A Mom Says a Parent at Her Kid's School Keeps Offering to Help with Her Daughter, but She Worries She Has Ulterior Motives
A mom says that another mother at her daughter's school keeps offering to drive her daughter to dance class — but she suspects it's only because she wants a favor in return
The woman shared her experience on a parenting forum and asked her fellow community members if she's wrong to want to avoid a reciprocal relationship with the other mom
The woman's post has the community divided, with some people saying she's being unreasonable and others sympathizing with her predicamentA mom says that another mother at her child's school keeps offering to help her with daughter — but she suspects it's only because she wants a favor in return.
The woman detailed her experience in the 'Am I Being Unreasonable?' forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where women can go to seek advice from other women. In her post, the woman shares that she is 'not the biggest social butterfly in the world,' but says she is 'polite and happy to have a friendly chat.'
However, she says there is one mother at her daughter's nursery school who she is 'struggling with,' explaining that she's 'the kind of person who asks very prying questions.' She also says that the woman's daughter can 'be a bit unkind' to her own child at times and often hurts her daughter's feelings.
The original poster (OP) says she generally has been attempting to keep her distance from the other family, but it's become more difficult ever since the other woman's daughter joined her own daughter's extracurricular dance class.
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'It is the kind of class where you wait inside for the dancing to be over,' the OP explains, adding that the other mom now ends up spending the hour sitting next to her. Additionally, she says that the other woman has started offering to take her daughter to the class each week 'as a favor.'
However, the OP says she doesn't think the other mom is making the offer out of the kindness of her heart.
'I have a feeling this is because she will want a favor in return,' she explains. 'Dancing competitions will be on weekends, and she works weekends.'
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'I honestly do not want to end up having to take her little one every weekend, especially when she isn't a very nice little girl,' the OP continues.
The OP then asks her fellow community members how she can 'politely' get the point across that she does not want to coordinate carpooling with the other mom, adding, 'Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to get involved in this kind of situation before it is suggested?'
The woman's post generated a number of differing perspectives from community members. One person noted that while the other woman 'sounds annoying,' the OP might not want to dismiss her quite so fast.
'I think that you are potentially shooting yourself in the foot by not setting up a friendly reciprocal arrangement in place for the longer term — having other families who you can swap favors and lifts with is helpful,' the person said.
Another person said that the OP seems slightly judgmental.
'You seem very down on this woman for simply being different [from] you,' they said. 'I agree she sounds mildly annoying, but I suspect you're more annoyed at yourself for being the way you are, instead of just accepting you're both different women. Anyway, to the point of your thread, just keep repeating that you enjoy the alone time with your daughter and stick to it.'
Another person said they think the OP is perfectly within her rights to maintain her boundaries — and went on to offer some tips for dealing with the situation based on their own experience.
'I have been direct with people before and said, 'I really value this time as my chance to zone out/ chill out/have a brain break.' I don't care if they think it's odd!' the person said, adding, 'I'd also say, 'I enjoy bringing my child to this hobby on our own. We like to chat on the way.' '
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