'You can't take the body home': sacred death ritual helped family's grief

The Advertiser

07-06-2025

When Jennifer Mason died at age 70, she had an unusual plan.
She wanted to be brought home to Anna Bay for a few days.
Jennifer, who died in early May from a massive stroke, had discussed her end-of-life wishes with daughter Katrina Mason.
Instead of her body being taken to the morgue and then a funeral home, she wanted to come home.
"Most people were like, 'You want to do what? You can't take the body home'," Ms Mason said.
"Hospital staff and mainstream funeral providers did not know anything about how to make this happen."
Ms Mason found people to help.
"I said to Mum, as she was dying, that I've figured out how to do it.
"And she literally started that final process of death then. Her breathing started to slow."
Ms Mason said bringing the body home was part of "a movement called sacred death care".
This involved death doulas who "help prepare you and your family for death".
"Family and friends come and go and people share stories. There are opportunities to say thank you and anything you regret.
"It is common in Pacific Island and Indigenous cultures. It's also a Tibetan Buddhist practice."
Two hours after Jennifer died, she was taken home.
"We put her body in her own bed on a cold plate. We shrouded her and spent the next four days at home with her," Ms Mason said.
"Friends and family decorated her fully biodegradable cardboard casket. We put her in the casket on the day she was going for cremation."
Ms Mason said the experience was "profoundly beneficial and beautiful".
Paperbark Deathcare doula Bernadette Connolly helped with the care of Jennifer's body.
"Newcastle is a conservative place, but people should know there are options," Ms Connolly said.
"I call it family-led death care. The Masons opened their arms to me and I prepared Jenny's body, so they could have those days with her."
Kerrie Noonan, director of the Death Literacy Institute, said, "There is increasing awareness of the role of death doulas and also home-based death care".
"In NSW, we have the option of bringing our dead home," Dr Noonan said.
"These are not new practices. Only two generations ago, it was common for people to die at home and be cared for until the funeral and burial."
Many people are reclaiming these caring rituals, which are much cheaper than a standard funeral.
John Wilson, author of Supporting People Through Loss and Grief, said being with the departed was "an important ritual across Indigenous tribes in the Pacific, including Indonesia and Australasia".
He said this enabled people to "share memories and begin to accept the reality of the death".
"It's also a time to find meaning in their life and honour them in death, and is likely to bring comfort.
"This is something we so easily lose in our Westernised, sanitised modern funeral practices."
As a doula, Ms Connolly sought to bridge the gap between "families saying goodbye to their loved ones and handing them to a funeral director they've probably never met".
Newcastle death doula Ruth Boydell said, "Some families want very meaningful ritualised memorials".
"They want to feel like they've honoured the person in a spiritual or sacred way," Ms Boydell said.
Dr Noonan said washing and dressing a departed loved one, sitting with them and viewing the body "play an important role in the grieving process".
"In our fast-paced lives, there is often pressure to move quickly after someone dies. Family-led death care and funerals, however, tend to operate at a different pace.
"Research shows that when people have the chance to spend meaningful time with the deceased, it can help support their grief."
Jennifer's body was cremated and her ashes scattered in the ocean off Birubi Beach, a place she loved.
Ms Mason said her mum had a big heart and a big effect on people.
She lived with "love, laughter and light".
When Jennifer Mason died at age 70, she had an unusual plan.
She wanted to be brought home to Anna Bay for a few days.
Jennifer, who died in early May from a massive stroke, had discussed her end-of-life wishes with daughter Katrina Mason.
Instead of her body being taken to the morgue and then a funeral home, she wanted to come home.
"Most people were like, 'You want to do what? You can't take the body home'," Ms Mason said.
"Hospital staff and mainstream funeral providers did not know anything about how to make this happen."
Ms Mason found people to help.
"I said to Mum, as she was dying, that I've figured out how to do it.
"And she literally started that final process of death then. Her breathing started to slow."
Ms Mason said bringing the body home was part of "a movement called sacred death care".
This involved death doulas who "help prepare you and your family for death".
"Family and friends come and go and people share stories. There are opportunities to say thank you and anything you regret.
"It is common in Pacific Island and Indigenous cultures. It's also a Tibetan Buddhist practice."
Two hours after Jennifer died, she was taken home.
