Why middle-aged people have a duty to be self-centered
Last year, I described being an author to my child's third grade classroom as 'doing homework and writing reports all the time'. I often write personal narrative, and it occurred to me that I am constantly researching and expounding on myself.
I might have felt self-conscious about this in my twenties or thirties, afraid of seeming narcissistic. But now, nearing 50, I don't care – because, following an interest that grew into enthrallment, I've been reading the works of the psychologist Carl Jung.
'For a young person it is almost a sin, or at least a danger, to be too preoccupied with himself; but for the aging person it is a duty and necessity to devote serious attention to himself,' Jung wrote in his 1931 essay The Stages of Life.
This sounds like navel-gazing. But it's important because in middle age, the life I thought I was living and the life I was actually living were suddenly incongruous. Since I turned 40, my reactions to life events have been surprising, and sometimes disturbing. The birth of my second child and the publication of my first book – both happy occasions – left me feeling empty, seeking external validation. Covid-19 isolation led me to substance use disorder, which jeopardized my health and family life.
My dismay at all of this made me take a hard look at myself.
Over the last five years I've committed to therapy, a 12-step sobriety program and other emotional work. I now have a much more honest understanding of who I am, what I have been through and the coping mechanisms I've used. I accept my flaws and feel more capable of being the person I want to be. While I've come a long way, it's occasionally disheartening to be reminded that healing is a nonlinear, lifelong process that requires vigilance and continued effort.
You could call all this a 'midlife crisis', but I find Jung's description much more accurate: an 'inexorable inner process' that 'enforces the contraction of life'. Turning inward and narrowing focus onto myself has given me clarity.
Jung believed that too many of us proceed through midlife holding fast to ways of being that no longer serve us. His metaphor for the course of our lives – the sun rising and setting – is so basic that it's revelatory.
'We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will in evening have become a lie,' he writes.
More from Angela Garbes' Halfway there:
No sex drive and a 'tanking libido': how I redefined intimacy in midlife
First my left knee, then my right: my middle-aged body's betrayal
Perimenopause has brought chaos to my life – but also peace
Dreams I held in youth – to be an artist, to be celebrated for my writing and ideas – have come true. Honestly, they have wildly exceeded my expectations. A younger version of myself would charge forward, seeking more success and recognition. But confronting difficult truths about myself has led me to a different place. Here, the life I have created is enough.
Sign up to Well Actually
Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life
after newsletter promotion
One of the gifts of midlife is realistic self-evaluation, sans bravado and hyperactive self-criticism. It can turn even fundamental values and beliefs upside down. My immigrant parents told me that in order to be successful, I had to assimilate and make myself legible to white people. As a student, I excelled in written communication and was rewarded for it. Making money by formulating and expressing my ideas about culture and identity seemed almost too good to be true. Creativity, imagination and values are essential to my work, but being articulate, accessible and acceptable drove my work for years.
Recently I read the sociologist Bianca Mabute-Louie's book Unassimilable: An Asian Diasporic Manifesto for the 21st Century, a personal and political examination of identity within the Asian diaspora. I related strongly to Mabute-Louie's experiences as a woman navigating and succeeding in primarily white institutions. She also argues that assimilation and the identity marker 'Asian American' are no longer politically viable or useful ideas – and this challenged me. I agree with Mabute-Louie, but I also realized that her ideas are more forward-thinking and relevant to this moment than mine.
This was destabilizing. I still love my work; writing is my vocation. But I also long to spend time with my friends, spouse and the children in my life. I want to take creative risks and leisurely pursue hobbies without the pressure of needing to be good: mend and sew poorly, semi-successfully grow vegetables and propagate houseplants, paint decent watercolor portraits.
It is nice to be listened to, but now I plan to make room for others, learn from them, and grow quietly into the next phase of my life. I don't want to do what I see some from older generations doing: refusing to stand down, clinging feebly to power and old ideas.
