‘I know I can't overstep but...' — Woman anxious after BF's parents ask for large sum of money while he's still studying

Independent Singapore

2 days ago

SINGAPORE: A woman has taken to Reddit to share that she's been feeling increasingly anxious about her relationship after her boyfriend's parents unexpectedly asked him for a large sum of money.
On Sunday (Aug 10), the woman wrote on the asksg forum that her boyfriend, an international student on a scholarship, had been unable to save much since coming to Singapore. So when he landed an internship this year and began receiving a steady income, she thought 'things were finally looking up.'
Unfortunately, that sense of relief was short-lived. Out of the blue, she said his parents, whose business is failing and who have a five-figure debt, contacted him with an urgent request for financial help.
'His parents asked for a large sum (four figures) from what he painstakingly managed to save. They were in urgent need of money. I was upset because I felt like they shouldn't be taking from him while he's still a student,' she wrote.
'I'm naturally anxious, and this has really stressed me out. I reflect and know I haven't been supportive, as I keep adding additional stress on him about my worry. He understands and has now set boundaries with his parents, but I don't know if those boundaries will hold in the future. I don't know what to do,' she added.
For context, the woman shared that before the internship, her boyfriend worked multiple ad hoc jobs since the scholarship allowance he receives isn't enough to pay for all his needs and rent.
'He literally survived from paycheck to paycheck,' she said, adding that over the course of their two-year relationship, they consistently split the bill evenly and often opted for simple, budget-friendly dates at hawker centres instead of more expensive venues.
Seeking advice, she asked online users: 'For anyone who's been in a similar situation, how do you handle financial issues like this in a relationship? It's not my money, and I know I cannot overstep. But we both want to build a future together. He plans to apply for PR here once he graduates, can't go NS anymore.' 'Once you marry him, you basically marry his whole family of debt.'
In the comments, several users tried to reassure her that she had little reason to worry.
'It's natural to be anxious when it comes to financial uncertainties, but from what you've said, it doesn't seem like he's financially dependent on you for his family's issues?' one person wrote.
'He's still pulling his weight in the relationship by paying for his share financially (since it's still 50/50), so if he can maintain that going into a marriage, there should be no issue.'
Another advised, 'There's nothing much you can actively do for now but to just wait and see, observe your boyfriend's actions and see if he's strong enough to deny his parents' ridiculous requests. That's how you know the boundaries will not be compromised in the future!'
Others, however, were far less sympathetic. Some told her outright to reconsider the relationship, warning that family obligations have a way of creeping back no matter what boundaries are in place.
One said, 'Major red flag, bail before it is too late. Once you marry him, you basically marry his whole family of debt. If he cannot cut ties now, he also cannot do it in future, so please stop dreaming. 5-digit debt and still holding on to a failing business? That sounds like no amount of money can bail them out.'
In other news, a domestic helper has turned to social media to share her frustration over an elderly employer who, she claims, criticises her 'no matter what she does.'
Posting in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid/Domestic Helper Facebook group, the helper said that her employer 'puts her down' almost every day, with the harshest comments often directed at her cooking.
Read more: Maid says elderly employer criticises her 'no matter what she does,' asks for advice on social media