20 top pubs in the UK to visit by paddleboard, kayak or canoe
I've spent a year or so researching dozens of these excursions around the country for my new book, Paddle and Pub — from sea kayaking into Cornish caves or along Loch Sween to paddleboarding through secret creeks and quiet canals in Hampshire — some of which are detailed here. You'll need to do some extra route planning and research, especially where tides are involved, and be sure to gen up on safety precautions — always wear a buoyancy aid, take a phone and wear the correct leash (a safety tether to prevent your paddleboard or kayak from drifting away if you fall in), and definitely don't paddle when pissed. Do the drinking afterwards or only have as much as you would when driving.
Water is dangerous, but most of these routes are easy, taking just a few hours, and many involve going with a tour or hire company to make things even simpler. Those who go independently may need a British Waterways Licence (£60 per year) for some routes, and where these are one-way it can be handy to arrange a lift at the end, or do a two-car shuffle, leaving a car at the finish point. The websites gopaddling.info and paddleuk.org.uk are a great source of further information. If you've got a paddleboard or inflatable kayak festering in the garage, take this as your excuse to get it out and have some fun.
This paddle is dazzlingly fresh and joyful on a good-weather day, with sunshine glinting on the gentle wash of the tidal channel that is Chichester Harbour. About halfway up from the sea is Itchenor, the start point for an uplifting hour's paddle to the smart Crown & Anchorat Dell Quay. Guided small group trips in sleek sea kayaks that cut through the waves are run by Fluid Adventures.Look out for cormorants, terns and little egrets as you head upriver with the incoming tide, working up an appetite as you paddle towards your seafood lunch and returning after it with the turning tide.
The 16th-century inn with busy terraces is a bit boaty, quite lively. Go for the hot mackerel salad (£16.50) or a crab burger with seaweed salt chips (£21), and something from the spritz menu (from £7.75).
Details £70pp (fluidadventures.co.uk) Make a weekend of it In a red brick townhouse in the centre of nearby Chichester, the Harbour Hotel Chichester has a small spa, a dramatically dark dining room and pretty rooms in sandy, mossy colours (B&B doubles from £115; harbourhotels.co.uk)
North Cornwall's St Agnes Heritage Coast offers one of the most visually striking sea kayak routes in the country, taking in cliffs streaked with copper, oxidised into vivid shades of turquoise and blue, as if someone tipped barrels of bright paint down the rocks. The cave system and rock formations are comparable to those you might find in Thailand.
Koru Kayaking runs superb two-hour guided trips here (as well as on Cornwall's Helford River) from St Agnes's beach, Trevaunance Cove. You'll encounter seals, great big bruisers that float upright like bristle-whiskered buoys or whose silver forms flash by beneath your paddle. Along the cliffs are the remnants of mine workings — you paddle through gullies and archways that are partly natural, partly blasted out by miners' dynamite, and explore a huge roofless cathedral of a fallen cave. Back on the beach, walk up to locals' favourite the Driftwood Spars, where plumbers, millionaires, fishermen and celebs chew the fat over local Sea Shanty ales.
Details £65pp (korukayaking.co.uk)Make a weekend of it The Driftwood Spars has seaview rooms, B&B doubles from £121 (driftwoodspars.co.uk)
There can't be many British sailors unfamiliar with the Pandora Inn, a renowned spot among yachties and motorboaters who tie up at its long pontoon for a glass of wine over the shimmering water of Restronguet Creek, one of the tributaries of Carrick Roads, the River Fal's estuary. More fun is to arrive by sit-on-top kayak or paddleboard, starting out from Mylor Yacht Harbour near Falmouth, where you can hire SUPs or kayaks and a guide from Falmouth River Watersports for the 40-minute paddle.
Pull in on the tiny crescent of sand for a swift St Austell ale, or a long lazy lunch of whitebait and Pandora fish pie (mains from £18).
