How Deep Listening Is A Radical Act

Forbes

16-06-2025

In a time marked by distrust, polarization, and profound disconnection, Emily Kasriel, the author of Deep Listening (HarperCollins, 2025), believes that really listening to each other can help us repair the social fabric that has frayed. In her new book, she draws from her work as a journalist, executive coach, editor, and mediator to provide practical insights for readers. She also presents a concept called social technology, which is a way of being that can shift individual conversations, communities, and institutions. I interviewed Kasriel after reading her book.
My first question focused on what prompted her to write Deep Listening at this time. Kasriel shared, 'The increasing polarization we're witnessing globally served as a powerful catalyst for me writing this book. As I explore in the polarization chapter in Part One, we're living in a time when many societies are fragmenting into distinct tribes, with people increasingly unwilling to engage with different perspectives, and the research we carried out for the book, with YouGov and the NGO More in Common, indicates this is a particular challenge for Gen Z, who are far more likely to avoid listening to people whose views they don't like." The growing divide Kasriel discusses is more than theoretical; it is measurable, and people are living through it. She explained, "This troubling trend isn't just about disagreement – it's about fundamental disconnection, where we stop seeing the humanity in those with differing viewpoints.'
Kasriel helps readers understand how the digital landscape has accelerated divisions, with 'algorithms that reward outrage and confirmation bias rather than nuanced understanding.' For her, the urgency to write came from realizing how Deep Listening might 'help counteract some of these forces and perhaps restore a sense of shared humanity.' She explained, 'Deep Listening offers a radical alternative to this pattern by creating conversations where genuine connection can occur across divides.'
Kasriel emphasized that Deep Listening is not just about changing personal habits but also about confronting a broader societal turning point. She shared, 'I believe we're at an inflection point where we must choose between further fragmentation or renewed connection. The practice of Deep Listening isn't just a nice communication skill – it's a necessary foundation for addressing complex challenges, in a business or society, from climate change to adapting to AI.' Kasriel hopes that by creating a comprehensive guide 'to equip readers with practical tools to bridge divides in their personal lives, professional settings, and communities,' she will ultimately contribute to a less polarized, more connected world.
Screaming man in a time of polarization
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Kasriel's reflections on polarization and the urgency of reconnection made me think about how her professional background might have positioned her to understand and teach about the power of listening. I asked her how her experiences shaped her thinking in the book. She shared, 'As a broadcaster, I spent years interviewing people from presidents to market traders to musicians, but it took me time to learn that the most compelling stories emerge when you create a space where people feel deeply heard.' She admitted that, early on, she made the mistake many interviewers make – planning the next move or question instead of being fully present. Kasriel explained, 'For too long, I squandered my attention thinking of the next brilliant question to ask, the best way to challenge my speaker, rather than being fully present with what was unfolding right in front of me. In the book, I tell the story of an interview I conducted with the Ethiopian president, Meles Zenawi. He was a complex and contradictory character, but my desire to hold him to account about human rights abuses stopped me from broadcasting what could have been a truly illuminating interview – he cut it off early.' The experience stuck with Kasriel, as did another more recent experience. She shared, 'I interviewed a climate denying dairy farmer, and here I was able to use Deep Listening to uncover his deeper narrative, to make sense of his story, so that when I published it on the BBC website, though it was framed with substantial climate science, he still felt heard.'
Kasriel adheres to this commitment to listening in her work beyond journalism and broadcasting. She explained, 'In my work as an executive coach and mediator, Deep Listening plays a central, indeed indispensable, role. I've discovered here how rare it is for someone to feel completely listened to – how people open up and share authentic perspectives when they sense you're genuinely interested rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.' She added, 'In my mediating, I witnessed how transformative it can be when people who see each other as enemies have the experience of being genuinely heard by the 'other side.' In these settings, I refined techniques for creating safety and holding space during difficult conversations-skills that directly informed several of the eight steps in my methodology.'
Given her extensive experience, Kasriel realized that listening is not a passive act but a deliberate practice. She noted that both meditation and academic research demonstrate that Deep Listening 'isn't passive but requires active engagement and careful attention to what's beneath surface-level communication. Through listening differently, you transform what your speaker shares or even thinks.'
Kasriel's stories throughout her book reminded me how often we underestimate the impact of being deeply heard by others. I asked her if a pivotal moment or experience convinced her that Deep Listening could be transformational. She explained, 'The global study I outline in Part One of my book, in the chapter 'How Deep Listening Will Enrich Your Life' – represented a defining moment in demonstrating to me Deep Listening's power.'
