Bezos, Sanchez deserve this luxury Italian wedding, actually
It's rude to make Bezos think about inequality on his wedding weekend
If I were Mr. Bezos, I'd hop in one of my rockets and fly the more than 300 miles from Venice to Rome just to give those bullies at the World Food Programme a piece of my mind, and definitely not something like a donation at least equal to twice the cost of my wedding.
It's outrageous to suggest income inequality is a thing when a perfectly nice billionaire who might one day give his delivery drivers time to pee is out here planning a celebrity-studded three-day event showcasing a lifestyle few could imagine. Which part of "this is his special weekend" do you not understand?, I ask while not checking my previously empty bank account to make sure Bezos has deposited the money I'm not being paid.
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Those mad at Bezos' wedding haven't been paid $1 million to not be mad
The reality is this, which I'm pretty sure is in the Bible: People who already have nice things deserve more nice things. And I'm not just saying that because I currently use Scotch tape for wound care and Bezos has promised me a lifetime supply of Band-Aids from Amazon.
Rude nonbillionaire protesters went so far as to unfurl a massive banner in St. Mark's Square in Venice that read: "IF YOU CAN RENT VENICE FOR YOUR WEDDING YOU CAN PAY MORE TAX."
While that is technically true thanks to the tyranny of math, it's an outrageous and hurtful thing to suggest about a noble and fantastic man who has in no way purchased my praise.
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Just because a multibillionaire doesn't need multibillions and could devote a large swath of his wealth to making the world a better place without impacting his lavish lifestyle even a little ... I forgot where I was going with that. The overarching point is, "Shut up, protesters! That banner might have hurt Mr. Bezos' feelings, and I will defend his feelings at any cost, or, more specifically, at the cost of the $1 million I was DEFINITELY NOT given to write this."
Bezos-Sanchez wedding will be perfect, just like my free yacht
Some are looking at the sure-to-be wondrous and totally justified Bezos-Sanchez wedding and decrying the rise of oligarchs. But I ask you, if we didn't have oligarchs, wouldn't we have to remove that word from all the world's dictionaries and rewrite books like F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby" and Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle"?
Do you know what it would cost to fix all that? Probably less than the Bezos-Sanchez wedding, but still ... a lot.
So when you look at photos of celebrities like Oprah or Kim Kardashian or Ivanka Trump snacking on Venetian crostinis topped with lightly braised Amazon-worker meat, or when you feel inclined to envision the good that could come from such wasted largesse, I implore you to cram it and get back to your poor, wretched life.
And so help me, I'm not just saying that because Bezos promised me a mega yacht he's no longer using, $1 million and an Amazon Prime Video licensed documentary about my life of impeccable integrity.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Lily Collins ditches the platform heels in favour of Birkenstock sandals as she films Emily In Paris season five on location in Venice
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Daily Record
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The Herald Scotland
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Why wedding photographers flock to this Glasgow market
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