Divorced Older Adults, Tell Us The "Myths" About Marriage That More People Should Know
Older adults, if you were married in the past and are now divorced, you may have some important experiences, lessons, and wisdom for younger adults — especially those considering marriage.
So, looking back, what are the myths about marriage that you think more people should know?
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Maybe you went into the marriage expecting your spouse to fulfill all your needs. But now, you realize that's an unfair expectation, and you believe it's important to keep building your relationships with family and friends — in addition to your relationship with your partner.
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People may think that couples therapy is a last resort when their marriage is having issues. But perhaps you'd encourage couples should seek out therapy even when their relationship is going well — and you wish you had done that in your previous marriage.
Or maybe you strongly disagree with the saying that "love is enough" for a successful marriage. While you loved your former spouse, you were not compatible, so now you realize how important effective communication, trust, effort, shared values, and more are for a healthy relationship.
Divorced older adults, in the comments below, share the myths you (or others) believed about marriage — and the actual truth based on your experience. Or, you can share your thoughts using this anonymous form below. Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
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If you snore or feel tired all the time, you should mention this to your provider." —Anonymous, 63, Oregon 2."Taking OTC products with the same ingredients, such as a cough syrup and cold medication. They both have Tylenol. You can easily end up in liver failure." —Anonymous 3."As if it needs to be said, but excessive alcohol drinking. We all know what it does to you, but I'll give it a spin that I learned in a decade in the ICU: Dying from alcohol is just about the worst way to die. No one thinks about dying slowly, constantly seizing when they're on a bender. No one thinks about your entire body turning yellow when they're tying one on after work." "No one thinks about your body swelling up to the point of being unrecognizable when they are downing a 12-pack every night." —Anonymous, 45, Kentucky "I'm an internal medicine doc. Alcohol excess has several consequences: decompensated cirrhosis with encephalopathy and ascites, or alcoholic hepatitis. Also, alcoholic cardiomyopathy. It can also lead to early onset alcohol-induced dementia and alcohol-related brain injury — more on the frontal lobe, so more impulse control and other executive functioning problems than standard Alzheimer's. There's also Korsakoff's psychosis." —noobREDUX 4."Biting your nails!!! This brings so much bacteria into your system, can chip and harm your teeth, and in extreme cases, can lead to stomach pain and blockages." —Anonymous, 26, Pennsylvania 5."Secondhand smoke. You get all the negatives of smoking cigarettes, just at a lower concentration. But over time, it adds up. I've seen people with significant lung disease because they lived with smokers for decades!" —Anonymous 6."Hands down, the worst thing you can do to your body is smoking. The pictures on those anti-tobacco ads aren't nearly gruesome enough to show you how much it affects the body. My colleagues and I see SO many diseases and internal injuries that are caused by smoking: internal bleeding, lung cancers, loss of appetite, tremors, etc." "There are so many things that can go wrong if you smoke long-term, not to mention the environmental concerns. Please, look at some stats and STOP SMOKING." —Anonymous Related: 19 "Body Changes" That Clearly Indicate A Person Is Not Young Anymore, And I'm Not Ready For This Reality 7."Skipping the floss portion of oral health care. The bacteria not only can lead to bleeding gums and potentially tooth loss, but the same bacteria can also enter the bloodstream. If that bacteria enters the bloodstream, it can lead to major heart problems or possibly dementia." —Anonymous, 35, Pennsylvania 8."Being underweight is just as unhealthy, if not worse, than being overweight. When you're underweight, you're more likely to have a severe injury than average or overweight people, and recovery takes longer. You're also more likely to get sick more often and feel worse when you do get sick because your body has fewer resources to fight off illnesses like respiratory infections. Plus, tiredness and fatigue are huge problems for people who are underweight." "Lots of people give overweight people a hard time out of 'concern for their health,' which is really hypocritical. Idolizing thinness is so incredibly harmful." —Anonymous, Virginia 9."Mental health