"We put her body in her own bed on a cold plate. We shrouded her and spent the next four days at home with her," Ms Mason said.
"Friends and family decorated her fully biodegradable cardboard casket. We put her in the casket on the day she was going for cremation."
Ms Mason said the experience was "profoundly beneficial and beautiful".
Paperbark Deathcare doula Bernadette Connolly helped with the care of Jennifer's body.
"Newcastle is a conservative place, but people should know there are options," Ms Connolly said.
"I call it family-led death care. The Masons opened their arms to me and I prepared Jenny's body, so they could have those days with her."
Kerrie Noonan, director of the Death Literacy Institute, said, "There is increasing awareness of the role of death doulas and also home-based death care".
"In NSW, we have the option of bringing our dead home," Dr Noonan said.
"These are not new practices. Only two generations ago, it was common for people to die at home and be cared for until the funeral and burial."
Many people are reclaiming these caring rituals, which are much cheaper than a standard funeral.
John Wilson, author of Supporting People Through Loss and Grief, said being with the departed was "an important ritual across Indigenous tribes in the Pacific, including Indonesia and Australasia".
He said this enabled people to "share memories and begin to accept the reality of the death".
"It's also a time to find meaning in their life and honour them in death, and is likely to bring comfort.
"This is something we so easily lose in our Westernised, sanitised modern funeral practices."
As a doula, Ms Connolly sought to bridge the gap between "families saying goodbye to their loved ones and handing them to a funeral director they've probably never met".
Newcastle death doula Ruth Boydell said, "Some families want very meaningful ritualised memorials".
"They want to feel like they've honoured the person in a spiritual or sacred way," Ms Boydell said.
Dr Noonan said washing and dressing a departed loved one, sitting with them and viewing the body "play an important role in the grieving process".
"In our fast-paced lives, there is often pressure to move quickly after someone dies. Family-led death care and funerals, however, tend to operate at a different pace.
"Research shows that when people have the chance to spend meaningful time with the deceased, it can help support their grief."
Jennifer's body was cremated and her ashes scattered in the ocean off Birubi Beach, a place she loved.
Ms Mason said her mum had a big heart and a big effect on people.
She lived with "love, laughter and light".
When Jennifer Mason died at age 70, she had an unusual plan.
She wanted to be brought home to Anna Bay for a few days.
Jennifer, who died in early May from a massive stroke, had discussed her end-of-life wishes with daughter Katrina Mason.
Instead of her body being taken to the morgue and then a funeral home, she wanted to come home.
"Most people were like, 'You want to do what? You can't take the body home'," Ms Mason said.
"Hospital staff and mainstream funeral providers did not know anything about how to make this happen."
Ms Mason found people to help.
"I said to Mum, as she was dying, that I've figured out how to do it.
"And she literally started that final process of death then. Her breathing started to slow."
Ms Mason said bringing the body home was part of "a movement called sacred death care".
This involved death doulas who "help prepare you and your family for death".
"Family and friends come and go and people share stories. There are opportunities to say thank you and anything you regret.
"It is common in Pacific Island and Indigenous cultures. It's also a Tibetan Buddhist practice."
Two hours after Jennifer died, she was taken home.
"We put her body in her own bed on a cold plate. We shrouded her and spent the next four days at home with her," Ms Mason said.
"Friends and family decorated her fully biodegradable cardboard casket. We put her in the casket on the day she was going for cremation."
Ms Mason said the experience was "profoundly beneficial and beautiful".
Paperbark Deathcare doula Bernadette Connolly helped with the care of Jennifer's body.
"Newcastle is a conservative place, but people should know there are options," Ms Connolly said.
"I call it family-led death care. The Masons opened their arms to me and I prepared Jenny's body, so they could have those days with her."
Kerrie Noonan, director of the Death Literacy Institute, said, "There is increasing awareness of the role of death doulas and also home-based death care".
"In NSW, we have the option of bringing our dead home," Dr Noonan said.
"These are not new practices. Only two generations ago, it was common for people to die at home and be cared for until the funeral and burial."
Many people are reclaiming these caring rituals, which are much cheaper than a standard funeral.
John Wilson, author of Supporting People Through Loss and Grief, said being with the departed was "an important ritual across Indigenous tribes in the Pacific, including Indonesia and Australasia".
