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Those Passions: on art and politics by TJ Clark review – show me the Monet

Those Passions: on art and politics by TJ Clark review – show me the Monet

The Guardian22-02-2025

What exactly is the relationship between art and politics? Is it the job of a painting to illustrate its own times, in the way that Picasso's Guernica appears to show the chaotic aftermath of the fascists' bombing of the Basque Country? Or does it do something more solidly material, standing as evidence of the times in which it was produced – the cost of paint, the politics of patronage, the whirls and waves of the original wooden frame as with, say, a Rembrandt? Is painting there to provoke, console, explain or even conceal the political and economic conditions of its own making?
The art critic TJ Clark may not have the answers – he is all about the dialectic of claim and counter-claim – but he does have an awful lot of fun sketching out some possible positions. His writing, most familiar from his work in the London Review of Books, is famously tentative (no one second-guesses and self-corrects quite so much as Clark), yet, simultaneously, slightly gleeful in its own cheek.
In this collection of 22 essays, harvested from 25 years of writing in the LRB and elsewhere, Clark starts with a bravura reading of Visions of the Hereafter, Ascent into Heaven, in which he imagines himself as one of Hieronymus Bosch's odd little people squinting at the sky trying to work out what happens next. The figure he chooses to ventriloquise has a tonsure – so, a holy man of some sort – but is as nakedly greeny-white and vulnerable as a stick of asparagus. Tonsure-man is so keen to enter heaven that he is stretching on tippy-toes, yet Clark grants him the earthly faculties required to make art-historical assessments of the scene around him: the cherubim on a nearby fountain, a naked woman with tumbling hair who may be a reference to Eve in the Garden. Tonsure-man even remains sufficiently prissy to notice a couple who are getting handsy in the bushes, apparently unaware that their immortal souls are about to be weighed in the balance.
Bosch is the earliest artist dealt with in this dazzling book, and something of an outlier. Clark's research interests have always clustered in the 19th and 20th centuries, and it is from this period that the best essays emerge. His ostensible subjects here include Henri Matisse's painting of his wife in a hat, Walter Benjamin's Parisian arcades, and LS Lowry's matchstick men. The real matter in hand, though, remains art's response to the conditions of high and late capitalism and its many discontents.
Specifically, Clark sets out to unsettle received ideas about how artistic modernism, with its privileging of pure form over narrative content, swept away the stuffy representational conventions of the 19th century. In a clever reading of Matisse's Woman With a Hat, which is usually viewed as a bravura expression of non-literal art, Clark suggests that, actually, the woman's green skin, purple chin and orange neck might be a truthful account of what happens to colours, including black, when viewed in a particular light. From here he makes a detour into biography – a no-no as far as critics of a formalist persuasion are concerned – to explain that this woman is in fact Mme Matisse AKA Amélie Parayre, an accomplished hatmaker whose craft skills kept the household financially afloat during Matisse's lean years. Mme Matisse's crazy colouring, so derided at the time by critics including André Gide, may actually be Matisse's attempt to express his wife's triumph over the brute realities of economic production, whether of hats or paintings. Far from being unmoored from the material world, Woman With a Hat presses more deeply into it.
At least, I think that is what Clark is 'saying' in his essay. If he allows himself constant doubts and corrections, it is only fair that his readers should have an equal right to express uncertainty, and an occasional feeling of having only just made it through. 'Phew!' he says at one point, having quoted a passage of Proust which he maintains will better help us understand what Matisse is up to. 'Is that the right word?' he asks rhetorically when dealing with Gerhard Richter's 'cocking a snook' at his East German parents. In other places, Clark simply runs out of puff and tails off with three dots of ellipsis as if he can't quite imagine what comes next. These, then, are essays best read in a spirit of delighted, if occasionally sceptical, play.
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Those Passions: On Art and Politics by TJ Clark is published by Thames & Hudson (£40). To support the Guardian and the Observer buy your copy from guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply

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Too hot? 70 cool indoor activities in Dubai to tick off this summer
Too hot? 70 cool indoor activities in Dubai to tick off this summer

