The story of the Coldplay couple unfolded like a soap opera. But was the pile-on that followed a proportional response?
Within 24 hours, the internet had done what it does best: turned sleuth. The names of the pair were quickly revealed. LinkedIns found. Both were senior executives at a New York data firm, he, the CEO; she, the head of HR. Both married. With children.
The story unfolded like a soap opera. The CEO's wife's Facebook was discovered. Internet watchdogs noticed she'd removed her last name. The internet was furious and equally entertained.
Thousands of memes circulated. Parodies flooded TikTok. Calls to fire them rivalled calls for humanitarian justice and in the most corporate plot twist of all, it spilled over to LinkedIn. Beneath the HR manager's last post, commenters asked if cheating was in the job description.
This was a media storm. But more than that, it was a public trial.
We live in a digital panopticon. Surveillance isn't top-down any more, it's lateral. It's ambient and crowdsourced. It can come from your neighbour. A passerby. A stranger on their phone.
Think of the people unknowingly caught in the background of an OOTD video. A 'what are you listening to?' vox pop could inadvertently feature a woman on the run from an abusive partner. In a world obsessed with consent, there seems to be a blind spot when it comes to online consent.
There's an entire genre on TikTok dedicated to background reactions. Someone in the corner makes a face, maybe startled by a flash, maybe just not wanting to be filmed and the internet crowns them a hater or a bully. Then, their account is found. Their employer tagged. Calls for termination follow.
When did virality replace due process?
Public shaming is now a participatory sport. Viral justice is gamified. We chase information like it's loot in a moral scavenger hunt for names, jobs, partners, homes. Every new fact unlocked is rewarded in likes and retweets.
What starts as accountability often becomes performance. What begins as critique becomes content.
Yes, if the Coldplay couple were having an affair, it may be amoral. It might shed light on power dynamics in the workplace. But was the doxing, the intense, invasive publishing of private details a proportional response?
Don't get me wrong, doxing has done good. During the January 6 Capitol riots, internet sleuths helped identify rioters, some of whom were later arrested. It showed that the people, armed with nothing but wifi and rage, could hold power to account.
But doxing is neutral and the internet is agnostic to moral weight. It rewards the performance of outrage, not the ethics behind it.
Sometimes, people get doxed over something as small as complaining about a coffee order or a haircut. We don't pause to ask: What kind of day were they having? What if they were grieving? Overwhelmed? Underpaid? In the rush to moralise a moment, we strip away all context. There's no room for nuance.
Sometimes, innocent people get caught in the crossfire, punished not for who they are, but for a single frame of a much bigger picture.
The collateral damage of instant moralism is real.
Do we really want kids harassed at school because their parent made a mistake? Or someone's house posted online because they turned away a guest and their antipasto salad?
What about the CEO's wife, who woke up one day and watched the entire internet dissect her life, her job, her marriage?
Once something is online, it metastasises far beyond the original wrongdoing. It's not just about justice any more. It's about content spreadability.
Today's reality is knowing your face might be the next meme. Your breakdown, someone's new Twitter DP.
The just world hypothesis suggests we like to believe people get what they deserve. It comforts us. But 'deserving' is a slippery logic. It changes depending on the narrative, the context, the mood or even the meme template.
Honestly? I was entertained by the Coldplay spectacle. He's a CEO, and I'm a card-carrying member of the 'eat the rich' school of thought. But even that is a slippery slope.
We're collectively trying to decide through digital telepathy, what makes it OK to ruin someone's life. That is an impossible task. It's endlessly malleable. Infinitely debatable.
What do we lose when we treat every viral moment like a courtroom?
What do we gain from piling on, without considering the proportion of the punishment?
Yes, celebrities have chosen to live in the public eye. They have PR teams. They have crisis managers. Sometimes, they have Oprah and a tell-all interview.
But the Coldplay couple? They don't have a publicist and even if they did, they owe the public nothing. If something did happen, the only people who deserve an explanation are their families, whose lives have been permanently altered by two people's choices.
Well… maybe also the HR manager at their workplace.
Oh, wait. Never mind. I never said I wasn't part of the problem.