Details Two-hour tour £50pp (falmouthriverwatersports.co.uk), three hours' hire from £35Make a weekend of it In Falmouth, the Star & Garter is a hip Georgian townhouse pub with harbour view apartments (a night's self-catering for two from £130; starandgarterfalmouth.co.uk)
A fish's plop, waving reeds, bird calls, mature trees and empty golden fields … the sights and sounds around the upper part of the Thames, near Faringdon and Lechlade on Thames, couldn't be more different from the busy thoroughfare of the capital. Here the river is a quiet winding narrow ribbon, beside which the hugely characterful Trout Inn (thetroutinn.com) has sat for 800 years. It's a traditional Cotswold pub — one without a celebrity chef at the helm or a greige Scandi-rustic makeover; a grandfather clock and a 7kg taxidermy pike, caught here in 1902, are what stand for interior design.
Paddlers with their own gear can follow a leafy 30-minute route starting a kilometre downriver in the pretty village of Buscot, or hire kayaks, canoes and SUPs around 1.5km upriver at Lechlade from Cotswold Canoe Hire, next to the Riverside, a modern pub with a beer garden (mains from £14.95, riverside-lechdale.com).
Details An hour's hire from £35(cotswoldcanoehire.co.uk)Make a weekend of it Near Buscot, the National Trust's Lock Cottage has a night's self-catering from£454 (nationaltrust.org.uk)
The Cuckmere Meanders are shiny looping ribbons at the tail end of the River Cuckmere, curling through the grassy landscape of the Seven Sisters country park in the South Downs. They make a gentle, easy, beginner-friendly paddle through a nature reserve to Cuckmere Haven beach, with views of the sheer white cliffs of the Seven Sisters.
Buzz Active, a not-for-profit watersports organisation run by East Sussex county council, has a base here, just inside the South Downs National Park, offering SUP and kayak hire and guided tours of this three-hour, there-and-back route, while independent paddlers can launch from the wharf in the South Car Park.
Back at base, walk a few minutes to the smartened-up Cuckmere Inn by Exceat Bridge, with local Harvey's Sussex Best on tap and an expansive beer garden looking down on the river and up to the Downs. Prawn, halloumi or meat skewers (from £18.75), burgers (from £15.95), and pubby mains (from £16.75) are on the menu.
Details One hour's kayak hire from £17.50pp, three-hour tour £45 (buzzactive.org.uk) Make a weekend of it In Alfriston, the Star boutique hotel inhabits a revamped 15th-century inn with a beamed frontage, owned by the interiors maestros Olga and Alex Polizzi (B&B doubles from £260; thepolizzicollection.com/the-star)
Devon's cathedral city is home to a popular, easy dash of a pub paddle that's great for beginners. From Exeter's Historic Quayside — which has undergone a slick revival in recent years, with waterside warehouses transformed into breweries, bars and cafés — you follow the Exeter Ship Canal east out of the city. It soon falls in parallel with the River Exe, and after 40 minutes, between the two is the Double Locks, a corker of a waterside pub.
A long wooden deck of beer tables stretches beside the water and inside wonky walls are hung with natty art. Go for a local cider or something off the spritz list (from £6.75) and Fowey mussels (£16) or day boat fish (£24). AS Watersports hires kayaks and SUPs on Exeter quayside, and runs summer evening paddles to the pub anyone can join.
Details Two hours' hire from £27.50 (aswatersports.co.uk)Make a weekend of it In Exeter, the Turk's Head micropub and hotel is a dark green drinking den once frequented by Charles Dickens, now glammed up with chandeliers and stylish bedrooms feature raw wood headboards (room-only doubles from £60; turksheadexeter.com)
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Beside the sandy sweep of Porthdinllaen beach, which curls around a protected bay backed by steep hills on the unspoilt north coast of the Llŷn peninsula, is the Tŷ Coch Inn — one of the most beautifully positioned pubs in Wales. There's no public access by road so most walk, or paddle the 1.5km across from Morfa Nefyn. Inside the old-timey, Aladdin's cave of a pub, musical instruments hang on walls and lanterns dangle from the ceiling. Wild Horse pale ale can be soaked up with simple open prawn sandwiches. Rent paddleboards, including delivery anywhere on the Llŷn peninsula, through the tourist board.
