How grandparents can set boundaries with summer childcare
Offering childcare support to your adult children during school holidays can be a deeply fulfilling experience for grandparents and a wonderful way to strengthen enduring bonds with grandchildren.
However, it can sometimes feel like walking on eggshells if expectations aren't clearly discussed and mutually agreed upon.
Advertisement
We spoke to
Amanda Macdonald
, experienced psychotherapist, counsellor and member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, to get some expert advice on how to navigate these awkward conversations…
Looking after grandchildren can indeed be a joyful and rewarding experience, but it's also physically and emotionally draining (Alamy/PA)
How can grandparents set healthy boundaries with the child's parents about scheduling, expectations and responsibilities?
In order to set healthy boundaries, communication is key.
'As with many things, planning in advance works best,' says Macdonald. 'Having an ongoing communication with your adult children and their partners, and considering in advance what support you can offer over school holidays establishes clear boundaries from the start.
'A grandparent should take some time to consider the role they want to have and hope to have with their grandchildren, and be cautious about over-committing.'
Advertisement
How can grandparents clarify what they're willing – and not willing – to do without causing tension?
Approach the tricky conversation with care and empathy (Alamy/PA)
Difficult conversations are important to address, so don't tiptoe around them.
'Both parents and grandparents may have differing expectations, but not addressing things explicitly can cause bigger problems and ruptures in the relationship further down the line,' says Macdonald. 'When communicating what you are willing, and not willing to do, set aside time to do with your adult child.
'Engaging in this conversation with curiosity and empathy.'
How do you suggest grandparents politely decline last-minute or extended babysitting requests?
Learning when to say no is crucial for protecting your own wellbeing.
Advertisement
'It's so important that grandparents are aware of meeting their own needs, even if this involves saying no,' says Macdonald. 'A daily check-in with yourself, and with your partner, can allow you to be aware of your own energy levels.'
Make time for other activities that bring you joy (Alamy/PA)
Make sure you're still able to keep up with the regular activities that you usually enjoy throughout the summer.
'Self-care is important, and also models to your adult children and grandchildren that taking time to pursue interests and maintain social connections is beneficial,' says Macdonald. 'Let your adult children know about anything that you don't want to cancel.
'While there isn't a need to justify yourself, sharing with your adult children what it is about the appointment or commitments that gives you joy can enrich your relationship, and don't forget to find out what they enjoy to do, as well.'
Advertisement
Prioritising your own wellbeing and energy levels will help you become a better grandparent in the long run (Alamy/PA)
What do you recommend if grandparents feel like their input on childcare is being ignored or dismissed?
'As with any potential conflict, the best approach is to take some time, and try to take a step back to understand what is happening for your adult children,' recommends Macdonald. 'Parents have to be able to make many decisions, often quickly, at all times of day and night, this is an essential parenting skill. It can make sense that parents don't want to change the way they do something, or actively tell you not to do something with the children.'
Macdonald also encourages grandparents to reflect on just how exhausting juggling young children and work can be.
'Your adult children may be keen for help, but also understandably cautious about their way of parenting not being followed,' says the counsellor. 'Allow your adult child to explain what their wishes are, and remember you both share an intention to keep the children involved safe and happy.'
What strategies can help keep communication open and respectful between generations?
Ongoing communication will help ensure a successful summer of childcare.
Advertisement
'Let each other know how things are going. If you feel like something isn't working then this can help extended families work through challenges,' recommends Macdonald.
In addition, try to keep in mind that your adult children and their partners are raising their kids in a world that differs in many ways from the one in which you raised yours.
'There are fears around children being online, and children will generally have less freedoms in some areas such as playing outside,' reflects Macdonald. 'However, there are some things that remain the same, children need to play, and learn and grow by play. And both parents and grandparents can take delight in this and in their shared love and concern for the grandchildren.'
