"I'd Rather Look A Little Extra Than End Up On An Episode Of '20/20'": 29 Women Share The Dating Safety Tips They Swear By, And These Just Might Save Your Life One Day

Yahoo

5 days ago

I do not think that, in any way, shape, or form, it's an exaggeration to say dating as a woman in 2025 is hell.
Sure, dating apps make meeting people way easier...but they also make it super easy to have back-to-back awful dates with the worst people you've ever met. Whether there's just no chemistry or you're getting total creeper vibes and fear for your safety (which is, unfortunately, not an uncommon occurrence), it can feel like an uphill battle to even convince yourself to put yourself back out there again.
@kyylien / Via Twitter: @kyylien
All that being said, I asked women of the BuzzFeed Community to share the dating safety tips they swear by. From simple things that just might save your life to routines that make going on dates even a little less nerve-wracking, here are 29 pieces of advice they shared:
While these tips and tricks were shared by women, they, of course, apply to anyone, regardless of gender or sexuality. Safety is safety, folks!
1."Always let a friend know where you are going and who you're with. Tell someone the guy's name and phone number before the date, his car info when he picks you up, where he's taking you and when you arrive, when you leave, and when you get home. A couple of times in my dating years, this practice helped me and helped my friends out of uncomfortable/dangerous situations."
—Anonymous
"I always tell a friend or family member before I go on a date. I give them a screenshot of the guy's profile, his phone number, his full name, and the exact location and time of where we're meeting. I also share my location via cellphone."
—Anonymous
2."Always meet in a public place and remember that if they make you uncomfortable, don't stay silent. Make a scene so people are aware. They most likely enjoy the power play in making you feel awkward, so flip the situation and publicly shame them!"
—Anonymous"
"Once they are in your home...they can let anyone in, get to your drinks and food, and even access your medications. Use public dates until you really feel safe, and even then, have them leave at the end of the night. Get your own water and such."
—Anonymous"
3."I always buy my own drink (cocktail, coffee, etc.). With that, I can leave whenever I want to, whether it is because we aren't vibing or it starts to feel unsafe. Because I bought my own drink, I'm under no pressure to stay 'because they bought me a drink.'"
—Anonymous
"I always pay my share on the first two dates to ensure the person was not 'expecting' anything transactional out of me or would try to guilt me if I did not want to move forward with anything. This happened one time to me in college, and after that, I ensured to pay my way or for the whole thing if the date was especially bad. Angry, entitled men in a situation like that is not fun."
—Anonymous
4."I now always avoid suggesting places that I go to frequently for the first couple of dates. I had a bad first date at one of my favorite coffee places, and then the guy showed up there two times after that date, possibly to see if I was around. My friend worked there and told me about it."
—ebennet71
5."Always carry cash, so he can't grab your last name off the card and track you down."
—Anonymous
"I used to use my debit/credit card on dates, but after one especially horrible event where the man looked at my card when the waitress returned it to the table while I was in the bathroom, I now only ever use cash. He did not steal the credit card information, although that is a possibility, too. Instead, he got my full name off the card, found out where I lived via the internet, and then showed up at my apartment. It was super scary, and after that, I NEVER used my card again whilst dating."
—Anonymous
6."Look up the phone number for the place you're going and save it in your phone beforehand. If your date is extra sketchy and you're not comfortable trying to flag down a staff member in front of them, you can go to the bathroom and call from there for assistance."
—ssketchator1
7."I work as a bartender, and there was a girl who showed up early for a date and told us that if she ordered a Manhattan, then she was uncomfortable. I've heard of 'angel shots' before, but think this is better, especially if it's in earshot of the date."
—tiger24___
8."Instead of using a code phrase or word that someone else might be able to catch on to, my friends and I add three exclamation marks to our text if we need an out or are getting bad vibes on a date. For example, a text would say something like, 'Having a great time!!!' We don't usually text like this, so it's a red flag if we do, and likely wouldn't alert the person we were out with if they saw."
