Colman Noctor: Digital safety needs a village, not an app

Irish Examiner

24-06-2025

A new study from the ESRI confirms what many of us have long suspected — that the digital world our children inhabit is complex, sometimes enriching, often overwhelming, and largely unregulated.
Navigating it requires more than parental intuition; it necessitates societal scaffolding and collective action.
As I have stated in this column many times before, 'technology is neither good nor bad; it's both'.
The evidence-based report, titled 'The pressing need to address the challenges of parenting in a digital era', is compassionate towards parents who, for the most part, are striving to do the right thing.
It avoids scaremongering and oversimplified 'screen time' mantras, instead providing a balanced view that technology can both empower and imperil a child's wellbeing, sometimes simultaneously.
The study highlights the benefits of children's digital engagement, including access to information, tools for creativity, and online support communities.
It recognises that the online world offers opportunities for connection to children who might otherwise be isolated, and that digital spaces can provide modes of expression and connection that face-to-face interactions may not.
However, it also states that these benefits coexist with very real risks.
The report also explores how gender, developmental stage, and socioeconomic context influence children's technology experiences.
The socioeconomic context is particularly significant as it indicates that a child with access to supportive adults and digital literacy resources is more likely to navigate the online world in a markedly different way than a child who lacks these protective factors.
The acknowledgement of the socioeconomic difference aligns with recently published research from online safety charity CyberSafeKids, which found that children from disadvantaged areas are more likely to own a smartphone at a younger age and have fewer rules governing their online
activity. It found 53% of eight-year-olds attending Deis schools own a
smartphone, whereas it is 22% in non-Deis schools.
While I support primary schools introducing 'voluntary codes' to delay smartphone ownership, my concern is this will be limited to pockets of leafy suburbs and miss children in areas of disadvantage who may not have the resources to implement such a strategy.
Parenting in a digital age
The relationship with technology is complex and varies from individual to individual. For some, social media fosters connection; for others, it leads to negative comparison.
Gaming can be a form of play or a spiral of compulsion. The ESRI research emphasises that context matters, which means not all interventions will apply to every child.
There is no universal rulebook, nor is there a one-size-fits-all app or parental control that can replace human judgment or entirely protect a child.
At the core of the ESRI research is an effort to comprehend the challenging position parents find themselves in as the 'first, last and strongest line of defence' for their children's digital safety.
The research also poses an interesting question: whether parents are also casualties of the same technological tsunami.
Parents are not immune to the allure of technology. Our attention is fragmented, our time is stretched, and an ever-present, pinging soundtrack of notifications now
accompanies our parenting journey. In attempting to shield our children from this dynamic, we often find ourselves ensnared in a web of guilt, contradiction, and uncertainty.
I consistently find myself replying 'it's a work thing', when my children cast a disapproving look in my direction while I'm on my phone or laptop, after I've just asked them to take a break from their devices.
The researchers rightly argue that effective parenting in the digital age relies not on heavy-handed control, but on 'active mediation'.
This approach involves discussing with our children what they see, do, and feel when online. It entails setting boundaries not merely around screen time, but also regarding screen values — what is acceptable, what is not, and why.
But most of all, modelling behaviour is crucial. If we want our children to trust us when we say it's ok to unplug or that online validation isn't everything, we must embody that truth ourselves.
Another refreshing insight in the ESRI report is its caution against over-reliance on tech solutions.
Age filters, tracking apps, and parental control settings all have their place, but they are not a panacea, and they can also backfire.
Children are savvy, and technical roadblocks can invite work-arounds or secrecy. Worse still, they can damage trust if we replace conversation with surveillance.
I am not suggesting parents shouldn't utilise these tools, but we need to realise they are not a primary strategy.
The real effort lies in building relationships, which requires time, energy, and emotional availability. Parents' technology use plays a role, as it can interrupt our capacity to do the relational work necessary to protect our children.
The ESRI report offers a new perspective. The researchers encourage us to stop viewing online safety as solely the responsibility of parents.
Instead, it reframes the issue as a public health concern. Like vaccination or mental health support, children's digital wellbeing requires coordinated, cross-sector solutions.
Schools, government regulators, and tech platforms are not peripheral players; they are integral to the process, or co-guardians.
Dr Celine Fox, lead author of the report, points out that our understanding of digital harm is still developing.
Technologies evolve too quickly for traditional research timelines to keep pace. Fox adds that this doesn't mean we shouldn't put time and money into long-term studies, or expect transparency from the tech companies, we should.
If, as parents, it feels like we're just constantly putting out fires, it's probably because we are. To protect children, we must move beyond reactive panic and use the limited information available to create proactive policies.
Professor Joyce O'Connor, chair of BlockW, a Dublin-based technology and innovation hub, which commissioned the ESRI research, also calls for a shared responsibility model, where parents are supported, not left to fend for themselves on the front lines.
Her words will be a welcome relief to many parents because the truth is that many of us often parent in the dark, with only the glow of a device or an online safety website to guide us.
Fostering digital resilience
Rather than offering glib suggestions, the ESRI research indicates we must recognise that parenting in the digital age will always involve grey areas.
At times, our children may stumble before they grasp concepts. We might set boundaries only to realise they need revisiting.
The conversation about online safety is never finished — it is ongoing, iterative, and dynamic.
Notably, this research suggests that it may be time to abandon the myth that 'good parenting' means complete control.
Instead, it's about fostering digital resilience: helping our children develop the critical thinking, emotional regulation, and moral compass to navigate the online world independently.
Building this resilience involves a shift from viewing our role as protectors to that of guides. From rule-enforcer to co-explorer. From 'because I said so' to 'let's talk about why'.
It also involves advocating for systems that support parents, such as demanding better regulation of digital spaces for our children, encouraging schools to partner with parents on 'no smartphone' policies, holding tech companies accountable for child safety, and lobbying for public health campaigns and legislation that treat digital wellbeing with the same seriousness as nutrition or road safety.
There's no going back when it comes to technology regulation. Digital technologies are not a phase; they are an integral part of modern childhood. The question is no longer whether our children should be online, but how they can do so safely, meaningfully, and with support.
Today's parents navigate unprecedented terrain where we must advise our children about a technological relationship that we also struggle with. We're not just raising children; we're helping them build an internal compass for a world that doesn't sleep, that doesn't pause, and that doesn't always care who's watching.
Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist
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