Joanna Fortune: A trial visit to playschool didn't go well, I'm dreading the real thing in September
She is due to start playschool in September and I'm dreading it. A trial visit in June did not go well — she got distressed when I attempted to leave, so I stayed with her. What would you advise?
Toddlers often find transitions challenging because young children thrive in familiar environments where they experience safe predictability.
Any changes in routine that would introduce someone new into their care network or see them entering a new and therefore unfamiliar environment is often met with resistance.
This resistance can be expressed as protest (refusing to go to school) or distress (tears and clinginess) but underpinning both of these overt expressions is a level of worry and uncertainty as to how this new change will go for them.
We know that transitions can activate worry within a child, especially when they don't yet understand what their time away from their attachment figures will look, sound, and feel like, so the best start is to accept and empathise with their feelings.
Validate it for her: 'I know trying new things can feel scary. You don't know anyone here very well yet but there are lots of children to play with, cool new toys and really kind grown-ups who know how to read great stories. This is a fun place when you get to know it.'
Words are our grown-up way of explaining something but, of course, young children learn by doing more than speaking. So, plan for playing this out.
Take out some small-world toys (miniature dolls from a dolls house/Sylvanian family characters/Playmobil characters, etc) and play out a short scenario of one of the little characters going to a new school, your story can include the little character being nervous and hesitant, hiding behind the parent's legs and tentatively exploring the new place to discover how much fun it is. Play this out with her many times, certainly daily, to build up an understanding of the transition.
Having a routine that gives her non-verbal but experiential cues on her way in to preschool and home — things that mark the point of separation and reunification for her — can be helpful.
This might look like playing a particular playlist of songs on the drive (if you drive) or playing I-Spy on the walk to the entrance. Then greeting her with a little babycino (small cup of warm milk with a dusting of cocoa powder on top) or a snack and a juice at the end of the day or playing 'animal walks' to get home/back to the car (whereby you walk like different animals, taking turns to name an animal to walk like). These are playful ways to cue her that you will leave and return.
Another symbolic way to mark this is to draw a small red heart on your wrist and one on hers. Tell her these are love buttons and press them together when you are saying goodbye, telling her that when she misses you, she can touch this heart and you will send love from your heart to hers.
Books like The Invisible String by Patrice Karst help children to understand that we are still connected even when not together and Going to School from the Usbourne First Experiences range can also be helpful.
Stick with it - lots of reassurance and repetition should help her adjust and settle. Be sure that you have support for yourself, as these transitions are also tough on parents.
If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie
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Irish Examiner
12-08-2025
- Irish Examiner
Joanna Fortune: A trial visit to playschool didn't go well, I'm dreading the real thing in September
My three-year-old daughter is very attached to me. She's an only child, and we do almost everything together. I work part-time, and my mum comes to the house to look after her, so it's an easy transition. She is due to start playschool in September and I'm dreading it. A trial visit in June did not go well — she got distressed when I attempted to leave, so I stayed with her. What would you advise? Toddlers often find transitions challenging because young children thrive in familiar environments where they experience safe predictability. Any changes in routine that would introduce someone new into their care network or see them entering a new and therefore unfamiliar environment is often met with resistance. This resistance can be expressed as protest (refusing to go to school) or distress (tears and clinginess) but underpinning both of these overt expressions is a level of worry and uncertainty as to how this new change will go for them. We know that transitions can activate worry within a child, especially when they don't yet understand what their time away from their attachment figures will look, sound, and feel like, so the best start is to accept and empathise with their feelings. Validate it for her: 'I know trying new things can feel scary. You don't know anyone here very well yet but there are lots of children to play with, cool new toys and really kind grown-ups who know how to read great stories. This is a fun place when you get to know it.' Words are our grown-up way of explaining something but, of course, young children learn by doing more than speaking. So, plan for playing this out. Take out some small-world toys (miniature dolls from a dolls house/Sylvanian family characters/Playmobil characters, etc) and play out a short scenario of one of the little characters going to a new school, your story can include the little character being nervous and hesitant, hiding behind the parent's legs and tentatively exploring the new place to discover how much fun it is. Play this out with her many times, certainly daily, to build up an understanding of the transition. Having a routine that gives her non-verbal but experiential cues on her way in to preschool and home — things that mark the point of separation and reunification for her — can be helpful. This might look like playing a particular playlist of songs on the drive (if you