—Anonymous
9."I recently saw a TikTok where a girl explained that if you live in an apartment complex and feel like someone is following you home, you shouldn't turn the lights on right away when you get inside. If you do, it can tip them off as to which exact unit you live in, because that window will suddenly light up. Instead, wait a little bit, and then turn it on."
—Anonymous
10."Before you leave for a date, leave your apartment lights on. Whether they're driving you home, you're taking a rideshare service, or you're afraid they might follow you, it prevents other people from figuring out which apartment you live in if they wait around outside afterward to see you turn on the lights. If they're able to see the door you walk up to, it'll make them think there's someone else, like a roommate or family member, home as well."
—Anonymous
11."Try out a date that forces both of you to interact with others, such as karaoke. That way, if the other person starts getting weird, you'll have a whole room full of new friends who can help out."
—Anonymous
12."If you're exchanging your social media with someone instead of your phone number, give them a backup account and block them on your main account. That way if things go south, they can't find your main account and use it to contact your family or friends who may follow you on it."
—Anonymous
13."Take a dummy purse with you that you don't care about and keep your ID, card, phone, and keys on your person. If you have to bail, ask your date to 'watch your purse' and go. It will buy you a few extra minutes, and losing a thrifted bag with a lip balm in it is no big loss."
—Anonymous
14."On first dates, don't go for a long dinner. Opt for something short, like grabbing a coffee at a cafe. If you like the person, you can extend it into a meal. Another one I like is mini golf — if you don't like the person, once the round ends, you are free to leave."
—Anonymous
"Dates with no established end time, in my experience, can drag on and on, and it can be really tough to come up with an excuse to leave on the spot. I went on a date with a guy a few months ago and immediately realized I felt no chemistry with him (although he was perfectly nice), but because we didn't set an established end time to the date, I ended up stuck talking to him at the bar we were at for like 4-5 hours when I would've preferred to leave after maybe 2 hours. Always say you have plans 2-3 hours after the date starts so you have an established out!"
—violetgate
15."Get a 'Flare Bracelet'. The bracelet is cute and has a small, discreet button on the side. Press it once, and it will trigger a fake phone call from a script you selected to give you an excuse to leave. Press it twice, and it notifies the contacts you've selected of your location and that you're in trouble. Press it three times, it calls the cops and gives them your location (which is an optional feature)."
—Anonymous
If you, like me, were today years old when you learned that Flare Bracelets exist, allow me to be the first to tell you that they also come disguised as scrunchies, athletic bands, keychains, and initial necklaces to keep you safe and stylish.
16."Trust your instincts and get out if you don't feel safe or if you sense something is 'off.' It just might save your life. One time, I went on a date with someone, and they were constantly looking across the room. I thought they were looking at the clock, which was weird, and I took it as an offense. I decided to get up and leave, but I realized soon after I got up that he was staring at a guy sitting in the booth across from us. He was a big, muscular guy with just an iced tea. He'd been sitting there for the whole date and walked in maybe five minutes after we did."
"They gave each other this weird 'Go get her,' look when I got up, so I turned around and said, 'Hey, my friend is outside; he just got back from the gym. I'm gonna go say hi.' As soon as I was out of their range of view, I ran to hail a taxi and never saw him or the guy again."
—Anonymous
17."If you're meeting someone from an app, I recommend having at least a 20- to 30-minute phone call first. It gives you far more information than texting back and forth on a dating app does. If something feels off, it's way easier to get off of a phone call than an in-person date, when you might be feeling more nervous or distracted."
—Anonymous
18."For a first date, I always meet them at a public place. After the date is over and I am leaving to go home, I deliberately turn the wrong way. It takes longer, but at least I can tell if I am being followed or not."
—Anonymous
"If you think someone is following you, take a right turn four times in a row, so you go in a circle. If the car continues to follow you, you are being followed. Pull into the nearest police station ASAP."
