Bridesmaid Says She's Getting ‘Itchy Feet' 20 Days Before Friend's Wedding: ‘We're No Longer Close'
A Mumsnet user is wondering if she should back out of her friend's wedding with only 20 days to go before the event
The woman said that she and the bride-to-be have grown apart in recent years, but still said yes to being a bridesmaid
"I thought it might rekindle our old close friendship again," she explained, but she has felt ignored during wedding planningA woman is having second thoughts about being a bridesmaid at her friend's wedding that is less than a month away.
She turned to the community forum Mumsnet for advice, explaining that she was 'emotional' about her decision and wanted to 'know what others would do.'
The woman detailed that there was a lot of history between her and her friend, whom she's known since elementary school. Five years ago, her friend was a bridesmaid at her wedding, but their friendship is no longer as strong as it once was.
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'We were extremely close until about 3 years ago, just after my first child was born. I can't really pinpoint a problem or time that we started to distance. Weekly texts became monthly, and I felt like I did 80% of the check-ins,' she wrote.
After looking over their messages, she didn't feel that either side did anything wrong.
"I hardly spoke about my child with her and I tried to arrange child free meet up's with her. I can't imagine it being because I had a child — she was always quite anti having children until recently," she added.
The woman figured she and the bride-to-be 'drifted,' but was surprised when her friend asked her to be in her wedding.
'I said yes, and thought it might rekindle our old close friendship again,' she said.
However, the woman said that her hope didn't come to fruition.
'We've met up since with the other bridesmaids and it's been a lovely time when we meet but I almost feel a bit like I can feel their friendships are closer than ours. The [bachelorette party] was a great time but a clear feeling of who she was closer too,' she said, adding that her offers to help with the wedding have been ignored.
She continued, 'Our messages are quite generic — almost like you're talking to an acquaintance. Sometimes she will reply asking how me and the kids are but then ignore me after, I feel like she doesn't really care.'
The wedding is in 20 days and she was 'starting to get itchy feet" about being a bridesmaid.
'Part of me feels we're no longer close but at the same time, the bride hasn't been nasty or mean. Do I just show up on the day and then fade things out? I've already brought my dress, paid the make up artist and hair stylist,' she said,
Her husband has told her to attend and then let the friendship fizzle and users were in agreement that she shouldn't back out this close to the wedding.
'It would be extremely childish not to turn up because you're feeling jealous of her other friendships. You say she hasn't said or done anything unkind to you, you've just drifted apart so to dramatically resign from being her BM or to just not turn up sounds really unnecessary,' one person wrote, adding that they did not know what she was hoping to achieve.
'You say you enjoyed the [bachelorette party] and the meets ups with the other bridesmaids, so go and enjoy the wedding and then if you want to let the friendship drift again afterwards you're free to do so I suppose, but I'm honestly not sure what it is you want from her,' that person continued.
'Just see your commitment through and pull away after that,' another encouraged.
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In various updates, the original poster felt the bride only asked because she was her bridesmaid, and once again listed all the ways she felt her friend was not keeping her involved in the wedding plans. Still, she has decided to go to the wedding.
'I will show on the day with a smile on my face and remember how long we have been friends and the good days we had together. Then I'll fade into the distance,' she wrote.
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