Time Out Dubai

time9 hours ago

  • Time Out Dubai

Too hot? 70 cool indoor activities in Dubai to tick off this summer

Dubai has some incredible indoor offerings for you to choose from, and believe us, there's a lot. Try some of the attractions you've never got around to, enjoy underwater yoga or get involved in a weird or whacky sport- every wanted to start rollerblading? We've got it all down for you. Jump to: Indoor activities to try in Dubai for the family Activate Canadian active gaming experience Activate is now open at City Centre Mirdif with plenty of ways to get one over your pals. The space features nine dynamic game rooms which fuse gaming, entertainment and physical activity in a state-of-the-art facility. With bright neon lights and easy-to-follow games, it's like being thrust into a retro games console (but irl). From Dhs95. Open Mon-Fri 10am-10pm; Sat-Sun 10am-midnight. City Centre Mirdif Mall. (600 599905). Active Games UAE If this was one of your favourites as a kid, then you need to step inside the game and experience real-life Pac-Man. Now at Active Games, the 45-minute maze will even get your heart rate up as you dodge hungry ghosts, collect power pellets and chase a high score. From Dhs160. Mon-Wed 1pm-11pm; Fri-Sat 11am-midnight. Al Quoz, Air Maniax (Credit: Supplied) Instead of bouncing off the walls at home, bounce off the walls at Dubai's multi-activity indoor play arena, Air Maniax. Spread over 23,000 square feet, Air Maniax's biggest zone is an inflatable arena for all ages. Get the kids to try the challenging obstacle courses, the zip line and laser tag game, while all the while the scores are being recorded so you can see who comes out as champion at the end. From Dhs90. Mon-Thu noon-8pm; Fri noon-10pm; Sat 9am-10pm; Sun 9am-9pm. Al Quoz, (04 348 8981). Adventure Island (Credit:Supplied) The attraction now has branches in JBR and Deira, offering you and the little ones hours of fun. Start off by getting into one of the Pixel rooms that are covered with sensors, and get your steps in jumping around. If you're still not tired out, try a game or two of laser tag. Chase each other around the course as you duck and dive to avoid being hit by your opponents. Prices vary. Jumeirah Beach Residence and City Centre Deira, (058 833 9204). Battle Kart A perfect activity for the summer, get ready to battle your mates as you step inside a video game (sort of). Located in Dubai Investment Park, the track offers different games where you can team up with or go against your friends as you whizz around. One game is even inspired by the Battle Snake game on an old Nokia phone – now that is a throwback. From Dhs160. Open Mon-Thu 2pm-midnight; Fri-Sat 1pm-2am; Sun 1pm-midnight. Dubai Investment Park, (058 588 0116). Boo Boo Land (Credit: Boo Boo Laand) The play area in Dubai Mall boasts everything you need to keep the kids entertained. Spanning over 25,000 square metres, there are over 30 attractions from a snow park to a princess dress-up area, trampolines and interactive shows. Offering something for ages spanning from babies to teens, get lost in the playground paradise. From Dhs150 (toddler), Dhs190 (kids aged 3-15). Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sat 10am-11pm. Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (050 189 8140). Read more: 50 free things to do in Dubai in 2025 Bounce (Credit:Supplied) Everybody jump. Test out your trampoline skills at Bounce and see if you have a front flip in your locker. Or if it's not for you, let the little ones run wild and free jump to their heart's content. Covered in trampolines from floor to wall, the sky is the limit with this one. From Dhs90. Open Mon-Sat 10am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm. Al Quoz (04 304 9333). Chaos Karts (Credit:Supplied) 3, 2, 1, GO. Make sure to visit with the kids if you haven't had the chance yet. Get them to step away from their video games and step inside one instead, as the virtual reality experience makes you feel as if you're in a real life version of Mario Kart. One for the bigger kids, children must be over the age of 11 to play. From Dhs140. Mon-Thu 1pm-11pm; Fri-Sun 11am-midnight Al Quoz, (04 324 2344). Dubai Bowling Center The 50 best indoor activities to try in Dubai (Credit:Supplied) The Dubai Bowling Center is one of the most recognisable buildings in Al Quoz with its 1980s retro décor taking you back to the good old days. Give your best shot on any of the 16 lanes on offer, compete against your loved ones or get into teams to knock down the pins. If you want something else to keep you entertained, simply turn and watch the classic films being beamed out on projectors instead. Prices vary. Open Mon-Wed 10am-midnight; Thu-Sun 10am-1am. Al Quoz, (04 339 1010). Dubai Butterfly Garden (Credit: Instagram/dubaibutterflygarden) Step into the enclosed garden, where you can admire over 15,000 butterflies' all-year-round. Stroll through the different zones, and watch as the beautiful bugs flutter overhead or even land on you if you're lucky. Showing the lifecycle from start to finish, the guides may even be able to let you watch some butterflies hatching from their pupa right in front of your eyes. From Dhs60. Open daily 9am-6pm. Al Barsha South 3, (04 422 8902). Mille Miglia Gallery and Cafe Calling all F1 fans – have you been here yet? Mille Miglia Gallery and Café in Al Quoz is stocked up with F1 memorabilia, swish Ferrari cars and signed items by the current drivers, Carlos Sainz and Charles Leclerc. Don't miss the original pitwall that was used between 2017 and 2021. Free entry. Open daily 10am-9pm. Al Quoz, (04 295 0878). GLITCH (Credit: GLITCH) The game park has been on the scene for a while now, and is packed to the max with games from bowling to roller gliding. There's plenty in the gaming realm too for you to have a crack at. Level up on the VR challenges and have a blast from the past on the arcade games. Back to reality, there's even a ninja warrior course if you're brave enough to try it. Game prices vary. Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sun 10am-midnight. Al Ghurair Centre, Deira, (04 886 1695). Hamleys Play Get the kiddos in the car and drive them down to Dubai Hills Mall where they can have a run around in the new play area. Open to both adults and kids, you can try out the sensory zones, whizz down some of the slides and take on an obstacle course. If you want to treat the little ones afterwards, you can browse through the toy shop on your way out. From Dhs99. Open Mon-Thu 10am-11pm; Fri 10am-midnight; Sat 9am-midnight; Sun 9am-11pm. Dubai Hills Mall. (04 223 1474). House of Hype Created by the team behind equally impressive Dubai attraction AYA Universe, this lot know how to give you a cool Insta-op. Tucked inside Chinatown at Dubai Mall, and on first glance, you might not know what to expect. But trust us on this one. This gigantic experience has over 100 different things to do, and you'll feel like you've walked through video games, taken a stroll through Japan and stumbled into a dream at the same time. From Dhs149. Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sat 10am-midnight. Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (04 542 0330). IMG World (Credit:Supplied) One of the biggest indoor theme parks on the planet, IMG World of Adventures, features four zones – The Marvel Zone (for diddy superhero fans), The Lost Valley (where you can spot a dinosaur or two) and The Cartoon Network Zone (where favourite, colourful characters like the Powerpuff Girls hang out) and the welcoming IMG Boulevard. All inside, you can get your steps and your thrills in as you tour round the venue. Dhs365 (general admission), free (kids under 1.05m in height). Open Sun-Thu noon-10pm, Fri-Sat noon-11pm. City of Arabia, (04 403 8888). KidZania (Credit: Supplied) If your little ones are desperate to let off a little steam over the warmer months, swap an outdoor playground for an indoor play town, and let them go crazy at KidZania. Here, they can try their hand at all sorts of career options, be it a firefighter or radio presenter, a pilot or even a surgeon! There are all sorts of other cool grown-up roles for them to test their skills at too, so a few hours here should burn off plenty of energy. From Dhs195. Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sat 10am-11pm. Dubai Mall, (04 448 5222). Loco Bear When it comes to indoor entertainment, pretty much everything you can think of is under this roof. Climbing walls? Yup. Trampolining? Of course. Roll glider? You know it. VR headsets? What do you think. And that's only the half if it. Giving you hours of summer fun, the attraction is the new spot to checkout with all the family. Free entry. Credit bands from Dhs250. Open Mon-Thurs 11am-11pm; Fri-Sun 10am-11pm. Al Quoz 2. (800 56262). Museum of Candy In need of a sugar rush? The attraction is an incredible adventure browsing 15 rooms all dedicated to (you guessed it), candy. Not only will you learn some weird and wonderful facts, you'll also get to slide into a gummy bear pool, watch some crazy candy being crafted and get some ideal insta opportunities. Don't leave without trying the unlimited ice cream (the flavours might surprise you). From Dhs119 (adult), Dhs99 (child). Open daily 10am-10pm. Umm Hurair Rd, Oud Metha, (04 591 0088). Oli Oli (Credit: Oli Oli) One for the tots, OliOli is an experiential children's play museum full of quirky and cool installations to thrill little ones. The hand-knit macramé play park for children to climb and wriggle across is a firm favourite and with 40 hands-on exhibits and several interactive galleries it is a go-to spot to keep youngsters entertained. Dhs69 (toddler), Dhs139 (kids aged 2-16), Dhs45 (extra adult). Open Mon-Thu 9am-6pm; Fri 9am-7pm; Sat 9am-8pm; Sun 9am-7pm. Al Quoz, (04 702 7300). Parkour DXB (Credit: Supplied) Heard of Parkour? Once just a hobby you would see hilarious videos of online, you can now let your kids try it out in a safe child-friendly environment. Try it out at one of three locations in the city that mean you can test your limits on padded mats and a safe environment instead of scaling building and hopping off roofs. If your little ones get really into it, there are even academies and weekly training classes you can sign them up for. Opening times and prices vary. Al Quoz, Port Rashid and JVC, (800 727 5687). Ribambelle (Credit: Supplied) Head over to Bluewaters with the little ones this weekend and get a table at Ribambelle, the restaurant that comes complete with an in-house slide and ball pit. Designed to give the kiddos a magical experience while you finally get to enjoy that coffee (or glass of grape), the play zones include candle-making and even t-shirt painting. Plus, the cost of their soft play entry also comes with a kids' meal included. Dhs95 (child, weekdays), Dhs150 (child, weekends).Open daily 9am-10pm. The Wharf, Bluewaters Island, (04 581 5555). SENSAS The new multi-sensory experience has just landed in Dubai, putting together a selection of experiences and puzzles that you will work your way around. From wacky taste tests to challenges in pitch darkness, you'll get to make the most of some awesome photo opportunities too. From Dhs150 (child), Dhs180 (adult). Open Mon-Thu 10.45am-10pm; Fri-Sun 9.45am-11pm. Al Quoz, (050 856 4990). VR Park (Credit: VR Park) VR Park is home to a host of virtual reality games for kids of all ages, meaning they can challenge reality and learn at the same time. Get in the game and be taken to distant planets or visit both the far-flung future and the not-so-distant world of a fully virtualised Dubai, thanks to a series of games specially designed with some of the world's top VR production houses. Free entry. Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sun 10am-midnight. The Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (800 382246255) Wavehouse (Credit:Supplied) Jump into some iconic retro arcade games and spend the day running from machine to machine. Give your hardest hit at the Thunder Hammer, see how quick you can get the whack-a-mole, or if all else fails, get a bowling lane for the whole family and try your best for a strike. To finish off on a sugar buzz, grab a cookies and cream sundae before you head home. From Dhs370 per hour (bowling). Open daily noon-11.30pm, Atlantis the Palm, Palm Jumeirah, (04 426 2626). Indoor activities in Dubai – Attractions ARTE Museum (Credit: Supplied) You could spend hours in the new Dubai Mall museum, exploring the natural landscapes of 'eternal nature' or getting involved with the live sketchbook feature – draw your own animal and watch it come alive on the digital walls. After all that art, be sure to grab a tea-inspired mocktail at the ARTE Tea Bar. From Dhs149 (adult) Dhs79 (child). Open daily 10am-10pm. Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (04 570 7084). AYA Universe Let's jump in a giant ball pit and stare up at the stars. The interactive experiences at the Wafi City attraction are all about getting involved with galaxies far far away, and immersing yourself in the art. There are 12 rooms to see – including 'Flora', containing an Avatar-style light up tree, and 'The Falls', where you can dance underneath the water. From Dhs135. Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sat 10am-midnight. Wafi City, Oud Metha. (04 542 0300). Burj Khalifa (Credit: Supplied) If you haven't already headed up the tallest building in the world, why not do it when it's a little warmer outside? All in the comfort of AC, travel up over 555 metres and enjoy the 360-degrees of the At the Top viewing deck before getting a refreshment at the Sky Lounge that sits on floor 148. Dhs159 (Sunrise tour), Dhs399 (At The Top SKY tour), Dhs769 (VIP lounge). Open daily 9am-11pm. Burj Khalifa, Downtown Dubai, (04 888 8124). Dubai Aquarium & Underwater Zoo (Credit: Supplied) An underwater, ocean-life-filled wonderland awaits at the Dubai Aquarium. Spend a few hours of your public holiday feeling as if you are swimming deep in the ocean, and let the little ones get up-close with some incredible creatures. Spot a sting-ray in the 10-million-litre tank, or watch on as the sharks swim ominously above your head. From Dhs199. Open Mon-Thu 10am-11pm; Fri-Sun 10am-midnight. Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (800 382246255). Dubai Frame The 50 best indoor activities to try in Dubai (Credit: Supplied) This cool vantage point allows visitors to see Dubai's past, present and future in a one-hour tour with unique views of 'old' and 'new' Dubai from a 150-metre-high sky glass bridge which is fully air-conditioned. Travel up through one of the towers, before walking over the glass-floored bridge (eek) and coming back down the other side. Dhs50 (adult), Dhs20 (child). Open daily 9am-9pm. Zabeel Park, (800 900). Foundry Art Space (Credit: Supplied) The new art space offers you an entire evening of activities that you don't need to spend a penny on. From open exhibitions to talks and film screenings, there are even cool elevated pods to curl up with a good book in. The displays change on a monthly rotation, so you can head along every few weeks if you want to see something different. Free. Open daily 10am-10pm, Boulevard Crescent, Downtown Dubai, (04 367 3696). Museum of Illusions (Credit: Supplied) Get some hilarious family photos and take everyone down to the Museum of Illusions for a fun day indoors. You won't believe your eyes as each of you adjust to the visual trickery, including floating heads and shrinking you down to size. Take a deep breath as you trundle through the vortex tunnel — it's sure to leave your head spinning! Dhs90 (adult), Dhs65 (kids aged 3-15). Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sun 10am-11pm. Al Seef, Dubai Creek, (04 357 3999). Storm Coaster (Credit: Supplied) 'The Storm' is a record-breaking rollercoaster located inside Dubai Hills Mall. This unique experience is likely to bring thrill-seekers from around the UAE to the mall to try this one-of-a-kind ride. Will you be queuing up for a ride on The Storm? Reaching speeds of up to 77kmh, riders can expect twists, turns, and sharp stomach wrenching drops. From Dhs65. Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm, Fri-Sat 10am-11.30pm. Dubai Hills Mall, Dubai Hills, (04 448 5033). Ski Dubai (Credit: Supplied) Cool yourself right down and hit the slopes at Ski Dubai for a couple of hours. Whizz down the manmade mountain from two hours to the entire day, or if you're not in the mood for skiing, get a pass for the snow park and try clambering in a zorb ball, bobsledding or a tubing run. Finish up with a hot chocolate or a meet and greet with the venue's very own penguins before heading home to warm up. Prices vary. Open daily 10am-1am. Mall of the Emirates, Al Barsha, (04 409 4000). The Green Planet (Credit: The Green Planet) A little tropical oasis in the middle of the desert, this indoor zoo and garden is packed with over 3,000 species of plants and animals, offering a slice of the tropics for nature-lovers. The experience will weave through a vertical rainforest, where the children can get up close with some sleepy sloths, or if they're feeling brave, opt in for the reptile encounter. To finish off, grab a pizza or some churros in the jungle-themed Green Planet Café before heading back home. Dhs155 (adult), Dhs135 (kids aged 2-10). Open daily 10am-6pm. City Walk, Al Wasl, (800 2629464). La Perle (Credit: La Perle Dragone) The only permanent show in Dubai, it is well worth a visit. The performance will leave you unsure where to look as the stage floods with water in one direction, and the cast show off some incredible stunts in the other. There are lots of ways to enjoy the show, from an earlier performance with the family to a luxurious dinner and show experience if you're searching for a full evening experience. From Dhs269. Show timings vary. Al Habtoor City, (04 437 0001). Madame Tussauds Serena Williams is the latest celebrity name at the wax museum (Credit: Madame Tussauds Dubai) It might not be the real thing, but it's as close as most of us are going to get to meeting a celeb. Snap a selfie with some A-listers from Dwayne Johnson to Justin Timberlake, and even say hello to Kate Winslet and George Clooney, the newest additions to the building. There are often deals and discounts on tickets, so check online to see if you can make the most of them. From Dhs95. Open daily 11.30am-8.30pm. Bluewaters Island, Dubai Marina, (04 873 3042). Mohammed Bin Rashid Library (Credit: Mohammed bin Rashid Library) Want to take some time out of the madness and get cosy with a good book? We know just the place. If you want to slow down the pace, why not spend a few hours at the library, browse the books and have a look round all seven floors. Once you're done exploring, sit down, flick through a few pages and watch the evening disappear as you get lost in a story. Free. Open Mon-Thu 9am-9pm; Fri 2pm-9pm; Sat 9am-9pm. Al Jaddaf, (800 627523). Museum of the Future (Credit: Supplied) You've definitely seen it but have you ever had a look around inside the incredible landmark? A staple of Sheikh Zayed Road, explore the three floors of interactive exhibitions all about outer space, health and the ecosystem. If you're taking the kids, be sure to visit the last floor – it's filled with some great challenges to get their minds racing. From Dhs159. Open daily 9.30am-7pm, Sheikh Zayed Road, (800 2071). Shindagha Museum (Credit: Supplied) Get a bit of culture in this hotter months and visit the UAE's largest heritage site, where you can learn more about the tales of the first residents of Dubai Creek. 