—Anonymous
19."Do not let them push you into meeting them at their house the first, second, or whatever time, until you are comfortable. I've had way too many guys refuse to meet at a public place for the first meeting. That's an instant red flag and block. It's a simple request, and if they can't respect my wishes to meet in public, then they definitely won't be respectful of me down the road on other things."
—aliheck90
20."I insist on driving myself and park in a well-lit and populated area. I typically try for a daytime date on the weekend, where restaurants and coffee shops are busy, and it's still plenty light outside. I also avoid more than one alcoholic drink and never leave my beverage alone (like if I go to the restroom). "
When I leave, I always fudge about where I'm going — meet my roommate, girls night, etc. and take lots of wrong turns before actually heading home. When in doubt, call a friend to meet you or let an employee know you feel uncomfortable. I'd rather look a little extra than end up on an episode of 20/20."
—Anonymous
'I no longer meet for first dates after dark, I do not let dates pick me up, and a family member is always able to track my location. Safety first, always."
—Anonymous
"DO NOT LET HIM PICK YOU UP. Keep your address to yourself until you know more about this person. If he has any respect for you, he will understand. If he doesn't understand, RUN."
—bloodwynne
21."Google the person's phone number, look them up on LinkedIn to confirm location, age, and identity. Check their social media to see how old their photos are. Do a lunch or coffee date and see how a guy reacts — if he is bitter or wants to only go to a bar, you have your answer."
—Anonymous
22."If you're getting dropped off at home by your date or a cab/Uber/taxi/Lyft, tell them you're staying with or getting dropped off at a friend's house. That way, they won't think you're going home to an empty place and will believe — if anything should happen — that someone is expecting you and will notice your absence immediately."
—Anonymous
23."Remember that it's OK to have firm boundaries and to say no to things, even if you're interested in someone. A big part of dating is putting yourself out there, but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice things that make you feel safe or comfortable for the sake of another person's opinion."
"If someone is pressuring you to swap phone numbers, for example, and keeps doing so after you recommend using social media instead, you don't owe them anything. If someone is truly interested in getting to know you, they won't mind waiting a little longer or swapping memes on Instagram instead of via text for a little while."
—Anonymous
24."Always meet at a public place, and buy something with one of your cards while you're there. Should anything happen, your bank history will give an idea of where you were. Places with cameras are even better so they can match up time stamps with whomever you met, if it goes bad."
—Anonymous
25."I always, ALWAYS ask for a person's last name if we met on a dating app. If someone isn't willing to tell me, I won't go on the date. In case the worst should happen — I at least have the full name of the person. Also, I can't tell you how many people I have met on dating apps that want to either meet at my home or theirs before meeting in public — also an automatic NO. I watch too much true crime to do that."
—lesliec21
26."I have a recording of a guy friend pretending to be my dad having a conversation with me on the phone. I play it when I feel unsafe in a car like Uber or any other uncomfortable dating situation so the other person 'knows' I have someone expecting me. It plays a ring tone three times and has pauses in between for me to respond to sound as realistic as possible."
—Lalalace1640
27."Do not ever, ever, EVER!!!!! leave your drink unattended. Even at my favorite bar, when I go to the bathroom, I either finish my drink or pass it to the bartender or barback, and they keep it back there, out of the reach of others, until I come back. I don't give a fuck if it makes me look 'paranoid' or if they give me the side eye. You've gotta stay safe."
—f4bul0u5
28."If your date appears to be standing you up and a 'nice person' just happens to be nearby and wants to 'save your night' or strikes up conversation about being stood up, never fall for it. Some people do this so they appear to be the good guy even if they aren't, and some do this to make it easier to play on your emotions. Get out of there."
—samanthah4d80e78de
29.And finally, "Whether this is your first time ever on a date or you're a seasoned pro at this, don't overestimate your abilities. You may think that you're able to scan out every scenario and handle every issue that comes your way, but it's better to be safe than sorry."
—Anonymous
Do you have a first date safety tip you swear by? If so, tell us about it in the comments below or via this completely anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Solve the daily Crossword