Confidence reimagined: My Journey with Roxie Nafousi

IOL News

20-05-2025

Confidence is your roadmap to knowing your worth and living unapologetically.
Patterns kept repeating. Old ways of thinking, self-doubt, and that nagging voice of low self-esteem seemed stuck on a loop in my mind.
I had just put down The Next Day by Melinda French Gates – a book full of inspiration and forward momentum – when I picked up Roxie Nafousi's Confidence. The title itself felt like a play on words, almost a gentle nudge: confidence isn't a destination, but a continuous process, a daily choice to rise.
From the very first pages, Confidence felt less like a book and more like a coaching session with a wise, compassionate friend who truly understands the struggle of feeling 'not enough.' Roxie's approach is refreshingly grounded. She shatters the myth that confidence must be loud or flashy, instead inviting us to cultivate a steady, inner knowing rooted in self-respect – not external validation. As she writes, 'True confidence is not about being the loudest in the room; it's about being the most comfortable in your own skin.'
Three powerful takeaways stood out for me: the emphasis on confidence being quiet and grounded, the necessity of breaking the comparison cycle, and the realisation that confidence is a daily practice. These aren't just nice ideas; they're actionable principles that transform your mindset.
Roxie's framework is built around eight practical steps that guide you through this transformation: Master Your Thoughts – Become aware of and shift negative self-talk. Act with Intention – Make choices aligned with your values, not fear. Stop Trying to Be Liked by Everybody – Release the need for external approval. Break Free from Comparison – Celebrate your unique journey. Celebrate Yourself – Practice self-appreciation and accept compliments. Do Hard Things – Build resilience by stepping outside your comfort zone. Be of Service to Others – Connect and find value through helping. Show Up as Your Best Self – Commit to consistent growth and authenticity.
What struck me most was how she addresses the toxic cycle of comparison, especially in our social media-saturated world. Roxie doesn't just tell you to stop comparing; she offers practical exercises that feel doable, like gentle daily rituals to retrain your brain. This aligns beautifully with the neuroscience insights of Tara Swart, whom Roxie references, showing how our brains can literally be rewired through intention and practice. Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, feeling a pang of envy, and then spiralling into self-doubt? Roxie gets it, and she provides real tools to disrupt that pattern. 'Comparison is the thief of joy,' she reminds us, 'but it's also a habit we can unlearn.'
I also appreciated the integration of trauma-informed perspectives, echoing the work of Gabor Maté. Roxie acknowledges that many of us carry deep wounds that fuel low self-esteem and people-pleasing behaviours. Her emphasis on self-compassion and breaking free from these patterns feels both healing and empowering. I remember her sharing her vulnerability regarding low self-esteem stemming from childhood insecurities and feeling like an outsider. Have you found yourself feeling that way? It made her advice feel so authentic. 'Healing begins when we stop fighting ourselves and start embracing our stories with kindness,' she writes.
One of the most refreshing aspects is Roxie's reminder that confidence grows not just from within but through connection and service to others. She highlights that 'being of service to others' can surprisingly boost your own confidence by reminding you of your value in meaningful ways. This outward focus adds richness and depth to the journey, countering the common notion that confidence is purely self-focused.
The book was a reminder for me, as I've delved into this work before, and I appreciated revisiting these concepts with fresh eyes. It reinforced the importance of daily intentionality and self-compassion in building confidence. Roxie's practical exercises and compassionate tone make this more than just a read-it-once book – it's a guide to return to whenever those old patterns threaten to resurface.
Even so, I won't pretend the journey is easy. There were moments when old doubts crept back in, reminding me that confidence is a lifelong practice, not a quick fix. Roxie's openness about her own struggles made me feel less alone in those moments and encouraged me to keep showing up for myself. 'Confidence is not the absence of fear,' she says, 'but the courage to move forward despite it.'
I found myself resonating deeply with her call to 'celebrate yourself' - something I had long neglected. Learning to accept compliments without deflecting them felt revolutionary. It's a simple but profound step toward honouring your worth.
For me, Roxie's insights were the perfect companions to Melinda French Gates' call to action—deeply personal invitations to rise, every day, in my own quiet power.
This book wasn't just about confidence; it was about honoring my own path and showing up fully, even when no one is watching. Thank you, Roxie, for this gift
* Confidence by Roxie Nafousi can be obtained at Exclusive Books.