packs for her first year across the country. This season already feels like one big, breathless surrender. Lord, how do I hold them close while also letting go?" "My oldest son left for his third year of college while my oldest daughter packs for her first year across the country. This season already feels like one big, breathless surrender. Lord, how do I hold them close while also letting go?" Gaines signed off by addressing parents who are sending their kids off to college and those who still have their children at home. "And let's all lean on each other when the time comes to hold it together," she concluded. Joanna and Chip Gaines are parents to five children: Ella, Drake, Crew, Emmie and Duke. Earlier Sunday, Joanna shared an Instagram reel enjoying one last family dinner before two of her kids head off to college. "Gulp. Last dinner together before our oldest heads back to college and our second is about to leave home for her freshman year." "Thankful for the group hug and all the puppies to help me work through my wide range of emotions. And also Crew's motor bike, it made me feel like a kid again. I love you kids so much," she captioned her video. Joanna has not shared where Ella and Drake are enrolled in college. In July, Joanna told People it was going to be harder for her to say goodbye to Ella than it was to send Drake off. "Ella, our second kiddo, she's graduating this year, so we're going through that again with another kid leaving the nest and trying to stay emotionally stable." Chip asked, "Do you think this is going to be harder [than with Drake?]" Joanna replied, "Yes. I think there's an emotional difference. With Ella, we love to go to antiques shops, plant shops and go get coffee — that's our rhythm. I kind of feel like I'm losing a friend in my everyday life. It feels like what's coming this summer will be a tidal wave of emotions, and I am not going to brace; I'm going to stand there and take it with him."
