Sofia Vergara said dating someone with less money than her would be a 'nightmare.' We asked 3 therapists what they think.

Business Insider

23-05-2025

Sofía Vergara has a list of what she wants in a partner.
During an appearance on the May 14 episode of the " Today" show, the " Modern Family" actor reflected on her dating life and got candid about some of the traits she hopes her future partner will have.
"I want to say the basic stuff, like health and somebody that loves me," Vergara told hosts Jenna Bush Hager and Erin Andrews. "And somebody tall, handsome."
"I want somebody that has as much money as me or more, because if not, it's a nightmare. They end up resenting you. And I want somebody fun. I need fun in my life," Vergara added.
Vergara has been married twice. In July 2023, after seven years of marriage, Vergara and the actor Joe Manganiello announced they were divorcing. She was previously married to Joe Gonzalez.
A representative for Vergara did not respond to a request for comment sent by Business Insider.
How wealth can affect romantic relationships
Two therapists and one wealth psychologist told BI they've heard similar sentiments echoed by many of their affluent clients.
Income disparity can impact romantic relationships, particularly around power dynamics.
Lami Ronit, a wealth psychologist who runs her own practice from both California and London, told BI she has noticed a difference in how men and women handle being the higher earners in a relationship.
"Women who are the higher earners often face a double standard; they're expected to succeed, but not so much that it threatens traditional gender roles. Men, on the other hand, are typically socialized to feel more comfortable being the financial provider," Ronit said.
When those roles are reversed, both partners can struggle, since the woman may feel she has to downplay her success while the man may wrestle with pride or feelings of inadequacy, she said.
The challenge persists even in some progressive circles where gender norms have been disrupted, Matt Lundquist, the founder and clinical director of Tribeca Therapy, a New York-based psychotherapy center, told BI.
"While it might seem that wealth invites ease — and in many ways it can and should — it also becomes a space where individuals' histories with money and gender expectations play out," he said.
For instance, it could be an issue when one person sees their contributions to the relationship as being more valuable than the other because of the amount of money they possess or earn, Dana McNeil, a relationship therapist and the founder of The Relationship Place, a San Diego-based practice, told BI.
"Many wealthy partners may perceive they are entitled to exert more control and say in the relationship about how money is spent," she said.
This can sometimes cause the less wealthy partner or the one more financially dependent to resent having to rely on their partner's permission to make purchases.
"This feeling of dependence can create a parent/child dynamic that feels like a loss of freedom and autonomy," McNeil said.
How couples can navigate financial disparity
While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, fairness and clarity are key, Ronit said.
"When appropriate, I often recommend that couples talk about proportional contributions rather than equal ones. For example, each person could contribute a percentage of their income toward shared expenses," she said.
The goal is to avoid feelings of imbalance or resentment, Ronit added.
When it comes to splitting bills, McNeil says she often suggests her clients have three checking accounts: a personal one for each partner and a joint account for bills and common expenses like going out to dinner or buying groceries.
To make expectations clear, it's important for couples to talk about money "sooner rather than later," Lundquist said.
"At some point, all couples need to confront the reality that a significant part of the partnership is economic and address both the material and symbolic aspects of this," he said.
It's also important for each partner to determine what they want and understand the trade-offs that may accompany that.
"And on this count, I'll give Sofía Vergara great credit — she clearly knows what she wants," Lundquist added.