Miski Omar is a speech pathologist, writer and director from Sydney
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'We became friends but we didn't start seeing each other until five years later,' says Ellie, now 55. 'By then I was a single mum with a seven-month-old boy named after my dad and Ron had a son with his former wife.' The couple went on to have another boy named Aaron together and got married soon after. When David was six and Aaron was almost four, the couple welcomed their daughter Ashlee. 'All I'd ever wanted in life was to be a mum and I worked hard at being a good one,' Ellie says. 'The kids were my pride and joy. 'David was tall for his age with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. He was my little man. He was close to my dad who he called 'Gampa' and he liked fishing and country music. 'Meanwhile Aaron was my quiet one and had a beautiful smile and blue eyes too. 'He and David were best mates and they doted on their blue-eyed baby sister.' Behind closed doors While Ellie thrived off being a parent and loved family life, her relationship with Jonker deteriorated. 'He was verbally abusive and pushed and shoved me,' Ellie says. 'But worse than that he was completely disinterested in the kids and even cruel.' 8 8 Ellie claims there were several occasions when she had seen Jonker physically harm her boys and by the end of September 1998 she ended the relationship moving herself and the kids in with her dad. 'Ron was angry but I tried keeping things civil,' Ellie says. 'I told him he could have the kids over whenever he liked and that he was welcome over for dinner any time. 'I thought we'd work it out.' On Friday, October 2nd, Ron took the kids for the weekend. After a few days he called to ask if he could have the children for a few more days. 'I agreed hoping it was an attempt from him at being a better dad,' Ellie says. 'But when I popped in to see the children, Ron flew into a rage, grabbing me round the throat.' Custody battle begins A few days later Jonker called Ellie to tell he was going to file for full custody of the kids. 'I was distraught,' she admits. 'I loved my kids so much that if I genuinely thought Ron was the better parent, I'd have let him raise them, after all I had been raised by my dad. 'Ron refused to give the kids back and would be violent and abusive when I saw him.' On Monday October 19 1998, three weeks after the couple split, they had the custody hearing. The judge awarded Ellie custody, allowing Jonker two weekends out of three and he was ordered to return the children on October 23rd. 'When I saw Ron outside the court it was like looking at evil and I had a horrific premonition,' Ellie recalls. Killer instincts 'I told my lawyer I was sure he was going to kill our kids and begged her to do something but she said there was nothing she could do as there was no sign he was going to hurt them.' But Ellie was so concerned that she called the police. An officer was sent round to Jonker's home but they reported he was no threat to himself or his children. 'I called the child welfare authorities and begged them to take the kids out of his care,' Ellie recalls. 'I gave them permission to put my kids in the system as long as they were away from him but nobody listened.' On 21st October, Jonker allowed the children to call Ellie and she spoke to Aaron and David briefly. 'They seemed fine and Ron indicated he was bringing them kids back so I was excited,' she says. At around 6.20pm Jonker called and spoke to Ellie's dad David and instructed him to go to the bottom of the drive. 'I assumed he was handing the kids to dad and didn't want to see me,' Ellie says. But David snr only returned with a letter from Jonker. It read: 'I did warn you that if you won in court, you would lose. Murder threats made 'Unless some divine miracle happens the next time you see my kids will be to make a positive ID at the Coroner's Office.' Ellie admits she was 'hysterical' but was able to call the police who arrived 15 minutes later. They consulted with a superior then instructed Ellie to ring Jonker to find out where he was and arrange a meeting. 'After repeated calls, I got through,' Ellie says. 'I told him he could have full custody as long as he didn't hurt the children. 'He agreed to meet me at 8.30pm at a place called Gingin but warned me to come alone.' It was just before 7pm and Gingin was 80 minutes away. 'The cops told me it was too dangerous for me to go and insisted on accompanying me,' Ellie says. 'At 8.20pm he rang and dad answered who stalled him by telling him I was on the way. 'He rang again 20 minutes later, he heard the boys in the background and they were crying 'Gampa help us'.' As the police approached, Jonker caught sight of them and drove off. They followed the car but had to abandon it when Jonker hit 170km. 'He called me afterwards and told me he'd warned me about the police,' Ellie says. 'He said he thought he'd lost them and said 'you've done your dash' then hung up. Where to seek grief support Need professional help with grief? Child Bereavement UK Cruse Bereavement Relate The Good Grief Trust You can also always speak to your GP if you're struggling. You're Not Alone Check out these books, podcasts and apps that all expertly navigate grief… Griefcast: Cariad Lloyd interviews comedians on this award-winning podcast. The Madness Of Grief by Rev Richard Coles (£9.99, W&N): The Strictly fave writes movingly on losing his husband David to alcoholism. Terrible, Thanks For Asking: Podcast host Nora McInerny encourages non-celebs to share how they're really feeling. Good Mourning by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn (£14.99, Murdoch Books): A guide for people who've suffered sudden loss, like the authors who both lost their mums. Grief Works: Download this for daily meditations and expert tips. How To Grieve Like A Champ by Lianna Champ (£3.99, Red Door Press): A book for improving your relationship with death. 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Daily Mail
2 hours ago
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Alabama town rocked by horror family-of-four killed in suspected murder-suicide
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