Details A day's hire from £40 (discoverllyn.com/paddleboard)Make a weekend of it Rent a holiday cottage such as Boom Cottage, a former boathouse near Morfa Nefyn that has been smartly converted, now with a barrel sauna and outdoor hot tub. Seven nights self-catering for seven from £724 boomcottage.co.uk)
'It should really be called Ye Very Old Ferrie Inn,' the landlord Jamie Hicks said, joking, when we met at his fine waterside hostelry in Symonds Yat. 'After all, it was established in 1473.' There are dozens of pubs on the Wye, which keen paddlers might link together as one mighty multi-day pub crawl, but this one is perfect for dipping your toe in as it has its own rental outlet, YOFI Paddlesports, hiring Canadian-style canoes or SUPs by the hour from beneath a weeping willow.
Good slow-cooked Herefordshire lamb shoulder (£21.50) and pigeon (£17) are on the menu, the Wye Valley Brewery's Butty Bach is on tap, while upstairs, cosy bedrooms are supplied with binoculars for tracking the peregrine falcons that zip from the cliffs across the water. (B&B doubles from £130; yeoldferrieinn.com).
Details An hour's hire is £25 (yofipaddlesports.com)
Mighty and muddy, the Severn is, at 220 miles, the UK's longest river, charging through the Midlands after bubbling up in the Cambrian Mountains in Wales. An attractive 12 mile route to Shrewsbury is a straightforward section through green countryside, ending at a wonderful pub. Starting northwest of the Shropshire town, an easy paddle of about four to five hours follows the river's looping mad doodle as it ribbons back on itself through dramatically tall woodland where buzzards soar overhead. Hire a Canoe takes paddlers by minibus to the start point, Montford Bridge, to go it alone in Canadian canoes downstream back to Shrewsbury and the Boathouse Inn, with its pontoon and a terrace by the water. Mushroom strudel (£19.50) and game pie (£19) are options. Come in August to catch the pub's Gin Fest.
Details 12-mile trip,£75pp; an hour's hire in Shrewsbury from £25 (hireacanoe.com) Make a weekend of it Stay at Shrewsbury's chic Lion + Pheasant, a smart, contemporary but characterful inn near the Thomas Telford-designed English Bridge. Light grey wooden-beamed rooms accompany a fine-dining restaurant doing artful plates. (B&B doubles from £165; lionandpheasant.co.uk)
In Co Antrim, the northeast's Causeway Coast is a spectacular landscape, where Ballycastle lies near a flat sweep of sand and cliffs so high and sheer that Red Bull has hosted cliff diving events there. Causeway Coast Kayaking Tours depart from Ballycastle harbour, passing interesting rock formations along the shore, some running by the Giant's Causeway. Afterwards head to the seafront Harbour Bar or O'Connors Bar, up the road on Ann Street, with proper Irish music played live and artfully presented plates of food (hot seafood platters, £24.50). Game of Thrones actors and Jamie Dornan have been spotted there.
Details An hour's guided tour from £42pp (causewaycoastkayakingtours.com) Make a weekend of it Stay in Ballycastle at the smart eco hotel the Salthouse, which has outdoor hot tubs and a panoramic sauna. B&B doubles from £156 (thesalthousehotel.com)
The Lake District's second biggest lake, Ullswater, has a bounty of curves and corners to explore, though it's busy, with dinghies, wakeboarders and paddlesteamers criss-crossing between several stops (handy for paddlers who prefer one-way routes). On the northwest shore, the lux-but-outdoorsy hotel Another Place has a watersports centre renting SUPs and kayaks to all. An enjoyable 1.5-mile paddle heads north to Pooley Bridge, a touristy enclave that is home to theCrown Inn,a jazzed-up number with a waterside beer garden. Return for fizz at Another Place's Glasshouse bar, in a Victorian-style greenhouse in the gardens, serving wood-fired pizza (from £13) — a pontoon bears a sign welcoming boaters. A second, smaller sister pub on the lake, Brackenrigg Inn, is just as cool, with a microbrewery.
Details An hour's rental from £30pp (another.place/active). Download a detailed map of the Ullswater Canoe Trail, which shows places to stop, at edenriverstrust.org.uk Make a weekend of it Another Place is a smashing hotel with stylish rooms and smart shepherd's huts (these shepherds would have designer sandals and silver crooks). B&B doubles from £230 (another.place)
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Could there be a more beautiful city to paddle through than Cambridge, with its spires and riverside college grounds, historic buildings and bridges? Being punted along the Cam by a superiorly educated student is the usual way to see it all, but while no commercial kayak or SUP tours are currently allowed to go through the centre, those with their own SUP or kayak can paddle themselves (you just need a British waterways licence).