'After having lavished its light upon the world, the sun withdraws its rays in order to illuminate itself,' Jung writes. 'Instead of doing likewise, many old people prefer to be … applauders of the past or else eternal adolescents.' I shudder at the thought of holding on to what was. So I let go. The golden hour before sunset bathes us in gorgeous light, and I plan to luxuriate in this new view.
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Daily Mail
24-05-2025
- Daily Mail
What your favourite colour really says about you, according to a psychologist
Can a person's favourite colour reveal an insight in their personality? According to Swiss psychologist Max Lucier, there is a correlation between someone's favourite hue and their character. As far back as the 1940s, he was formulating a test, based on his theory that if two people share the same favourite colour, they may share personality traits. Now, these qualities have been shared by TikThought in a series of videos on TikTok. According to one of the clips: 'The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said that colour is the mother tongue of the subconscious. Colours can directly convey our latent emotions in the code of our character.' However, not everyone agrees with this: a study published in 2021 - titled What Does Your Favourite Colour Say About Your Personality? Not Much - looked into whether there was a connection between the two things. Following their testing, the authors concluded: 'Favourite colours appear unrelated to personality, failing to support the practical utility of colour-based personality assessment.' But the theory is still popular among some people, who believe that knowing which hues someone likes means you can gauge what they may be like in terms of character. Green According to TikThought: 'Green is the base colour of nature symbolising vitality and hope. It makes people think of lush trees and a peaceful forest.' The video added that those who like green 'usually have a calm and composed personality and firm willpower'. In addition, it claimed, they have strong self control and the ability to withstand pressure. Fans of green are rational thinkers who are 'not easily swayed when facing things', and who can always maintain a balanced and stable emotional state. People who like the earthy hue are good at planning tasks, and at self-management, always conducting themselves in an orderly manner. When it comes to social settings, they dislike flaunting themselves, and prefer to be quiet and trustworthy. In a similar vein, they provide people with a feeling of security and stability. They are also patient. They strongly believe in things they care about and are not easily swayed when it comes to beliefs they hold close to their hearts, which can come across as stubbornness. Green is connected to jealousy in some cultures, and some green personalities may feel possessiveness in close relationships. 'Overall, those who prefer green are like evergreen trees, giving people a sense of steadfastness and reliability,' said the video. 'They balance their lives with reason and perseverance, but they also need to be careful not to be overly stubborn.' Blue According to TikThought, blue evokes feelings of peace and reliability, and the majority of blue lovers are calm and steady-tempered, seeking harmony and tranquility within themselves. They approach situations with their own set of values and beliefs. People who prefer blue are frequently trustworthy individuals who value honesty and dependability in their interactions with peers. Because they are always there to listen patiently and provide comfort, friends are willing to confide in them. They prefer environments that are steady and well-organised, and similarly, everything they do is done in a systematic way. Such individuals have a deep-seated desire for peace and security: if the world is too chaotic and tense, they will feel uneasy or even in pain. However, despite all these positive characteristics, blue-lovers can occasionally come out as too traditional, inflexible, and unyielding. They can also appear aloof, uninteresting, or even depressed in social settings. The video concludes: 'However, overall, those who prefer blue are like a quiet lake, nourishing the people around them with reason and sincerity, making people feel steadfast and trustworthy.' Purple People who like purple 'have a rich imagination and delicate emotions', according to the video, which added that they 'often pursue uniqueness, don't follow the beaten path, and are full of love and sensitivity towards art and beauty'. Reflecting that purple is a blend of red and blue, those who favour the colour are, the video claimed, on the one hand sentimental, sensitive and delicate, and on the other hand, they have passion and fantasy and hope that their lives are full of romantic surprises. 'Such people often have a bit of a poet's temperament and long for unique experiences,' the clip continued. 'They may show outstanding talents in music, art, literature and other aspects'. In addition, they can appear very charming. However, the purple personality can sometimes seem emotional and unrealistic, with those who love the colour perhaps 'indulging in romantic fantasies and being impatient with the ordinariness of reality'. They can be immature, and their excessive idealism can mean they are sometimes divorced from reality, as they fall into the dreams they have imagined. 