‘How good is it that three years ago, I couldn't get out of bed and…': Brendan Taylor on his return to cricket post ICC ban and drug addiction

Indian Express

3 days ago

Four years after he retired from international cricket followed by being banned by International Cricket Council for four years for accepting money for an Indian businessman in 2019 as well testing positive for cocaine use, former Zimbabwe captain Brendan Taylor made his return to international cricket in the second Test between Zimbabwe and New Zealand being played at Queen Sports Club in Bulawayo on Thursday. 39-year-old Taylor, who had played in his 35 th Test match against Bangladesh in July 2021, termed getting through the tough phase as extremely difficult and termed getting the opportunity again to play Test cricket as getting his 36th Test cap.
' (This cap) meant the world to me. It was a moment of pure gratitude and real emotion to be welcomed back with open arms. It was not the reaction I was expecting. But it's certainly a moment of reflection and real gratitude. I have trained harder than I have ever trained in my life to get back there. If performances happen, that's great but there's a much bigger picture here for me to play. It's an honour to play again. It's a debut-like feeling. How good is it that three years ago, I couldn't get out of bed and now I am here doing what I love, and that's representing Zimbabwe? Dealing with the sanction, dealing with my own internal chaos – there was not a specific day, there were multiple days of trauma, ' Taylor would tell the host broadcaster before the day's play.
Taylor would play an innings of 44 runs before he was caught by Mitchell Santner off the bowling of Matt Henry before Zimbabwe were bundled out for a first innings' total of 125 runs. It was in 2021, that the then 35-year-old Taylor had announced his retirement from international cricket after the third ODI against Ireland. Seven months after his retirement, ICC would sanction the former Zimbabwe captain after he admitted that he was approached by fixers in India in 2019 and accepted 15,000 dollars. Taylor had termed the acceptance of money as a coercion by the Indian individuals in his statement in 2022 and stated he received a $15,000 'deposit' for spot-fixing, and claimed he was blackmailed and never went ahead.
An emotional Brendan Taylor opens up on returning to the Zimbabwe changeroom after serving a lengthy ban.
He reflects on his rehab journey, thanks ZC leadership for the second chance and hails the strides being made to uplift the game.
Now back in whites at Queens against New… pic.twitter.com/gu9Tx3vPKq
— Zimbabwe Cricket (@ZimCricketv) August 7, 2025
The former Zimbabwe captain had also failed a dope test as he tested positive for the stimulant Benzoylecgonine, a cocaine metabolite. And was handed a separate one-month ban along with the four year ban from international cricket. Taylor, who had played in 34 Tests, 304 ODIS and 45 T20Is prior to the ban, would talk about his struggles with his wife Kelly post his retirement.
'The walls were closing in. It was an absolute pressure cooker because I was dealing with the ICC and knew there was a ban looming, so the fact that I was retiring and I'd had a failed drugs test – I was just totally defeated. I said to Kelly, 'Everything is coming to a head and I've really got to get some help.' And she was infuriated. She thought I was running away from the problem but only knew about 5-10% of what I was really getting up to.' Taylor told ESPNCricnfo in May earlier this year.
Taylor would also talk about his time in England when he played with English county Nottinghamshire from 2015 and 2017 that he got back into drug abuse.
'My wife and kids were at home and then Kelly fell pregnant with the twins. I saw the twins once for a week and then not again for seven months. I loved the club so much and I loved the people in the club, but I'd get to my home and I was surrounded by four walls. Just felt down in the dumps but I can't really tell you how I got back into it [drug use]. That's what the disease of alcohol and drug addiction does – it's cunning and baffling and it sneaks its way back in.' Taylor told ESPNCricnfo.
Prior to his ban announced by ICC, Taylor also had checked into a 90-day rehabilitation program at a centre in Zimbabwe. Prior to that, Taylor had reported the fixing incident to ICC during the Zimbabwe tour's Bangladesh in February 2020, six months after he was first approached by the Indian businessman. Between that time, Taylor had played five Tests, 12 ODIS and seven T20is before he was banned. Taylor had also talked about how he saw himself not as a cheat. 'I've been through a lot of things in life but being a cheat is not one of them, so I can sleep a bit better knowing that,' Taylor had told ESPNCricnfo.
The former Zimbabwe captain had also shared how he could not live without cocaine and it was during the ODI series in Ireland that he realised that he was 'cooked. 'The quantities I was engaging in were too much to flush out. I tried to detox but with 24 [hours] to go before the game, I was still feeling very dehydrated, very withdrawn and the anxiety and the depression were kicking in. I realised I didn't know how to do life anymore. I didn't have the courage to tell my family I had a problem, I didn't have the willingness to go to them. I was too proud and I was too ashamed, but I knew I'd failed that test.' Taylor had said in the interview.
With him playing his 36th Test match on Thursday, the 39-year-old was cheered by his family and the cricketer also talked about his family support during the tough years. 'There's always that shame and guilt of letting down your family. That's a tough thing to deal with. But the way my family rallied and supported me was overwhelming. It's almost a regret why I didn't lean on them earlier. I felt it was something I got myself into and I needed to fix it myself. I thought the dream had gone and I was content with it. Then came the joys and promises of recovery, something that is very dear to me. Getting my life back on track is the reason why I am able to be here. If I had not made that life changing decision, none of this would have been possible,' Taylor said on Thursday.