For a full wonderful day trip of five miles one way, start near Cambridge North station, heading south, and stop at any of the numerous lovely pubs that take your fancy, passing through the historic centre and then green swathes and wild swimming spots all the way to the gorgeous village of Grantchester, where Lord Byron famously dipped.
Top spots include the 16th-century Green Dragon, where JRR Tolkien found inspiration for The Hobbit, and whose willow-draped beer garden runs down to the water. The Fort Saint George, by Midsummer Common, has riverside tables, and near Jesus Green, where you'll jostle along with the well-spoken punt tour guides who fill the air with snippets of 'Henry VIII this' and 'King John that', look out for the Pimm's Punt, a floating bar dispensing the classic English summer drink. Pass the showstoppers — the intricate Bridge of Sighs at St John's College, the Backs university fields, the Mathematical Bridge — to the Mill Pond, lined with student-swarmed pubs, including the Anchor and the Granta. Here, one of the city's punt companies, Scudamores, hires kayaks to go south to Grantchester, home to the Blue Ball Inn.
Details 90 minutes' hire from £16 (scudamores.com) Make a weekend of it In the city, the Varsity boutique hotel has a rooftop terrace for cocktails, cool, colourful rooms and a small spa with an indoor hot tub looking out to the river (B&B doubles from £140; thevarsityhotel.co.uk). In Grantchester, the Blue Ball Inn has a holiday apartment (two nights' self-catering for four is from £400; blueballgrantchester.co.uk). B&B doubles at the Lord Byron Inn from £95 (lordbyroninn.co.uk).
Loch Sween is a staggering west coast sea loch near Lochgilphead, where otters and seals play and where once the rulers of the Gaelic kingdom sailed their ships. On its shores is the vibrant community village of Tayvallich, home to the Tayvallich Inn, a perfect post-paddle pub for sea-kayakers. A guided adventure with Wild Argyll departs from the seaweedy shore right outside, crossing the sheltered Tayvallich Bay into Loch Sween, looking out for curlews and shags, with a break for a hot drink on the mussel-clung rocks of the Fairy Isles. Back at the pub, gorge on a bowl of steamed ones (£11) and a crisp pint of local brewer Fyne Ale's Avalanche beer.
Details Half-day tour from £85pp (explorewildargyll.com) Make a weekend of it For a special treat, hire Kilmartin Castle, arguably Scotland's coolest, a 16th-century holiday rental of spiral staircases and turrets, sleeping ten in rooms with thick stone walls and edgy, humorous artwork. A night's self-catering for ten from £1,000 (kilmartincastle.com).
South of the magnificent city of York, down the River Ouse, lies the aspirational and villagey suburb of Bishopthorpe. Here the Riverfront is a private marina with boat and kayak hire, accommodation, a beer garden and a snazzy place to eat and drink, Bosun's Restaurant, in a modern octagonal building on stilts — try dishes such as crab crumpet (£14) and oven-baked hake with leeks and red pepper arancini (£23). Hire a kayak and head two miles downriver to the Ship Inn in the leafy village of Acaster Malbis, a wood-beamed beauty dating to the 17th century, with a grassy low-walled beer garden by the water.
Details An hour's hire £15, available from June 1 (the-boatyard.co.uk). Make a weekend of it The Ship Inn has B&B doubles from £120. To the southeast of the city, Pool Bridge Farm offers wild swimming, outdoor barrel saunas and glamping (pitches from £20pp per night; poolbridge.co.uk). City-centre hotels include Number 1 By GuestHouse, which has B&B doubles from £138 (guesthousehotels.co.uk)
Fringed with gorgeous demerara sands that form a wide sheltered sweep, Beadnell Bay is a glorious place to practise your sea paddling. Thanks to its perfect half-moon form, backed by tufty dunes, it feels protected even on a windy day.