He said this enabled people to "share memories and begin to accept the reality of the death".
"It's also a time to find meaning in their life and honour them in death, and is likely to bring comfort.
"This is something we so easily lose in our Westernised, sanitised modern funeral practices."
As a doula, Ms Connolly sought to bridge the gap between "families saying goodbye to their loved ones and handing them to a funeral director they've probably never met".
Newcastle death doula Ruth Boydell said, "Some families want very meaningful ritualised memorials".
"They want to feel like they've honoured the person in a spiritual or sacred way," Ms Boydell said.
Dr Noonan said washing and dressing a departed loved one, sitting with them and viewing the body "play an important role in the grieving process".
"In our fast-paced lives, there is often pressure to move quickly after someone dies. Family-led death care and funerals, however, tend to operate at a different pace.
"Research shows that when people have the chance to spend meaningful time with the deceased, it can help support their grief."
Jennifer's body was cremated and her ashes scattered in the ocean off Birubi Beach, a place she loved.
Ms Mason said her mum had a big heart and a big effect on people.
She lived with "love, laughter and light".
When Jennifer Mason died at age 70, she had an unusual plan.
She wanted to be brought home to Anna Bay for a few days.
Jennifer, who died in early May from a massive stroke, had discussed her end-of-life wishes with daughter Katrina Mason.
Instead of her body being taken to the morgue and then a funeral home, she wanted to come home.
"Most people were like, 'You want to do what? You can't take the body home'," Ms Mason said.
"Hospital staff and mainstream funeral providers did not know anything about how to make this happen."
Ms Mason found people to help.
"I said to Mum, as she was dying, that I've figured out how to do it.
"And she literally started that final process of death then. Her breathing started to slow."
Ms Mason said bringing the body home was part of "a movement called sacred death care".
This involved death doulas who "help prepare you and your family for death".
"Family and friends come and go and people share stories. There are opportunities to say thank you and anything you regret.
"It is common in Pacific Island and Indigenous cultures. It's also a Tibetan Buddhist practice."
Two hours after Jennifer died, she was taken home.
"We put her body in her own bed on a cold plate. We shrouded her and spent the next four days at home with her," Ms Mason said.
"Friends and family decorated her fully biodegradable cardboard casket. We put her in the casket on the day she was going for cremation."
Ms Mason said the experience was "profoundly beneficial and beautiful".
Paperbark Deathcare doula Bernadette Connolly helped with the care of Jennifer's body.
"Newcastle is a conservative place, but people should know there are options," Ms Connolly said.
"I call it family-led death care. The Masons opened their arms to me and I prepared Jenny's body, so they could have those days with her."
Kerrie Noonan, director of the Death Literacy Institute, said, "There is increasing awareness of the role of death doulas and also home-based death care".
"In NSW, we have the option of bringing our dead home," Dr Noonan said.
"These are not new practices. Only two generations ago, it was common for people to die at home and be cared for until the funeral and burial."
Many people are reclaiming these caring rituals, which are much cheaper than a standard funeral.
John Wilson, author of Supporting People Through Loss and Grief, said being with the departed was "an important ritual across Indigenous tribes in the Pacific, including Indonesia and Australasia".
He said this enabled people to "share memories and begin to accept the reality of the death".
"It's also a time to find meaning in their life and honour them in death, and is likely to bring comfort.
"This is something we so easily lose in our Westernised, sanitised modern funeral practices."
As a doula, Ms Connolly sought to bridge the gap between "families saying goodbye to their loved ones and handing them to a funeral director they've probably never met".
Newcastle death doula Ruth Boydell said, "Some families want very meaningful ritualised memorials".
"They want to feel like they've honoured the person in a spiritual or sacred way," Ms Boydell said.
Dr Noonan said washing and dressing a departed loved one, sitting with them and viewing the body "play an important role in the grieving process".
"In our fast-paced lives, there is often pressure to move quickly after someone dies. Family-led death care and funerals, however, tend to operate at a different pace.
"Research shows that when people have the chance to spend meaningful time with the deceased, it can help support their grief."
Jennifer's body was cremated and her ashes scattered in the ocean off Birubi Beach, a place she loved.
Ms Mason said her mum had a big heart and a big effect on people.
She lived with "love, laughter and light".