professional here. A lot of people don't seem to realize that overachievement is bad for your mental health. Achievement and being good at things are supposed to boost your self-confidence, but constant competition to be the best is not good for your mental or physical well-being. It just runs you down and burns you out. There's a reason you hear about high-achieving students having nervous breakdowns. Your body and brain can only sustain that so long. It's better to focus on being your best and balance that with self-care habits like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and scheduling time for fun." "Nobody wants to live as a human doing instead of a human being, which means you have to learn to be in the moment without meeting some never-ending internal expectation of achieving more." —Anonymous, 45, Texas Related: "This Actually Isn't A Necessity": Millions Of People Watched A Mom Explain How Not Buying This Super Common Household Product Has Saved Her Family Thousands 10."Dentist here! [Sugary drinks, like sodas.] I've put more people in dentures from Mountain Dew than meth or drugs. It's addictive and so bad for your health and your teeth. Avoid that stuff at all costs!!!" —Dr-tooth-fairy 11."I'm a former nurse and EMT. Ignoring infections until they turn necrotic. You treat that spider bite or infected scratch today; I wash it out with a sterile rinse and put some ointment. You bring it to me after two weeks, and I'm cleaning out a softball-size chunk of dead flesh and packing it with dressing you're gonna have to change every day for months. You bring it to me after a month? You may lose a limb or at least be in PT for quite a while based on how much muscle you lose." "The things I've seen from small wounds left uncleaned." —DoggoAlternative 12."I suggest not playing sports that involve getting hit in the head. If you don't plan on your kid doing professional sports, don't risk all the injuries and future pain from bad joints and old injuries. I've treated many ex-professional athletes. Unless they make it big and sock it away, they end up broken and poor." —samsontexas 13."Ignoring your diabetes. I've seen people having bad leg and foot wounds; going to dialysis three days a week, four hours each time, just to stay alive; going blind and forced to quit their jobs because they can no longer drive; stepping in a fire ant hill but unable to feel the bites due to neuropathy until their legs were completely covered in welts; having blood vessels diseased all over their body due to constant hyperglycemia, causing heart attacks and strokes." —Nursebirder "Untreated type 1 diabetes. It's always so hard to see some young person who thinks they're healthy, but their eye exam shows that they'll be blind before they're 25. Also, they will most likely be on dialysis by that time, too." —madkeepz 14."Take care of your teeth. The number of patients with endocarditis (heart infection) that started in their rotten teeth is excessive." —Anonymous, 37, Georgia 15."Wounds that don't heal correctly from trauma may turn into skin cancer! If something isn't healing right, go to the dermatologist! And get your skin checks! If you are over 30, you should get a skin check every few years. If something keeps growing back after picking it, go to the dermatologist!" —Anonymous, 27, Philadelphia 16."Stop eating sugar daily! From cavities to weight gain to exacerbating chronic illnesses like diabetes, sugar really is the enemy." —sobe551 And finally... 17."'Nothing.' Being stagnant with your body will literally kill you. Move around. Go walk. Bend your knees. Stretch." —Gunbuckets "Inactivity. Most people barely move or consider a slow walk exercise. Daily physical activity of doing chores, walking to the store, etc. are the bare minimum amounts of movement. People use lifts to go up one or two flights of stairs, get delivery, or use the drive-thru to avoid doing even that. Let alone purposeful exercise that would make you out of breath and get your heart rate up. The cheapest way to reduce obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks, cancer, strokes, sleep apnoea, joint disease, mental health disorders, and pretty much most other disorders? A brisk walk/jog of 30 to 60 minutes five times a week." —pineappleandpea Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Fellow doctors, scientists, and other medical professionals, what other "bad" habits do people downplay or don't realize are wildly bad for their health? Tell us in the comments, or use this anonymous form below. Also in Goodful: 30 Absolutely Wild Medical Facts You've Probably Never Heard Of But Probably Should Hear Also in Goodful: "I Can't Wait For This To Go Out Of Style": People Are Sharing Popular Modern Trends That Are Actually Pretty Toxic Also in Goodful: 25 Life-Changing Habits People Added To Their Everyday Routines To Improve Their Lives For The Better