Behind the beach car park is the Landing, a surfy café and bar with an Ibiza/Mexican/hippy vibe — rough plaster walls and oversized raffia lampshades — serving local kippers for breakfast (£14). Next door, KA Adventure Sports offers watersports including kitesurfing, SUP rental and guided tours for competent paddleboarders. Choose the Farne Islands to snorkel with seals or paddle down the coast — with a support rigid inflatable boat for safety — to Low Newton, a hamlet that's home to the Ship Inn. In a pretty whitewashed cottage on the green, it has its own microbrewery, making the lip-smacking golden Sandcastles at Dawn beer and Sea Dog stout.
Details Tours from £50pp (kaadventuresports.co.uk). Make a weekend of it Above Low Newton, a former lookout has been transformed into a holiday home by the National Trust; two nights' self-catering for four from £454 (nationaltrust.org.uk). Or try Crabtree and Crabtree for gorgeous cottages in the area (crabtreeandcrabtree.com)
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In the northwest Highlands in Wester Ross, the gobsmacking Applecross peninsula juts into the Inner Sound. Here, the Applecross Inn is so renowned, I've seen diners drop in by helicopter for a slap-up seafood lunch — the local oysters are as succulent as a mermaid's snog (half-dozen £19); the Applecross Bay prawns in hot garlic butter is a sticky messy feast (£16). From April until October, there's outdoor dining in the garden opposite the simple white inn, where you can let your gaze fall across the sun-sparkled water to the islands of Raasay and Skye. To really embed the soul into the landscape, book a sea-kayaking expedition with Mountain and Sea Guides, based near the pub, to explore steely seas under huge empty skies.
Details Two days' kayaking tour and tuition from £290pp (applecross.uk.com/msg) Make a weekend of it The inn has seven simple rooms for B&B, and that second 'B' will be poached smoked haddock or local smoked salmon, black pudding sausages or the full Scottish works (from £180). More basic are the Applecross Campsite's camping huts (£55 a night, visitapplecross.com)
This quirky beer pilgrimage ends in a hidden creek, only accessible at high tide, at Botley Brewery's Hidden Tap bar, where sitting below its high wall on your SUP or kayak, you can ring a bell dangling on a string for service, shout up your order and have a fresh pint lowered down to you as you float in a narrow gulley.
If you have your own SUP or kayak, start from Burridge, or hire them further down at the Paddle Centre in Swanwick, then head upstream on the tidal River Hamble. Set off at least two hours before high tide, and be aware that the last section is very tight — through a tunnel. The Horse and Jockey is easier to reach, with a waterside beer garden on a side channel, Curbridge Creek.
Details An hour's hire from £18 (thepaddlecentre.co.uk) Make a weekend of it Moored at Cabin Boatyard on the river, Hamble River Beds is a smart houseboat, where a night's self-catering for four is from £198 (hambleriverbeds.co.uk)
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Devon's estuaries are among its defining features and make it one of the best counties for paddling — captivating narrow tributaries crack the landscape then tumble into wide rivers with harbours, pretty coves and long sandy beaches, and many a glorious pub by the waterside.
From Kingsbridge, explore the edges of the Kingsbridge-Salcombe estuary as you head downriver to the tiny village of South Pool, hidden at the end of a creek accessible at high tide. A few steps from where it peters out is the Millbrook Inn, with rustic-cool interiors (firelit flagstone rooms with racing green panelling) and local fare from the owner family's nearby Fowlescombe Farm. Try porchetta with creamy mash (£26) and market fish from day boats. The estuary is strongly tidal, so time things carefully.
Details Three hours' SUP and kayak hire from £40, 2.5 hour tours from £60pp (waterborn.uk.com)Make a weekend of it The Millbrook Inn has two elegantly minimalist cottages, two nights' self-catering for four is from £600 (millbrookinnsouthpool.co.uk).
The Norfolk Broads are blessed with endless kayaking and paddleboarding opportunities across a network of 30 shallow lakes, interlinked by 200 miles of waterways and wetlands. A less obvious but no less spectacular route runs southeast from the centre of Norwich along the River Wensum, with a couple of mini-Broads encircled by high rushes at the end.
A kayak rental company, Pub and Paddle, offers several trips, self-guided, at various lengths, from two to seven hours, stopping at pubs. They start from a jetty beside the Ribs of Beef, a lively real ale pub with tables nudging on to Fye bridge. You'll see the city from the water then roll out to the bucolic village of Thorpe St Andrew, where the five-hour trip turns back, after lunch at the 16th-century Rushcutters Arms — pork and cider terrine (£7.75), or mushroom and ale pie (£16).
