Is your ‘Valentine' a romance scam? A financial crime expert explains 5 red flags to watch out for

Independent

14-02-2025

Love is in the air this month, but for some people, the 'perfect' online date they started chatting to on Valentine's Day may not be what they seem.
According to recent research from Nationwide Building Society, two-fifths (41%) of singles are looking for love this February – but 44% would continue messaging someone they had met online even if something seemed off.
Sarah Lenette, a financial crime specialist at Starling Bank, says gut instinct can be vital if something about a conversation doesn't feel quite right.
She suggests asking yourself some key questions that could point to your online match not being the real deal:
1. Are you being given excuses for why you can't meet in person or have a video call?
'If you have a genuine connection with someone, a logical next step is to meet either in person or on a video call, ideally in person so you can get a sense of their behaviour,' she says.
'Fraudsters will often provide reasons for why they can't video call, such as saying that they work abroad or are in the military, so you should always proceed with caution if someone tells you this.'
It's also important to bear in mind that AI (artificial intelligence) can also be used by fraudsters – so don't believe everything you see.
Lenette warns: 'If they do agree to do a video call, you need to be cautious of deepfake videos.
'These can be incredibly realistic, but you can potentially spot them by paying close attention to a person's body movements and facial expressions. If they don't look quite right, it's a sign to look for other unusual characteristics.'
2. Have they asked you to keep the relationship a secret?
Secrecy could be a big red flag.
Lenette explains: 'Although this can seem terribly romantic in the moment, it is a move intended to detach you from your real life.
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'Discussing your new relationship with friends and family is an important way to keep them updated on your life, particularly as they can be a voice of reason. If someone asks you to keep your relationship a secret, always take a step back and ask why.'
3. Does your date exist on other social media platforms?
If you have suspicions, Lenette suggests taking the information in their profile and doing some sleuthing.
She suggests: 'Aside from checking that they are on other social media platforms, you can do a reverse image search through platforms such as TinEye, which checks whether the profiles listed on 'their' profile link back to different individuals – if the pictures don't match up, question why this is.'
She also suggests considering whether information about the person exists on websites other than social media.
'Does information about them come up in a search in several reliable places that aren't just social media sites, with info that matches what you're being told? For example, can you find any information about their job or place of work?'
4. Are you being 'love bombed'?
This is a manipulative tactic that can be a red flag regardless of whether someone is a scammer or not, says Lenette.
She says: 'Love bombing is when a match shows extreme interest in you through things like excessive flattery, overly communicating their feelings for you and being intense about your future together at too early a stage.
'They could also highlight how you are so different to anyone they've ever dated to make you feel special.
'Everyone has felt lonely from time to time, and this can be particularly common when you're looking for love – but this is when you can be most vulnerable to love bombing.
'First of all, be incredibly cautious if the person you're speaking to gets very serious very quickly. You don't actually know them that well so if you feel things are going alarmingly quick in the relationship, take a step back and suggest slowing things down.'
She says alarm bells should also ring if someone tries to distance you from friends or family.
'This can be a common tactic among romance fraudsters, as this lowers the chances of you having anyone to speak to about their odd behaviour or requests for money, as well as making you more dependent on them,' says Lenette.
5. Are you being asked for money?
'If your potential partner is asking you to send them money, take a step back to think about the full picture,' says Lenette.
'Firstly, never send money to someone you haven't met in person. Meeting in person allows you to see that they actually are who they say they are, and you can get a sense for whether they are trustworthy or not.'
She adds: 'Secondly, if your potential partner is pressuring you to make any money moves quickly, stop and think.
'This pressure could come in many forms and is often 'time sensitive'.'
Romance scams can sometimes be combined with other scams, such as investment frauds, so a romance fraudster could claim to have a time-limited 'get rich quick' investment opportunity. Or they may claim they need money urgently for medical or legal bills.
Lenette says: 'These should always be red flags, and are worth discussing with people outside the relationship. Someone who genuinely cares about your wellbeing would never have an issue with you taking your time or talking to a trusted friend or family member. Remember that if something seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is.'
Checking the Financial Conduct Authority's ScamSmart page, speaking to friends and family, contacting your bank, or perhaps speaking to a regulated adviser before making any big financial decisions could help to prevent money going into the hands of scammers.