drive) or playing I-Spy on the walk to the entrance. Then greeting her with a little babycino (small cup of warm milk with a dusting of cocoa powder on top) or a snack and a juice at the end of the day or playing 'animal walks' to get home/back to the car (whereby you walk like different animals, taking turns to name an animal to walk like). These are playful ways to cue her that you will leave and return. Another symbolic way to mark this is to draw a small red heart on your wrist and one on hers. Tell her these are love buttons and press them together when you are saying goodbye, telling her that when she misses you, she can touch this heart and you will send love from your heart to hers. Books like The Invisible String by Patrice Karst help children to understand that we are still connected even when not together and Going to School from the Usbourne First Experiences range can also be helpful. Stick with it - lots of reassurance and repetition should help her adjust and settle. Be sure that you have support for yourself, as these transitions are also tough on parents. If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@
Irish Daily Mirror
29-06-2025
- Irish Daily Mirror
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In a mere 12 minutes, the USS Indianapolis, a ship spanning "two football fields in length", slipped beneath the waves, claiming the lives of approximately 300 crewmen. Of the nearly 1,200 men on board, around 900 were left stranded on the surface, with only a handful of life jackets and life rafts to shield them from the unforgiving ocean. Unfortunately, the powerless men could do nothing as ravenous sharks began to circle in a bloody frenzy that left an indelible mark on the survivors, reports the Mirror. Believed to be a mixture of oceanic whitetips and possibly tiger sharks, the creatures ravaged the corpses of the drowned sailors before turning their attention to those still alive. Speaking to BBC News in 2013, survivor Loel Dean Cox, who was only 19 during the harrowing incident, recalled how he and his mates initially thought they could "hold out for a couple of days" until rescue arrived. Sadly, because of communication blunders and additional problems, the USS Indianapolis was not reported missing when it failed to show up at Leyte Gulf on July 31 as expected. No one on shore was aware that the crew, many mere lads, were adrift in the open sea, clinging together and thrashing in a futile effort to fend off the relentless bite of the sharks. Initially, the men tried to shoo away the deceased amongst them, believing that this might deter the sharks temporarily from attacking the living. Alas, the predators were too shrewd, leaving no reprieve from their enhanced senses. Loel has memories of some creatures measuring a colossal "15ft long", and he witnessed them picking off "three or four each night and day". He shared, "You were constantly in fear because you'd see 'em all the time. Every few minutes, you'd see their fins - a dozen to two dozen fins in the water. "They would come up and bump you. I was bumped a few times - you never know when they are going to attack you." Harold Eck, another seaman who was just 18 at the time, recounted the first terrifying assault he saw, divulging: 'The first attack I saw was on a sailor who had drifted away from the group. I heard yelling and screaming and saw him thrashing... then I just saw red, foamy water.' It became clear that the sharks targeted those straying from the main group, prompting the men to stay as close as possible. The World War II Museum records how Harlan Twible, fresh out of the US Naval Academy, coordinated "shark watches" to keep survivors in sizeable groups, repelling the incessant onslaughts by kicking and striking the predators. Those who succumbed were severed from the collective and consigned to the open sea. In desperate hunger, any man daring to open a tin of spam was swiftly snatched by the beasts, whilst others were paralysed by fear and chose not to eat. Under the scorching sun, some succumbed to thirst and drank seawater, falling into hallucinations amidst the perilous, shark-ridden waters, becoming even more susceptible. US Marine Corporal Edgar Harrell vividly detailed the harrowing experiences in his 2014 memoir, 'Out Of The Depths': "With our minds becoming unhinged, our tongues swollen and our throats squeezing shut, it's easy to understand why some of the survivors began drinking the saltwater. "The boys who fell into this trap soon had violent fits, whooping and hollering and twisting around in the water with flailing arms. Suddenly, as if an explosion had taken place, they would fall into a coma and go limp. Sometimes this would happen in the middle of a ring of sharks." He went on to recount his personal ordeal amidst the chaos, saying: 'On numerous occasions, I recall seeing a large fin coming straight at me. In horror, I would take what I thought would be my last breath and bend my knees up to my chest. "Sometimes I could feel a fin brush my body. Other times, I would merely feel the wake of the massive beast streaking through the water just underneath me." Harrell reflected on how these terrifying moments left him in continuous fear: "These gut-wrenching encounters caused me to feel as though I was constantly tied up in a knot, and my abdominal muscles became completely exhausted, leaving my legs to dangle helplessly in the path of the mighty marauders." After an agonising four days and five nights adrift, the sailors were fortuitously spotted by a passing U.S. naval aircraft, entirely by chance. By then, their numbers had tragically fallen to just 316. The US government chose to postpone the announcement of the incident until August 15, 1945, coinciding with the day the world learned of Japan's surrender, signalling the end of the grim era of World War II. Decades on, the harrowing tale continues to shock. 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