Expert reveals how to reignite your sex drive after kids with 3 easy tips & how often married couples REALLY have sex

The Sun

5 days ago

IF your sex drive has vanished since having kids, you're not alone.
Relationship expert and Celebs Go Dating star Dr Tara has revealed her top tips for getting back in the mood.
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She says a bit of effort in the bedroom can seriously transform your relationship and your confidence.
Appearing on the Made by Mammas podcast, the sexologist and university professor gave a no-filter look into the realities of sex after kids and offered a simple 3-step fix.
Here was Dr Tara's expert advice.
Set the scene
She explained that the first key to getting your mojo back is dealing with stress, which she says is the number one sex killer.
'You can't even think about desire if you're stressed,' she said.
'Stress is the brake. So you've got to remove the brake before you can accelerate.'
Dr Tara recommends building a daily habit that calms your nervous system, whether that's deep breaths, a hot bath, meditation, or even a good brownie.
After kids, it's easy to slip into routines where conversations revolve around who's doing the school run or what's for dinner.
But if all you're sharing is screen time and chores, your spark can fizzle out fast.
Georgie answers your sex questions
Dr Tara said: 'Bring back affection.'
That means carving out moments of real connection — and yes, even amid the chaos of family life.
Try a seven-second kiss every day, not a peck, but a proper kiss.
Or spend 20 minutes without phones just looking at each other and catching up, no distractions.
You could even schedule what Dr Tara calls a 'sexy check-in' once a month, which is a chill dinner where you chat about what's working in the bedroom, what you'd like more of, and what's changed.
She says it's not about pressure or performance.
But just have an open, playful conversation that keeps intimacy on the radar.
Because when you bring back laughter, affection and proper grown-up connection, desire follows naturally.
Sexy Mindfulness
The third tip was sexual mindfulness.
She says sexual meditation has been proven to help women rebuild desire and enjoy sex more.
The sexologist even has a guided meditation tutorial on Youtube.
Dr Tara said: 'It's helped women recovering from cervical cancer feel sexy again.
"If it works for them, it can work for anyone."
And if you need a little help in the toy department, Dr Tara's got you covered there too, revealing her top pick for a quiet but powerful vibrator that's 'like the Dyson of sex toys.'
'It's so quiet you can use it in the car. It looks like lip gloss. I even wore it as a necklace – no one knew!'
She recommends the Crave vibrator - a posh 24-carat gold vibrator that had her "shaking" till she was "numb".
The vibrator retails for a pricey £125, but Tara claims it's worth every penny and even keeps one in her handbag.
The doc also tackled questions from mums struggling with mismatched libidos, post- orgasm sensitivity and partners with no sex drive.
Her advice was simple. Stop bottling it up and talk.
Dr Tara said: 'You should be able to talk about sex with your partner. It's your chosen person.
"If your drive is higher, take care of yourself first. Masturbate, feel empowered, then invite your partner in.
"That confidence is magnetic.'
And if you've ever wondered how often other couples are doing it, you're not alone.
How long should you wait before having sex after birth?
AFTER giving birth, it's generally recommended to wait six weeks before resuming sexual activity.
This time frame allows your body to heal and recover, particularly after vaginal or cesarean deliveries. Here's why:
Physical Healing: The body undergoes many changes during childbirth, including tears or incisions that need time to heal, as well as the uterus shrinking back to its normal size. The six-week period allows for proper healing of any stitches or incisions and reduces the risk of infections.
Lochia (Postpartum Bleeding): After birth, you'll experience lochia, a discharge that can last up to six weeks. Resuming sex before this has stopped can increase the risk of infection.
Hormonal Changes: Hormones fluctuate significantly post-birth, and you may experience vaginal dryness or discomfort due to lower estrogen levels. Waiting gives your body time to regain balance.
Emotional Readiness: It's also important to be emotionally ready. The postpartum period can be overwhelming with physical recovery, caring for your newborn, and adjusting to new life dynamics. Take your time to reconnect with your partner emotionally and physically.
Despite this, according to the NHS, "there are no rules about when to start having sex again after you have given birth."
The NHS explained: "You'll probably feel sore as well as tired after your baby is born, so don't rush into it."
Dr Tara says married couples of 10 years average sex once every two weeks.
But she revealed that the happiest ones get down to it once a week.
'You don't need hours,' she said.
'Even 10 minutes can change the energy in your relationship and in yourself.'
The sexologist claimed people who have a higher orgasm rate "make more money" and even help you to network as she claims orgasming can make a person "magnetic" to others.
So if the spark's faded a bit post-babies, don't panic.
A few mindful moves, a sexy chat, and a decent vibrator could be all it takes to bring the fire back.