'However, it is precisely this yearning for an ideal realm that makes those who prefer purple romanticists in life,' the video said. 'They believe that life needs a sense of ritual and a touch of fantasy.' Yellow 'Yellow represents the energy of happiness and an optimistic attitude. People who like yellow often have a childlike innocence and creativity,' according to the video on this hue. Those who favour the bright tone have 'a rich imagination [...] beautiful expectations and longings for life'. In addition, their personality is cheerful: people whose top colour is yellow 'love to laugh and have fun, are a bit abstract, and are eager to make friends in social situations', the clip added. They are described as being like a warm light illuminating the surroundings. And they are not afraid to display their personality and talents, and are very willing to share happiness with others. In fact, they actually want to convey these feelings of happiness to everyone around them. However, there is a 'shadow side' to people who love yellow, according to the video. and that is being overly optimistic, sometimes ignoring the details and practical problems in life. 'Having a preference for yellow sometimes reveals a sense of dependence,' the video added. 'For example, they long for the attention and care of others when they are in a low mood.' Pink According to the video, people who like pink 'often have a childlike innocence in their hearts [...] an easy going and kind personality and are innocent and lovely, giving people an impression of being pure and harmless'. It added that those who like pink are friendly to others, compassionate and have a natural instinct to take care of others. Most people who favour the rosy hue 'yearn for pure and beautiful emotions [...] and long for a life full of love and harmony'. In line with this, they 'often pursue a fairy tale like love'. In the same way they hope to be treated gently by others, they are willing to treat others with tenderness and kindness. Those who like pink are described as being delicate, sensitive, vulnerable, and extremely sensitive to the words and deeds of others. As a result, a neglect or criticism may make them feel hurt and sad. 'Sometimes they are prone to immerse themselves in their own fantasy world and escape reality when they are alone,' the video said, adding: 'People with a pink personality are used to filling themselves with beautiful imaginations. They have longings for romantic love and a perfect life in their hearts.' The downside to this is that excessive idealisation may also lead to disappointment and when reality is not as good as expected, they will feel at a loss. 'It can be said that those who prefer pink are like a crystal ball that needs to be carefully cared for,' the video noted. 'They are crystal clear but fragile, they touch people's hearts with their kindness and simplicity, but they also need to learn to be strong and take good care of their sensitive souls.' White 'People who like white often pursue pure ideals and perfect results and have an obvious tendency towards perfectionism, whether in life or at work, they are strict with themselves and go all out just to meet the almost demanding standards of perfection in their hearts,' the video said. It added that people who like the colour have 'a gentle and kind side in their character'. They are described as being honest and friendly, and they stride to 'establish sincere and simple relationships with people'. In addition, they don't like grandiosity and complexity - rather, they value sincerity and kindness more, and advocate a simple and plain life. In line with this, they are described as having 'firm principles and a sense of morality in their hearts'. However, the downside to this is that they can make high demands when it comes to both themselves and others, and will often brood over small mistakes. They fear making these small errors, and so can appear cautious and sensitive when the external environment is not as expected or they are misunderstood by others. 'Those who like white are prone to feelings of loneliness and loss because there is a gap between the whiteness of their inner world and the complexity of reality,' the video noted. 'They need to learn to accept the imperfections of life, understand that occasional dust on the white clothes is also a part of growth.' Grey Red With red being a dazzling and vibrant colour, those who are drawn to it are 'often natural focal points', according to the video. 'They have an outgoing and lively personality, full of confidence, as if they have an inexhaustible supply of energy and are always full of vitality and drive,' it added. Red personalities usually don't hide their emotions, it continued, claiming that they 'dare to love and hate and act resolutely'. They are competitive and ambitious, and have a strong enterprising spirit, desire for leadership and fondness for being the centre of attention. The downside of this can be having a hasty side, and potentially being overly competitive. Those who like red may also have a quick temper and little patience. 'Overall, the hearts of those who prefer red are as hot as fire,' the video concluded. 