Tripping up
Kamala is a travel enthusiast. She constantly wants to be going somewhere. I'm very happy pottering around the house. Rab ne bana di jodi as Mark Twain once said. People believe anything that Mark Twain has supposedly said. Anyway, coming back to my travails, Kamala wanted to climb a mountain or plumb the depths of the Mariana Trench. 'Let's do Char Dham Yatra!' she said cheerfully. I'm a paunchy ageing Indian man – one Dham would be a challenge. She countered my objections with offers of helicopters, ponies, prayers. We would certainly need prayers, but more during the journey. Given the crashing helicopters, roads being washed away by flash floods, environmental disasters unfolding out of unplanned tunnels and mountains of garbage. The green of nature, which tourists look forward to, has been replaced by the same tourists with green plastic bottles. And chips packets still filled with the addictive promise of health hazards.
Still, wife was hell-bent on a holiday. Kashmir felt a bit dicey at the moment.
Especially for husbands. So did Mizoram. Manipur was not being discussed – by anyone. Several countries were at war with each other and it was still confusing whose side we were taking. Russia was an option but if we put in an application to go there, would we be adding fuel to the fire? China was out of the question, except if we wanted to buy cheap lights for Diwali or plastic flags for Independence Day.
Maldives was our friend again but the trolls had not approved a holiday or a hug there for the Common Man. Ireland was discriminating against browner people – a tradition that we find fair and lovely here too.
Cambodia. Malaysia. Egypt. Afghanistan, Iran, Ukraine. Her list was endless and disassociated from geopolitics. You must read the newspaper more often Kamala, I suggested. Instead of only listening to what the nation demands to know. As she scrolled for new potential holiday spots and drooled over bungee jumping and snorkeling, Kamala complained that I had no sense of adventure. I object.
I get excitement driving on the roads with unpredictable potholes and puddles after the incessant rains. Or walking down a footpath with open manholes and uneven pavement stones. I'm tripping – both literally and figuratively. I don't need to travel to get my adventure or adrenaline rush. My taxes pay for them.
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