The perils of becoming a househusband

Times

6 days ago

Walter Schmidt and his wife, Barbara, have been married for 52 years. Their shared existence runs along well-developed grooves. Herr Schmidt, as he prefers to be known, is a curmudgeonly, self-congratulating old man, who was in his working days the 'king of overtime' but now spends most afternoons in an armchair, watching television and counting down the minutes until his next meal. Barbara is his ever-patient companion and, depending on the time of day, his alarm clock, barista, dog walker, secretary, laundress and private chef. 'Whatever she'd done before they met was hardly even worth mentioning.'
Early one Friday morning the settled life of the two German pensioners hits a snag. Barbara has a fall in the bathroom and bashes her head. She makes no fuss. Herr Schmidt, who is cross that his usual coffee has not been prepared ('his nostrils flared longingly, missing the familiar aroma') finds her sprawled across the tiles and ushers her back to bed.