Details Two hours' hire £14, five hours from £22(pubandpaddle.com) Make a weekend of it Norwich's Assembly House has 15 bedrooms with four-poster beds (B&B doubles from £215, including afternoon tea (assemblyhousenorwich.co.uk)
The colourful coastal fishing village of Amble — with its great seafood restaurants — and the pub-filled inland medieval town of Warkworth are linked by the tidal tail end of the River Coquet, a few miles apart. It's a fun, easy paddle to go between them, portaging around a weir, as the river loops right around Warkworth, with its imposing hilltop castle at the centre.
In Amble, which resembles an Icelandic fishing harbour with its muted-colour metal buildings and fishmarket, the Fish Shack is a slick harbourside spot for the freshest Lindisfarne oysters (six £23) and North Shields dressed crab (£27).There's river access at Amble Braid Car Park, then exit in Warkworth at Stanners car park and head for the sheltered yard of the cosy Masons Arms. Northside Surf School has paddleboard hire for the route. Details Three hours' hire from £30 (northside-surf-school.co.uk) Make a weekend of it Near the castle in Warkworth, the Sun Hotel is an elegant bolthole with chandeliers, suits of armour and a traditional pub attached, the Castle Brew House (B&B doubles from £109pp; thesunhotelwarkworth.co.uk).
Paddle and Pub: The best British pubs to get to by kayak, canoe or paddleboard by Gemma Bowes(Bloomsbury £19.99 pp240). To order a copy go to timesbookshop.co.uk. Free UK standard P&P on online orders over £25. Special discount available for Times+ members
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For us Gen Xers, a holiday on the Med was the peak of the year. Nothing, NOTHING could spoil it for us. Suitcase lost? Oh well, we'll just wash our knickers on repeat. Flight delayed? More drinking time at the airport! We didn't do a Gen Z and complain on Twitter/X about every unanticipated spit and cough. And we definitely didn't threaten to leave bad social media reviews if there wasn't any fresh mint for our (paid for by our parents) Mojitos. As for a spreadsheet or – even worse – an app to work out who owed what at the end of the hols? Who wants to party in the sun with the Grinch? An 18-30 holiday transformed the virgin geek into a sex god. Turned the chubby bestie who no one would look at twice back home into a come-hither sex goddess. And a banana boat inflatable zipping along the Med's waters sorted out the wimps from party animals. The 18-30 ethos was pretty much that everyone was there for cheap alcohol, sex and maybe a tan. It was Butlins spliced with booze and sex. The hotels were at best described as basic. I saw cockroaches. Dorm beds that had stains in them. Unsafe balconies that give modern day health and safety reps the willies. The pools were about as clean as a jacuzzi after a rugby team had celebrated in it. But no one cared. No one was ever up for brekkie so who knows what was on offer. Menus were pictures of fast food and everything came with chips. The majority of teens on the holiday were usually on their first fortnight away from home. At the start of any 18-30 holiday the reps gather holidaymakers to sign up for everything from booze cruises, bar crawls, toga nights, foam parties and outings to a water park. This was how the reps made their dosh. When you're on an 18-30 holiday, signing your daily responsibilities away to someone not much older than you is obligatory. Randy contests 12 12 Take the first night excursion I filmed. It was a hot July night in the late Nineties. Two hundred holidaymakers poured off four coaches at an open-air nightclub in the middle of the countryside in Ibiza. While everyone is being counted off their bus, a hedgerow nearby rocks violently back and forth. Two minutes later, a flustered couple steps out. He does a fist pump to his mates and she pulls down her boob tube, flashing her breasts at her girlfriends. The same guy went on to have sex with five other women that evening. Everything you've ever heard about the reps is … true. Yes, they did keep a running score about who shagged the most women over the season. In every resort I have filmed at, the reps have kept score of the number of women they had sex with. Did the girls know this? Absolutely. Did they care? No. It is primal. Sex on holiday isn't about love and happy ever after. More than once I heard it described as an itch that needed to be scratched. They also scored extra points for a woman with the biggest boobs or 'minger'. Gen Z-ers - I know! This was not the era of wokeness. To be a holiday rep you need the drinking stamina of an elephant and the energy of the Duracell bunny. Many burnt out or got kicked out and sent back to the UK. But they earned every penny. If they weren't at the police station sweet-talking the release of someone from jail, they were at the local hospital getting someone else stitched up. 