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Times
2 hours ago
- Times
From the archive: Bargemen sail into history
From The Times: June 30, 2025 The Thames bargeman, butt of wits and inspiration of old song-writers, is going out with the tide. Sails are being superseded by motors, and slow craft by more speedy. The change was inevitable, but when the old-fashioned barge has disappeared, the river will have lost some of its pretty variety. The barge's beauty has beckoned to many of our marine artists, who have depicted them in ballast, or so heavily laden that their decks are almost awash, or towering high with hay. Nowadays, indeed, a barge with bulky cargo is easier found in a picture than on the river. Bigger vessels bear off the bigger loads, and there is always the railway and motor lorry to offer quicker transport. Yet, with a fair wind and a heavy freight, there is no cheerier being than the Thames bargee, though he will not stand nonsense from those who are independent of the wind. A question of the 'rule of the road' has caused many a heated argument between bargeman and 'brass bound' skipper, perched high on the bridge of a passing tramp-steamers. And seldom has the bargee been scant of words or lost the palm for thrustful repartee. Whenever the time comes for the river to be bereft of sailing-barges, none will be more thankful than masters of tramp-steamers and others of their kind. These dignitaries are apt to forget that the type which mans the barges helped to make London the chief city of the Empire long before steam was thought of. While yet we have the barge with us, it might be well to revive the races between Gravesend and the Nore. Until about 14 years ago they were an annual feature. It was the day of the year when the barges looked their best, with hulls showing a lavish use of tar, blacklead, and paint, and sails testifying to abundant treatment with red ochre. All the waterside workers and their wives and families were there; and of musical instruments as many as could be carried. With a fair wind there was always the chance of excitement. Great was the applause when a favourite by clever tactics managed to 'blanket' a rival. The race called for expert seamanship and quick decision, barges when light being rather difficult to handle; a moment's hesitation in a turn of the helm or in easing halliards might have serious consequences. Explore 200 years of history as it appeared in the pages of The Times, from 1785 to 1985:
Times
4 hours ago
- Times
We need to find out why family life is falling apart
F or generations it has been taken for granted that the family unit is the cornerstone of the local community and, more generally, of wider society. But in recent years, almost unnoticed, changes of fundamental importance have steadily had a substantial impact on the structure and nature of family life. Office for National Statistics figures show that the number of marriages has fallen by 40 per cent in less than half a century and the birthrate has now reached an all-time low of 1.44 children per woman. As Professor Kathleen Kieran wrote in 2022: 'As well as relatively more children being born into lone-mother families, Britain has high and increasing rates of parental separation.' So much so that 'families in Britain are notably more fragile and complex compared with other western European countries, with high and increasing rates of parental separation: 44 per cent of children born at the beginning of this century will not have grown up living with both their biological parents (to the age of 17), more than double the figure for those born in 1970.' Last month Unicef published a report concluding that the UK was 21st out of 36 countries in terms of the wellbeing of children. It may be significant that the number of children assessed as 'persistently absent' from school is stubbornly high at about 1.5 million. The number of young people not in education, employment or training aged 16 to 24 is now estimated at just short of one million. In addition, The Times reported last month that 'nearly a quarter of parents with adult children have seen them move back in to the family home only two years after leaving it', the average age of return being 26. As the population continues to age, and as more young people survive with profound disabilities, demands on family members grow. A House of Lords report estimated that there are between 4.2 million and 6.5 million unpaid carers in the UK, and the actual figure is likely to be much higher. The average person, it said, now has a 50 per cent chance of becoming an unpaid carer by the time they reach 50. The above examples simply touch on the many changes that are now affecting family life in this country. Allowing the current changes to drift on while being little understood and neglected is the worst of all possible actions. The time has surely come for the government to establish a serious study in the form of a Royal Commission to better understand the forces which are driving these changes in family life and to preserve those elements of family life we hold dear. Lord Laming was chief inspector of the social services inspectorate from 1991 to 1998
The Guardian
5 hours ago
- The Guardian
Sudoku 6,949 easy
Click here to access the print version. Fill the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the numbers 1 to 9. To see the completed puzzle, buy the next issue of the Guardian (for puzzles published Monday to Thursday). Solutions to Friday and Saturday puzzles are given in either Saturday's or Monday's edition.
