We taste-tested High Noon. Does America's most popular spirit live up to the hype?
In case you haven't noticed, High Noon is everywhere.
Gallo's canned vodka seltzer is the top-selling spirit by volume in the U.S. — meaning more of this stuff is sold than Tito's or Jack Daniel's. When my colleague Jess Lander and I learned that extraordinary fact, we knew we had to write about it. What we discovered in our reporting was a whole subculture devoted to Nooners, as the drink is known to some of its dearest fans, spanning golf clubs, Barstool Sports and basically every bar in the Marina District.
Nearly every source we interviewed for the story said that they believe High Noon is a superior product to competitors like White Claw and Truly. The vodka-based drink is also more expensive than its malt-based competitors, due to the fact that spirits are taxed more highly. I outed myself long ago, in the hard seltzer infancy period of 2019, as a White Claw detester. When Jess and I set out to write this story, I had never actually tasted High Noon, but I was eager to see if I could in good conscience jump on the bandwagon.
So we conducted a tasting at the Chronicle newsroom. I bought a couple cases of High Noon and enlisted colleagues from various newsroom departments — including several representatives of Gen Z — to sample eight flavors with me. (According to its website, High Noon comes in 26 different flavors.)
The good news is that the session was nowhere near as punishing as the blind hard seltzer tasting I organized back in 2019, when I subjected my colleagues Janelle Bitker, Soleil Ho and Paolo Lucchesi to 38 hard seltzers that were uniformly terrible.
The bad news is that I found the High Noons mostly undrinkable, and my colleagues, even the Zoomers, largely agreed.
'This tastes like if you dropped two cherry Starbursts in a Perrier and left it overnight,' said Chronicle culture critic Peter Hartlaub of High Noon black cherry. Copy chief and native Minnesotan Linda Houser observed, 'This one will sell in the Midwest.'
'Bubblicious cotton candy flavor' is how investigative reporter Susie Neilson (a Pulitzer finalist!) characterized the raspberry iced tea.
These drinks shouldn't taste that sweet, based on their nutrition facts (2.6 grams of sugar per can for the non-iced tea variations we tried), but they all smelled like candy, and several of them tasted like candy too. The pineapple variation reminded us of a gummy bear; the watermelon was like a Jolly Rancher that had melted in the sun.
The High Noon iced teas tasted downright cloying, despite the fact that they have zero grams of sugar. We had to assume — though could not verify, since ingredient labeling is not required for alcohol — they had been jacked up with an artificial sweetener like Stevia. Some colleagues liked the lemon iced tea, which graphics reporter Harsha Devulapalli likened to a spiked Arizona, in a good way.
By far the best of the flavors we tried, in my opinion, was grapefruit, which restaurant critic MacKenzie Chung Fegan accurately described as a ringer for pamplemousse La Croix. It had a not-too-artificial grapefruit smell, was pleasantly tart and wasn't too sweet.
I'd drink it. But if given the choice, I'd rather mix vodka with soda water and squeeze a juicy slice of grapefruit into it.
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