'Era of the wet T-shirt' 12 The party games were notorious. Sex underpins the 18-30 experience and the games designed by the reps encourage it. Whether it is passing a water-filled condom down a line using only your thighs, or timing who can put the condom on an oiled courgette the quickest. Forfeits included wearing a condom on your head or getting a jug of sangria poured over your boobs. This was the era of the wet T-shirt competition. My theory is the more that a girl says 'no way', the more likely you are to see her on stage, arms in the air, egging the crowd on with her soaked top clinging to her braless boobs. Foam party nights were an excuse for exhibitionist sex. Cleaners would moan about the amount of mislaid pairs of knickers they'd clean up afterwards. My life as a Club 18-30 rep By Thea Jacobs WHEN Jane Barrett turned 18, her parents refused to let her head out on a notorious Club 18-30 holiday - so a year later she got a job working for the package holiday brand in Mallorca. Her time in the party destination was certainly eye-opening and a reason Jane, from Yorkshire, believes she did well in life. Now a CEO, she did two years for Club 18-30 in 1987 and 1988 and here recalls her wildest moments from the summers of mayhem. jane tells The Sun: "It was the worst job in the world but also the best job in the world. The way female reps were treated was appalling. We were bullied and subjected to misogynistic behaviour all the time. "I had groups of lads shouting at me 'get your t*ts out' and blowing up condoms with their nose. I'm sure they all thought it was very inventive, but I saw it all the time. "And the male reps were just like dogs on heat, but what bloke wasn't at that age? "You worked 10am until 2am seven days a week. It's the only job I've had where people would sneak off to the nightclub loos to get a five-minute nap in a stall. We were exhausted. "But most of my job was making sure people had a really fun time and being there if anything happened like flights being cancelled or needing to go to the bank. "In my first year in 1987, I was asked by a hotel member of staff to go and check how many people were in a room, as they thought there were too many. "I knocked on the door, and it opened, inside were five guys and three girls all completely naked. I was naive back then, so I was really shocked. "I just turned to the hotel worker and said I thought there were too many people in the room but didn't know what else to do. "When taking people to events on a bus, I'd have them climbing over seats to be on the correct side as we went up a hill. We did bar crawls wearing clothes inside out. "We did the classic fizz buzz drinking game to get people wasted and the sexual innuendo games. It was all in good fun. "The hotels tended to be absolute dumps, but people would get drunk and smash them up so I understand why they didn't want to put the groups in nice places. "One room I was given had no windows and was in a basement, it was gross. "I became really close with the other reps, and we had this tradition of going to a Wimpy Burger at the end of the night. "People just had a wild time and it was all good fun. I think kids these days are missing out. People could be free because there were no smartphones. "It was just bonkers, and no one got seriously hurt on my watch." It was routine to see kids drinking until they vomited … and then they'd start drinking again. I lost count of the number of kids I filmed with who ended up phoning their parents for a cash transfer. And if you weren't at a bodega downing shots in the day time, then at night you'd be on a bar crawl. Shot girls would sell all sorts of disgusting alcohol heavy-drinks. There was none of this mocktail this or a matcha tea that. Even on a girl's night out it was all goldfish cocktails and vino collapso. Admittedly, by the end of each bar crawl it wasn't unusual to see couples attempting to have sex against the bar, someone crashed out on the pavement in his urine-stained jeans or a girl face down in a goldfish-sized cocktail bowl of her own vomit. It was rare to find 18-30 holidaymakers sunbathing by the pool before noon or on the beach at all. Most were usually sleeping off hangovers. That's why at departures you always knew when someone had been on an 18-30 holiday. They'd return home either without a tan, sunburnt or with their eyebrows missing because they'd forfeited them in a drinking game. Yeah, they'd circled the drain of shame after consuming way too much sangria and other psychedelic-coloured cocktails, but they had the best of memories. There was no adulting, life-ing or social media involved. And what teenager can truly say that nowadays about their favourite holiday? 12 12
