We need to value and celebrate our boys. Let's not behave like they're all latent misogynists

Yahoo

25-03-2025

Unless they make a TV drama about an issue, it doesn't exist. That is where we are now. It took Mr Bates vs The Post Office for people to gasp: 'But this was horrendous!', for the prime minister to announce new legislation to exonerate wrongly convicted subpostmasters and former Post Office CEO Paula Vennells to have her CBE withdrawn. It took Baby Reindeer for us all to realise that, yes, women stalk men too! And maybe it's time we started taking it seriously?
Then there's the hit new Netflix show Adolescence, which shines a light on the corrosive impact of social media and misogynistic influencers on teenage boys – and has taken this phenomenon to an almost comedic level. Like coma patients, who have awoken from a 25-year slumber, we're all suddenly up in arms about this thing called 'The Internet'. 'These boys who spend their days and nights immersed in a toxic online culture,' came the mass musings. 'What if it's not good for them?'
I think it may very well not be. And we could probably have come to this conclusion sooner. But an awakening is still an awakening, and while the scientists, sociologists and mental health campaigners who have been telling us this for decades beat their heads against the wall, everyone has been busy coming up with solutions to this 'new' problem.
One, reported on Sunday, is the introduction of 'counter misogyny classes' at school. As part of a concerted effort to quash the growing influence of toxic figures such as Andrew Tate, and broader 'incel culture', the Government is to include this guidance in relationships, health and sex education lessons (RHSE) before the end of the academic year.
With content expected to include everything from 'the real-life complexities of romantic and sexual relationships' to 'how to manage difficult emotions that can relate to relationships – including disappointment or anger as well as the influence of online misogynistic content and the impact of pornography on sexual behaviour', this should only be a step forward. A positive thing. So why does the idea fill me with dread?
The truth is that I've lost all confidence in schools – or, at least, in their ability to behave sensibly with sensitive issues such as these. We've seen what happened with inclusivity and gender teachings. One minute we're nodding sagely along to the principle of our child being taught about equal opportunities and respect for all, the next that child is being taught that he or she is innately racist, sexist and exclusionary. Introducing the idea that we shouldn't feel bound or imprisoned by socially constructed gender characteristics is obviously a good thing. We are all very different. Only suddenly children are being told to put their biological gender in doubt, and that they can in fact pick from 72 different kinds, if they want.
Why should these anti-misogyny classes be any different? Because I can imagine all too clearly what the narrative might become. As with critical race theory, we'd have teachers telling young boys that they are inherently misogynistic. That they can only be cleansed of this natural toxicity if they shed all characteristically male attributes and become more like girls. And this would only compound the problem.
Boys have had enough of being told that they are the bad apples. Every statistic now reflects how detrimental that strategy has been, from their worsening academic performance to their school drop-out rates. We now know that 550,000 young men are not in work, education or training, and that for the first time in history, young men are earning less than women (by nine per cent).
It's because they no longer feel that there is a place for them out there in the world – where their loud voices may cause upset and their preference for directness is construed as 'aggressive' – that they have been driven underground towards the likes of Tate.
If we are genuinely trying to quash the rise of misogyny in boys and young men, we should be looking at what they find so appealing about 'manosphere' influencers. And by the way, the answer to that is simple: it's about value. These cynical, money-making scumbags have only got where they are by making boys feel valued.
We can do that too. We can show them that they are valued for what they are, and not what they could or should be if they change everything about themselves 'to fit'. That alone would take away so much resentment and allow a respect for women to flourish.
But if Starmer – who has apparently been watching Adolescence with his two teenagers – really wants to make an immediate difference, he knows what he has to do: ditch the cowardly 'we'll leave it up to you' stance and ban mobile phones in schools.
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