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If you're looking for a special evening to impress a certain someone, enjoy fine dining at the helm of Burj Khalifa 442 metres from the ground. You can dine in for lunch or dinner, and soak up those sky-high views. Open daily 7am-midnight. Burj Khalifa, Downtown Dubai, (04 888 3828). Al Dawaar Revolving Restaurant (Credit: Al Dawaar) Can't decide which Dubai dinner view you want? Have all of them at Al Dawaar, where in the course of 90 minutes, your table will have rotated around the entire building. Speaking of courses, have as many as you fancy as the restaurant is an all you can eat buffet, offering up everything from fresh seafood to sushi, dim sum and more. Enjoy the novelty of 360 degree views without having to get up and put the spot on your to visit list. Open Mon-Fri 6.30pm-11.30pm, Sat-Sun 12.30-4pm, 6.30pm-11.30pm, Hyatt Regency Galleria Residence Dubai, Deira, (04 209 6912). Boom Battle Bar (Credit: Boom Battle Bar) Get ready to spend hours in here. Perfect for the indecisive, Boom Battle bar has it all. For over 21s only, start off your trip with a spot of augmented reality axe-throwing, before a quick round of crazy golf. If you're still feeling competitive, try your hand at shuffleboard, and why not make the loser give everyone a quick rendition of something in one of the karaoke booths. Game prices vary. Open Sun-Thu 4pm-1am, Fri-Sat 4pm-2am. DoubleTree by Hilton, Jumeirah Beach, Dubai Marina, (04 585 7357). Brass Monkey (Credit: Brass Monkey) Fancy being big kids for the evening? Get competitive at Brass Monkey and keep a tally as you try out all of the different games in either City Walk or Bluewaters Island. Whether it's retro arcade games, bowling or a spot of foosball, all that gaming will work up an appetite, so be sure to stop at the bar afterwards for some all-American dishes. Various locations, (04 582 2244). Dubai Opera Credit: Supplied If you're looking for a sophisticated evening, why not see if you can grab some last-minute tickets for whatever's going live at Dubai Opera. From incredible ballets to some hilarious comedians, dine at one of the nearby restaurants in the Opera District (you can't go wrong with Bisou), then head in for curtain up. Downtown Dubai. (04 440 8888). Game Over Escape Room (Credit: Supplied) Located inside Nakheel Mall, Game Over Escape Rooms is interactive and offers really fascinating games. With plenty of very cool rooms including Murder on the Orient Express, One Thousand and One Nights, Alice in Wonderland, Horror Circus, Atlantis the Lost City, Dracula, Illuminati and so much more. You have a wide variety with this one. Open Sun-Thu 10am-10pm, Fri-Sat 10am-midnight. Nakheel Mall, Palm Jumeirah, (04 577 3289). Smash Room (Credit: Supplied) Crash bang wallop your way through an afternoon and release some irritation from those occasional squabbles through smashing something to pieces. Designed to be broken, the room is filled with electronics, glass and fragile objects that you can destroy at your will. Once your rage is over, all of the debris is recycled, and replaced, so it's therapeutic for you, your relationship and the environment. From Dhs69 per person. Open Mon-Thu noon-10.45pm; Fri-Sat noon-11.45pm, Sun noon-10.30pm. Al Quoz, (04 339 7810). Smash Room City If one smash room isn't enough, make your way round an entire city instead. Pick your favourite room(s) and go to town destroying an office, supermarket, restaurant, whatever you feel like. You even get to pick your weapon of choice (how fun). From Dhs397 per room. Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri-Sun 10am-noon. Sport Society, Mirdif, (04 324 5914). Showhouse Head down to the car park of the Intercontinental Dubai Marina, where you'll stumble upon the incredible new stage and dinner show. Enter through the 'dressing rooms', where you see the cast getting ready for their debut. Then it's time to watch the story unfold, while you have the option to enjoy dinner and drink or two. From Dhs200. Open Wed-Thu 7pm-midnight, Fri-Sat 8pm-3am. InterContinental Dubai Marina, Dubai Marina (04 423 8312). SUSHISAMBA (Credit: SUSHISAMBA) You won't be staring into each other's eyes here, instead you'll be fixated on those incredible views over Palm Jumeirah. Head up to the iconic sushi restaurant on the 51st floor by day or night to admire the lookout, and make sure to order the crispy taquitos and the classic Samba Dubai roll to share while you're there. Open Mon-Fri noon-3pm; Sat-Sun 1pm-3.30pm (lunch); Sun-Thu 6pm-2am; Fri-Sat 6pm-3am (dinner). St Regis, Palm Jumeirah, (04 278 4888). Swingers (Credit: Swingers) Recently landing in Bluewaters, this crazy course will let you have one full round for Dhs80, making it another bargain activity to get under your belt. There are three fun courses to choose from, made up of obstacles from hot air balloons to funfairs. If you fancy a mixed drink then you're in luck, as the venue lets you take your drinks round the course with you, meanwhile a live DJ will be playing some cracking beats in the background. Don't forget your phone either, because this place is made for the 'gram. From Dhs80. Open Mon-Wed 4pm-1am; Thu-Fri 4pm-2am; Sat noon-2am; Sun noon-1am. Bluewaters Island, (04 557 6309). Time Out Market (Credit: Time Out Market) If you're other half just can't decide what they want to eat, take them here. The market is packed with some of the city's best food vendors guaranteed to satisfy any craving. In the mood for a filling treat? Grab the garlic knots from Pitfire Pizza. Want something a little more local? Be sure to try the Za'atar Man'ousheh from Three by Eva. Mon-Thu noon-midnight, Fri noon-1am, Sat 10am-1am, Sun 10am-midnight. Souk Al Bahar, Downtown Dubai, (054 375 2421). Indoor activities in Dubai -Sports and Wellness Barry's Bootcamp It might be an indoor class, but this one is guaranteed to get you as sweaty as a 10k run in the summer sun. The HIIT (high intensity interval training) is a huge hit in Dubai, so get yourself booked in for a mixture of cardio and strength training. Finish off with a cold protein shake in the venue afterwards to get your energy levels back up and compliment those endorphins. Class prices vary. DIFC and Dubai Marina, Dubai Ice Rink (Credit: Supplied) Get gliding on the ice and cool yourself right down in the Olympic-sized rink slap bang in the middle of Dubai Mall. Kids and adults alike will be able to move around, have fun and sharpen their skating skills. It's also a great excuse to shake the dust off your winter woollies. The flurries of fake snow falling from the sky (AKA the rooftop of the mall) will make your cold dreams come true. From Dhs110. Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm, Fri-Sun 10am-midnight. Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (800 382246255). FaceFit Created in Lebanon, the FaceFit studio has now permanently set up base in Dubai to make sure your cheeks are as rosy as ever. Training 42 different muscles in your face, the hero workout is the 'signature sculpt' which starts with a quick cleanse before some face stretching and massage, also known as the warm-up. Ending with some cooling gels and sculpting, your visit to the gym can be over in as little as 30 minutes. From Dhs250. Open Mon-Sat 10am-8pm. Town Centre, Jumeirah, (052 696 5454). Forma Every visited a secret pizzeria inside a library? Say hello to Forma, the latest must-visit spot in Jumeirah. This new pizza place can be found in Al Safa Art and Design Library in Dubai and has all the arty vibes any creative could want. Order the miso corn before tucking into a six cheese pizza (the cheese pull is something else) then finish with the pretzel ice cream. Open daily, 8am. Al Safa Art & Design Library, Jumeirah @formauae Forma Project This is going to work out those knots. Dubai's first roll shaper studio, Forma Project is tucked away on the Golden Mile, and it's going to to get you feeling great. The deep tissue machine will get right in there as you move between different positions, and you can even burn up to 450 calories per session. From Dhs120 (two trial sessions). Open Mon-Sat 7.30am-9.30pm; Sun noon-9.30pm. Golden Mile Galleria, Palm Jumeirah. (058 112 1809). Roll DXB The 50 best indoor activities to try in Dubai (Credit: RollDXB) Swap the beach path for the retro rink and whizz around on some roller skates to your heart's content. Ideal for a cool Instagram pic, hire a pair of light up skates at RollDXB and strike a pose next to the neon signs. If you're really a beginner, there are newbie classes every Saturday morning so you can practice before showing off to your friends. From Dhs65. Open Mon-Wed 11am-11pm; Fri 11am-midnight; Sat-Sun 10am-11pm. Marina Cubes St, Dubai Maritime City, Port Rashid, (04 238 6206). Bedrock – Golf Simulator (Credit: Bedrock) It might not be nine holes at Emirates Golf Club, but it's as close as you can get indoors. There are a few simulators across the city where you can get a digital hole-in-one, including at Bedrock in Dubai Marina. The X-Golf simulator will let you try out 50 of the world's top courses, or work on your swing at the virtual driving range. Dhs200 per hour (noon-5pm), Dhs280 (from 5pm). Open daily noon-2am. Pier 7, Dubai Marina, (04 578 1668). GRIP The new sports hub in Jumeirah Heights has just launched, and there's tonnes for you to try, Whether you fancy a game of padel or pickleball, a tennis lesson or even a reformer pilates class, you can get them all here under one roof (yes, there are classes and courts inside). P.S – once you've finished working up a sweat, be sure to grab a smoothie or a flat white from the café before you head home. Open daily 7am-midnight. Jumeirah Heights, (050 499 2469). iFly Dubai Once you have accepted that jumping out of a plane in Dubai is too terrifying, but that you really want the feeling of weightlessness, then iFly is your only option. Strap on a special suit and enter a 10m indoor glass tunnel and jets of wind will shoot you in to the air to (try and) perform aerial stunts. From Dhs179. Open Mon-Thu noon-9pm, Fri-Sun noon-11pm. Mirdif City Centre, Mirdif, (600 5999905). Japanese head spa The viral treatment has seen some serious success in Dubai, and you can spend 90-minutes experiencing pure relaxation. Start with a head massage and hair wash, followed by a scalp treatment, facial scrub and steaming before leaving feeling brand new. Dhs555. Open Mon-Thu 10am-10pm, Fri-Sat 10am-midnight. Refive Spa, FIVE Jumeirah Village. JVC. (04 248 9964). Mountain Extreme rock climbing It's too hot to climb an actual mountain, but try improving your bouldering or strap into the ropes at Mountain Extreme. Get those hands covered in chalk and clamber about at the indoor climbing facility, with over 127 top rope routes. From Dhs125. Open Mon-Fri 10am-10pm; Sat-Sun 9am-6pm. Al Quoz, (04 236 6040). Padel Edition For a swish new spot to play padel, get on the court at Padel Edition in Al Quoz. Sporting eight indoor courses, a recovery zone and an in-house barista to get your post-game caffeine fix, your form will be at its best in no time. Prices vary. Open daily 7am-midnight. Al Quoz, (04 348 7481). Underwater yoga at Atlantis The 50 best indoor activities to try in Dubai (Credit: supplied) Start the day with a soothing under the sea session at The Lost Chambers Aquarium in Atlantis the Palm. Surrounded by calming blue lights and more than 65,000 marine animals, focus on your breathing and move through some sequences as sharks and stingrays sidle by. Running early morning on the weekends, book in for sessions until it's cool enough to resurface outdoors again. Dhs175. Sat-Sun, 8am-9am. The Lost Chambers Aquarium, Atlantis the Palm, Palm Jumeirah, (04 426 1000). Indoor activities in Dubai – Cinemas Cinema Akil Credit: Cinema Akil The independent cinema showcases a range of films from around the world. With locations at Alserkal Avenue and the 25hours Hotel Dubai, you can checkout screenings of smaller-scale productions, classic flicks and powerful documentaries. Grab the popcorn and check the monthly timetable to see what's new. Timings vary. Alserkal Avenue and 25hours Hotel Dubai. Roxy – Platinum Plus at BoxPark (Credit: Roxy) One of the city's most determinedly retro screens, plump for a screening at Platinum Plus at Roxy Cinema's BoxPark location. Scarlet armchair and speakeasy lighting? – yes please. Opt for a unique cinema experience, and get comfortable in the seats that look like they're out of a film themselves. To make things even better, there's a robust menu of hot plates as well as the usual cinema snacks, and table service. Prices vary. BoxPark, Al Wasl (800 7699). Reel Cinemas – Screen X – Dubai Mall (Credit: Reel Cinemas) You can't get more involved in a film than in here. The multi-projection screen at Reel Cinemas has a 270-degree screen, meaning it sweeps almost all the way around the room. Feel as if you're standing on the battlefield in an action movie, or get the fright of your life if you opt to watch a horror. Stock up on snacks and spend a couple of hours inside your film of choice. Reel Cinemas, Dubai Mall, Downtown Dubai, (800 382246255). The Theatre at Vox Cinemas Tucked up inside Mall of the Emirates, this movie magic has gone *all out* to make you feel like a VIP. Arrive early before your movie, so you can make the most of the THEATRE lounge, complete with welcome drinks, pool tables and even shuffleboards for a quick game before the trailers start rolling. Ranging from around Dhs225 a ticket, popcorn is included, but of course, you can order some other treats once you're in there. And by treats, we mean a full three-course meal if you fancied it. Whether you choose burger sliders, a steak sandwich or dynamite shrimp, enjoy personal butler service. Prices vary. VOX Cinemas, Mall of the Emirates, Level 2, (600 599905). VOX Private Cinema (Credit: VOX) Get all the gang together for the ultimate movie night. The private screen in the Kempinski Hotel, Mall of the Emirates is available for booking so you can watch the latest releases without that noisy stranger scoffing nachos in the back row. Instead, treat your loved ones to a luxurious movie experience, with unlimited popcorn and soft beverages included in the price. Kempinski Mall of Emirates, (055 167 3908). Looking for other indoor activities to try in Dubai The best Chips Oman dishes in Dubai (and where to find them) Chips Oman ice cream anyone? It's official: These are the 86 best restaurants in Dubai After months of testing, the results are in The best gents' nights in Dubai to try with the lads Bargain-friendly fun