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We all know what it does to you, but I'll give it a spin that I learned in a decade in the ICU: Dying from alcohol is just about the worst way to die. No one thinks about dying slowly, constantly seizing when they're on a bender. No one thinks about your entire body turning yellow when they're tying one on after work." "Biting your nails!!! This brings so much bacteria into your system, can chip and harm your teeth, and in extreme cases, can lead to stomach pain and blockages." "Secondhand smoke. You get all the negatives of smoking cigarettes, just at a lower concentration. But over time, it adds up. I've seen people with significant lung disease because they lived with smokers for decades!" "Hands down, the worst thing you can do to your body is smoking. The pictures on those anti-tobacco ads aren't nearly gruesome enough to show you how much it affects the body. My colleagues and I see SO many diseases and internal injuries that are caused by smoking: internal bleeding, lung cancers, loss of appetite, tremors, etc." "Skipping the floss portion of oral health care. The bacteria not only can lead to bleeding gums and potentially tooth loss, but the same bacteria can also enter the bloodstream. If that bacteria enters the bloodstream, it can lead to major heart problems or possibly dementia." "Being underweight is just as unhealthy, if not worse, than being overweight. When you're underweight, you're more likely to have a severe injury than average or overweight people, and recovery takes longer. You're also more likely to get sick more often and feel worse when you do get sick because your body has fewer resources to fight off illnesses like respiratory infections. Plus, tiredness and fatigue are huge problems for people who are underweight." "Mental health professional here. A lot of people don't seem to realize that overachievement is bad for your mental health. Achievement and being good at things are supposed to boost your self-confidence, but constant competition to be the best is not good for your mental or physical well-being. It just runs you down and burns you out. There's a reason you hear about high-achieving students having nervous breakdowns. Your body and brain can only sustain that so long. It's better to focus on being your best and balance that with self-care habits like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and scheduling time for fun." "Dentist here! [Sugary drinks, like sodas.] I've put more people in dentures from Mountain Dew than meth or drugs. It's addictive and so bad for your health and your teeth. Avoid that stuff at all costs!!!" "I'm a former nurse and EMT. Ignoring infections until they turn necrotic. You treat that spider bite or infected scratch today; I wash it out with a sterile rinse and put some ointment. You bring it to me after two weeks, and I'm cleaning out a softball-size chunk of dead flesh and packing it with dressing you're gonna have to change every day for months. You bring it to me after a month? You may lose a limb or at least be in PT for quite a while based on how much muscle you lose." "I suggest not playing sports that involve getting hit in the head. If you don't plan on your kid doing professional sports, don't risk all the injuries and future pain from bad joints and old injuries. I've treated many ex-professional athletes. Unless they make it big and sock it away, they end up broken and poor." "Ignoring your diabetes. I've seen people having bad leg and foot wounds; going to dialysis three days a week, four hours each time, just to stay alive; going blind and forced to quit their jobs because they can no longer drive; stepping in a fire ant hill but unable to feel the bites due to neuropathy until their legs were completely covered in welts; having blood vessels diseased all over their body due to constant hyperglycemia, causing heart attacks and strokes." "Take care of your teeth. The number of patients with endocarditis (heart infection) that started in their rotten teeth is excessive." "Wounds that don't heal correctly from trauma may turn into skin cancer! If something isn't healing right, go to the dermatologist! And get your skin checks! If you are over 30, you should get a skin check every few years. If something keeps growing back after picking it, go to the dermatologist!" "Stop eating sugar daily! From cavities to weight gain to exacerbating chronic illnesses like diabetes, sugar really is the enemy." And finally... "'Nothing.' Being stagnant with your body will literally kill you. Move around. Go walk. Bend your knees. Stretch." Fellow doctors, scientists, and other medical professionals, what other "bad" habits do people downplay or don't realize are wildly bad for their health? Tell us in the comments, or use this anonymous form below.
