It's a dog's life watching United – time for Roy Keane and Co to join Crufts

Telegraph

10-03-2025

With Manchester United going to the dogs, Roy Keane, Gary Neville and the Soccer Sunday team secure a free transfer to the Crufts TV coverage.
Dave Jones: Welcome back to Sky Crufts Super Sunday where we have seen a dramatic finish to the competition. Roy?
Roy Keane: That Bichon Frise there? Do me a favour. People clapping and cheering because it has managed to walk around the ring without barking? That's its job.
Gary Neville: That would never have happened under Sir Alex. He'd say 'walkies' and I'd be there with the leash in my mouth. And look at the Bedlington Terrier, its body language. Honestly, I think it has bottled it. The bare minimum standard has to be to sit quietly during the interview with Clare Balding and not embarrass yourself and your breed. Are you bored? Of course you are. Are you thinking about sausages? Yes, yes you probably are. But that's what is asked of you at this level: you try not to bark or wee on the sofa but no. It was too much. But I tell you something else: the real blame lies with the owners.
DJ: What about the others? Does anyone deserve a treat?
RK: One or two, maybe. But the rest of them, just so poor. If I was that Portuguese Water Dog, I'd be looking around the kennel and thinking paw on heart, who can I actually rely on here? The Shih Tzu? The Miniature Schnauzer, maybe? But these others. Babies. They're just babies.
GN: Actual puppies, some of them.
RK: It's no excuse. It's no excuse. At United, we had the older ones educating the youngsters. Becks for instance. I'd throw him a ball and he'd run and get it. Once he grasped the concept. It might have taken him a few years to really get his head around it especially if you hid it behind your back first but he got there in the end. I'm looking around at these and saying: Lads, it's the Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Too easy.
DJ: Micah what did you think? Did you see any good boys out there?
Micah Richards: Ha ha ha ha dogs ha ha ha Roy ha ha ha.
DJ: Thank you Micah. Graeme [Souness], what was your reaction to the controversial incident with the Chesapeake Bay Retriever?
GS: I liked it. I don't mind seeing a bit of that. Some people will say, should it have tried to bite television presenter Radzi Chinyanganya on the backside? For me, sometimes you have to let them know you're there, you know? And, yes, other dogs did get involved, in the heat of the moment, you'd have questions maybe about the Basset Fauve de Bretagne rolling around on the floor like that. But that's the continentals for you. Sly. Many of them have fleas. It's a different time now, values have changed. I get that. Does the daytime TV audience want to see a former Blue Peter host running for his life through Birmingham's National Exhibition Centre pursued by a pack of Miniature Wire Haired Dachshunds? I don't know. I know I do. I want to see dogs. At it.
DJ: Thank you Graeme.
GS: I would bite a dog if I had to.
DJ: Okay, thanks Graeme.
RK: They can get in new owners, sure. But until these dogs actually take pride in their performances it is going to be the same story. Leopards don't change their spots. Nor do Dalmatians. They're not fit to wear the collar, and these are a million miles away from being best in show. They'd be lucky to get into a kennel at Battersea.