James Kelman's delightfully deplorable language is f***ing necessary
James Kelman's delightfully deplorable language is f***ing necessary

The Herald Scotland

time2 days ago

  • The Herald Scotland

James Kelman's delightfully deplorable language is f***ing necessary

So casually powerful. So f*****g unnecessary. So rhythmically right. Could have come from the mouth of a character in a novel or short story by this week's Icon. A typical James Kelman tale takes us into the foul-mouthed mind of a downtrodden proletarian. Its Glaswegian is unsparing, its language delightfully or because of this, his novel How Late It Was, How Late won the Booker Prize for Punctuality in 1994 … with hilarious consequences. Ructions were occasioned. Strops occurred. The English language formed a picket line. So, who was this stirrer? Well, James Kelman was born on 9 June 1947 in Glasgow, a large city in western Scotland. He has spake thusly: 'My own background is as normal or abnormal as anyone else's. Born and bred in Govan and Drumchapel, inner city tenement to the housing scheme homeland on the outer reaches of the city.' He left school at 15 to undertake a six-year printing apprenticeship. After driving buses in Govan, he began writing when he worked in London's Barbican Centre. 'I wanted to write as one of my own people,' he has declared. His first short story collection, Not Not While the Giro, was published in 1983, with 26 tales including the titular one, wherein the protagonist briefly contemplates suicide before remembering his benefit cheque is due. Kelman's first published novel was The Busconductor Hines (1984), a portrait of a man who hates his job, is bored with life, and dreams without expectation of better days. GONE TO THE DOGS ANOTHER collection, Greyhound for Breakfast, featured 47 stories, some v. short, such as the eight-line 'Leader from a Quality Newspaper', and some jolly long, such as the one involving the aforementioned canine repast, about a hopelessly unemployed man who spends his last money optimistically on a racing dog, which he cannot afford to feed. His pals laugh and he responds: 'I'll tell yous mob something: see if this f*****g dog doesn't get me the holiday money I'll eat it for my f*****g breakfast.' Blimey, at this rate, Herald stores will be running out of f*****g asterisks. Bizarrely, Greyhound won the, er, Cheltenham Prize for Literature. But, by now, it was clear that Kelman had been unduly influenced by The Good Life with Richard Briers and Penelope Keith. His 1989 novel A Disaffection was shortlisted for the Booker and won the James Tait Black Memorial Prize for Fiction. It tells of a week in the life of a Glaswegian school teacher afflicted by boredom, loneliness, depression, municipal gloom and sexual frustration.A London Review of Books critic judged A Disaffection 'pretty terrific', while a Times Literary Supplement reviewer said it 'can be read as a fuller orchestration of its solipsistic lament'. Solipsistic, aye. But let's cut to the stooshie proper with the English Literary Establishment. It's fair to say that, despite its poncy sounding title, How Late It Was, How Late would not make ideal beach holiday reading. In it, unemployed Glaswegian Sammy Samuleson wakes up in a police cell after a night on the swallie, only to find he's gone blind. The consequent narrative recounts his struggle against baffling bureaucracy, unhelpful doctors and cruel strangers. One American news outlet found its vernacular 'difficult for non-Scottish readers'. And, oh, the profanity! In its 400 pages, the 'common street word for sex' was used 4,000 times. This became a major issue, though not the only one, when in 1994 How Late won the Booker Prize, with Kelman the first Scot so honoured. At the ceremony, he stood out like a bottle of Buckie at Harrod's, wearing a regular suit and open-necked shirt to the glittering, televised, black tie dinner at London's Guildhall. JUDGMENT DAZE THE judging panel was divided, but Kelman won by three votes to two. One judge, Rabbi Julia Neuberger, stormed out, denouncing the decision as 'a disgrace'. The book, she said was 'not publicly accessible' and 'frankly', she added in an ironically unsophisticated critique, 'crap'. Kelman protested: 'My culture and my language have the right to exist, and no one has the authority to dismiss that.'One executive from food distributor and sponsor Booker McConnell was overheard calling his performance 'a bloody disgrace.' Well, that was certainly food distribution for Simon Jenkins, writing in the Times, a tabloid-shaped newspaper, said Kelman had done no more than 'transcribe the rambling thoughts of a blind Glaswegian drunk'. He called the award 'literary vandalism' and likened Kelman to an 'illiterate savage'. Lest anyone think this a Scotland v England thing, Sam Jordison, writing some years later in the Guardian, described How Late as 'one of the best winners in the prize's history', adding: '[A]ttacks on Kelman for having the audacity to use a demotic voice, and allow his protagonist to speak and think in his own tongue, now just seem like so much snobbery.' In the New York Times, Richard Bausch said: 'Objections to the language in which this good book is couched seem to me to be so far beside the point as to be rather ridiculous.' Nevertheless, Kelman's work has been called monotonous, miserable, unpunctuated, foulmouthed, boring, tedious, narrow, minimalistic, claustrophobic and repetitive. He has also been called repetitive. So, pretty good then. READ MORE: Robert McNeil: I detest yon Romans but I dig excavating their wee fortlets RAB MCNEIL'S SCOTTISH ICONS: John Knox – the fiery preacher whose pal got burnt at the stake Rab McNeil: All this talk about celebs and their neuroses is getting on my nerves ABOUT A BOY HIS 2008 novel Kieron Smith, Boy, about a young laddie in post-war Glasgow whose family moves from a traditional tenement to a new housing scheme, was hailed as 'a masterpiece' and won both the Saltire Society's and Scottish Arts Council's books of the year. In 2010's short story collection, If It Is Your Life, wider social life is tentatively explored, with a Scottish student returning from England and talking 'properly' because, if he did not, 'people did not know what I was talking about'. On the other hand, in 'Death Is Not.', the dying narrator declares: 'Death is not, is not, isnay … death is not, it is nought. Death is not really, it isnay …' Soon to be made into a film by Walt Isnay.

