Former Cult Members Share Their Wake-Up Moments

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5 days ago

Reddit user carcony97 asked, "Former cult members — what was the exact moment you realized you were in a cult?" Here are some things people bravely and candidly shared:
Warning: Some stories in this post mention mental health struggles, trauma, suicide ideation, child abuse, and abortion.
"I was at a band rehearsal and dropped to the floor, all but screaming in pain from what turned out to be gallstones, and instead of calling an ambulance for me, they started praying over me, some in tongues. They were physically restraining me to stop me as I struggled to get up to leave because one person suggested that wanting to leave meant I was possessed, so they had to pray harder for me."
"When, in a public sermon, one of the leaders rhetorically asked those leaving where they would go and what they would do with their lives if they didn't have the true church in it. It made me realize how much of my life had been shaped around serving an organization that only cared about keeping me there so I could continue giving it money. That, and my recent discovery of some unsettling history the leadership had kept very quiet about. Where did I go and what did I do after leaving? Whatever I wanted to."
"When the main pastor died, his son-in-law took over. He was not a pastor. He was a businessman. It later came out that he was very crooked. He'd already been in prison, which all the adults in the church claimed was a setup by the government. He used the church to set up more MLMs, selling everything from vitamins to green tea to his shitty photography. My brother and I pretty much stopped being a part of it after college, but we couldn't convince our parents to leave. Even after the head of the church was found dead under really strange circumstances, and his kids went to prison (one went into hiding), our parents stayed. Their whole social life was with other members."
"I had been asking a lot of questions. I ended up being pulled aside by several deacons who wanted to talk to me about my questions. They were kind and nice, but eventually, I had a one-on-one with one of the church elders. We had a really interesting conversation on theology, frameworks of thought, and ideology. Even philosophy. At one point, when we started addressing the questions I had, he asked me if I knew what the first sin was. I gave the usual catechism answer of disobedience. He praised my answer and corrected me. He said the first sin was when they questioned God, as it led to the notion that they might know better. That led to disobedience."
"My father said, 'I will never have an open mind because God says that's how your brain falls out.' Where the hell does it say that?! Also, he is a bigot, so empathy is a sin to him."
"They didn't want you to go to college because you would be led astray by Evolution. I went to college and they taught me about cults."
"When my grandmother told me that men can have four women, but I couldn't have four men. That's when I decided I did not want to be part of that. To be fair, I was never really inside the cult. But this part ensured that I immediately lost my interest in ever becoming part of that cult."
"When they told me thinking for myself was 'prideful.'"
"It was through one of those new-age 'Angelic Reiki Healing' businesses. I was going to this place for over a year for mental health issues. The former 'mentor' convinced me to go off my antidepressants. I felt horrible and had daily suicidal ideations. In the next session, I told her that I was going back on them, and she responded with, 'They block you from your higher self.' Shortly after, I left that place. It fractured my identity, and I had to reclaim myself."
"I joined a cult on December 4, 2007, and left it on May 23, 2008. It was an extremely controlling Christian group. One of their rules was to ask God what to do before every decision and wait for him to answer before acting. I mean everything — even going to the bathroom, which toilet to use if there were more than one, when to wash your hands, and when to leave. It didn't take long for things to get extreme. Most of its leaders left when the founder and his right-hand man began using this rule to justify their own laziness and corruption. They claimed that God wanted them to sit back and watch some adult content while a handful of others were doing all the physically demanding work."
"I left after visiting their headquarters and being given a guided tour, which was just one closed door after another, and then being given the cold shoulder for not wanting to take a picture with the rest of the tour group (all strangers). Plus, seeing some of the leaders of the organization lie under oath in court about child abuse."
"I backed away slowly because I learned things that made me question what I had been taught as fact, but I maintained relationships with close friends and saw them outside of the community for a year or two. It wasn't a religion, but there was a spiritual component to it, so I wanted to be respectful of others' beliefs, though I knew it wasn't for me anymore. This is something that isn't frequently or unilaterally considered a cult (though many former members call it that), but the behavior of certain groups of people in specific areas absolutely aligns with cult characteristics, and that culture had overtaken my particular community."
"I was 14 or 15 and at church, we were learning about 'God's plan' — the whole shebang from behind the veil to after death. I asked the teacher a question (I can't even remember what it was) and she said, 'Huh, that's a great question! I'll talk to the bishop and see if you're allowed to ask that!' I could tell she didn't mean to phrase it that way, but she didn't correct herself either. I was pissed though. I should be ALLOWED to ask whatever questions I want (and I expect you to have an answer of SOME kind), and if you don't think I should be questioning something, I'm going to question everything."
"When I was a teenager, my church hosted a week-long 'seminar' on 'basic life principles.' I remembered going to a week-long event as a child and doing lots of coloring pages while my parents were in meetings, but I didn't know what it was. Turns out it was Bill Gothard and the Institute of Basic Life Principles (see the Duggars and the doc Shiny Happy People). Suddenly, being homeschooled, all the extreme physical punishment, the 'don't ask questions, just trust and believe' mentality, and only being allowed to associate with church members made sense."
"They made us write down our fears and would make us act them out. Don't like being alone? You're going to be left alone in a pit. Feel weak? Wonderful. You need to do the obstacle course during Hurricane Katrina. Kids were coming back with swamp feet. That's when I made the plan to leave. Someone in leadership found out. They told me I'd go to hell if I left. They also told me that when my mom got there, I was to rip up the plane ticket and refuse to go with her. That was fun."
"When everything seemed like it was for the benefit of the group and the group's image. Any effort to speak up for myself was dismissed."
"When I realized it wasn't normal to screen other kids' religious views before deciding who I could be friends with."
"When they sat me in a circle of women and told me how bad of a single parent I was for not making all the meetings with a six-month-old. My scorpion blood ran hot, and I made all of them cry individually with what I knew about them. Last meeting I ever attended."
"When the surprise junior high youth group activity meant hustling us all, boys and girls, into a room together to be shown an extremely graphic film of an abortion being performed. No context, no warning, just straight to the action. It was 1979, and most of us CHILDREN had never even heard of abortion at that point in our lives. The church elders gave zero shits about the trauma they were inflicting. They just wanted to push their agenda."
"When everything anyone outside of the group believed was considered 'demonic.'"
"When my friend looked up my church on the internet then sent me an article about how my church kidnapped and murdered people in its originating country."
And: "When I told someone (about three years after the group folded due to finances) how I grew up. I didn't get to make any choices on my own. I was completely unaware and cut off from the outside world. How we dressed was policed. Anyone who left was excommunicated. They said, 'Oh my god, you were in a cult!' When that's all you know and you're born into it like I was, the reality of your situation is clouded...on purpose."
Did you leave a cult? Have you lost any loved ones to a cult? Tell us your story.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.