Bulldogs top pick privately ‘bawling eyes out' as truth of sad saga emerges
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WARNING: This story contains information that some people may find distressing.
Jamarra Ugle-Hagan has shared the devastating moment he 'hit rock bottom' after making a return to the Bulldogs this month.
The former No. 1 draft pick has for the first time confirmed he checked himself into a mental health facility in a key step towards reviving his AFL career.
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The 23-year-old last week returned to the football club after being granted an indefinite leave of absence to manage personal issues.
He has not played a game since 2024.
Ugle-Hagan has now shared details of how he has taken steps towards playing in the AFL again after hitting 'rock bottom'.
In an emotional interview with Mitch Robinson and Rhys Mathieson on the Rip Through it podcast published on Saturday, Ugle-Hagan said he at one point had suicidal thoughts frequently.
In a tell-all interview, Ugle-Hagan made several eye-catching comments, including:
— His desire to play for the Bulldogs before the end of the 2025 season.
— His commitment to see out his contract with the Bulldogs through to the end of the 2026 season.
— One of his coping mechanisms was to 'get on the p*** with mates'.
— He at times did not want to leave his house; AND
— He was privately rocked by the public racist abuse he received during the 2023 season.
Jamarra Ugle-Hagan of the Bulldogs. Photo by Dylan Burns/AFL Photos via Getty Images.
The star forward was racially abused by a spectator in a game between the Dogs and St Kilda in 2023 and he responded the next week booting five goals.
He famously pointed to his skin in a brave public stance against racism after kicking one of those goals.
While publicly, that appeared to be the end of it, Ugle-Hagan has revealed the incident privately rocked him.
'I was angry (about the abuse), sad, and behind doors I was bawling my eyes out. It affected me heaps,' he said.
'Then I was even embarrassed. I said nothing and did nothing. I just didn't want to go out in public.
Jamarra Ugle-Hagan of the Bulldogs celebrates kicking his famous goal. Photo by.
'I went out there (the following week) and kicked the first goal and the last and kicked five.
'I was going to point to my mouth guard because it is indigenous colours, but I pointed at my skin and pulled up my jumper and it was the best feeling ever.
'The boys and the team f*** they made me feel good.'
He said he has been battling many issues with his mental health.
'All the noises actually sent me to a rehab facility for my mental health,' Ugle-Hagan said.
'It got to a point where I had to give my car to a mate so I couldn't drive, I just didn't trust myself driving.
There were times when I would think about – to be honest with you – just not even worth even living.
'I went through a struggle where I didn't want to leave the house. I hit rock bottom, and found basement.
'Definitely (there were suicidal thoughts). Suicidal thoughts would come pretty frequently.
'Especially when I felt like I was on my own the whole time. The way I was isolated and put out in public.'
He said he at times was not interested in football and at times could not see a way for him to return to playing the game at an elite level.
'When you are down you want to keep finding an upper. My upper was probably staying and hanging out with my mates and getting on the p*** and training with them as well,' he said.
'But it just had no end goal, I didn't have a game. I didn't have anything.
'My mental health wasn't in the right space so I was struggling, and I found it really tough to even enjoy football.
I lost the fun in it. I didn't want to play, it wasn't even a priority because all I wanted to do was find something.
'But I didn't know what that was until I have had this break.'
He said the stay at the retreat had helped change his life.
It was reported earlier this month Ugle-Hagan has ambitions to play for the Swans next year, but he said on the podcast he has not thought about a trade.
He had trained sparingly with AFL — and at times VFL — teammates before his official leave of absence began in late April.
Originally published as Bulldogs top pick privately 'bawling eyes out' as truth of sad saga emerges
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