‘I gave Tom Holland's no-alcohol lager to a beer fan and here's what he thought'
‘I gave Tom Holland's no-alcohol lager to a beer fan and here's what he thought'

Daily Mirror

time3 days ago

  • Daily Mirror

‘I gave Tom Holland's no-alcohol lager to a beer fan and here's what he thought'

Hollywood actor Tom Holland has created his own line of non-alcohol beers, and we tried them out – and they make a great Father's Day gift for those who don't want alcohol With Father's Day is now just over a week away, there seems to be a large focus on beer in the shops at the moment. But nowadays enjoying a cold pint doesn't necessarily mean having to drink alcohol, and nowadays there are plenty of great non-alcoholic beers and lagers to choose from – including one new beer brand created by A-list actor Tom Holland. The Spider-Man star launched BERO, his premium no- (or rather, very very low-) alcohol beer, in the UK at the beginning of this year, after speaking openly about his problems with alcohol in the past. Keen to test it out, I secretly gave some of BERO's drinks to a beer lover, without telling them that it was alcohol-free, and – spoiler alert – they couldn't tell the difference. BERO currently sells four different brews: Edge Hill Hazy IPA, Kingston Golden Pils, Noon Wheat and the newly launched Double Tasty West Coast Style IPA, all with alcohol content of less than 0.5%, and with prices starting from £14 for a six-pack from the BERO website. As our tester typically drinks lager over ales, I poured him a glass of Kingston Golden Pils, which is BERO's lager-style offering and lists its tasting notes as "malty, biscuit, herbal, spicy, grassy, toast, bread, Vienna malt, moderate bitterness" (please ignore the totally inappropriate glass it's been poured into in the photo above; I clearly need to invest in some proper beer glassware...). Our tester is normally pretty sceptical about non-alcoholic beers ("I'd rather have nothing," is his typical response...), but I could tell that he really enjoyed this, praising its flavours and how crisp and refreshing it was. It also poured a really authentic looking head, unlike a lot of no-alcohol alternatives. Although he suspected it might contain a lower alcohol percentage than his usual favourite, he didn't realise it there was 'no' alcohol in it until I told him. As a non-beer-drinker myself, I also had a sip – and honestly couldn't believe how nice it was. It wasn't at all sweet or watery like a lot of zero-alcohol alternatives, and tasted really premium – but without the very bitter tang that I usually dislike in alcoholic beers. I could definitely see myself enjoying this on a warm summer's day. There are also plenty of five star reviews of these cans over on the BERO website, with customers calling Kingston Golden Pils "one of the best NA beers I've tried" and saying how it " tastes exactly how a beer should, has amazing texture and perfect body". My top picks for gifting from BERO are the variety packs, starting from £28.50 for 12 cans, which are a great way to trial the range. Another place to shop for no-alcohol beers is BrewDog; its Mixed AF selection pack can be bought in boxes of eight, 24 or 48 cans, with prices starting from £10. BeerHunter, meanwhile, sells a 12-pack Craft Beer Low/No Alcohol Free Mixed Beer Selection for £25.95, containing a large range of cans and bottles. Join our Shopping & Deals WhatsApp for the best bargains and fashion news WHATSAPP: Get the best deals and exclusive discount codes straight to your phone via our WhatsApp group. Users must download or already have WhatsApp on their phones to join in. All you have to do to join is click on this link, select 'Join Chat' and you're in! We may also send you stories from other titles across the Reach group. We will also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. Some of these articles will contain affiliate links where we will receive a commission on any sales we generate from them. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose Exit group. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice.

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