'They use passion as fuel to drive themselves forward. The colour, a person likes determines the nature of their character.' People who like grey generally 'don't like to get involved in disputes and tend to view problems from an objective and neutral position'., according to the video. It continued: 'They are low key and cautious in their dealings with others, don't like extreme emotions, and are even less willing to show a clear stance in social situations.' Additionally, those who favour the colour were described as 'quiet onlookers', who 'neither stand in the centre of the stage to attract attention, nor pretend to be mysterious to arouse curiosity'. They were further described as being well educated and polite, making others feel stable and reliable in their company. However, there are downsides too. According to the video: 'Having an excessive preference for grey may also mean evasion and suppression. Some psychologists point out that people who like grey the most may have a tendency to feel inferior in their hearts [...] in key decisions, they may seem indecisive and lack assertiveness.' Passively going with the flow, and being reluctant to invest too much emotion means they can avoid risks, but can miss opportunities. Those who prefer gray are like a quiet cloud,' the clip concluded. 'They neither actively cater to the outside world nor resist it too much. They pursue a peaceful state in their hearts, but they also need to remind themselves to make bold choices occasionally, so that their lives can have more colour.' Orange 'Most people who like orange have an outgoing personality, are energetic and are sincere and straightforward in treating others,' the video said. 'They are usually people who are emotionally expressive and can't hide things in their hearts. They are not afraid to make new friends or adapt to new environments. Their cheerful and generous personality enables them to quickly integrate into unfamiliar teams.' In addition, Orange personalities are good at building interpersonal relationships, as they are good at dealing with people. This means that when they attend events like parties, their presence means it is extremely unlikely that there will be an awkward silence. Even when they have their own problems, those who favour orange are always proactive and willing to help others. In a team, they will 'often play the role of a joker'. However, while they usually have excellent social skills, they may not be good at maintaining long term and deep relationships: while they good at making a wide range of friends, making a relationship deep and stable may be a bit of a challenge for them.'
The Independent
05-03-2025
- The Independent
North Korea appears close to completing its first airborne early warning aircraft
North Korea appears close to completing its first airborne early warning aircraft, satellite imagery showed, an asset that experts say will sharply bolster the country's air force power when it's deployed. North Korea's nuclear and missile programs pose a significant security threat to South Korea, the U.S. and others. But its aerial surveillance capability is far behind those of its rivals, while most of its fighter jets and other military aircraft are aging. 38 North, a website specializing in North Korea studies, reported Tuesday that recent commercial satellite imagery showed an Ilyushin IL-76 aircraft parked at a Pyongyang airport, with a large radome mounted on top of the fuselage. A radome refers to a structure that encircles a radar system. It called the aircraft's near-completion 'a significant upgrade for an air force that has not seen new airborne capabilities in years.' The website said the radome has a distinctive triangle design on top, similar to what is seen on some Chinese airborne early warning aircraft, but not used on U.S. or Russian aircraft. 'This could indicate support or influence from China, although the triangle alone is not conclusive proof,' the website said. The aircraft, which was one of three IL-76s previously used by North Korea's national airline, Air Koryo, was moved into the airport's maintenance facility in October 2023 before work began on a section on top of the fuselage, the website said. Last November, the aircraft, then without the radome, was moved into the adjacent hangar. It remained there until late this February, when it appeared outside the hangar with the radome mounted, according to the website. Jung Chang Wook, head of the Korea Defense Study Forum think tank in Seoul, said the aircraft would detect and track the movements of enemy planes and other military assets and relay information to land-based centers. If it has technology to distribute such information to its air and other assets and command their operations, it will help North Korea conduct military operations in a much faster manner. 'It's like the North Korean air forces opening their eyes,' Jung said. He said that North Korea would need at least four airborne early warning aircraft to monitor South Korea 24 hours a day, as they can take turns to perform surveillance missions, undergo maintenance and conduct training. He said South Korea has four U.S.-made airborne early warning and control aircraft and plans to buy four more. In late 2023, North Korea placed its first spy satellite into orbit, but foreign experts question its capability.