Listening to each other, deeply.
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She had 1000 participants from 119 countries engage in the project, and the results are powerful. Kasriel noted, 'The academic researchers were struck by a consistent pattern: regardless of background, when people experienced being truly heard, they a greater degree of connection with their conversation partners, felt safer to express themselves and genuinely understood, and gained insight about themselves, linking to an openness to re-examine their own attitudes.' The conversations took on difficult issues, yet people could engage meaningfully. Kasriel explained, 'They also demonstrated better listening behaviours even as they discussed topics about which they profoundly disagreed: Does personal success depend on social class? Should reparations be paid to the descendants of enslaved people? Social media – good or bad for humanity?'
What was most striking for Kasriel was the ripple effect that Deep Listening could produce. She stated, 'What ultimately convinced me to dedicate my work to this practice was recognizing how often Deep Listening creates ripple effects that extend beyond the initial conversation. When people experience being deeply heard, they become more likely to listen deeply to others, creating a virtuous cycle that gradually transforms communication patterns. Seeing this phenomenon repeat across different settings, from corporate boardrooms to diverse communities, made it clear that Deep Listening represents not just a personal skill but a social technology with the power to, in part, address our most pressing collective challenges.'
There are eight steps to Deep Listening in Kasriel's book: 1.) Create Space; 2.) Listen to Yourself; 3.) Be Present; 4.) Be Curious; 5.) Hold the Gaze; 6.) Hold the Silence; 7. Reflect Back; and 8.) Go Deeper. I asked her which steps people find most challenging and why. This was an easy answer for Kasriel; she said Step 6. As she conveyed, 'Hold the Silence consistently emerges as the most challenging aspect of Deep Listening for most people that I train. As I explore in this chapter, silence makes many of us profoundly uncomfortable – we rush to fill it, perceiving it as awkward, unproductive, or even threatening.' Kasriel further explained that a discomfort with silence is deeply ingrained in us and cultural: 'This discomfort reveals how deeply our culture conditions us to equate communication value with speech rather than receptive listening. Many participants in my workshops report feeling almost physically unable to allow silence to extend beyond a few seconds, describing an overwhelming urge to jump in with questions, commentary, or redirection.'
Kasriel attributes the difficulty that people have to both internal and external pressures. She shared, 'First, there's the performance anxiety many feel in conversation – the pressure to demonstrate competence by speaking rather than listening. Second, silence creates space for emotions and vulnerabilities to surface, which can feel threatening when we're accustomed to keeping interactions at a safe, surface level. Third, particularly in professional contexts, there's often an efficiency mindset that views silence as wasted time rather than as the fertile ground from which deeper insights emerge.' And yet, when people work to push past their discomfort, they often discover something transformative. Kasriel explained it this way:
As a practical person, I asked Kasriel what advice she would give to educators or leaders who hope to embed Deep Listening into their work with students or teams. She advised, 'Begin by modelling Deep Listening yourself rather than simply teaching it as a concept. Students and team members will learn more from experiencing being deeply heard by you than from any theoretical explanation of listening techniques.' Kasriel emphasized vulnerability and authenticity as well. She explained, 'This means demonstrating vulnerability by acknowledging when you don't have answers, showing genuine curiosity about diverse perspectives, and visibly incorporating what you hear into your thinking and decision-making. When educators and leaders consistently practice Deep Listening, it sends a powerful message that creates psychological safety and gradually shifts the culture toward more authentic communication and all that can unfold from that.'
Kasriel also encouraged embedding Deep Listening into regular routines, not merely reserving it for special occasions. She stated,
In ending our exchange, Kasriel reminded me that systems and structures often need to shift to support listening. She said, 'Directly address the systemic barriers to Deep Listening in your environment. In educational settings, this might mean examining how grading systems and participation structures can undermine attentive listening by rewarding quick responses over thoughtful consideration. In organizational contexts, examine how productivity metrics, meeting structures, and communication technologies might be inhibiting Deep Listening. Creating conditions for Deep Listening often requires challenging fundamental assumptions about efficiency, success, and knowledge creation." According to Kasriel, when naming and addressing these types of barriers, "educators and leaders can create sustainable cultures where Deep Listening becomes not just possible but natural, ultimately leading to stronger and more trusting relationships and a greater commitment to the organisation and business, gold dust for any employer.'
Engaging with Kasriel made me contemplate that listening is not just a 'soft skill' or a communication tool. It is a form of leadership. It is a way of building or restoring trust, building bridges to others, and making space for emotion. Deep Listening also helps people to feel seen and heard. In her book, Kasriel invites the reader to slow down, be present, and engage with each other with intention. And most importantly, she urges us to remember that we can transform our fragile culture through Deep Listening.