Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters packed a real bite

The Herald Scotland

14-07-2025

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IT was an act of tough love but one that had to happen. There are now so many celebrities going on freebie holidays at viewers' expense that someone had the idea of making them fight for their lives if they wanted to make it home again. Give it a month and only Susan Calman would be left standing, which is as it should be.
That was the first thought on seeing Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters had been given the green light, and here it was, the idea made, er, flesh.
Billed as an 'entertainment and wildlife crossover' - fancy - seven moderately famous folk were sent to the Bahamas to swim with the apex predators and generally raise awareness. To show that this was all about education and not cheap laughs, the celebs were promised that no one would be voted off each week. I'd have thought that was the least of their worries.
The first sign that they should have gone on a hiking holiday in the Lake District instead was the sight of an instructor missing an arm and a leg. He had been in a tussle once with a bull shark, the very creatures the celebs were about to meet.
'Today?' gulped one.
'In the water?' said another.
Since it was the first day, the celebs were allowed to stand in a cage while sharks the size of Renault Clios had fun rattling the bars. Call the Midwife's Helen George had the worst of it, being too scared to put her head underwater, never mind go eyeball to eyeball with a shark.
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She had her reasons for fearing the water, as did Lenny Henry. Both involved childhood tales and phobias that ran deep.'I like the idea of having a little bit more bravery,' he said. 'Yes, we're on the telly. Yes, we're all celebrities, but it's different, this.' Was it, though? Heartstring-tugging back stories, manufactured jeopardy, talk of leaving their comfort zones - it all seemed pretty standard reality show fare.
But the instructors were good value, and the celebrities more thoughtful than your average bunch. Ross Noble kept the quips coming, while George, once the screaming stopped, was charming company, even when a stingray got too close for comfort. 'Oh my God, it's coming right for my vagina,' she cried. Now there's a sentence I guarantee you will never hear in an Attenborough doc.
George was not keen on the barracuda that wandered into a lesson featuring young lemon sharks. The instructor agreed, declaring it 'untrustworthy'. Alas, it was not the barracuda they had to worry about.
Ross was the unlucky one, but it was no big deal. Even George declared it was 'like a kitten's been at you'. The goal of turning them into 'shark advocates' was clearly going well.
The nip was a reminder that they were hardly in Attenborough territory, and this was still a celebrity reality show with a paramedic and psychological therapist on hand, but it was no walk in the water park either.