The Guardian
04-02-2025
- The Guardian
Why middle-aged people have a duty to be self-centered
Last year, I described being an author to my child's third grade classroom as 'doing homework and writing reports all the time'. I often write personal narrative, and it occurred to me that I am constantly researching and expounding on myself. I might have felt self-conscious about this in my twenties or thirties, afraid of seeming narcissistic. But now, nearing 50, I don't care – because, following an interest that grew into enthrallment, I've been reading the works of the psychologist Carl Jung. 'For a young person it is almost a sin, or at least a danger, to be too preoccupied with himself; but for the aging person it is a duty and necessity to devote serious attention to himself,' Jung wrote in his 1931 essay The Stages of Life. This sounds like navel-gazing. But it's important because in middle age, the life I thought I was living and the life I was actually living were suddenly incongruous. Since I turned 40, my reactions to life events have been surprising, and sometimes disturbing. The birth of my second child and the publication of my first book – both happy occasions – left me feeling empty, seeking external validation. Covid-19 isolation led me to substance use disorder, which jeopardized my health and family life. My dismay at all of this made me take a hard look at myself. Over the last five years I've committed to therapy, a 12-step sobriety program and other emotional work. I now have a much more honest understanding of who I am, what I have been through and the coping mechanisms I've used. I accept my flaws and feel more capable of being the person I want to be. While I've come a long way, it's occasionally disheartening to be reminded that healing is a nonlinear, lifelong process that requires vigilance and continued effort. You could call all this a 'midlife crisis', but I find Jung's description much more accurate: an 'inexorable inner process' that 'enforces the contraction of life'. Turning inward and narrowing focus onto myself has given me clarity. Jung believed that too many of us proceed through midlife holding fast to ways of being that no longer serve us. His metaphor for the course of our lives – the sun rising and setting – is so basic that it's revelatory. 'We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will in evening have become a lie,' he writes. More from Angela Garbes' Halfway there: No sex drive and a 'tanking libido': how I redefined intimacy in midlife First my left knee, then my right: my middle-aged body's betrayal Perimenopause has brought chaos to my life – but also peace Dreams I held in youth – to be an artist, to be celebrated for my writing and ideas – have come true. Honestly, they have wildly exceeded my expectations. A younger version of myself would charge forward, seeking more success and recognition. But confronting difficult truths about myself has led me to a different place. Here, the life I have created is enough. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion One of the gifts of midlife is realistic self-evaluation, sans bravado and hyperactive self-criticism. It can turn even fundamental values and beliefs upside down. My immigrant parents told me that in order to be successful, I had to assimilate and make myself legible to white people. As a student, I excelled in written communication and was rewarded for it. Making money by formulating and expressing my ideas about culture and identity seemed almost too good to be true. Creativity, imagination and values are essential to my work, but being articulate, accessible and acceptable drove my work for years. Recently I read the sociologist Bianca Mabute-Louie's book Unassimilable: An Asian Diasporic Manifesto for the 21st Century, a personal and political examination of identity within the Asian diaspora. I related strongly to Mabute-Louie's experiences as a woman navigating and succeeding in primarily white institutions. She also argues that assimilation and the identity marker 'Asian American' are no longer politically viable or useful ideas – and this challenged me. I agree with Mabute-Louie, but I also realized that her ideas are more forward-thinking and relevant to this moment than mine. This was destabilizing. I still love my work; writing is my vocation. But I also long to spend time with my friends, spouse and the children in my life. I want to take creative risks and leisurely pursue hobbies without the pressure of needing to be good: mend and sew poorly, semi-successfully grow vegetables and propagate houseplants, paint decent watercolor portraits. It is nice to be listened to, but now I plan to make room for others, learn from them, and grow quietly into the next phase of my life. I don't want to do what I see some from older generations doing: refusing to stand down, clinging feebly to power and old ideas. 'After having lavished its light upon the world, the sun withdraws its rays in order to illuminate itself,' Jung writes. 'Instead of doing likewise, many old people prefer to be … applauders of the past or else eternal adolescents.' I shudder at the thought of holding on to what was. So I let go. The golden hour before sunset bathes us in gorgeous light, and I plan to luxuriate in this new view.
